:: mascara is tested on cute little bunnies ::

So U Think U Can Krump

2010-06-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

…is actually the title of a song. That is what I learned on last night’s SYTYCD eppy. I’m going to try and wow even myself, today, by managing to get a recap done before the following evening’s results show. If the pros can do it, surely I can, right?

(And, before you ask, I’m not going to bother with recapping last week’s show, because my DVR failed me when I needed it the most and I have yet to see anything other than the Wikipedia entry of last week’s results).

At the beginning of last night’s episode, Cat did her big show of explaining to us just how live this season’s shows really are (including some awkwardly staged backstage primping moments), and then there was a montage of the contestants each drawing a name out of the hat of all stars (go ahead and take the time to imagine them all in one, giant hat – I did) and now I’m led to believe that Kathryn is somehow a Bollywood dancer by training. Ohhhh, the liberties you take, SYTYCD…

Let's get down to the performances:

Cristina and… Pasha
(Paso Doble)
Aside from the awful joke about “Pasha Doble”, this didn’t turn out as well as I’d hoped. It might be that I just don’t know how to differentiate various latin ballroom styles and assume that someone whose specialty is one will automatically be great in another, but Cristina’s scowl was just a little too forced to me. Also, I always thought the Paso Doble was about a matador and his cape, and NO ONE was wearing red! The hell..??

Adéchiké and… Allison
(Contemporary)
When the unnecessary beginning montage showed us that Ade v.2.0 picked Allison’s name out of the hat and they were to dance a contemporary number, I was sure this was going to be one of those tearjerkers that makes Nigel talk about his “cold heart” and Mia say some bullshit adjectives that hold little to no value because she doles them out like they’re candy. Oddly enough, the jidges weren’t awestruck. I guess I’m a firm believer in great technique carrying a dance, because I didn’t care about the “emotions” and “connection” between the two of them as much as they did. I'd say it was one of the better danced routines of the night, actually. And Adéchiké is unGODly light on his feet, which I appreciate in a male dancer.

Alex and… Lauren
(Broadway)
I know that Lauren used to be an assistant for Tyce before she was old enough to be a contestant on the show, but I have to say that I never really considered her to be much by way of Broadway (Vocal Adrenz doesn't REALLY count). After last night, I stand corrected. Even though Alex is one of the strongest dancers in a season that is STACKED with strong male dancers, it surprised me how often my eyes went to Lauren. I don’t think the jidges were too strongly swayed one way or the other about the routine (aside from some bit about Alex looking hunched), but I just think this number was a perfect mixture of great, yet simple, choreography and amazing technique.

Ashley and… Mark
(Jazz)
Let’s get the obvious out of the way: Mark looks SSOOOO damn—oh, wait, no… what I meant was... Ashley and Mark look like they’re related. I’m not sure why, and it’s obviously out of anyone’s control so it’s more or less a moot point, but THAT really kept me from getting into a piece about emotions and feelings and wanting to BE with someone the way that Travis (eeeeeeee! Travis! Woooo!) had intended. 'Cause, y'know, ew? Also, I guess I never really hold on too tightly to what style of dance they’re committing, when I watch the show, so I was a little annoyed by the jidges’ great opposition of this piece being called a jazz. I guess I agree that it definitely wasn’t Fosse reincarnate (again, look to Alex and Lauren’s routine for that), but it was good. Also, until last night, I was pretty sure jazz, contemporary, and lyrical were more or less interchangeable for this show, so the “new style” of dance in which they want to see Ashley “tackle and flourish” argument is pretty damn futile.

Billy and… Comfort
(Krump …ahhhh!!)
Ohhhhhhhh, this is such a beautiful concept: a technically beautiful contemporary male dancer (with the skin and voice of a milkmaid) put in a dance where he’s supposed to be raw and show aggression. To hip hop. This was both as much impressive and a train wreck as I thought it would be. There were parts where I SWORE BB Kurt Hummel was frolicking through a meadow, but others where I was actually pretty surprised by how hard he was hitting the steps/beats. That, combined with the discovery that there’s actually a song titled [see post title], made this possibly one of the best performances (note how I didn’t say “dances”) of the night. Honorable mentions to Cat's awesome dig at Nigel about his age (and how "the kids like [the music]") Take a look…

Robert and… Anya
(Argentine Tango)
Now, the audience and Anya and even Jean-Marc Généreux (choreographer) thought that this was an EXCELLENT performance and Robert was seriously channeling some “Roberto”. The jidges, however, thought that he was either trying too hard or being eaten by Anya or some shit. Anya’s amazing, and this dance was probably made FOR her, but I was really impressed with what someone with a contemporary background could accomplish on Week 2.

Melinda and… Ade
(Contemporary)
Now, I love me a good treehugging story, but I think I wasn’t terribly impressed with the choreography on this one. The story was a little bit of build-up in the rehearsal piece, but then just kind of… meh. And, I have to agree with Mia about the costume being distracting, but honestly, if Melinda wasn’t dressed like Poison Ivy, I don’t think I’d have ever known what the dance was about. Everyone was really impressed with Melinda’s technique in a style so different from her own, but I guess the fact that she talks a good game has me already expecting her to ACE everything. I suppose I just expect too much from my girl crushes.

Jose and… Kathryn
(Bollywood …the fuck?!)
So, if I understand correctly, the purpose of having the vets back on the show to dance with the contestants is to use THEIR styles of dance as the chosen style for the week, yes? Then WHY THE HELL are they dancing Bollywood?! While we're on the topic, I definitely had this issue with Courtney’s style magically becoming African, last week too. Now, I’m more critical of Bollywood than other styles of dance for a variety of reasons, ranging from cultural self-loathing to an actual background in a much more difficult, far less fluffy form of Indian dance, but I’m willing to bet that I wasn’t the only one who found this too cringe-worthy to watch. No, really, I FFW’ed straight through the latter half of this, so I honestly couldn’t tell you what happened.

Lauren and… Dominic
(Lyrical Hip-hop)
I know that when Dominic being D-Trix, he’s all hip hop-y and old school and blah blah, but he doesn’t have someone to partner then. I think he should always stick to Lyrical Hip-hop, because he masters emotion in dance SO well. And, right, the contestant! Lauren is definitely climbing my favorites’ list a lot faster than I thought she would. Last week, I thought she was a lot better than the jidges did, and that more or less stands true, this week as well. She seems like one of those girls who definitely took hip-hop at some point or another, so I’m not surprised she did well, but her level of commitment to the dance was what really surprised me. Shanks seemed to pick up on it, and just lauded her with lots of last ditch jidge-y praise, but, in all honesty, I think she deserved it. Look below…

Kent and… Courtney
(Jazz)
Now, normally I hate when people assume the dynamic between a new partnership before it hits, but there’s really no denying the fact that ANY female would chew Kent up and spit him out before he knew what hit him. And, despite the 943839048 gay/Cherub/eunuch jokes that are just bubbling at the surface of the entire rehearsal footage, I have to say, I was yet again endeared by his commitment to a different style. Also, it’s nice to see that, technically, he really IS quite good.

I did it! Now, I can’t promise this will always happen, but for the first recap of the season, you got the whole shebang before the Results Show. If I had to put my money on the bottom three? I’d say: Jose, Cristina, and Ashley.

Tune in tonight and see if I’m right!

Good Thing You Didn't Call It A Comeback

2010-06-23T19:39:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah, you probably all pegged it a hell of a better than we did... turns out, willing your new ridiculous workload at the office away doesn't necessarily make it so. In any case, it's my favorite season - So You Think You Can Dance season - so let's try our hand at another attempt, shall we?

Last week marked the first official week of elimination, so I figured, before all the official dance critiquing (read: contestant/judge bashing) a nice rundown of how I see the contestants fairing might be a good kick-off. Or, I did figure that… until learning that they took the previous SYTYCD format and spun it on its axis: only 11 contestants, with only one going home per week, paired up with “all-stars” (milking the fact that we ultimately only sustain our love for the dancers who didn’t necessarily win their seasons). Now, instead, I’ll run down the rookies as well as the oldies but goodies.

NEWBS:
(Boys)
Starting off the list of contestants on this (revamped) season are the obvious choices: Billy Bell and Alex Wong. Why are these two obvious? Well, they made it onto the show already, but didn’t actually get to compete due to mysterious illness and contractual obligations to ballet companies, respectively. Billy, who is more or less Kurt Hummel v.2.0 (clearly HE even thinks so) was the best, if only one of three, thing to happen to the pathetic excuse for Season 6. Because this show feels the need to pander to those high school girls who throw themselves at the gay boys in their school who have yet to come out of the closet (all of you can shut UP about how well I know “that girl”), they allowed Billy Bell’s pretty boy friend (possibly join those two words…?), Robert, from Alvin Ailey to also join the show. Alex is an Asian ballet dancer, and I’m pretty sure nothing more needs to be said about that.

Along with those two is another of this season’s 9348394 contemporary dancers, Kent. Kent is a baby bird who has to ingest his food from the mama bird (Adam Shankman) as she regurges it back up for him. He is a caricature of the concept of “small town boy” and damn it all to hell if even *I* am not pretty endeared by his naivete and unknowing charm. God damn you, Small Town Kent.

Since there’s only so much wholesome a season of daaahhhncers can handle, Nigel & Co. introduced some non-gay WASP contemporary dancers. There’s our (requisite for SYTYCD) from-the-streets, untrained, Hip Hopper, Jose, who is – of course – shockingly adept at all the styles thrown at him. Hopefully it will win over the masses (or at least distract them from his terrible acne). Our other burst of flavor comes in the form of Ade version 2.0. No, really… his name is Adéchiké. And I’d put money that he can do that one fancy arabesque flip, for which we all remember the original Ade. I think the fact that both Ades are on the show will probably, at some point or another, irrationally enrage me. Let’s hope he does some good dances before that moment comes.

(Girls)
With a guys’ lineup, this season, that is SO strong, I’d normally completely write off the girls. Somehow, though, they managed to get a bunch of female dancers that can probably actually hang with the Marks and Pashas and Neils of the returning veterans.

We should probably start it off with my girl crush, Melinda, who, from her first featurette in the audition specials, was positively too cool and I was sure that would hurt her. She’s a tap dancer and her only downfall on the show might be that she’s a little too aware of her showmanship and it might come off less than genuine. That being said, she’s awesome and will look really good on Mark or Neil’s arm!

After my crush, the next two I like are the two contemporary girls, Lauren and Alexie. Alexie has auditioned for the show 93489384 times, apparently, and is the oldest contestant, so I think that will definitely hurt her in the competition. She’s super bubbly, but I clearly just love her for being Asian and on the show. Lauren, quite frankly, looks and sounds like she’d be an idiot (which, in my mind, translates to bad dancer), but is surprisingly really good and is just BEGGING for a Mia Michaels number to be thrown on her. Of course, the show has to hate me, so Mia will be too busy running her mouth (y’know, that part of her we don’t care about) and I’ll be too busy wondering who is issuing tickets to the Hot Tamale Train. Sigh, Mary… I never knew what I had until I lost you…

Rounding out the girls are the last two contestants, who are basically just iterations of contestants in the past: Cristina and Ashley, whose styles are salsa and lyrical, respectively. You two girls better pray for some gooooood choreography to get you fan attention.

______________________________________________
VETS (ahhhhhh!!)
Firstly, I can’t believe I’m so PLEASED by (most of) the “all stars” they decided to bring back for this season!

Lauren Gottlieb:
Lauren was one of my not-the-best-dancer-but-I-loooove-you favorites from Season 3. Since then, she has gone on to only be more awesome and finally reached her full potential, by being the “Galileo! Galileo!” girl/principle dancer in Vocal Adrenaline’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” from Regionals this year (below). Brittany, I love you, but eat your heart out.

Mark Kanemura:
I have ALWAYS loved Mark. I’ve written on this blog, numerous times, how much I’ve loved Mark. I think everyone on this show who isn’t technically BRILLIANT is perpetually trying to BE Mark. Getting to see him in Lady Gaga videos/performances (/and hopefully Lollapalooza…? Fingers crossed!) over and over again? Icing on the cake!

Comfort Fedoke:
So remember how I said I was pleased with MOST OF the all stars they brought back? Here is my one exception. Comfort wouldn’t even have any fame to claim, on this show, had she not gotten to come back (after being booted off) and draw a hip hop routine with Twitch’s name. Speaking of Twitch…

Stephen “Twitch” Boss:
While my love for Twitch waned over the course of Season 4 (mostly because that is still, to date, the best danced season of this show), it did not completely die. Or, at least, watching his Mia Michaels performance of “Mercy” with Katee certainly takes care of it.

Kathryn McCormick:
Kathryn was one of those contestants who came in as a nobody, with no fandemonium, and managed to actually fight her way to the top. She made it to the finale in a really lackluster season, so it’s difficult to tell if she can hang with the best of them during this one.

Pasha Kovalev:
Pasha is the greatest thing, ever, and probably one of the only performers on this show whose feature during the Auditions Special actually remained memorable (see below). Although, whether THAT particular number stands out among seven seasons of auditions because of him or because of Anya, it's tough to say. Speaking of Anya...

Anya Garnis:
Despite now being a blonde, Anya is still the greatest female ballroom dancer this show has ever had. If we can't have Mary to give us ballroom critique, the least we could have is some Anya to make sure that it's perfection.

Allison Holker:
Allison's return to the SYTYCD stage/dancing in general is possibly the greatest thing this season has managed to do. Nothing can express the broken pieces that were formally collectively known as my heart when she told us all that she'd taken time away from dance to have a baby. Look, Allison, babies are cool or whatever... but no baby is going to make us love you like your dancing will. Keep that in mind the next time you decide to have a god damn baby.

Ade Obayomi:
There are two things Ade did, during his season, that got him to "all star" status: this and this. I don't think much more really needs to be said.

Nail Haskell:
I'm pretty sure Neil is the reason I started watching this show. Yes, he's hot, and, yes, it seems that he can do flippies and bendies better than any man should, but he's also unbearably endearing and is one of the dancers who has grown the most over the course of his given season.

Courtney Galiano:
Courtney was just really pretty and fun and conveniently partnered with Gev (earning her a lot of his fans' votes by default). But, then came "The Garden", and no one ever questioned her place on this show ever again. If that wasn't enough, between Camp Rock and Vocal Adrenaline, she's clearly made strides in trying to win me over in the other avenues of my life since her tenure on this show. In fact, she was even one of the preggo teens during Quinn's impressive-yet-borderline-disturbing James Brown ode in Glee.

At this point, I've reviewed all of the rookies and vets who are dancing and arabesquing their hearts out on the SYTYCD stage, this year. Let the recaps begin...

While I work on it...

2010-06-22T12:32:00.000-07:00

There WILL be SYTYCD recaps coming, I promise! Until then... to tide you all over...

Don't Call it a Comeback!

2010-02-11T18:22:00.000-08:00

Alright, fine, you can. Sometimes you don't realize how great something is until it's gone. With that thought in mind, we're ready to revamp and renew (especially now that Google has ensured greater accessibility to the masses)! Sure, there have been oodles and oodles of events that have transpired in our absence... but, in staying true to ourselves, the driving force to bring us back to the fine world of Snoop Bloggy Blog is none other than the event OF THE DECADE (the new one -- not that one we just got done eulogizing): the final season of LOST!!

