That's right, I know people. Amazingly talented people. (People whose talents you may have already witnessed...)
And, I love me some covers. These are my new favourites:
5.22.2009
Pull Up the Covers: 'My friends are famous' Edition
5.21.2009
Spliced 'Lost'-y Stream of Conscious Portrait of Some Artistes
We laughed. We cried. We pull out our hair.
The 2-hour finale of Lost was an emotional ride, but it's safe to say that the true travesty was that, while it aired, I was on the road (and thereby unable to queue up my DVR'ed recording of the show to play *NSYNC with Pacific Standard Coast Meridian Time Zone). This meant that S and I had to abolish the INSTITUTION that has become the Wednesday-night Phone Date -- and on the high holy pinnacle finale Wednesday of all days, no less.
But, never fear, avid readership (all 2.5 of you)... we take our TV seriously enough to provide contingency plans. I give to you, below, excerpts from two ENTIRELY MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE email liveblogs sent, while each of us were forced to watch the finale without the aid of the other.
COLOR CODE: S, R
Wait, is the island somewhere in Middle Earth now? What are this weaver Hobbit and his loom doing??
Jacob looks like Thom Yorke
Whaaa?!?! Jacob... Sam Mendes... Osiris... iosdfjuikldsjFUCK!!
Bahhh! Don't let Jacob TOUCH YOU! He totes is the ground zero that started the HIV-y.
omg could Sun be any more annoying or unnecessary?
Ughhh, Sun, it's not any less annoying when you turn into that little blonde girl with the protective doggy from Animaniacs. I almost prefer you turning over every rock and asking every squirrel about Jin's whereabouts.
I think Jacob gave his immortality to Richard because he didn't want to live forever by himself.
Why is there a new Ana LooLoo who is apparently in charge of something and everyone else who was on that Ajira bottled water flight is their own band of people? You know, I don't even remember how Ana LooLoo and crew got on the island. Or why Libby is Cece Van der Hodakotb.
Ughh, don't try and get me interested in this Anna Lulu part deux's crew. I won't fall for it.
Wtf, Juliet, why are you letting Kate ruin everything?? Also, it DOES matter why he wants to detonate the H-bomb, you idiot.
Uh, yeah, Kate... it kinda DOES matter why Jack is going to blow up the h-bomb.
Dear god, this show makes me want to go back and remember every person whose path I've ever crossed. Where's a pensieve when you need one?
How did Richard get stuck with the suck job of sidekick?
Biggest indication of economic crisis: recycling of the Legends of the Hidden Temple set for this.
Glad that Jack and Rose got to be happy with Vincent. That was nice. Also glad Rose told Kate to shut the hell up and stop being a whiny bitch who gets in everybody's business and ruins lives.
VINCENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aww.. "retired." I love Jack and Rose. How did Weekend at Bernz go all Castaway and Rose's dreds are still perfectly coiffed??
They're going to the land of the Nile? Da Nile? Denial? Oh, Christ, I'ma have me some Lostpedia time, after this.
Or maybe Jacob looks like Daniel Craig.
Who was Jacob in the Bible, again? Is that relevent or have we beaten that 'ol horse?
Ha, he DOES speak good Korean. Better than you, Jin.
UGH I HATE KATE. You are right, that must always be said when liveblogging this show.
Oh, sure. Now this is Grey's Anatomy. You don't have to count OUT LOUD. Why did none of these people learn basic life skills? Ha, I wondered how they were going to work Jacob in there. Oh my good god, he IS touching all of them! He IS transmitting the HIV-y!
Ok now Juliette is getting annoying. Make up your damn mind. Is it that she would rather her and Kate not have known Sawyer than for there to be any chance that Sawyer and Kate get together? Also, I'm pretty sure Sayid is dying, way to take your sweet ass time telling stories about girls who suck.
I like Sawyer's response that Jack should just go and ask Kate to go steady. "I changed my mind." Well, that's annoying of Juliet.
Why doesn't Sun care about her daughter? Stop asking dumb questions about stupid things like you're in a cloud.
Aw I kind of like Jacob. He's sort of cute, and he's nice to Hurls and gave him Charlie's gee-tar.