Rather than wordy recaps - though, don't get too comfortable, those will come back as soon as these bicycle wheels start turning (or that's at least applicable to the half who CAN ride a bike) - let's dive back into the world of MB with some good 'ol fashioned stream-of-consciousness-live-blogging-Losty-splicey conversation:

[Key: S, R]

8:02 PM
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WHO is a fucking baller?
i missed my calling as a racecar driver.
yayyy
oh shit
it's going to crash again
whattttttttt
this is just showing us how different they look, now
or is this just the first time
or is it?
i don't know!
i should've paid better attention
i feel like, b/c of my lost skit for work, i've watched this scene ssooooo many times

8:06 PM
landddd in la?
underwater?
with charlie?!
and that shark!
FOUND.
sorry
i found the shark
AHH!
FOOT!
wouldn't that be great if that were the new show?
"FOOT"
hahha
du sex machina
is what we've decided just happened
that is something gross
whatever you just said
robot sex
that is the end of my sister's keeper
the depravity over there
deux ex machina.
but pronounced
du sexy machina

8:10 PM
AAH
why this again
i hate seeing her die
THEY KEEP SHOWING ME!
she had such a look of bliss when those chains dragged her to the gravel pit
metal pit
kate
i know her eyes
duh
bc we're lovers
well, she's the only girl
and those are girl eyes
whatre you two doininatree
why is she muffled?
she's underwater
my ears are popped
oh, so it's you too
phew.
i thought the fates really WERE against me
and my tv was dying
is this the POV of the smoke monster?
why are we hearing like her?
can anybody hearrr meee?
we weren't first person videogaming her
your car
what's he doing there
he was there
black rock?
he was saving his daddy

8:14 PM
is this a choose your adventure?!
is one of these people esau?
isn't that the entire show?
hasn't it always been?
mamwabasa
stop yelling.
maybe juliet is down there
but why the muffled noises?
these are all fair points that sawyer is making
okay so they're just going to show us both sides of the coin
and never tell us which actually happened
oh yeahhhh, THIS guy
people LOVE him
like.... the crazy fans
taecher
like caesar

8:17 PM
so if it had worked, it would've changed their whole past?
that doesn't make sense
shouldn't it just take them back to that point in time?
well, the electromagnetic blah blah is the reason those numbers even existed
aw, jin
and his fantastic engrish speaking
mmm
he speaks better engrish than i do
i wonder if he'll know engrish in the world where it worked
my korean should play this guy
juliet!
AHHHHHHHH
i thought they told me she was dead
slkfjsdfkljflk
darlton said!
but she's on V!!!
haha, hurley
do we know where his name come from?
no!
i just asked that here
and no one knows
jing?!
NO FAIR!
i want a shoutout!!
or nothing we know of them
if jin says "no" maybe it'll sound like "ro"
or if vincent does
thom yorke
sam mendes
he's way more sam mendes than thom yorke
did hurley ever meet jakey?
oh, in the cab
after jail
right
yeah
geetar
they hate each other again
BOOOOOONE!!
love love love love
why is he playing damon salvator?
loveeeeeeeeee
he's so vampy
instead of boone mcawesome
he didn't use to be vampy

yo, that's at the bottom of an ocean... there's no fire.
turn into the smoke monstie!
do it
it's a biodome
sidus lipidus!
(me?)
meh, good enough.
brendan fraser gained weight
this is the jew's daughter from venice
who now?
ilanalooloo
merchant of venice, she plays al pacino's daughter

8:29 PM
soo can you tell me quickly about bai ling?
what about her?
what was her character again?
blogs told me she had 99.7% chance of coming back?
some skank in thailand
that portion was a documentary
lord.
i thought that teacher dude did
i think they were yanking your chain
gross
they are going to find a talking skeleton
behind this rubble

8:34 PM
he was hooking up with a french teen in a hole in the wall?
that is what is being said here
the guitar thing happened, right?
why is hurley stupid?
kate is a bitch
i fainted on the plane
good thing jack is there

8:40 PM
ahh! tracheo!
icky
really?
magically he's better?
should've just carried a mary
this is like when i fell through the rebar on the construction site
it sucks to have small feet, sawyer, i know
they're so perf!!!
HA fooled you! i wasn't sleeping!!
that DOES seem like a nice place to take a nap
it's like our cabana
this makes me cryyyy
i love them
shut up
go away kate

8:44 PM
hurley is annoying me
well, i mean dead is dead
so... you just gotta bring 'em dead
yeah but he was alive when hurley was all "supposeeee i asked you about this hole in the wall where you take french teens, but only hypothetically"
30 years where i've looked like this
but you gotta take them when they're dead
b/c they come back to life
who are these people again?
taileypoes?
the people on ajira stone cold steve austin 316
is that where you ask the smoke monster about your daughter you let die?
oh right

8:46 PM
that's not how protection works, faux locke
loyalty is a weird thing
he turned to smokes!
is jacob a chili pepper?
or a bug!
a scarab!
it IS brendan fraser!
this is the mummy
aw, i love this smokey
elephant

8:54 PM
aw, charlie.
oh my god i can't take this
go to the temple
good lord, how long did that take?
they're going to crash, i bet
he was posed to diee
jack sucks
ruins everything
damn, oceanic air has got some recliiiiiining seats.

9:08 PM
his dad probs did turn into smokey the bear robinson
and exhausted out the plane
ohhh
well, that's an emissions issue
if only they regulated that
i'm telling you
cop15 maybe
COP20 could've really done some stuff

9:15 PM
native others
before dharma
huh?
do those even exist?
dunno
why are they trying to make THIS reality exciting?
how does she think she's going to get out of the bathroom
they're not lost
it's not exciting
i don't care about her
she's going to stab him
kick it open
also... he didn't hear her peeing
yeah

undig her!
how long after the mom dies would the baby die?
do you think the fall did it?
she did fall on a hanger
how does he do this?
maybe now HE is pregnant
oh...
umm
what.
ew.
what?
shut up.
what
how
she just said it didn't
he lied
i think she was finally able to conceive
that worked
his peen

george takei just sliced his hand
they do have to be dead to be broughten back
I know
what is this hour glass?
b/c ben was dead
but he was never the same or whatever the hell
how do you know that?
b/c ben was dead
i don't remember this at all
and then richard took him
well, we never saw this part of it
but sayid shot ben
little harry potter ben
and then kate and jack were all "he's just a kid!"
and took him to eyeliner
and then apparently this shit happened

and now he's just dead dead?
hm
kate likes to hover
and then tell people to stop
and then say he's dead
kate needs to STFU
i mean, she's not talking now
but, in general

ooooh, what GAYOS
kissing!
ohhh, i see
yeah, i'm going back to "kate needs to STFU"
heh?
gayos? i missed that bit
no
it was just CPR

9:42 PM
isn't this what happened in her past
hello tess
who are zac and emma?
oh did the shinto need them to be there in order to save sayid?
marijuanaa
i think zac and emma are the taily kids who were stolen
mm
remember how the tailypos got, like, nightly attacks by the others?
sorry
right

miles? locke?
huhhhh???
smokey locke knows what locke thought when benry killed him
i wonder how
oh
yep
we're closer
that IS confusion
good word, smokey
to a forest?
i hate to break it to him
but his forest probs doesn't exist
what abot walt's comic books?
i just want them to answer something
instead of asking me more questions
does hurley know miles can talk to the deads?
ughhhhhhhhhhh
i thought everyone did
miles looked at hurley funny
when hurley said he'd be there for sayid

9:56 PM
ah
this is spinal tap
on the house?!
what is this
wait
they're in the FUTURE?
okay so they're back in the same time, which is the present?
so jack et al are back in 2007 but don't realize? is that what juliet meant it worked?
also, you'd think smokey locke would use something better than the self-defense steps they tell laydeez to use when an attacker approaches
comp's going to die

And, with that, we're back!

We're Happy Men!

2009-10-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

The "bear" is dripping with "gooey honey"...Oh, Don

Is your dad a terrorist?

2009-10-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

Because, baby, you're the bomb!

That is my favorite pick-up line of all time, and a contributing reason's to R's mail being held for weeks and her father being put on the CIA watch-list. My bad.

Last night's Fringe got back on the bigger-picture track, revealing a little more about the fight we're in against an unknown enemy and the side-effects of traveling between realities, and our favorite character of all! But I will save that for the dramatic ending.

Police Officer Dizzy Gillespie gets a call from KFC telling him to go to the train station and find a trenched man and take his briefcase. When the briefcase walks into the station, all of the cool Euro flippy train scheds start to flip out (ha) and when Dizzy touches the briefcase, he starts to crystallize and suddenly esplodes.

When the gang arrives at the train station, after Astrid greads about the esplosion, they learn that none of the millions of anti-terrorist butt-bomb detectors detected anything and so what even esploded? Walter finds the Sorceror's Stone and licks it, discovering that it's not a semi-precious stone or an immortality rock, but Dizzy's crystalline ear. After questioning Dizzy's wifey, and getting a flashback headache (as Lebowski warned would happen), Liv voms in the bathroom and discovers a secret hiding place under the sink where Dizzy stored some needles and serum. The team analyzes the serum and quickly realizes Dizzy's drug shooting turned him into a human bomb, waiting for the right frequency radio station to set him off.

While stationed in Iraq, Dizzy, along with The Colonel, was a part of Project Tin Man, clearly related to the human bomb business. Asalam Alakum-ing some peeps from his shady past in Iraq, Peter is able to find one of the Tin Man doctors and learn all about the bomb business. Everyone on the team was exposed to some cyan cerulean chemical and the injections were the anecdote, but then Tin Man got a heart and the project was over. But The Colonel did not want it to be over, and started setting off human bombs all over. His next bomb is a lady, who is on her way to the train station now.

The team spots her on the way and sets up snipers at the station. Even though they only have 30 seconds after the radio is turned on before she kabooms, they don't jam it immediately so they can have a chance of finding and apprehending The Colonel. Except the radio station garbles their triangles and jam, so they can neither find Colonel or stop the signal. But Peter rides in on his white horse and finds The Colonel with his eyes. He beats him up like heroes do and Olivia takes his Walkman and stomps it with her cane that she can't bowl without.

Meanwhilst all this saving the world is happening, Lebowski fixes Liv's limp and Betty Draper hand-shakes by angering it out of her. Miracle worker!

Back at the FBI, The Colonel swears he was just trying to destroy the contents of the briefcase with his bombs, the dead people was just an unfortunate side-effect. He talks about "them", "they" who are collecting information - ALIEN BALDIES who are paparazzi-ing Walt! Is he good? Is he bad? Is he just a huge Joshua Jackson fan? (Watch it, Baldy.)

The end. Spock and the WTC next week!

Honey, I mutated the Baby

2009-09-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

Things were really picking up on this show, and then they gave us this throw-away episode. But in case any of this matters later, here is my throw-away recap:

Apparently it's been three weeks since last week, and Olivia is now ready to be released from the hospital. How is it your face scratches still look so fresh after three whole weeks? Voldy Charlie - remember he was pronged by Voldy and is not really the Charlie we love, but at least he's being given a couple episodes before being totally fired - is keeping close to Liv so she'll tell him about her alter-universe encounter with Bell if/when she remembers.

There's a dead construction worker, who happens to be the latest in a string of similar engulfed-by-the-earth-and-left-for-dead-underground deaths. And so the team investigates! Walter finds some blue goo, which is partly humanly DNAey and a paralyzer goo. There is one man, Dr. Dre, about town whose house all the deaths seem to land under and he is taken into custody. He sobs a story about how his wife died during childbirth and so he would never hurt anyone because he knows how sad death makes people, but then he refuses to give up a goo-matching DNA sample all suspect-like. He is put into a holding cell where he Macgyvers a noose and hangs himself.

The team pushes daisies and pulls up wife and kid's coffins, only to find baby's coffin empty and a tunnel where he burrowed his way out. Upon poking and bringing back to life and questioning and poking again, Walter finds that wifey had super Lupus, meaning she couldn't possibly have given birth. But she did. Because Dr. Dre stemmed the fetus with scorpion cells to make it more resilient, thusly creating a Scorpion Baby that kills people.

Liv's adventure in the other world left her with Sookie's (Suh keh...) powers of hearing every sound and thought in the world at once. Among these sounds was breathing in Dre's house, which was clearly Scorp hanging out in the walls. Liv and Peter find a tunnel in the basement similar to the baby grave one, and while sticking her face where it doesn't belong, Liv was attacked by Scorp and pulled underground. Like the perfy he is, Joshy followed her and smashed Scorp who was then further smashed by Sheriff Holly Golightly's cop car that fell through the earth onto his head. The cleanup crew finds bear traps all over the yard to suggest Dr. Dre knew about his killer baby, but who cares because it has no obvious connection to anything else going on on this show.

Nina Sharp visits Liv and gives her a bowling card with one stamp left until a free game and tells her to go see the Big Lebowski for her psychological pains. Which she does, and he is the always-the-bridesmaid-never-the-bride actor from all those Boston gangster movies and shows (The Departed, The Black Donnellys, Grounded For Life...).

Charlie goes to Borgin and Burkes and types on the writer, which mirrors him to "do something to help Olivia remember what happened." Dun-dun-dun (in monotone).

Good on you if you read that whole thing, but you didn't have to because none of it mattered. Sorry.

Unrequited love at its best

2009-09-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

Legen - wait for it -

dary.

Fringe and Harry and Potter

2009-09-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

Like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies... you get it.

First, a quick recapulet of last season('s finale):
Every time you do or don't do something, an alternate universe is created in which you didn't or did do that something, respectively. On Fringe, because JJ can barely keep his shows separate, we will pretend there are only two such universities. The Peter we know and love is actually from "over there", as the show will call it, and was brought over here by our Walter after his Peter died. Germy Jones (or, Dumbly #1's real-life son) tried to go through Platform 9-3/4 but Peter closed off the barrier between the two worlds and sliced him in half. William Bell, head of Big Brother organization Massive Dynamic, resides over there. Nina Sharp told Olivia to meet her at a hotel, Olivia nearly got in a monster truck rally but didn't, the elevator flickered and she apparated to "over there", had a nice chat with Bell and the end.

Now, a montague of last night's season premiere:
A man hits-and-runs to an apartment in NYC pretending to be a Ming Gardens delivery boy. He manages his way into a man's apartment and kills him. Then he smashes his own face in to look like Quirrell-Voldy, sticks one end of a double-headed three-sharply pronged plug up into roof of dead guy's mouth and the other into his own, and re-inflates his face to look like dead guy. Painful, but faster than Polyjuice for sure.

Back at the scene of the crime, new character, Enough's Agent Jessup learns that while there is no driver in either car, the one that didn't run but was actually never there is our very own Olivia. Walter arrives, changes Liv's station from Z100 to Hot97 and she apparates straight through the car's windshield. At the hospital, the doc says Liv's injuries are so serious that she'll probs never regain her conscience and so DNR. Straight to the bar to have a scotch (whiskey? bourbon?) neat - seriously, after Jon Hamm and Joshy, this is apparently the trick to having me love you - Peter gets more bad news from Broyles that the Fringe Division has been laid off. Damn, economy.

Joshy goes to say goodbye to Liv when she wakes up and Trelawneys him some Prophecy, which we later learn is Greek for "be a better man than your father", coincidentally what his mom used to tell him as a child. In a somewhat refreshing moment of non-stoicitude, Liv freaks out about last night's party and some dude telling her she had to do something but she couldn't remember who he or what it was. We've all had those nights, Liv.

Joshy goes to the FBI but the Fat Lady tells him his password has expired. Little Miss Jessup to the rescue, ugh. How quickly you let her into your life, Peter. Peter and Ketchup use Marauder to find the dead guy in the apartment and take him back to Walter to autopsy. Of course, Walter knows all about the three-pronger because of one time this girl did lines off a Ouji board; cue video of Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty talking to mice, except in this case it's shape shifters.

Speaking of Capri-sun, Voldy goes to Borgin and Burkes and requests a Nimbus 251 typewriter which wasn't made in our world but sits in the Room of Requirement. It functions like Tom Riddle's diary and informs him that Liv is still alive and he needs to make that stop. And so he Padfoots and Prongs a nurse to gain access into the Gryffindor common room, pries a bed-ridden Liv for where someone (Bell) said something (dunno) was hidden, and starts to choke her when she doesn't remember. Ketchup to the rescue again, ugh again, but still Voldy escapes to the hospital Chamber of Secrets.

Peter, Charlie, and Ketchup go looking for Voldy. Charlie finds and shoots her and is left to hang out with her merely stupefied self (while Peter and Ketchup go to his birthday party), only to be pronged and turned into meat pie (HP, Sweens, same diff...). Peter really should've checked Facebook before telling Liv all was well. But at least he had the smarts to steal Voldy's prongy Horcrux to prove to the Ministry that there is real work to be done and that The Order should be reinstated. The show must go on, after all.

And Nina Sharp kissed Broyley on the lippies, ewwww!

My divinations:
That time Peter drowned as a baby, he actually died, but Alien Baldy brought Walter "over there" Peter as a replacement, which understandably really pissed "over there" Walter off. Other Walter (again with "The Others", JJ!) is still bffls with William Bell and has started up this army of Shape Shifters to try and get Peter back. And just so they can't date in this world or any other, Olivia is actually Peter's mom somehow.

Absurd quiz for work

2009-09-17T09:07:00.000-07:00

So... a brief background: for this work meeting I have to attend, we were all made to fill out these participant bios. Normally, this would be fine, except the administrative assistant putting this together is apparently a camp counselor, who just used her template for the camp orientation activity (you know, right before trust falls and macaroni necklaces) for a few-day long meeting of engineers.

So, obviously, S and I thought we'd have some fun with it and see how well we knew each other:

By S for R
Personal Motto: "I know"
Memorable science/engineering project: ha, vertical farms.
Theme Song: "Groove Is In The Heart" by Dee-Lite
Wildest dream: ~~threesome~~ dance party with Zefrlake
Proudest leadership moment (in/out of work): ummm. ummmmmm. pass.
Biggest challenge: using indoor voice
Alarm clock: the kind you have to chase around the room to turn off
Perfect day: La Pasadoble and Vino outdoors (elevated or not) with S. or...
R: if i were to answer that "perfect day" shit legitimately, i'd probably just say it was us, sitting in my living room, gsharing our greading back and forth, while we're watching chad dylan michael mackenzie cooper falls.
Yay, that wins.
Interesting Fact: has no knee reflexes. so if ever you want to attack...
First job: caring for Gary and teaching him about life. yes, it is a scary thought.
Indulgence: burritos. it counts.
Reading material: Just Jared
Inspiration: S
My life: Disney and dogs. just like her father.