Y'know, there are so few blondies on this show... I'm just going to guess who is related to Jacob. Or who is Jacob. Or who is a robot.
I'm glad Miles thinks logically.
God, I love Miles! I'm sayin'! Maybe the bomb IS the bad guy! Wait, where is this bomb? I think I'm missing something. OHHHH MY GOD, WHY EVEN GIVE JACK A GUN?! *I* have better aim!
What. All of that for it to not work? Ok, Ezra, you suck.
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. omg omg omg i am crying. that was Titanic-esque heartwrenching. Omg. WAAAA. WHYYY. How are there still more minutes to this show? Haven't I been saddened enough?
JULIET!?!!#@!#(!@*!!!!!?!!?! Nooooooo.. this is really, really, really, really, really sad.
WHAT THE FUCK ?#IO$#()$*#
Wait, WHITE LostDunDun??? I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Ughhhh.
...there you have it, folks. You don't have to suffer through the ire of syncing DVR recordings to real-time airings in order to maintain the proper viewing of Lost among friends who are geographically challenged. In fact, nor do you have to endure the inevitability of a brain tumor from all of the cell phone radiation waves. You just have to have the exact same brain.
[Photoshopping credits to SP]
5.20.2009
My Swiney, Swiney Flu-ish Dilemma
OK, so maybe I am a teensy bit germa-phobic. Just a smidge (shut up R, I can hear you scoffing from way over here). And maybe I think it is a good idea to occasionally douse everything in one’s apartment with a boiling solution of bleach. And maybe I once had a little bit of a dependence-type problem relating to prescription drugs (they really oughta warn kids in school about the allure of antibiotic eyedrops.)
But I do NOT overreact to little baby symptoms or start popping amoxicillin as soon as I sneeze.
And that is why I feel very confident in diagnosing myself as the first case of Swine Flu in Hokkaido, Japan.
People here have been going on and on about Hokkaido being a "safe haven" from Swine Flu and zombie attacks and so on. But you know how I spell haven? B-O-R-I-N-G. Sound it out. Yea, that's right.
It’s an awesome feeling, really. I mean, there ain’t no one else on this whole damn island who’s got what I got. And you know I’m gonna be on TV cuz of this, right? Maybe sporting an open backed hospital gown, surgical mask, and IV combo. I can’t guarantee the open-backed gown, but, as they say, beggars can’t always be choosers (choosey? I’m never sure about that one). Anyway, the point is, it’s a sure shot ticket to fame and recognition, for alllll the right reasons.
Now, before you try and tell me that self-diagnosis is not reliable, let me assure you, I realize that. Obviously, I checked web MD. I have: 1. A sore throat and 2. Slight bodily aches. I mean, come on now. You can’t fight that kinda evidence.
You may try and tell me the sore throat is from three extended karaoke sessions in as many days. And that the bodily aches are a result of my doing my pilates dvd for the first time in 3 months. But I am here to tell you that you can’t rain on my parade, burst my bubble, poop on my party or do any other clichéd nay-saying things.
My concern is this; they say that Swine Flu is like a weak strain of Flu Classic, and I am a very very healthy, young, and beautiful woman. In a robust state like that, how am I to prevent losing the one thing that makes me special???
How am I to stop my virile white blood cells from dividing and conquering my prized H1N1 (Literally! Ha! Get it? Do you? Ok people, work with me – DIVIDE and conquer . . . Y’know, like cells? Miosis and mitosis and myopia and that stuff? Do you see? Very good).
I can’t sink back into obscurity! I had plans for a daytime talk show! I was going to do school and prison appearances!
I implore you, Suggestions, please!
Best idea gets a $100 Barnes and Noble gift certificate!!*
*certificate not guaranteed
5.17.2009
What I did on my vacay
So, I know I've been super absent. Why, you ask? Because I was in Japan. Now, while I will attempt to post more on my various anthropological observations during my journey, I'll end my hiatus from MB with the following - completely spot on - summary of what it was like, during my week in Japan:
5.12.2009
A Brief History of Time
I have just learned so much from JJ Abrams these past couple weeks about time travel and alternate realities and hot men. Trying to find answers to mysteries on shows from clues given in a movie is brain-hurting...but let's try anyway!