***************************************************************************************************
By R for S
Personal Motto: "Decide what I'm going to do FOR me!"
Memorable science/engineering project: the curse of the spiral staircase (resolution pending)
Theme Song: "I Want It All" by Ryan and Sharpay Evans, High School Musical 3 soundtrack
Wildest dream: owning an office supply store
Proudest leadership moment (in/out of work): yeah, SERIOUSLY pass... the hell is this?!
Biggest challenge: relaxing
Alarm clock: "With You" by Chris Brown (in the shower)
Perfect day: I'm too afraid to guess...S: they better provide this perfect day if they're going to bother asking about it ...I don't got the kind of money to fly her and Joshua Jackson to Germany to reenact the storyline of Chasing LibertyInteresting Fact: can't ride a bike for beans. so if ever you want to attack... (do so on bicycle)
First job: hub-cap necklace designing entrepreneur for peers at the Ghettocreek Academy of Excellence Preparatory School
Indulgence: anything made of glitter and/or pink
Reading material: Creepy Things Are Scaring Me!
Inspiration: R
My life: see "Inspiration"

I'd say we know eachother quite well. Mostly because we're the same.

You mean Las Vegas, England… right?

2009-09-14T14:06:00.000-07:00

As evidenced by last week’s Top 10, the UK has had a pretty substantial effect on this decade’s musical landscape. So much, in fact, that even non-Brits were singing to the tune of “Rule, Britannia!” Here is a list of American (okay, maybe there’s a Canadian or two in there, but who counts those?) acts that we all just naturally assumed to be members of the British Invasion v.2.0…

Top 10 Acts that Surprised Us by NOT Being Brit Rock Imports in the ‘00s:

The Killers (Las Vegas, NV)
Everything about the Killers’ emergence onto the music scene surprised me. First, the fact that the crap Top 40 radio stations of Horseheads, NY – the one-horse town (the pun would be remotely cute if it weren’t so horrendously true) where my parents chose to settle and raise me during the more formative years of my adolescence – even played “Somebody Told Me” was akin to hearing Wu Tang on your local Lite 90-whathaveyou. B) When I realized that Brandon Flowers was actually HOT (like, really?!). All that aside, I just assumed they were to be a great, new crossover sensation. I can still remember, to this day, my complete and utter shock that not only were The Killers from some country as lame as – ugghh – the U.S, but they weren’t even from a New York or Seattle or somewhere else as musically stimulating. Vegas, really?! Though, I’m not the only one who recognizes The Killers as a greater British powerhouse than American: their first American festival headlining act only happened this past month, despite their multiple prestigious UK festival headlining shows (Reading, Leeds, and Glastonbury).“Jenny Was A Friend of Mine” – The Killers

Scissor Sisters (New York, NY)

If I thought learning about The Killers’ national origin was bad, I had no idea the kind of heartache in store for me. Let’s just do a quick rundown of the Scissor Sisters: (1) their music can best be described as disco/glam rock – in the 21st century, no less! … (B) the members of the group include names like Babydaddy and Ana Matronic … (-) they have one of the (VERY) few acceptable Pink Floyd covers … and, (IV) they sing about the fun side of recreational drug use. HOW CAN THEY BE AMERICAN?! And, had I not seen Party Monster, I’d have been convinced that it was all a gimmick – now, I just assume that they can be a product of none other than the Club Kids phenomenon that was the ‘90s.

“Lovers in the Backseat” – Scissor Sisters

The Decemberists (Portland, OR)

They play with organs. How many Americans even know how to identify an organ?! The Decemberists' most famous member is without question Colin Meloy, who is known for all of his “Colin Meloy Presents…” cover work. See? There! COVERS. Brits LOVE covers. And he even covers Brits! (Or just Morrissey, but what American could really do him justice?). And then, of course, there are the incomparable covers by the band itself – including one amaaaayyyzing rendition of the siren song itself, “Wuthering Heights” by Kate Bush.

“Clementine” – The Decemberists

Lady GaGa (Yonkers, NY)

Actually, I’m not convinced GaGa is reflective of the culture of any nation, but I could happily peg her as some sort of Little Boots-esque lass (for the same reasons that I find the Scissor Sisters to be obviously British). But after her various costumes at this past weekend’s VMAs - and the various states of immobility in which they left her - I don't care what she is. I just love her.

“Paparazzi” - Lady GaGa

Arcade Fire (Montreal, Quebec)

Oh, husband and wife duo bands, how you manage to have a hold on us. In addition to the usual slate of instruments that are typical of your standard indie act, they also dabble in all kinds of strings, xylophones, accordions, hurdy gurdies (!!), and mandolins. The hell kind of Canadians do that??

“Rebellion (Lies)” - Arcade Fire

Black Kids (Jacksonville, FL)

The Black Kids, aside from having one of the most clever names I’ve heard in music lately (who is going to say anything bad about them, hmm?), have a perfect suite of tricks to separate them from the rest of the indie keyboard dance-y bands that have come onto our iPods in the past two years: joking metaphors, pronoun gender discordance, and family members with the last name Youngblood. The male Youngblood of the group has a bit of a Robert Smith meets Vince Clarke sound, making it pretty obvious why they would top the UK charts before their stuff was even released over on this side of the pond… and, also, why they’re on this list.

“I'm Making Eyes At You” – Black Kids

CocoRosie (Iowa/Hawaii/France/wherever the hell)

So I would have never considered putting CocoRosie on this list when I thought that they were only French (let’s be honest, the two countries are close enough that sound could get over from one to the other – it’s not that un-British to be French… musically), but then I heard their cover/remake/correspondence of Akon’s “I Wanna Fuck You” (don’t worry, that’ll come up in a Top 10 in the future) and realized that they still have American accents. As far as musical siblings go, these girls come second only to the Gallagher brothers – artist mother, Shaman father, estranged when one sister got kicked out, sent to boarding school, and eventually off to Paris to learn Opera (while the other attended “Kill Whitey” parties in Williamsburg). CocoRosie’s music, with the hoof stomping and beat boxing and childish whining, could be placed into the Trip Hop genre (born and cultivated in the great UK)… but, y’know, that’s only if you had to place it anywhere. And, for that caveat (built upon all of these others), they make it on this Top 10.

“By Your Side” – CocoRosie

Santigold (Philadelphia, PA)

Sure, now that she’s gone hard for Brooklyn with Jay-Z and told us about Lower East Side artists, she’s known for being a New Yorker. But it wasn’t always the case. In fact, if you look at last week’s Top 10er, you’ll note the praise I gave M.I.A. for crossing the pond as female British rapper. Though she is a more melodic version, Santi’s still cornered the same exact market (with more or less the same friends). Songs like “Creator” make you wonder on what Philly streets she managed to start sounding a bit like Lady Sovereign.

“Anne” - Santigold

Peaches (Toronto, Canada)

Two words: Fancypants Hoodlum. That was Peaches’ debut album. That combined with the gender ambiguity in which she likes to build her performances/look should leave no question as to why she might be on this list.

“Sex (I'm A)” – Peaches

Yeah Yeah Yeahs (New York, NY)

Actually, I don’t think there’s a single person who genuinely thinks that the YYYs are from the UK, but that might not have always been the case. Given that Karen O is highly reminiscent one of the most famous female Brit rock crossovers, Siouxsie Sioux, her voice – regardless of what she’s singing – could have me picturing a Union Jack waving in the back (and a broken bottle of scotch laying on the ground). So maybe they’re not a seemingly British act of today… that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t pass for one, ever.

“Gold Lion” – Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Honorable Mentions: Digitalism, Au Revoir Simone, MGMT

What even did the world do without TV...

2009-09-13T16:18:00.000-07:00

...and internet with which to watch TV? That is the question that has been keeping me up at night in the latest stop-over on my Couch-Hop NYC Tour, an apartment that is trying to answer this very question by living as they did back then. And with no TV or internet to keep me companys, I have resolved to entertaining myself by fan-fictioning what I look forward to happening on the upcoming season of shows. Shall I share?

Gossip Girl - TOMORROW at 9/8c on The CW

Chuck Bass (and Nate??) k-i-s-s-i-n-gay! We left last season with a nice romantical moment between Chuck and Blair that made our hearts melt, but obviously gay Chuck Bass, or even bisexualist Chuck Bass is sooo much better! Even though he's not either, my fan-fictionilizations - since the start of the show, really - say that he is. And that Nate is. And that Eric Van Der Twink is the star of the show. Also, Hillary Duff makes out with Dan, who I've decided has been recast with Gordo. And Miranda comes back from being away with Raven's mom on some exploration in the Africas to steal Jenny Hump's title as fashy queen of the bees. And, of course, Serena and Nate are accidentally both filming in Butler and the Lost writers have to make up some "we meant it all along" excuse to cover for the oversight.

Fringe - Thu, Sep 17 at 9/8c on FOX
Clearly I can't share allll of my fan-fiction-fantasies with you bc you know how I love me the Joshy... but anywhey! This season is supposed to be all about Peter and who/when he is, and Spock and his back-to-the-future-ing, and is thusly bound to be fantastic. There's some talk of something-something between Peter and Liv, but they've both said "ew gross, (s)he's like my sister/brother!" so it's probably a non-issue. My hopes: that there are MULTIPLE Joshies, all in different twlight zones (though we've been told there is only one alternate reality-verse - which I don't think meshes with JJ's explanation of alternate reality from the pre-finale, but tevs), all with different personalities! And they all come together in my reality and we play Snow White and the Several Joshies and live happily ever after the end. Recaps will return, but until then, read and watch and buy this.

How I Met Your Mother - Mon, Sep 21 at 8/7c on CBS
Swarlssss!! What. Up. I will ignore the entire episodes from last season in which Danny Ted Gellar thought Elliot Reid had anything to do with anything anymore and wouldn't shut up, and that peanut butter joke that was probably Danny's contribution to sublyminally make us get The Aristocrats: Whatever! Edition DVD, and focus only on the good stuff. In my dreams, this season is even more Marshall and Barney and slaps and awesome, maybe even only those things... But no, I also dream that Robin Sparkles makes a comeback and releases a Greatest Hits album and gets a job as fifth jidge on American Idol where she meets Ellen, who she brings back to meet Barney, and she and him and he and her all fall in love and dance.

30 Rock - Thu, Oct 15 at 8:30pm? on NBC
I am worried that this show is headed down the same path to sucking as The Office... Though last season, I rotflolzed more than in previous seasons, due mostly to Kenneth and the muppets, I am also a little concerned that Jack is becoming too much of a pussy and wonder how Liz is still so pathetic, even after dating gorgy pie-baking doctor (Jon Hamm). I can only hope that Jack stops crying and Liz picks it up, or that they go kumbaya in her office while Kenneth and Tracey and DotCom take over TGS.

Sesame Street 40th Season - November 10 while you're at work on PBS
40 frickin seasons, damn. Morgan Freeman will narrate a Mad Men parody with stars Paul Rudd and Hugh Jackman to the tune of a Jason Mraz song performed by Jakey Gylly. It's going to be great.

Lost - February 2010 on ABC
This show just IS fan-fiction, so I can't even try to imagine what crazitude will be happening. Considering Juliet and Penny (and Charlie and Boone!) are on other shows, it will be interesting to see how many episodes end up featuring no one but Locke, real or wolf-in-sheep's-clothing... Apparently there's a new tween who is either Aaron all growed up or Jacob as a chile, which could mean so many different things about what Juliette's explosion did, who can even begin to fathom? Just so long as Desi and Ezra are alive and well, and it's not all a dream, I'm good.

Chuck - March 2010 on NBC
THIS is what's wrong with America. Why don't you people know good TV when it's shown to you? Chuck is such a great show, never lacking in edge-of-your-seat excitement or pinch-your-cheeks adorkableness. I guess if all it takes is Jared replacing Buster as assistant to the regional manager for me to watch some Chuck-Fu, that's fine, but hopefully that encourages America both to eat smart and start watching this show.

::Already in Progress::
Mad Men - Sundays at 10pm on AMC
Entourage - Sundays at 10:30pm on HBO
Vampire Diaries - Thursdays at 8/7c on CW
SYTYCD - Wednesdays at 8/7c on FOX - recaps to come!

To the nines!

2009-09-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

It's 9.09.09 and, judging by a general theme in movies coming out this fall, you'd think it was Hollywood's favorite day.

District 9 - I'm pretty sure they could have more or less picked ANY number for the district in question. Why 9, hmm? Don't get me wrong, aliens are cool and all - and as opposed to any other goon associated with this blog, I'm a sucker for a good critique on society/political undertone - but why nine? Because it's our new favorite number, that's why.

9 - Honestly speaking, a film with Tim Burton's name associated could have any title and there would be hordes of ardent fans running to see it... present company included. The fact that they were able to take an Academy Award-winning short film and turn it into a full length feature spells either epic triumph or horrific disaster - but, with names like Elijah Wood, John C. Reilly, and Jennifer Connelly (and, of course, we can't forget Burton himself), characters named "stitchpunks", and - now - the magic number nine associated... I'm thinking there's no way it can be anything but the former.

Nine - People have been hinting at it for a few years now, but I think it's safe to say that it's officially official... musicals are back. And this film is not only a display of THAT latest Hollywood trend, but also another one: the ensemble cast. Nine's cast is more or less a rundown of Academy Award winners/nominees of (mostly recent) years past - Daniel Day-Lewis, Nicole Kidman, Marion Cotillard, Penelope Cruz, Daaaaaaaame Judi Dench, Sophia Loren, Fergie(??!), and Kate Hudson (NINE of them!). Ignoring the fact that people are yet again trying to cast FERGIE into a movie, I bet this film is just one East High basketball player away from being the best musical ever. Maybe the sequel...?

::BONUS::

If only we still had the Ed Sullivan Show

2009-09-03T14:42:00.001-07:00

Virtually every blog/music authority out there is releasing his/her/their/someone’s version of a ‘Best...of the Decade’ as if poor September through December never had a chance in hell to make a difference. Originally, I thought of championing those four months’ cause on my back, and channeling my inner clairvoyance to predict some sort of ‘Top 10’ list of their best songs. Ultimately, I realized, I don’t even know ten songs that would be heard by any more ears than mine, so I came up with an alternate plan: Weekly Top 10s. Every week, I’ll take a sub-category that applied to music in this decade, and crank out a Top 10 list. Obviously, as the weeks go on, more of 2009 will be able to run for a coveted position on the list, thus giving every itsy bitsy little month its due shot at a prize (feel free to leave donations for gift baskets to go to the winners). And, now, onto the kick-off…

[Top 10 Brit Rock Imports of the '00s]
Beatlemania might have started it off in the ‘60s, but this decade has been NO stranger to our former bosses from across the pond. The intertubes helped us (many times, illegally) get music instantaneously from across the globe, and we spent the decade making good use of this rapid access. Mardy bums, Grace Kellys, Galangs, and Janie Jones alike - below are the lads and lasses who helped kick the global/viral music scene in the arse to make this decade what it was:

Their spot as one of my favourite bands aside, the Arctic Monkeys are the prime example of the power of the mixtape. Or, in their case, the EP. Either way, their instant success with no discernible marketing or advertising revolutionized the way that new bands approached “breaking out” into “the scene”. Now on their third album, and (lead singer) Alex Turner decided he’s suddenly from the backwoods of the South

(America’s, not England’s), they prove to make me feel entirely inadequate for being the same age, yet only rising to the level of BLOGGING about success stories.

“Do Me A Favour” – Arctic Monkeys

Bloc Party… talk about consistent track record. Bloc Party had critical acclaim the minute they came out with their first album, Silent Alarm, and haven’t managed to lose it since. With multitudes of EPs and pretty impressive standing in virtually every single notable music festival in the world – even Chicago’s finest – they are considered one of England’s biggest bands. I think the true testament to the massive affect they’ve had on their audience – over such a small span of time, no less – is embodied by the cavalcade of face-painted, English flag-toting, drunken blokes who boated across the ocean just to trample the weak and scream “FLUX!” over and over again on that fateful Lolla friday, one year ago. This mp3, below, is for them.