First, quickly, Fringe. The Germ is who shot Nina Sharp. He didn't kill her, but he did steal a powerful energy chip that was for some reason stored in her robot arm. The Germ is dying from his teleportating, so is using the energy chip to power his alternate reality hole making machine so he can go over to the other world and kick Bell's ass. You see, the Germ used to work for Will but got fired, so has been using all of Bell's fringy thoughts and discoveries to show him what's up. And all of these incidents have been happening where they have because those are the soft spots in the world through which it is easier to travel to the other side. The side that Bell is on. No wonder Nina is such a good personal assistant, her bossy can't ever make his this world meetings!
The reason Alien Baldy came to Walt was to remind him to look for something at his old beach house. When Walt went missing, Peter went to find him, and by reminiscing about whale-shaped pancakes, helped him remember what he was looking for. A plug to close the hole between worlds. Once upon a time, Walt lost something very special in this world (*coughPETERcough*) and wanted it back so badly that he went and took the still alive one from through the looking glass. After finding the plug, Pete and Walt go to the world's softest spot to close the hole and cut off the Germ - litrally - while he is half-way through. Icky.
Nina Sharp calls Olivia to meet her in NYC alone, and after hours of waiting, Liv gets into the elevator to leave, but flashing lights are everywhere, and she is vertically transported to the alternate world where Mr. Spock Leonard Nimoy William Bell is officed, in the still-standing Twin Towers.
To review: From Lost, we've learned that this already happened but we don't remember it because it hasn't happened for the right-now us yet. From Star Trek, we've learned that if for some reason you don't die when you are sucked into a black hole, you will be placed sometime in the past where you will wait to kill your nemesis before he kills your planet. And now, both of these ideas can be applied to Fringe, where things happen to us, and another us is created where those things didn't happen, and we can travel through black hole -esque holes to kill our nemesis in that other world which has its own time history that branched off from ours.
All set? There will be a test last Tuesday.
5.10.2009
5.07.2009
This one goes out to the nerds...
Sooo much happened in this week's Fringe and it is definitely a better watch than it will be read, but here:
Now half the FBI is on the case to figure out what connection Alexander Graham Bell has to ZFT, which does not make Agent Harris happy. Harris is a meanie mean face who I think sexyly harrissed (ha) Olivia once and now is out to get her because he got detention for it. And because he is a part of ZFT and is trying to "activate" all the Cortexophan kids to see if they can take the heat (HA). See, that one is punny because those who cannot [use pyrokinesis to set others on fire], end up self-combusting.
One lady set herself on fire and died, and Olivia's double vision - a helpful side-effect to "the tests" and apparently related to Ezra's (read: Daniel Faraday's) time-space continuum theory from Lost - told her the lady was a long-lost twin. After her major fail, her twin was kidnapped by a Dr. Winters for activation by an Agent Harris. Harris locks Olivia and the twinny in a room so they will both esplode too when this twin combusts, but Olivia encourages her to control her powers and pyrotechnic Harris instead.
Awww, Joshyyy!! I'm kvelling! Joshy got lots of lines this eppy. Most were wasted on him pretending to be a Trekkie for the sake of JJ's "it's not product placement, I just like it" scheme. Aw but Clint Howard played the crazy that thought he was Spock, but also accurately described William Bell's child testing and war preparing. Awww, and Joshy invented this kewl electron microscope turntable for his paps, which he used to do stuff to learn stuff we already talked about.
Abaddon confronts Nina Sharp, seemingly the only person who works at Massive Dynamic, about Alex Graham Cracker. Nina was defensive at first, but then she got a phone call about something (Alien Baldy?) and went to Abaddon's house to dish. Thank you, Nina, and now we will no longer be in need of your services. When she went back to work, she was shot (and killed?) by some gaiz.
Walt shows Joshy the typewriter that typed the ZFT manifesto and says it was Bell's. He also says he doesn't think Bell would've intended bad things to be done with the manifesto and desperately tries to find the referenced Code of Ethics chapter. He finds it among his old records, but has no time to read it because Alien Baldy comes to take him away!
Now go watch so you can actually appreciate this eppy. Next week's the finale, but yay, it got picked up for another season!
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