“Flux” – Bloc Party

S and I have talked about our sighing and swaying before, but the initial conversation behind this audible appreciation of music probably began with this song (below). The Kooks might be the best whole package representation of the English music scene, this decade: young, cockney, and a friend of the cover. The last one is what I find to be the most impressive, because it’s one thing to be recognized and adored for your own music, but it’s a whoooole ‘nother beast to also captivate by donning the vocal hats of the likes of Peter, Bjorn and John, Gnarls Barkley, Coldplay, and MGMT.
“Naive” – The Kooks

A Sri-Lankan born, London-raised female rapper with critical acclaim? If you’d have told me this in the ‘90s, I’d never have believed it. M.I.A. seemed to spark one main trend that currently prevails in hip hop: hipster hop. Despite being banned from entering the U.S. to work on her much-buzzed-about album, since her daddy was a terrorist and she was da bomb (no, on the real, her dad is a Tamil Tiger), she still managed to go to some exotic island locale, crank out an amazing sophomore LP., and lead the way for fello laydee indie MCs (e.g., Lady Sovereign, Amanda Blank, Kid Sister). Not to mention, she managed to take a Clash sample, throw in some gunfire, and turn it into a Top40 hit. Kudos go where kudos are due.

“Galang” – M.I.A.

Let’s ignore the fact that Perez Hilton thinks that he had ANYTHING to do with Mika’s rise to popularity, and just focus on the fact that the soprano songster managed to combine two major musical trends of the decade: emasculating falsetto (e.g., Scissor Sisters, Empire of the Sun, Magistrates) and sexual ambiguity (e.g., Sia, GaGa).
“Happy Ending” – Mika

Bat for Lashes could go one of two ways, live in concert: (1) dull and slow-moving, (B) fucking awesome. Last month, I learned that Natasha Khan + a sequined leotard + a slew of international instruments = the latter. B4L manages to combine sweet songs that lullaby me to sighing… or have deep beats that lead me to sway. Either way, the sigh/sway test rating is high.

“Pearl's Dream” – Bat for Lashes
BONUS: “Higher Than the Sun” (Primal Scream cover) – Bat for Lashes

Though I’m sure Muse’s career goal was accomplished when Adam Lambert covered their work during some episode of American Idol – thereby turning my adorable Korean coworker and her 12-year-old son onto them – I’d say they should feel content with just being known for being one of the best live acts of the decade (even if, technically, their first album was released in 1999). For 10 years that were so notable for technological advances that created great studio albums that turned into horrendous live performances, their standing as having conquered both sides of the musical fence is no small feat.
“Uprising” – Muse

When someone mentions Amy Winehouse, today, there’s hardly a person who thinks solely of her music. If nothing else, THAT is the true tragedy over what might be the music industry’s shortest, most violently condensed downward spiral. Screw up your own life that quickly if you’re a nobody, but when it’s plainly obvious that you still have years worth of talent and crooning… get your act together and give us another album, dammit! Winehouse DID help start one of the decade’s strongest musical trends within the UK: the female soul-singer/songwriter. The only problem is that after the success of that ONE album, while she was off wasting her time petting her crackpipe and snorting her cat, other singers like Duffy and Adele came through and showed that this good folk/soul music could come in a much more together package.

“Tears Dry On Their Own” – Amy Winehouse

Oooh, from one hot mess to another, it’s hardly worth mentioning Babyshambles without going straight into talking about Pete Doherty. He revolutionized the meaning of the new millennium’s version of a rock ‘n roll junkie might look like: fancier meds, more options to mix around, closely documented by media, much quicker physical deterioration of the body. He's a clear example of what decades of GOOD rock 'n roll music can do to an over-egoed lad with a guitar. Doherty's music, when he'd find the time to make it between doping up his cat and stealing from his former Libertines bandmates, is nowhere near the greatness of the fallen junkies' work he uses as rationalization for his entirely irrational behavior. But... by sheer virtue of having actually managed to stay alive, still making music that has potential to be genuinely amazing rock (should they ever manage to put out a complete album), and banging Kate Moss... Doherty & Co. deserve recognition for helping bring Brit Rock to the rest of us.
“Albion” – Babyshambles

A not-so-obvious choice for one of the best Brit imports of the decade, but Damien Rice might be the reason why this decade's TV shows and movies provided some of the best soundtracks Hollywood has ever seen. Full of angst and melodrama, his music is perfect for a good 'ol fashioned CW teen programming. On the other side, the music is actually deep and beautiful, so songs like "The Blower's Daughter" (below) make for Oscar-worthy scores. For a new generation who defines its life by the music it hears, Rice's music helped make the decade sound the way it did.

“The Blower's Daughter” – Damien Rice

Oh, joyous joy of joys!

2009-09-01T05:47:00.001-07:00

She's baaaaaaaaaaaack...

So are they :)

You Make My Dreams

2009-08-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

Squeal!

Do it.

2009-08-28T12:28:00.000-07:00

2.3 billion unborn will totes love you forever.

Songs of Summer

2009-08-27T21:17:00.000-07:00

Frankly, twasn't my favourite summer of life... but that's what fantastic summertime tunes are for! A million minutes spent on the subway, even more minutes of non-job-itudinal time to surf the interwebs, and a splendid Lolla made for many great songs discovered and enjoyed. Here are a few I lurved this summer, and will probably listen to past Labor Day...

Pony Pony Run Run - Hey You
I posted this one before, moons ago, but I'm still not over it, making it possibly/probably my fave song of the summer.

The xx - Crystalised
Runner up. Can't stop listening to it.

fun. - All The Pretty Girls
Really, I only learned of this song yesterday, but it's quickly climbing my most played list and is sure to brighten these last days of summer.

Free Energy - Dream City
la la la, sigh.

MGMT - Hot Love Drama
Princey. And kinda Leona Lewisy. I like.

Harlem Shakes - Y Control (YYYs cover)
Has creeped its way past the original in my order of liking.

Jaydiohead - Song and Cry
A tad depressing, yes, but sometimes life makes you sad and you need to wallow. Also, it's quite a genius mashup.

Discovery - Carby (ft. Ezra Koenig)
Best song from this supergroup of dreams.

Arcade Fire - Wake Up (Where The Wild Things Are)
Spent a good part of the summer watching this trailer over and over, waiting for summer to be done with so I can watch this movie over and over.

Beach Boys - Wouldn't It Be Nice
Summerest of songs, ever.

The End. Bring on the end of summertime, Danny.

THUD.

2009-08-27T17:37:00.001-07:00

...that's my heart. Because they're adorable.

Sigh...

No, pull DOWN the covers!

2009-08-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

Now, I know I've made it no secret that I'm a huge fan of covers - namely the latest craze with Radio1 redos of tunes released mere seconds before their respective covers have begun rotating around the blogosphere. What really makes a good cover is the fresh perspective an artist can bring to an already established song in order to vamp the song into something all his/her/their own. But, sometimes, this handover/renewed ownership can backfire and the public will start to think these covers are the work of the reinterpreteur. Well, I'm here to give the limelight back to its due owner(s):

"This Woman's Work" - Kate Bush
...this might be the best example of a cover overshadowing the original work. Ever since Maxwell first covered this during his MTV Unplugged special... and then Love and Basketball used it for THAT scene... and then it was used for every other contemporary girl solo during every SYTYCD episode known to man, I'd venture to guess that all of YOU even thought it was a Maxwell original (not that any of you remember who Maxwell is anymore).
** I'd also like to include this song as homage to be paid the late, great John Hughes. Hear, hear, She's Having a Baby. **

"Hurt" - Nine Inch Nails
...Johnny Cash's NIN cover is a little harder to spot, because it seemed that he finally began accepting his old age, when he recorded this rendition, and took out various no-no words. Everyone knows that "crown of shit" is the signature Trent Reznor tell!

"Hallelujah" - Leonard Cohen
...It's a toss up as to which version of this 3948394x-covered is the one people always mistake for the original: Rufus Wainright or Jeff Buckley's, but the fact remains that few realize who crooned this originally borderline spoken word tune.

"Knocked Up" - Kings of Leon
...I mostly put this up as a yolk with S, since some poor, misguided soul seemed to think that KoL was DOING A COVER of Lykke Li, during the former's set at Lollapalooza. Y'know... because Lykke would obviously be the one to pen a song about a pregnant lover. Ah, to misguided youths...

Mad about Men

2009-08-25T19:08:00.000-07:00

This show. That man. Sigh... I realize - and regret - that I am years behind in obsessing over Mad Men, but I will totally make up for lost time with my level of obsession, just you wait.

A few thoughts, now that I'm caught up to the rest of the world (may contain undecipherable spoilers):

Frickin Jon Hamm, you are gorgy. Remember on 30 Rock how he was in a beautiful bubble and I was like "damn, he IS beautiful."? Times infinity in a suit and/or shirtless.

Granted I only know about the 50s/60s ad-men era what this show, and maybe Revolutionary Road, has told me, I think the qualities of the characters are pretty true to any time. And - excuse me while I whine for a mo - especially lately, I have been right there with Don Jon and his feelings of discontent. Life is confusing, y'know? And while I may not sleep around on my wife, when he does (sleep around on my wife), I most of the time don't hate him for it. Is that awful? Probs. What I'm tryinggg to say is that I think he does a good job of giving depth to the character, exposing emotions and thoughts through every tryst - many times with just a dreamy crease of the brow - rather than just being a van der sloot.

Another thing I really like about this show is how a lot of times they just don't explain things. Why did you randomly stop shaving or telling us of the day Sally was born? Did Betty ever bring in your 'if lost, return to' suitcase from the front step? I don't know if watching two seasons in a week made this more or less frustrating than it would've been, but at first, I really expected them to finish every conversation and make up every argument. But I quite like that they don't.

I love Harry Crane, I hope he gets a dedicated plotline. And actually I really like Pete, with his blue suit and whinypants douchiness. Oh and I so called it about Salvatore in like the first eppy. Betty is so pretty, I kind of can't get over it. I haven't yet decided if I like Peggy, but I do feel pretty bad that she has to live with that haircut outside of filming. Oh well, women's lib and all that.

I feel like I should learn to drink alcohol neat. How did they do that? And more amazingly, how did all our parents get born with their parents all drinking and smoking and preggering all at once?

I hope this show encourages men to dress in suits.

Finally, yay for the Sesame Street spoof! Let's be honest, it's so I can be in touch for this parody that I started watching this show at all. Are they allowed to have cigarettes on SS? I mean they can barely have cookies.

P.S. Check me out, dirrty martini-ing it up with DD!

Lollapop, Lollapop...

2009-08-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

One week is the suggested recovery time from a 3-day outdoor rain or supershine lollapalooza. So it's been more than that, and we're finally ready to talk about it.

Here is the color guide, so you know who is saying what: S, R

FRIDAY

Fleet Foxes
What angel voices, I'm surprised their serenades didn't part the clouds and bring on the rays of light. Also, I hereby declare cutting out the elbows of one's plaid button-down the new cutting off the legs of your old ratty jeans.
"Brother, you don't need to turn. me. away." --these boys were the harmoniest of harmonicas. From beards to the hat socks to flannel to the danger of getting electrocuted... this set was the perfect example of how Lolla doesn't sate my desire to see a band perform, it just makes me want more.

Thievery Corporation
I went to TC, knowing/liking several of their songs, but not thinking much of what to expect. Turns out, they're a DAMN GOOD live show. They're kind of the perfect festival act: there are 39483094 people on stage, they have a faux-message to send about poverty or racial profiling or freeing Tibet or somethingoranother, there are fun drums - it's a wash! I hadn't thought about it before, but I think it might actually be really cool to go check out their live show (that's a lie, I had thought about it... I just thought it might just be 4 harpists situated around a sitar).
me: hm why don't i remember thievery corp at all?
R has taken this chat off the record
R: they were - shhh - blaaack.
...Ah yes, those.

Of Montreal
Robots and ninjas and balloons, oh my! This was one of the bands that I felt seeing at Lolla was just a peek of a lady's ankle, what a tease! Anyway, LURVED IT.
I learned the trick to Lolla pretty early: go pee before you HAVE to. The apocalypto gas mask people and giant clown ladies and - yes - "robots and ninjas and balloons, oh my!" had me watching, but the pending doom of my bladder exploding kept me more interested. C'est la vie.

Kings of Leon

UH-FRICKIN-MAZE-ING. What a dreamy you are, Caleb Nichol, singing about fiery sexytimes. And the drummer, you renaissanciest of men, playing your harmonica and beatboxing and whistling and whittling, all while you beat to the beat. And, R and I, swaying like we were Zanessa. It was a beautiful thing, really.
EEEEP! Zanessa swaying, indeed! Sigh...
No, really, that's more or less ALL I DID. Just stand there and sigh... and sway... and sigh. Caleb managed to find a common sexual experience among all the throngs in the audience and himself. Nathan was a percussive animal. The bassist was gorgy. Sigh...
Sway...

Kings of Leon - Sex on Fire

La Pasadita
Mmmm...
Mmmm... (though, it has to be said, I haven't been back SINCE Lolla weekend, for fear of having OD'ed on the greatest burritos Chicago has to offer)

SATURDAY

Los Campesinos!
Thanks for giving me time to situate myself for the band following you.
So... they're Welsh. (??)

Arctic Monkeys

You swoon, you mosh, and then you die. This was the highlight of the weekend and also this year's edition of "We Survived the 7' Tall Man Trampoose-a-lot Convention". Though being sandwiched between two of the world's tallest (and nicest) Mardy Bums did limit my view of Dreamy McCutiepants Alex Turnypoo, it also prevented me from being stomped on by high schoolers. For the best, I guessss...
I'm sure I would've been doing my KoL sighing for this set, too, had I not been having to Atlas shrug the thousands of loonies off my back. In my opinion, they didn't play enough from their first album, but I guess that's what you get when you go see a band about to release their third. In terms of our lives hanging in the balance, this didn't hold A CANDLE to last year's WS7TMT-a-LC: Rage Against the Machine edition, but I was a little surprised that a band who wrote/sang "Riot Van" could evoke such a brashness from the world's tallest 17-year-olds. Then again, I suppose it's because they wrote/sang a song about a "Riot Van".
I guess I should say something about the music, huh? Well the percussivist, whatever his name is, was great. Alex couldn't've given a damn about me dying or anyone else in the audience, but he's pretty and sings about 505, so we forgive.

Arctic Monkeys - Crying Lightning

SantOgold
This ain't Maury, bia, best keep your personal anecdotes to yoself. Just sing to me about Brooklyn, and be on your way.
So, of all the YouTubing I did about Santi, back when she was but a blip on the Billyburg hipster-hop/indie/folk scene, I never thought her performances would amount to anything. Since we were recovering from Arctypoos, we weren't remotely close by... but I appreciated her creating (Eh? Eh? Get it? I'll be here all night, folks...) a dance floor for people to behave inappropriately whilst thousands looked on.

TV on the Radio
Tunde, how could I forget you?? TVOTR was fun. I was not satisfied seeing them at Lolla, from what was essentially the Santi stage area, but I could see Toonds bouncing away and that was nice. As a fan who didn't lurve the mountainous cookie album and did lurve scientist dears, I must say this set was just right. Good on you, Tunde, not only for having that magical stick on Lost, but for being a splendid show-ratuer.
Ughh, fiiiiine, I'll talk about them too. Actually, I quite purposefully left out TVotR, since I didn't find being waaayyy at the back (and exhausted) the way to see them. You see, since I first began doom-doom-doom-ing the background humdingers to "Ambulence", 3984093844a albums ago, I've wanted to see Tunde & Co. live, but for whatever reason (and there have been several) I have never managed. That's why I thought Lolla was a pussy way of popping that cherry (yeah, yeah, tawdry language... get over it...). Tunde channeled a lot more of an inner James Brown than I'd have thought, but there were a good number of people on that stage who looked kind of bored. Who knows if my mind would've changed, had I seen their two biggies ("DLZ" and "Staring at the Sun"), but with KarenOgold flanking their set... it seemed they were in high spirits and welcome company.

Diplo
Wiiki wikki.
Check Diplo out... all suited up. Barney would be so proud.
AWW, Swarls! If you had said that during the dancey dance dj set, I think it would've been exponentially improved.

Animal Collective
Alright, Enya. You fail for not playing the songs I wanted to hear... or any songs at all.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Okay, so I wasn't soo enthused to see them, but KO surely told me so. She was fabulous and so endearing, forgetting the lyrics to her own biggest hit song. What a cute crazy.
The minute "Runaway" started, and Karen O came out in her Native American headdress, I was immediately taken back to when I last saw her, live. She's such a Siouxsie Sioux, and I luuuuurve her for it! And, yes, her forgetting the words to a slowed-down "Maps" might be the most adorable thing, ever.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps (Acoustic Live)

Wavy Wizards
What a perfect end to a lovely day and night.
Day and night...la la la la la la, free his mind at night...

SUNDAY

Ra Ra Riot
Cheerful, summertime music on a grassy knoll = bliss. I could put that lead singer in my pocket and take him home and hug him all day. And the cellist is super hot. Go Ra Ra. Sis-boom-bah.
I think my ethnicity changed, during the course of the 12:30pm set on the most albedo-y, sun ray bans in my face day, but I daresay it was worth it. Talk about more renaissancey folk, this damn cellist/pianist/cute dress wearer more or less stole the show for me.

Bat for Lashes

Ohmigod, GIVE. ME. THAT. OUTFIT.
Okay, so while ^^this one^^ was ogling Natasha Khan's sequined leotard, I was amazed at how she could honestly belt out that voice in that sweltering heat. She even apologized to us, at one point, for her cottonmouth, but I honestly wouldn't have even known she was struggling had she not told me so. Her bopping and use of 9383943 different instruments from foreign lands and lady drummer and just all-around adorabilityiosity made B4L one of the best shows of the weekend for me.

Bat For Lashes - Pearl's Dream

Gang Gang Dance
I peed at this time. And some baby went deaf.
Gang Gang is the quintessential sit-on-a-hill-and-listen-to-some-tunes band. It's also very much like Thievery Corporation, where you don't know if all 3948394 people on the stage are contributing to the music, or if the 4 main musicians just brought some friends along to par-tay. Gang Gang definitely lives up to the third word in the title, but they also prove they're musicians... like, they make music... like, sometimes there are just drums and doot doots and no words. For a hot Sunday afternoon, where I know I'll need a break, it works. I'm just not sure where else it might...

Vampire Weekend
Roar, Lion, Roar... la la la...
...from Alma Mater to the--Lollapalooza main stage?

Passion Pit

Yet another band that Lolla dangled in front of me and then left me wanting more of. Even Brocks loved the fro-y falsetto of Passion Pit, and that's saying something. Also I was raped by a tattoo poet's ass. All in all, a fantastic show.
I treat all the Lolla shows as if I am their mother, so I have a tough time Rosemary's Baby-ing it to try and decide on the best. Buuuuuuutttt... I'd have to say PP was DEFINITELY up there. They got to play the stage that in the street, which always seems to host my favorite acts (Black Kids and Girl Talk, last year), because it tends to be full of bands that want to just make you forget about the sun beating down your back (and does it) and make you move. Move, we did.
I hope my boyfriend doesn't sue me for talking about our personal time all on the intrawebs.

Passion Pit - Sleepyhead (Neo Tokyo remix)

Snoop Dogg
By far the toughest choice R and I (by which I mean, S) had to make. Snoop or Lou Reed. In the end, we played it right. Snoop first, to smoke and blap and one hand in my pocket, other hand making a peace sign with the best of Chi's high school population... so like, our 5th set of underage boyfriends of the weekend.
Aww, high school boyfriends! Situating ourselves by this particular set was definitely eye-opening, though, as I learned that children born in the '90s are perfectly capable of using [insert whatever illegal music downloading agent kids prefer these days] to learn all about the drug use, mysogany, loose sexual endeavors, and police authority abuse in which Long Beachers were taking part when they were but crawling around in their nappies. There was plenty of audience participation, particularly when Snoop tricked us into telling him we wanted to fuck him. Hmm, my mama always warned me about boys like him...

Lou Reed
Take a walk on the wild side, la la. Conveniently we caught the only song by him I know. He's old, it was way past his bedtime... and set-time, really.
We got to Lou just in time, it seemed, since we heard his beginning was suck and he ended up going over by about 20 min.

The Killers
I really forgot what good performers they are, and they've gotten so better. Remember the first time I saw them on their Hot Fuss tour and I loved Petunia Flowers? And then when that happened again this time? A perfect night. Minus one of my high school boyfriends calling me "ma'am", but don't worry, I got him back by denying his dying friend a sip of water.
Aww, Killers... I haven't seen them in moons either, and what with KoL and YYY, I completely forgot that Sunday too had a pretty killer (hey-o! whew, man, where DO I come up with this stuff? Don't forget to tip your waitress...) headliner. Thankfully, they're also the kind of band that recognizes their new stuff, but doesn't forget the cold classic with which we all fell in love. All those years ago, when they first hit it big, they promised us to be the nouveau glam rockers of our generation... when the final chords of "When We Were Young" blared, and the pyro blasted, and I forgot about the pain in my feet and jumped right along with the crowd... I realized that they might have done it, after all.

The Killers - All These Things That I've Done

And then we separated with only our memories and battle scars. Life after Lolla sucks.

PSA!

2009-08-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

You guys! Wear your seat belts!
In taxis, too!
Especially in taxis!
Here's why:

See? I was in that cab. Not the yeller one. The other one. And it crashed, and the airbags came out, and I hit my leg on the plastic thingie between the seats, and now I have a boo-boo.
And we had to go to the hospital (Bellevue - am I the only one who thought that was just a mental hospital? When they said that's where we were going I was like "nooo, I'm not crazy! there WAS an accident!!." But actually it has a big ER and stuff, too). Anyway we went there and I got to ride in an ambulance (!) which was wayy exciting, and the EMTs were very very nice. But the ER staff was not, because they have stressful jobs or summat. Psh.

Anyway, they stuck me in pediatrics because I am only 22, which is a terribly young age. But that was actually a bad thing because I had to fight with adorable children for attention, and, though I was wearing my spider-leg eyelashes, no amount of batting can compete with a 4 year old with a cough. I was supposed to get a tetnis shot (because of the boo-boo), but then after 3 and a half hours I was booooored so I was all "laaaate." And here we are.

So let this be a lesson to you all: Wear your seat belts in cabs, or else you too might have to go to the hospital and deal with mildly unpleasant staff, and spend 3 hours trying to find the trombone in the tree in the Highlights magazine. Which is pretty fun, but still.

Are you all going to wear seat belts in taxis now? Promise?
Good.

"It is better to be beautiful than to be good."

2009-07-24T14:56:00.000-07:00

But it is better to be good than to be suck. You hear me, makers of Dorian Gray The Movie??

The Picture of Dorian Gray is my absolute favourite novel, albeit of like five in my repertoire...really, it should mean more, that as a non-reader I am so impressed by any book. But enough of my justificationalizing, you really should read it for yourself. And DEFO if you plan to see this movie, as with other print-to-screen fabulosities (ahemHP).

Already the trailer (and, yes, the back of the book, for those cheaters such as Ping Wen) gives away the whole story and shows his frickin' face instead of saving it for climactic purposes, but I must say, it makes Dorian Gray look both beautifully filmed and captivating. I must also say that though I was skeptical to Ben Barnes being cast as Dorian, seeing many a lady's bosom up ons him makes me believe, and a little jealous. But so help me god, if this movie doesn't live up to my Wildest dreams, I will... be very upset.

Remember, read then watch. The movie, that is. You may watch the trailer now:

So. Many. Tears.

2009-07-22T17:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, I’m going to try LIKE MAD to get this recap up before the Results Show, also the 100^th eppy of SYTYCD, airs tonight. TRY. LIKE. MAD.

--ADDENDUM: Clearly, this did not happen. In fact, my read-the-end-of-the-book-first roommate chose to go ahead and Wikipedia the results, last night, since we were unable to watch the Results Show. So, now, I am attempting to finish this post not only after I said I would, but with full knowledge of the outcome. To be fair, I was almost done before I had any clue who would be sent home, so I will be sure to complete the final 10% with as much of my usual gusto as possible.--

Firstly: ELLEN! If they had put any other person as the “fourth jidge” on the panel, I’d have likely boycotted up and down the halls. Because it’s Ellen and she can do no wrong, I deemed it perfectly appropriate. She was laying it on a little thick with the jokes, but it was clear that she felt like a slight novice up on the jidging panel and was making up for it.

Speaking of the jidges, I think someone forgot to refill their respective Xanax prescriptions, because they had all gone bat fucking crazy. Nigel had received some sort of honorary doctorate in what I can only assume was some sort of quantum physics, which allowed him to regress in age and proceed to behave as a five-year-old for the duration of the show: putting his hand over Mary’s mouth, telling her to “shut up,” and playground mocking the boo-ing audience. It “warranted” Mary calling him an “English muffin” not once, but twice. Aside from name calling, Mary also tried to experiment with word emphasis. Tried, and failed. You see, Mary, placing the emphasis on the word “does” in “It DOES get better and better” suggests that we’re refuting you. No one is, so stop yelling at us.

[Group Dance]
MORE TRAVIS WALL. Agghhh, I can hardly take so much success on his part! I daresay that Travis’ work, just these two weeks alone, is already getting to the level of Tyce Diorio and some Mia Michaels (there’s some shit she does that no one can touch). But he’s definitely better than the Mandy Moores and that one Canadian choreographers of the show. Despite hating the song, I could see Travis pulling some inspiration from the Wade Top 4 group number from the Season 2 finale (*ahem* with a better song, of course). The wardrobe confused the hell out of me, and I can only suspect that their lunch at Chuck-E-Cheese was cut short so they had to spend all their tickets last minute. Ergo, flashing accessories. Between last week and this group number, I think my ideal Top 4 would be: Kayla, Enchilada, Jason Danny, and Brandon David. I love my Kaz…zak and Chonga, but they haven’t always wowed me like those four – especially the former, who just CANNOT get it together for anything that’s remotely hip-hoppy.

There were plenty o’ performances, this week, as each (slightly newly arranged) couple danced TWO dances… just in case they needed to redeem themselves. And, boy, did some need to redeem themselves.

[Evan and Janette - jazz]
Kaz…zak and Enchilada doing Sonya jazz? Kaz…zak and Enchilada?? Really?! What a strange and short routine this will be. The rehearsal footage just made me more endeared to Kazzy, who I so desperately want to shock and surprise me by doing incredibly well. Watching the piece, I see that he doesn’t do THAT terribly, but Enchilada totes spanks him as she proves, yet again, that she can do so much more than salsa. It was during the critique of this dance that the awkward fight between Nigel and Mary went down. Poor Ellen, whom I believe when she says that she just “wanted good seats to the show,” just sits there like child who is the product of her broken home. I think the final piece of proof that Enchilada is this season’s Sabra came when Mia told her that she was her favorite. Should we just start shining the trophy now?

[Kayla]
As Cat said, Kayla is just “white lightning.” It’s a little hard to watch someone do a 30 sec. solo to the same song to which Mia did one of my favorite group routines… ever.

[Brandon and Jeanine - waltz]
It was actually during this routine that I discovered the couples were all performing two dances, since this pairing is POISED to be amazing and yet was handed a slightly banal waltz. It’s tough enough to watch a waltz, but to watch a Lord of the Rings waltz is just a notch below excruciating. The only truly exciting bit of this waltz was watching everyone’s laugh track-like response to Ellen’s jokes. I wonder if Portia is sitting backstage with a gun to everyone’s heads that they MUST laugh at her jokes. In any case, I love her and only implore others to give her any and all recognition. The rest of the jidges didn’t like it, and it gave Mia a reason to finally return to her slightly bitchy “I’m disappointed”/”I need more” persona.

[Jason]
Judging by Jason Danny’s musical taste, he’s a 15-year-old with whom I attended high school, no? I swear to god, if he does a solo to Paramore, next, I’m going to start rethinking my love affair. Dammit, someone bring back Ashley with her CocoRosie!!

[Ade and Melissa - cha cha]
I think we’re supposed to be excited about the reunion of Miss Havisham and LemonAde, but they were really only apart for a week. And only one dance at that. And, OH BOY, was this cha cha horrifically unfortunate. At one point, I think the two of them might have actually gone to sleep – or maybe they tried, but LemonAde’s pants woke them up. Of course, because I think it was terrible, the jidges are going to have some awesome and great to say. I’m starting to think Miss Havisham is really 9348309438 years older than she claims to be… and a sorceress, who is putting some sort of spell over the jidges who claim to love everything she does.

[Janette]
This solo just shows me that Enchilada has now learned to be TOO good. I think she actually just pulled off a lyrical salsa. Lord.

[Jason and Kayla - Broadway]
Oh my good god, what a perfectly pirouetted couple! I think I just need Jason Danny to always be paired up with contemporary dancers. Contemporary dancers who DO NOT SUCK LIKE CAITLIN. The jazzy style that Tyce uses in his Broadway routines really works for him, and Nigel clearly agrees when he compares him to Gene Kelly. Mia has just been perpetually checking out Kayla since the start, and this number is no exception – her entire critique discussed how much of “a girl” she thinks Kayla is. You could almost see the fear seep out of Kayla’s eyes and hear her sigh of relief, as she finally received the confirmation she’s so long been seeking.

[Ade]
For all that I never bothered to notice about LemonAde before his first fated solo on the show, I feel that he has established a very obvious style in a very short amount of time. While I’d normally like this, it almost seems like the same solo each time.

[Evan and Janette - rumba]
Lord, a number where Kaz…zak has to be sexy? And a latino? I don’t think it even matters, because it’s blatantly obvious that Enchilada is going to be ssoooo ridiculously good enough for the both of them. It was a little strange for them to be dancing to a Kris Allen cover of a Fray cover of a Kanye song, but that’s fine as long as they danced it well. Erm, or as long as she did. To be fair, though, Kazzy didn’t do AS poorly as I thought he would. The critique was all really pointless, as Nigel commented on how hilaaaarious he thought Kaz…zak’s face is. Ellen liked it well enough. I think Mary screamed (though I can’t really remember). And Mia went on and on about how much she loooooves Evan, something we all know, and how his face is just great and how it didn’t suck in this piece because it looked like Zoolander. Something tells me that just because you say that you LIKED what someone did in disregard of what they were supposed to do, it doesn’t necessarily mask the fact that you still pointed out that they didn’t do what they were supposed to. Enchilada was, unsurprisingly, unbelievable.

[Melissa]
This is ridiculous. Now, I loveloveLOVE the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. And I lovelovelove this song. But, this isn’t even contemporary ballet anymore. This is her forgetting to do her hair and then getting ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DONE to the tune of a good song. Ugh…

[Brandon and Jeanine – pop jazz]
OH MY GOD, LAURIE ANN GIBSON. Now, a little background info on yours truly, everyone: I used to (and, really, I only say “used to” because it no longer exists) LUUUUURVE Making the Band. Namely, Danity Kane. Say what you will, but singing and dancing and ridiculously high-paid producers making unbelievably catchy urban pop music? C’MON! For the 9348394 seasons of MTB, when they were still weeding through the weave and the press-on nails to find the right girls for the band that would only break up three years down the road, Laurie Ann was the psycho choreographer who would “boom kak” her way through grueling dance rehearsals. To see her come from there to the SYTYCD stage is ssoooo exciting! Personal victory, hurray!!
Now, onto recapping the actual performance: It’s a little strange to me that LAG would do pop jazz as her genre, especially when this could make a really good hip hop routine. It upset me a little that they were a bit off synce from one another, but this kind of routine was MADE for BranDave. Also, Ellen probably said it best, when she claimed that they “made it appealing to join some sort of armed forces.” I also, soon after, learned that Mia Michaels and LAG are somehow sisters. Nepotism? I’m just sayin’.

[Evan]
LOVELOVELOVELOVE.

[Jeanine]
I think Wade showed us during Season 3, but everyone should always dance to "Let the Drummer Kick it". The emphasis on the piano makes for really good contemporary, and this was no exception.

[Ade and Melissa - contemporary]
OH MY GOOD GOD, WHAT A FUCKING SOB FEST. Of course, Tyce decides that we could all do with a good story about cancer and heartache and ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have to say, with a slight fear of looking like an insensitive asshole, I really, really wanted Miss Havisham to go home after this week, and it is very difficult to make this happen if you put her in a fucking Tyce goddamn Diorio contemporary? Ugh. It’s also one of those scenarios where I was HOPING it was damn good, because I’d feel guilty as hell for not liking it if it wasn’t. However: not a concern, because as I said before… it moved everyone to the point where they were in tears. And, I mean EVERYONE. Miss Havisham was crying. Mary was obviously crying. NIGEL was crying – he even turned around to start sobbing. Mia was in hysterics. Oh, good god, was everyone all kinds of torn up. I will say, in terms of the piece, that I liked what Tyce did by not necessarily picking a song that was a cliché heartache and drama and angst and tragedy song (Celine Dion and the like), but instead picking a love song about a woman. Not to mention, I love Maxwell.

[Brandon]
Brandon might be the only person who COULD have a solo after that. He just leaped and bound and racehorsed his way around.

[Jason and Kayla – hip hop]
So, it has to be said: THIS is the point at which I had left off with my recap. Writing this with full knowledge of the end of last night’s Results Show makes me the saddest, ever. Depending on at what point I muster up the courage to actually SEE said Results Show, you’ll understand that recap.
I was pretty excited to see Jason Danny do a hip hop with a CAPABLE partner. He even got Shane Sparks choreography, again, so it was a true shot at redeeming himself. And, then, Shane decided to go with ZOMBIES! KEWL! Naturally, Kayla was the zombie mistress (which actually works pretty well, considering she’s rather supernaturally white). The “lift” at the end, which was really just a mid-air strangle, was one of the coolest tricks of the entire night. I liked that it was very obviously Shane Sparks’ style, which can sometimes be lacking in his work when he tries to do the Nappy Tabs style “lyrical hip hop.” I was a huge fan, and I’m glad that SOMEONE got SOMETHING right -- *ahem* AMERICA! Ughh, I’m too upset at what Wikipedia has taught me, so I’m going to actually go back to work (instead of finding a way to surreptitiously watch various YouTube clips whilst at the office). I’ll be sure to update, once I muster the strength to watch the Results Show since, as my friend Ryan said:

Ryan: but you have to
you have to watch it for the blog
for the blog followers

Until then…

Travis Wall... and some other stuff.

2009-07-16T19:14:00.000-07:00

Now, I know I’ve been woefully lax on recapping those who think they can dance, but I’ve been packin’ up, hitting the dusty trail (or the Eisenhower during rush hour), and movin’ on out (to another apartment 30 min. away). Anyway, the point is: I HAVE been watching, I just haven’t been able to immediately update. For that reason, I’m going to do yet another Performance/Results Show double whammy. Allllll in time to review right before this week’s 99th/100th eppies!! (Addendum: this obviously did not happen, as the highers ups at work DARED to give me something to do instead of blogging!)

Performance Show

This week’s performance show pretty much had a win from the start. Firstly, Debbie ‘Chiiiiild’ Allen. Need I say more? Between her working her new “hurr” and telling me about the cup o’ Haagen Dazs she threw at the screen “a couple times” when disagreeing with Nigel and Mary. Hmm, Haagen Dazs… now why didn’t I think of that?

The format for this episode SEEMED (I say “seemed” because I can’t totally remember) different than the Top 10 eppies of yore. There were two different group numbers - one with the top 5 girls, the other with the boys.

[Top 5 Girls’ Group]
For whatever reason, it was imperative that the group numbers both be excessively ethnic, starting with the girls’ group Bollywood routine. Though, I’m slightly loathe to admit, I have a bit of an advantage in that I know just how little “culture” is really in the song to which they danced. The choreographer clearly gauged who put forth the best attempt to Bollydance and formed the routine around them: putting Kayla in the front, then Chongalicious and Enchilada in the next row, and finally the rest of the riff raff at the back. The dance did exactly what Bollywood does on show – hides any disparities in technique and dancability behind cultural confusion, lots of jumping, and flashy music and costumes. Naturally, the jidges thought it a hit.

In any case, I clearly found it time to move onto the (newly rearranged!!) couples…

[Kayla and Evan]
Without even knowing the style to which they were dancing, you could already deem this couple unfortunate. For it to have been a Viennese Waltz – a dance of ups and downs and partnering and close holds – the height difference just made the style go from soft (read: boring) to comical (read: unfortunate). After Kayla (the Adorable) claimed that she was just going to “plié a lot,” I got really scared of juuuuust how bad this might turn out. As the case may be, it was not as suck as I’d prematurely pegged it. The costume department cleverly bedazzled Kayla’s foot to make it look like she was wearing the heels I wore to my Junior Class Prom, while giving Kaz…zak heels, turning his ballroom shoes into the pumps I should have worn to my Junior Class Prom. Cute little Kazzy ended up dancing stronger than I’d expected – it wasn’t the disaster that was the ballroom of the week before, but it also wasn’t anything close to what we’ve come to expect on the show. The jidging portion was actually rather worth listening to, this go ‘round (I give Debbie’s presence all the credit), as Nigel proved he could Wikipedia the differences between various forms of waltzes and Mary actually stopped cooing over the dancers like a deranged lunatic, managing to ACTUALLY critique a ballroom performance. The jidging ended with Debbie Allen telling Kaz…zak that he “handled [his] big woman.” I’m sure Kayla was pleased.

[Brandon - solo]
Brandon’s solo was what we’ve come to expect, yet never gotten to see – powerful and jumpy and leapy. For a second, I thought the version of "In Your Eyes" to which he was dancing was by that alter ego of Garth Brooks’, but it turns out that it was some other Gaines.

[Janette and Ade]
Ever since the last week’s performances, I’ve finally realized just how amazing little Enchilada is. In keeping with this season’s theme of COMPLETELY CHANGING MY MIND from that which I’d set it in the beginning of the season, this pairing was comprised of the top most examples (especially after GatorAde’s solo, last Results Show). And, then, as if I wasn’t excited enough (for them to either keep wowing me, or prove to me that they were a fluke – I’m not sure which one), they got a Nappy Tabs hip hop! The rehearsal footage was actually the first time I’d ever been able to tell just how short Enchilada is; and, conversely, just how tall GatorAde is! The number was all about the latter being a “Funk Doctor”, and once the music started playing – AND JUSTIN STARTED PUMPIN’ – I was impressed as hell. Not to mention that it made me think that Enchilada seriously has a shot at winning this entire thing, since she reminds me so much of Sabra, from Season 3. The best part of the critique, however, was when Cat pulled the Mama Hen card on Nigel. Aww, Cat…

[Randi - solo]
This solo was fairly generic contemporary stuff. She could eventually be really good, but for now she just bothers me in the same way that Caitlin, of weeks past, irritated me.

[Kupono - solo]
Ku’uoau’pua’ano’s dance annoyed the hell out of me, because it’s obvious that unless directed to do otherwise, he’s going to dance suuuuper femininely. Not to mention that we’ve been cursed with his notion that we’re all very much interested in these “outfits” he puts together. If I had to draw a cartoon version of Mark, from last season, he would be it.

[Jeanine and Jason]
AHHH!! TRAVIS WALL CHOREOGRAPHING! TRAVIS WALL CHOREOGRAPHING CONTEMPORARY. Oh dear god, be still my heart. Obviously, we know it’s going to be amazing before we even see it, because the ex-contestants on the show are always the best (e.g., Dmitry, Benji, Anya, Pasha). Sigh… Despite the fact that he did just choreograph, for me, a Park Bench v.2.0, it didn’t matter because he’d managed to do a really specific romantic story and make it the sexiest thing I think I’ve ever seen danced on the SYTYCD stage. The movements, themselves, had Travis written allllll over them and showed just how much better he will be than anyone else… ever. Between the heart locket teeth dragging and the kiss at the end, I consider this to be the most believable contemporary I’ve ever seen on the show. And, of course, to top it off: the standing ovation, with Debbie Allen claiming that pieces like Travis’ are what help the show to “evangelize dance.”

[Melissa - solo]
Well, at least her outfit was better than those booty shorts she attempted, last week.

[Evan - solo]
Awww, I just loveloveloveloveloveLOVE! He is so sheepish and adorable and I just want to put him in my pocket!

[Kayla - solo]
My god, this girl has legs for days!

[Randi and Kupono]
Well, nevermind that you don’t need to know the dance style nor see it to know that NOTHING short of a Sonya jazz piece will reconcile the fact that these two are most definitely going home. But, to get a Paso Doble?? Good god, way to add insult to injury, SYTYCD. Ku’uoau’pua’ano attempted to look like a “strong man”, but instead looked like a little kid who runs around in his underwear and a blanket tied around his neck, pretending to be Superman. Randi thought that putting on a wig would help, but that’s just going to confuse the 13-year-olds who are looking for the little girl with the blonde bob, Randi! I’ll admit that Ku’uoau’pua’ano was better than I thought he would be, but still majorly lacking that which all the great matadors of the Paso Doble had nailed before. Not to mention that he wasn’t even able to do the lifts.

[Ade - solo]
Oh, good god, HE CAN FLY.

[Jeanine - solo]<>Broadway routine, ever. Tyce managed to step away from his standard B-way fare, and instead jumped into the Age of “Aquarius”. Given that Miss Havisham was actually ALIVE during said age, I don’t think it was too tough for her to act the part of a flower child. Brandon’s acrobatics made it impossible for me to REALLY believe that they were stoned, so I think that’s a point (really the only point EVER) against Tyce. Gotta think it through, people…

[Janette - solo]
Here, Enchilada wants desperately for you to know she’s from Miami – as if her salsa, accent, and “I <3>African Jazz. I know, I thought the same thing. To be fair to the producers, it was nice of them to find a comparable, yet different, style to the Bollywood, so the jidges could hide behind the same level of cultural dissonance and instead focus solely on athleticism. So, yes, Kazzy was screwed. They even showcased it, by impregnating his white belly in the beginning of the number. The jidges referred to him as a “dancing milkshake” and, unfortunately, HE was the only to realize how it might be borderline offensive that all anyone could discuss was his physique.

Results Show

The Results Show I watched in about a collective 10 min., so I can’t do much other than comment on the solos (even though there’s nothing said solos could do to save anyone).

Oh, wait! Group number! I have it on record that I TOTALLY guessed the Japanese-themed routine was a Wade Robson, but good GOD, does he have to be so GOOD?!?! It was very Tarantino-inspired, and – go figure – it was not only choreographed by him, but also his adorably wife.

Cat took the time to mention the Emmy nods the show had received, including “Mercy and “Bleeding Love”! I was a little surprised that Tyce’s weirdo erotica Adam and Eve contemporary also got nominated, but everyone really seemed to like that one a lot more than I did (I think it had something to do with Jessica).

The Bottom Four dancers were: Randi, Ku’uoau’pua’ano, Miss Havisham, and – though, I couldn’t believe it! – GatorAde! It’s like no one watched his solo from last week! Sometimes, I think I would actually get off my lazy ass and vote on this show, if we were given the option to vote AGAINST people. Though, it wouldn’t have mattered, because the dancers all danced the same solos from the Performance Show and both Randi and Kupono were the unlucky two to go home. I have to say, not too much heartache on my end.

When life hands you LemonAde, make him DANCE!

2009-07-16T14:42:00.000-07:00

Now, I can’t even pretend that the Results Show wasn’t 948309384 eons ago, so it’s going to be a short highlights reel, here.

The group number was the best Nappy Tabs group number (I’m talking between this show and that other redheaded stepchild of a dance show, ABDC…EFDKJFS) that has ever been. In fact, when it first started, I almost thought they’d employed Mia for yet another group routine, which is saying something. The hip hop to “Seven Nation Army” made me completely forgive them for using “Halo” during the performance show.

I’d mention the musical performance, but that might be one of the worst songs on the radio currently (I know, I know, stiff competition there), so I daren’t give it anymore attention than it has already undeservedly received.

The Bottom Three couples were really a crap shoot, at this point, since each couple did at least one decent performance. Unsurprisingly, Caitlin and Jason Danny were in the bottom, but – the audience – VERY surprisingly, Chonga/Ch’Beeb and Miss Havisham/GatorAde were also. The female solos were all either pretty par the course (Alien just leaped about a lot, and Chongalicious’ Pam Grier costume just made me nervous) or entirely ridiculous (Miss Havs trying to prove that she’s “young” and “hip” by doing ballet in booty short). I figured the guys’ solos were going to have to really embody the “dance for your life” aspect of the show, and thought that there was a good shot of either Ch’Beeb or LemonAde going home. Jason Danny’s solo was just the right type of contemporary: generically moody song, lots of sweeping arm movements, leaps, and bounds. Ch’Beeb’s solo was incredibly good, but I’m loathe to admit that even that level of remarkable becomes a tad ‘water under the bridge’ when it’s the only style and repeated every week. Since those two solos were both very strong, I had just figured that Ade would be going home, but then he managed to do one of the best solos I’ve ever seen on the show – including a flip wherein he pointed his feet and a MJ homage ending. Needless to say, if the screaming and standing ovations and side conversations between Tyce and Nigel weren’t enough of a hint that he was going to be around for another week, Cat’s break from hostess duties to show her true awe did it.

After that final solo, it was blatantly obvious that - though we may still love him - Phillip was to hit the hay. I also managed to get my way and bid adieu to Caitlin, as she was finally bested (though, I'm not sure that Miss Havs was actually BETTER than her - just more unique). Nigel promised the two of them some sort of understudy part on the Fall SYTYCD Tour, as if that was some great concession they didn't already largely expect. Not that it matters, since it's only a matter of time before my Ch'Beeby is feature on some sort of Coca Cola commercial.

Here's the best of the night:

"You DIDN'T contain yourself, Mary!"

2009-07-14T10:51:00.000-07:00

Tyce Diorio, you giant hunk of Brooklyn fun, I love you. I’m hoping that the show has finally figured out their shit, and realized that the likes of Little Sea and ‘Hey Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind’ make ridiculously sub par (read: annoying) jidges. We have five more weeks to know for sure. Tyce was excited to be there, and that in turn made ME excited. There were twelve different performances and oodles of surprises, so let’s get to it…

Sooooo…YTYCD learned from (yet another one of) their mistakes and held off on doubling up dances for couples until the Top 12 eppy. Instead of going in show order, I’ll recap the performances by couple.

[Ade and Melissa]
First, these two had a D-I-S-C-O, and I found myself yet again annoyed at Kanye West for stripping even more oldies music of beats for his own personal gain. Though I hate when the jidges place too much importance/time/critique on the makeup and/or hair, I think it’s absolutely fair game for me to have at it. Maybe I can chalk it up to not having been alive in during the disco era, but I’m not sure that it was necessarily disco dy-no-miite to have used-doll hair. Aside from looking like a crazed loon, Miss Havisham was surprisingly less forced and controlled with her muscle movement. This disco was also the first time that my eyes had ever naturally progressed over to LemonAde and, of their own volition, stayed there. Kudos, LemonAde, kudos. (Incidentally, a terrible snack combo)
The next dance from this walking story of a Highland Park cougar and her prey was a waltz. To be honest, it was pretty ‘meh.’ For dancing to Mary J. Blige - and a song about being “a natural woman”, no less – Miss Havs danced entirely too pretty. Which has been, and likely always will be, my main problem with her.

[Kupono and Kayla]
Oh, Kayla, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Even sporting zero makeup and a white girl’s version of a jerry curl, she was amazing. The couple’s first performance was a Mia Michaels contemporary. After hearing that, it was pretty much decided that there was no way they were going home. The story behind it (Mia, remember?) was about addiction, which caused Ku’uoa’uou’aiu’p’uao’no to cry and me to hope and pray and wish that they (a) did an amazing job with yet another “dark” piece… and (2) didn’t get stuck with a really obvious song like that one Kelly Clarkson song or something. I was so so SO so happy to see them dance to “Gravity” by Sarah Bareilles, which is so angsty that I’m surprised Mia and/or Wade wasn’t all over it moons (seasons) ago! The dance was incredible and, even better, really creepy. Ku’uoa’aiu’p’uao’no’s smirk at the end was the perfect bow to a dance that, in my eyes, embodies the best of this show (don’t worry, I’m not blowing all my praise too early – there’s more). Nigel made some comment about Kayla’s hair getting in the way, which was ridiculous considering he was perfectly willing to let it go when Grandma Moses rolled up to a disco routine with hair that looked like my Cabbage Patch Kid doll I still have from 19 years ago!
When we got to their second dance, we got proof that the producers really DON’T mess with order, dance style, etc. Anyone with half a brain wouldn’t have matched these two up with an upbeat, cheery Broadway routine. They also wouldn’t have put the Broadway routine as the lasting impression piece. And they ALSO wouldn’t have had this Joey the Giant choreograph anything -- because she scares me. I don’t know that the routine was necessarily bad, but they’d already peaked so high with their earlier dance that it just seemed overall lacking. I think the two of them really live in eery/quirky routines by the likes of Sonya and Mia.

[Jason and Caitlin]
Jason Danny Glover and his Alien remained a paradox in my mind, as I louvre him and really want her gone. Their first performance was a foxtrot, which didn’t annoy me as much as I thought it would (real accomplishment for homegirl). Alien looked really pretty, and it covered up her freakish muscles. I think the reason I don’t like her, as well as Miss Havs, is because of her muscles don’t match up with her body/grace -- altogether, the movements just look awkward and static. Jason Danny looked all dapper and pretty, so I obvs loved him. The piece was nice and jazzy, but it was a little boring – though, I think the only way to rectify that is to change the genre of dance as a whole.
Their second dance was a lyrical jazz by Mandy Moore. The entire rehearsal segment was spent with the two of them waxing poetic about being able to dance their own styles, and all I have to say to that is that Alien should THANK HER LUCKY STARS that her “own style” happened to be choreographed by Mandy Moore. They could have easily gotten Mia, and then she would have been as screwed as she was during Vegas Week. Mandy must’ve been taking it easy on them or tired or I’ve just seen enough of her choreo to know what to expect. It was danced well, but it was hardly imaginative.

[Philip and Jeanine]
Ohhh, Ch’Beeb and Chongalicious, bless your heart. Fans of the show watch these two and just HOPE and PRAY that they’ll get their Ivan and Allison (though mostly Ivan) moment with a Mia contemporary or something. This week, they were resigned to yet again be shafted. Their first performance was to a Russian folk dance, which was really just a joke. I’m not sure if it’s a greater insult to the choreographers or the dancers that the producers of the show had no earthly idea as to what styles of dance they’d booked. What they probably didn’t, and have yet to, realize is that they kind of just struck gold with the Bollywood style -- especially since, even with Indian dance (and I shudder to use that term in relation to Bollywood, since I actually DID study Indian classical dance), Bollywood is the only style for miles that could be done by a novice. Not every culture has some sort of flashy dance that some idiot (savant) with tap shoes can hop around and hope to master. Anyway, the dance was as bad as could be expected, but the jidges did everything they could to bastardize the culture, by ignoring it, and comment solely on select moves where Ch’Beebs and Chongs were all kicking and flailing.
Thankfully, the dance of the Commies they performed was the former of the two dances they were to perform, because for their second number these crazy kids got a jive. Ch’Beebs was actually pretty damn impressive, and his kicks were a hell of a lot more sharp than I thought they would be. This dance was yet another example of how Chonga is starting to be a lot better than she is forgettable (because, somehow, for me she is both).

[Evan and Randi]
Kaz…zak and Randi’s first dance was a Nappy Tabs hip hop, and I had great hopes of the result being akin to the MarkSea “Bleeding Love”. You’ll note that I used the words “HAD hopes” in that sentence, which should already tell you where this is going... For their part, Nappy Tabs definitely tried to “whiten” their hip hop to the greatest of their abilities, by choreographing to “Halo,” the top-40iest of songs, but given an inch, Kazzy and Randz took a mile. There was hardly anything urban about the dance, much less hip hop, and Kazzy just dance the whole thing with a stupid grin on his face (hardly a stank face). It was the first time I was really able to go along with jidges when they criticized Kaz…zak. Clearly, this was unacceptable.
Turns out, their performances would remain unacceptable, since they got a samba for their second routine. The dance was probably less than remarkable, since this appears to be the season where Mary will all but spontaneously explode should anyone perform even a half-way passable ballroom routine. I can't, however, say for certain whether or not it was because all my attention was focused on the Me-Tarzan-You-Jane outfits the wardrobe department bestowed upon them. It was bad enough that Randi looked like a Midwestern cougar housewife thrown through a shredder, but the genius who decided to put Kazzy, who has a more delicate torso than I do, in a sheer top honestly just has a vendetta against the couple.

[Brandon and Janette]
Should we just fast forward to the finale, throw these two in there, and save ourselves a few weeks of heartache? Brandon David and Enchilada just proved that all those other dancers who were complaining about not being able to flourish because they couldn’t dance to their “own style”s were just not good enough to cut it. First up, the couple had an Argentine tango, with some pair of Argentines who tango. They danced it so well that Nigel gave them a standing ovation, deemed it “the best ballroom performance on the show… ever”, and played along with this ridiculous Hot Tamale Train game. And, lord, don’t even get me started on Mary… though, words cannot express my adoration for both Tyce and Cat: the former for egging Mary on to the point where I was able to see both into her lungs and down her shirt, and the latter for calling her on it when she claimed to be unable to “control [my]self” (see post title). Then, came Tyce’s critique where we learned that these two “did the whole DAMN THING” just like a...n orange? God, I love Brooklyn. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an argentine tango on this show (so, in whole) where the man did as many little foot-flippy kicks as BranDavey did during their routine. Also, it was one thing to see Enchilada be graceful during their waltz, a few weeks back, but it is genuinely surprising to see her be able to be all stretchy and hold her character. Her performances, especially as of late, have been reminding me a lot of Sabra. Prediction? Hmm, it might be too soon.

Figuring there was no way these two would top their first performance was a ridiculous underestimation, because for their second number BranDavey and ‘lada got a jazz routine by the one and only, Wade Robson. Firstly, can I just say how AMAZING it is to have us back some cold classic Wade? I mean, he used a Roisin Murphy song, so I’m not sure it GETS more classic Wade than that. The dance was very reminiscent of his angel/devil piece (also to Raisin) from the third season. It also had a bit of a funk element to it, and was my second slap in the face to just how bad ass Enchilada really is.

After two successive weeks of amazing performances peppered through a slew of perfectly decent ones, this season is finally shaping up to be all that Nigel claimed (and Mary screamed) it to be.

On the Line

2009-07-07T17:58:00.001-07:00

A Cinderella story: The High Line was once-upon-a-not-so-long-ago an elevated railway in NYC whose lawn had not been mowed in years and had dead bodies hidden in it from episodes of Law and Order SVU. The C of NY was all going to tear it down, but then some ~~hipster scramblers and artistety types~~ rich people from around town thought better to convert it into their very own Promenade plantée.

As a lover of green roofs (and concrete and steel...), I was guaranteed to love The High Line; this project reminded me why I like what I do. Unfortunately for you, I do engineering and not photography, so I took some very stale pictures of the beams and bolts for you to enjoy. But I did have the decency to steal the nice picture above from someone else for you to enjoy more.

Everyone is desperate.

2009-07-04T09:36:00.000-07:00

Before I actually watched my DVR’ed copy of the Results Show, I was warned that it was going to shock me to my very core. Now, maybe it was the warning, or maybe I’ve just become jaded and desensitized too young in life, but I wasn’t colored stunned. Sometimes, the best loved contestants just aren't good.

I will start off by admitting slight defeat: it turned out Jason Danny and Gymnastic Alien were NOT in the Bottom 3. In fact, neither were Kaz…zak and Randi (THANK GOD!). But, I WAS right in Vitrola and Karla Winslow being in the bottom. Kayla (the Perfect) and Ku’uoo’uau’p’aua’no as well as Jeanine and – gasp! – Ch’beeby were. I knew the Phil in the bottom bit was supposed to surprise me, but could we really get around how bad he’d been recently? No, we couldn’t. First Obama, then Baconaise, now putting Ch’beebs in the Bottom 3 – we’re getting there, America.

I’m always reluctant to admit anything Karla Winslow does is generally good, because she seems like she really sucks in all other aspects of her life. Thankfully, she kind of just flittered about as if this was the first time anyone had flapped her arms to “Blackbird”. None of the solos were really THAT remarkable, but of course the jidges had to claim that Kayla was, yet again, being “desperate.” I’m not sure why they like series of pirouettes and leaps perfectly fine for one person, but hate them for Kayla. The jidges also claimed that Chongalicious’ solo was the second coming of Christ, but I’m not sure I really saw that either. I think they were just appreciative of being able to enjoy a contemporary solo that was, for once, not danced to Lifehouse or Sarah McLachlan or Sia or some other moody tune crooner. Ch’beebs’ solo was amazing, and I thought it even more amazing because it was to a Santogold remix (BEST album of artist remixes in a hot minute). Of course, the jidges thought that too was “desperate.” Has it not occurred to them that perhaps Mary’s incessant screaming and flailing is a bit desperate? Are we to just chalk this up as yet another point for cognitive dissonance??

Even though it’s rather obvious, and has been for WEEKS, I suppose I should take the time to say it was Karla and Vitolio who were the ones to go home. Cat, bless her, got caught in the trap of allowing Vitrola the microphone, whence he proceeded to go on and on about the people he had touched and the lives he’d changed… from his three week stint on a national reality competition show.

In any case, this would have actually been a rather boring (yes, boring... not shocking) Results Show had they not had Desmond Richardson (above) and Patricia Hachey do the most unbelievable contemporary pas de deux. When it’s all said and done, I daresay that might be the only thing worth YouTubing.

I Don't Wanna Grow Up

2009-07-03T22:19:00.000-07:00

A dear friend (yes, it's R) once said to me, "If you age a year past 15 after you move to New York, so help me god, I will hunt you down and kill you!" Well, [R], I think you needn't worry; I am back in New York and this is what my today was about:

I know, I'm pathetic. Whatever, Disney will totally eat up my gay-straight-latina promo and hire me to write/produce/direct the actual Mackenzie Falls series, and then you'll see!

~~Hannah Montana - He Could Be The One~~
All set for our "Hannah Montana Hour Long Special: He Could Be The One" phone date!

~~Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez - One and the Same~~
There are lots of things about this movie, these girls, and this song that make it sensical for us to lurve.

~~Cobra Starship ft. Leighton Meester - Good Girls Go Bad~~
Not Disney, but just as bad... Actually, for me, a tad more difficult to admit liking.

Don't shake your head at me like I didn't just change your life for the better. That's right, you're welcome.

Aliens and Vampyres and Ballerinas - OH MY!

2009-07-02T12:54:00.000-07:00

Fi-fucking-nally!! It is about DAMN TIME this season started living up to its predecessors. Last night was just the epitome of what this show is about: Mia Michaels' guest jidgeship, Cat's frilly pink frock, amazing dances with STORIES, sigh… In one fell swoop, it made up for last week. And every shitty dance in the weeks before that.

Of course, about 0.0003 seconds after introducing Mia as the guest jidge, Cat… and Nigel… and Mary… and, let's be honest, America asked Mia if her opinion had remotely changed about *ahem* any one of the contestants. All of this was not only blatantly obvious/searching, but completely unnecessary since it was going to be addressed in mere minutes, as Brandon David and Conchita Marinara were the first to go on the stage…

[Brandon and Janette]
Brandon Davey and Chili Pepper got a Cha-Cha-Cha (yes, third "Cha"). Before we got to rehearsal, we learned that this was the week for reflection… because, apparently, this season's audience is filled with goldfish and need to be taken down the long journey of THREE WEEKS. Luckily, I was too busy getting my nails did when the show actually aired, so I had the luxury of ffw'ing during all of this exposition and memory and heartache and lows and highs and when will they just shut the hell up?! But then we finally got to rehearsals, where the choreographer, Jean-Marc Généreux, and his wife, Marie Antionette meets Run Lola Run, proceeded to make sexy time in front of me. The dance itself, despite being a CHA-CHA (3 "Cha"s is excessive, Wikipedia can suck it) to the PUSSYCAT DOLLS, was probably one of the best routines in the season, thus far. BranDave was all masculine and winking and there was something good happening with his carriage that I'm sure someone qualified could tell you. Nigel thought it was the jam, Mary thought it was the jam, J-M Gén thought it was the jam, and - GASP! - Mia liked it! She really liked it! She also fed BD some Jedi master/Padawan learner shit - he ate it up and cried like the blubbering lady we know he is.

[Kupono and Kayla]
Ohhhhh my god, if I was the sort of person that said "the tits," I would SO describe this performance as such! Everything was just PERFECT for me! Firstly, Kayla is amazing and the best thing to happen to blondes' credibility since… well, I'm sure someone can comment me a credible blonde. Then they picked Sonya! Sonya is the epitome of why dancers need to never open their mouths. Her work is ri-goddamn-diculously wonderful, but when she speaks/ogles contestants auditioning, I just to curl up into a ball of second-hand embarrassment. The piece was "vampyyyre-themed", though I think that was just Sonya's way of getting out of putting a piece focusing on death forth onto a national dance competition viewed by millions. Whatevs, it was the tits. The music was so good I've been listening to it all day, and the entire piece focused on Kayla's legs. Ku'uou'p'oau'uoa'no was great, because he's quirky and "gets" Sonya's "sick and demented mind." (i.e., he's a watered down version of last season's Mark Catamaran Boat and was thus made for Sonya's choreo). Man, it was just perfect and made me wish Shanks was there to claw his eyes out/"bleeping" censor himself again!

[Evan and Randi]
Evan and Broadway! Evan. Had. Broadway. The minute this Joey Whathaveyou, after being introduced as the newest choreographer on the block, told me that this piece wasn't going to be a "traditional Broadway" number, I got annoyed. You have a Kaz..zak bro, fool, give the kid a "traditional Broadway"!! Regardless, they danced to a number from Sweet Charity, and it was all Fosse-fied. Randi has been impressing the shit out of me, lately, which is really saying something. Kaz..zak had a tousled hair look, which made me squeal like a little teeny bopper. It also made me happy to be somewhat attracted to my favorite male dancer on the show. The jidges were annoyed that he wasn't flinging his hands around like wilted flowers. Also, I'm pretty sure Mia called Randi fat. So, needless to say, while the number definitely made me happy (though, unfortunately came after back-to-back AMAZING routines), the jidges were all merely adequately pleased.

[Jason and Caitlin]
Ohhh, Brian Friedman… You so just want everyone to know you're an artiste, don't you? I think everyone was a little mystified by his choice of choreographing an aliens-impregnating-humans inspired number. Though, I suppose we should've seen this coming, since his style has taken a page out of the Romulan Handbook for Grooming. Frieds had some sort of gender reversal - or no one explained to him that human males don't gestate - plot behind his piece, requiring Caitlin to wear a skin-tight, full-length, black unitard… with aluminum foil all over her. I have to admit, it was a lot better than I thought it would be. The use of "Creator" by SantOgold irked me a bit, because it was clearly Frieds using "an indie song" his friends introduced to him (1 year ago, when it came out) and then developing the least "artistic", most arbitrarily trite choreography he could manage. Or maybe I'm just a SantOgold snob. Who's to say?

[Philip and Jeanine]
No one seemed to make mention of the fact that Ch'Beeby and Chongalicious had some Nappy Tabs AGAIN, which is pretty unfair… yet kind of fun to watch. It's pretty clear that Naps and Tabs are putting a hiatus on the tortured romantic Ne-Yo hippy hoppies, in favor for some story with PROPS! They had a chain that, I only realized when Mia said it during her critique, ended up distracting the audience from the popping and locking and jamming and… well, you get it. Also, I live in the land where ALL Kanye West songs get replayed, ad nauseum, so I am still not ready to hear "Love Lockdown" again. I'm also not quite sure why the costume department decided that Chongs needed to dress like a mechanic. All in all, I didn't luuurve it as much as the jidges, but I lurve Ch'Beebs enough, and it's pretty obvious that they'll never be shoved to the Bottom 3, so there it is.

[Ade and Melissa]
Thank the LAWD that Miss Havisham and Gatorade got to dance a "Classical Pas de Deux". I'm going to give the show, and its integrity, the benefit of the doubt, and just assume that they had picked out just a plain 'ol Pas de Deux, which changed to a "Classical…" upon realizing that half of the duo was a ballerina. They performed Prokofiev's Romeo & Juliet, and ohhhhhh my god, let's just say it's rare that I find things to be "pretty" and "beautiful", specifically, but no other words could do it justice. I think they need to make Miss Havs be a ballerina every single episode. I'm not really even sure what Gatorade was doing, but it must not have sucked, because the jidges were down. If that's not asked to be performed again during the finale, I will eat these here virtual words before you.

[Vitolio and Karla]
I thought the episode was going to go south FAST, after seeing that the two dancers who had been lapped by all the other dancers about 39483294x were the ones to pull the dreaded Quick Step out of the hat. That being said, I was actually pretty impressed with their performance (of course, I was frantically running around my apartment, cleaning, at this point - my parents are coming in town this weekend - so I wasn't paying very close attention). Part of me wants to believe that the quick steps of their quick step looked slower because they were doing them so well, but a bigger part of me recognizes that they probably received a watered down version. I always enjoy when Mia is confused, so I give props to Vitrola for apparently having duped her (wild one week, proper the next… AHH!) -- of course, then he had to go and speak and I decided I'd rather go scrub my toilet. Tim should get some credit in pointing out that we still have yet to know what a GOOD quick step actually looks like.

All in all, it was the kind of episode that this series is all about -- and not a moment too soon!

My prediction for the Bottom 3: Vitrola and Whatshername, Jason Danny Glover and Gymnastic Alien, and -- ahh! I don't want to admit it, but it's likely true -- Kaz…zak and Randi.

MGMT plays my homecoming party

2009-07-02T10:35:00.000-07:00

A short three hours after I landed in the city I once and again call home, I ventured to my favourite borough where The Management and hundreds of my closest urbanly outfitted friends celebrated my return. There were fireworks and beach balls and herbal refreshments galore, all very nice. Got me missing the land from whence I came, though, my dear SF. I no longer understand the subway system and am unfortunately resensitized to the smell of trash, what a tourist I is. Why must the grass be greener in that greenest of cities? Ah well.

There's really nothing, nothing we can do
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew.

Oh hell ja

2009-06-30T19:02:00.000-07:00

The first 4:34 of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!! I'm working on the translation, but for those who will just be squealing too loud to hear anything anyway (R...), hier:

When did this become 'Dancing With the Stars'?

2009-06-30T14:48:00.000-07:00

So, avid reader(s?), you may notice that there is a glaring hole in what was promising to be a rather continuous recapping of that little, under-the-radar reality competition show we like to call So You Think You Can Dance (Dance, Dance, Dance). Instead of analytically viewing the original airing, I chose instead to contribute my weighty 0.0000004% to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen's 5-day earnings. I just love those indie documentaries, I can't help it! But after watching my recording of the episode, I decided I was so annoyed by the entire thing that it would be best if I just left well enough alone.
But, alas, it seems karma is a bitch -- and I daresay Richard Lawson, of Gawker Media Network notoriety, is her son. As I've sat, rapt with hope, waiting for Mr. Lawson to write one of his famed recaps of the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion, only to subsequently die inside after finding out that he's leaving the esteemed gawker.com, I've realized how these little incongruities can really leave the readers (mostly his, really) with a heavy heart. Unable to bear doling out that kind of heartache, I give you what will perhaps be my shortest double recap…

Performance Show:

The first thing that set me off was that "Hey, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind" was the guest jidge. Waayyyy to put me in my place, SYTYCD, because if I thought Little Sea made me want to gouge my eyes out, I'm about ready to fall, face-first, into a bed of nails with Toni Basil. You see, I'm pretty sure that the cross-section of the public that considers TB's "street dancing" (I still don't imagine this to be anything more than those bone-breakers who bone-break about Brooklyn) to be representative of hip hop as a genre are probably the same "folks" who find Perez Hilton representative of the gay movement. Every time it was her turn to "critique", I was made ever so thankful for the fast-forward button on my DVR.

As for the dances? Well, I literally only liked two of them. Brandon David and Enchilada's "rock meets rap" Dave Scott hip-hop was purely done to demonstrate Mia Michaels' fallibility -- BD was uh-maaay-zing (to borrow one of her 'isms') at hipping and hopping. The cherry on top was their use of a song that was NOT "Walk This Way". Enchilada was also good, but she still hasn't quite learned how to turn off the performance after the performance. In her defense, she WAS dressed as Cher.

The other amazing piece - by far, my favorite of the night - was Kaz…zak and Randi the Married's (butt) contemporary by Mia Michaels (below). I agreed with Nigel in that it was the most simple that Mia had ever made choreo, but thank god for it! The easy French/Vaudeville feel to Kaz…zak (the perfect)'s leeeering man was a perfect compliment to Randi's derrière. It was well performed and made me finally believe that gosh darn Randi actually WILL be able to get over her girl-next-door façade and take on any performance.

As for the other numbers? They were a smattering of: misplaced jazz hands during hip-hop (What'shername and David Archuleta), glorified tumbles and splits in awkward onesies (Asuka(r Wilde) and Vitrola), forced - not controlled, there IS a difference, dear jidges - movements that neither "flowed" nor "look[ed] sexy" (Miss Havisham and Aid), the worst combination of "Carmina Burana" and Sexy-Princess Leia costume in the history of television (The GYMNAST - not dancer - Caitlin and Jason Danny Glover), and low-energy pant splitting Broadway (Ch'Beeby and Jeanine). I will, however, give an honorable mention to Kayla the Great and Ku'uou'uao'p'uoa'auu'no, who danced a Viennese Waltz… which, as the jidges said, will never evoke a super emphatic response. That being said, I was surprised that Ku'uou'uao'p'uoa'auu'no didn't erupt in erratic movement and was actually able to find some strength in those string beans he calls arms to lift the perfectly graceful Kayla into the air.

Results Show:

The results show was barely worth mentioning. The group dance was a travesty. It was blatantly evident that Big Boss Nigel wasn't pleased with the lack of bawwwlrum group dances, and sent Mary Murphy off to the dungeon, where they keep the leashed-up choreographers for the show, to come back with anyone remotely latino sounding - nevermind that 2/3 of the choreography team specialized in hip hop. And thus we were given a "latin ballroom routine" to Pitbull.

There was such a large pool of crap couples from which to choose, this week, America justifiably threw Result Show Week 1's pairs (along with the makers of that woefully tragic - NOT in a good way - paso doble, Caitlin and Jason) into the Bottom Three. For whatever reason, the jidges saw any dance that actually had movement as "desperate" and anything that didn't as "lacking in emotion". The most simultaneously desperate and emotionless were Asuka and Jonathan (Archuleta), and so we bid them adieu, but for the large part, no one cared. I suppose it's only a matter of time before What'shername and Vitrola leave us as well, but until then…

And we can ride the boogie...

2009-06-25T15:41:00.001-07:00

The world of music and dance will forever reflect the genius of Michael Jackson and will not be the same without its King of Pop. Here's to MJ:

The Very Best - Will You Be There

James Morrison - Man In The Mirror

Don Diablo - Remember the Time

The Roots and Erykah Badu - I Wanna Be Where You Are

Discovery - I Want You Back

Oh yea? We Got Live Dance Competitions in Japan, Too

2009-06-19T06:03:00.000-07:00

Including the annual Yosakoi Soran Dance Festival, which ended this past Sunday. For a week the streets of Sapporo were flooded with motley crews of dancers, wearing some crazy-ass outfits.
My favo(u)rite was these weird old biddies dressed as macabre cats. I don't think they knew they were being macabre. Also, I'm never quite sure I know what macabre means. But, don't you agree?

Yea, it's totally macabre.
So people dressed in interestingly themed outfits wandered about the city fo seven days, presumably stopping every now and then to break into dance. Except Yosakoi dancing is more just flailing your arms about and yelling unintelligably.

Here is a lovely video for you, of one of the finalist teams. Yes, that's right, FINALISTS.

And that, my friends, is my complete and thorough explanation of one of Japan's greatest traditions.
If you need more info (but why on earth would you?), you can go find an encyclopedia. In the library.
Have fun.

Little Sea's Word of the Day: Superfluous.

2009-06-18T15:50:00.000-07:00

So, do you want the good news or the bad news, first? Good news: Shane Sparks is back! (Take THAT, ABDC…EFGH…!) Bad News: no one can do his choreography justice.

This week's guest jidge was Lil' (really, THAT'S where he puts the apostrophe?!) C. The first time I saw Little Sea on the podium of jidge-ship, last season, I thought it was going to be akin to the annoyance that was every single time Shane Sparks speaks on America's Best Dance Cruise. Then he started on his eloquent tales of the wonder and beauty and "effervescence" of dance, and I was actually on board. Here was this man who had been raised in the worst of the country and was able to express himself through an outlet… and I got it. That is, until this year. This year, he's straight up whipping out his thesaurus and going to town -- though, it's important to remember that this is the man who brought the word "buck" into the middle-American, suburban home. The next time LC is the guest jidge on this show, I won't be half surprised if he's wearing a smoking jacket, with a brandy snifter in one hand and a book of scripture in the other. Little Sea, when you use large words - with poor enunciation and only a limited knowledge of what they actually mean, no less - you come off as less of a patron of dance and more a douchebag.

Performances:

[Evan and Randi]
The first up were Kazpskjirzak and Randi the Married. They had a jive, and everyone agreed it should've been fun. So fun, in fact, that we were treated to a "fun counter" on the bottom of the screen like we were Lisa and Screech, waiting to see the clap-o-meter go higher, during our competition at The Max. This new Louis Van Satchmo they've hired to replace date rapist, Alex de Silva, seems to favor the classics in terms of music (Ray Charles, this go 'round), so I think the routine had everything going for me. During the performance, Randi didn't have a clue what was happening, but Kaz…zak was pretty damn good. He had the right level of performance in his dance and was just all-around adorable (though, I may be biased). But since I liked him, the jidges did not. I'm not sure which jive they saw, but I think someone said something about retractions and I vowed to hate them for the rest of the episode (they helped me stay true to this).

[Ade and Melissa]
This week, they decided not to focus on the fact that Melissa is an old fuddy duddy, but instead on the fact that Ade's name is super ethnic. They teach us so much on SYTYCD. After we all collectively pronounce Kunta (koon-ta) Kinte (keen-tay), we found out that Toby and Grandma got a jazz number by Sonya! SONYA! Too bad they didn't want Sonya, but all the more fun for us! Given that the music and hair and costume were all AWESOME, the performance was super bleh for me. Grandma Meliss' ballet background made her movements way TOO controlled (if ever there was such a thing) and not spastic enough for a jerky/strobe-lighty dance like this. Also, the bleh combined with the tights made me completely forget about Aid, who the jidges tell me was excellent. The critique was your standard laudatory round from the jidges: Little Sea misused and mispronounced anything 3+ syllables, Mary screamed, and Nigel spent 93809348 years extolling the wonders of the choreographer. I still love Sonya's work, but we gotta start giving her to the exciting dancers!

[Jason and Caitlin]
So, I love me some Jason Danny Glover. I've loved him since he cried all over the damn place, last season, during the Vegas call back. Caitlin was super endearing during the auditions/Vegas, but something, maybe the insane amount of muscle mass she's gained since then, has really turned me off toward her. They were the first couple to bastardize them some Shane Sparks hip hop. The thing is, I thought Jason Danny did a pretty good job. He didn't hit it as hard as he could have, but it's Week 2 and he managed to glide! It was a smooth hip-hop (think Sabra/Dominic), where the couple met at a bar or something (the only give away being we were told all of this during the rehearsal bit). Caitlin's chickenhead look could not distract me from the fact that homegirl CANNOT do hip hop. I thought I was watching an JV Dance Team Competition. Poor Shane Sparks, getting the blonde gymnastics-y white girl...

[Brandon and Janette]
Yayyy, disco! I was really sad when the Top 20 show had no disco, but HOLY SHIT, did they make up for it! Doriana decided that because Brandon David is built like an Adonis and Janette is "a latheeeena", they could do the world's toughest disco routine. I don’t know why these people don't understand that the more tricks/faster a disco routine is, the less likely the dancers are going to be able to actually perform… since, y'know, they gotta catch a breath. I was SURE that Little Sea was going to give BranDavey all kinds of shit for somehow sucking, when the rest of humanity thinks he's amazing, but I was pleasantly surprised that he left the 'tude at home. I was too exhausted, watching the routine, to properly decide whether or not I liked it.

[Vitolio and Asuka]
Next, we had a waltz with Vitrola and Asuka(r Wilde). Louis Armstrong was back - with Enya, ughhh - and he was apparently moved by Vitrola's story, so here comes the too-tied-to-emotion-to-properly-critique piece! Tim was right in calling Mary's tears and S was right in that it was boring, but you felt compelled to say it wasn't b/c it was such a sensitive topic. I'm not sure I got that the dance was somehow related to the story of an orphan from Haiti finding freedom at the price of his family and home country, but it WAS beautiful. Until I fell asleep. I know, I know… I'm going to hell.

[Max and Kayla]
Next was Kayla! Next was Kayla! If you haven't figured it out, yet, I don't like many of the female contestants on the show… with the exception of Kayla. When I realized that the prodigal Brian Friedman was returning to choreograph for Maksim and Kaylapoo, I KNEW it was finna be on. And, on it finna was. The music was loud, the lights were flashing, the costumes were THE SHIT, and there was a story. Aside from the fact that "pop jazz" is a bullshit genre, this was probably THE BEST routine of the season so far (I know, I know, but it's a competition show so you have to start the comparisons early). The jidges didn't like Max as much, and to be honest, I again wasn't even watching him. Kayla's legs just went for years and her costume was uh-maaay-zing (as per Mia), and not to mention her dancing… whew. Anyway, everyone has a favorite, which means she'll probably prematurely go home during the Top 6 show or something. Bah.

[Jonathan and Karla]
Now, last week, I said I was pretty disappointed/surprised that Davird Archuleta and What'shername were still sticking around, despite being slightly impressed with the latter's solo. Even going into a contemporary piece, I figured it would just be average and I'd just have to bide my time until they could no longer get away with mediocrity. We learned that we have a new contemporary choreographer, Stacey Tookey, and, more importantly, that Canada thinks it has enough dancers who haven't moved to America to put on their own SYTYCD! Stanley Tucci choreographed a reall lift-intensive contemporary, so I figured they were screwed. Not to mention it further displayed how annoying What'shername is. But…then…they DAHNCED! And to The Frames, no less! For as annoying as What'shername was during the rehearsal bit, her expression/performance was practically PERFECT. And, though Mary was surprised at Archie's ability to do contemporary better than salsa, no one else was, since he's such shit at salsa to begin with. The jidges went crazy because they were such underdogs and no one thought they'd ACTUALLY be able to dance. On a dance show. Where they beat out other dancers in order to dance. Huh.

[Phillip and Jeanine]
Ch'Beeby and Chongalicious got the tango, and all I can say is… it's a good thing Philly's SICK at his own genre. Tony Meredith tried to slow it down for them, but all it did was make Ch'Beeby look even more constipated than had it been a faster tango. Jeanine was surprisingly pretty good, and performed it very well. I'm sure she was delighted to hear the jidges drone on and on about how MUCH Ch'Babez had to strain and how CLOSE he was to throwing his back out every time he had to perform a lift. I think enough people like Chongalicious enough (after her 'When I was a kid and went to Fat Camp…' story), now, to possibly keep them from the bottom, but it was for sure the worst performance of the night.

[Kupono and Ashley]
For someone who so hates to be wrong, I have to say that I really misread Christina Ricci, here. She and Ku'puo'uao'uoi'oao'no had a hip hop with Shane (remember what I said before!), who apparently luuuurves the Black Eyed Peas, and the concept was actually really cool: She was his shadow. To be honest, this was yet another number where I didn't focus on the guy as much, but after going back and reviewing my DVR, I realized it was a completely different performance. Ashley managed to really hit hard and match the song's energy, but Ku'puo'uao'uoi'oao'no was off somewhere, still doing his crash test dummy dance. I didn't think it was as terrible as the jidges did, but I'm pretty sure that after a critique like that, Shane's not coming back to the show until at least the Top 8.

My predictions for the Results Show are…
The bottom 3 couples: Jason Danny and Caitlin; Ch'Beeby and Chongalicious; Ku'puo'uao'uoi'oao'no and Christina Ricci.
Also, Brandon David will have a black eye from his first time working with Mia in tonight's group number.
I can't wait!!

Someone hand Mary Murphy an Ambien!

2009-06-12T00:04:00.000-07:00

So (You Think You Can Dance), I'd like to start off by saying that my original intent for my SYTYCD recaps was to recap each individual night, but my lack of enthusiasm for this Top 20 eppy combined with my plans that kept me from seeing tonight's Results Show at its original air time has me consolidating (we must not waste in these times).

Performance Show:

Wednesday night's show was suuuuuper lackluster for me, so I'll try to go as quickly as a 394834 hr. long episode with 39483904384 contestants will allow me to go. Firstly, Shanks was the guest jidge, so that was nice because it opened up possibilities for ANY and ALL of the show's choreographers to do they thang. Except for Mia Michaels, since apparently she can't do the ONE THING she can actually constructively add to this show by choreographing super angsty contemporary numbers with arbitrary stationary props (YouTube "sytycd" along with one of the following: "park bench," "door," or "bed"). No, apparently, Mia Michaels is off somewhere offending more of our armed forces! Hmph.

First, they did a montage of all the weeks we've already put into this show. You know, just to remind us that we already have our favorites, based solely on their sob stories and the 0.00004 second clips we were given on each dancer. That is, if we were even GIVEN background stories. One of the best recurring themes of the night was Nigel's constant reminders to contestants as to whether or not they have fan followings... y'know, the very fan followings HE and HIS TEAM of producers perpetuated by giving people like Ch'Beeby and Brandon David half an episode of air time. Will wonders...?

Then we (finally!) moved on to the competition. The first couple was the perfect example of the 'have fans' and the 'have not fans' on this show. Ch'Beeby is everyone's favorite and we love him and he's adorable and he moves his arms like they're J-E-L-L-O...Aliiiiive! (Let us momentarily forget that, as they are appendages of a moving, breathing being, they kinda are) Philly's partner, however, is some señorita they plucked straight from her quinceañera whom I ain't never seen. Lucky her for getting paired with the Gev redux. They had them some Nappy Tabs lyrical hip-hop about throwing the bed a-achooo! I guess I didn't really have to watch the dance to know that I would think that Ch'Beeby was uhmaaayzing and Gabriella Montez was just aiight. But, then, the jidges disagreed (and Mary screamed), decided Gabby was the second coming of Tabitha, herself, and that's where our paths diverged. And they remained diverged.

Next up, was Asuka(r Wilde) and Victor Victrola/Tunde Adabimpe/Matthew Abaddon/the Haitian (an aside: how much do I love "fanvids"?!). They had Broadway with Tyce (aww), and when it later sucked, the jidges were all "ohhhh, what a bummer that you had to follow up a routine with so much emooootion and feeeeeling and.." SHUT THE HELL UP. These jidges weren't born yesterday, they know that a super peppy, super smiley B'way routine - to a number from a musicale that everyone KNOWS - is usually the recipe for success. Let's call a spade a spade, people: they sucked. And no one wants to admit it less than I, seeing as I love Asuka(r Wilde) and am willing to buy into The Haitian's story of his war-torn past.

The third number was by faaaar the one that made me most lose faith in the jidges. I'm fairly sure that they just originally let 18 people into the Top 20 as an oversight, and then just picked up some folk off the street and threw them into the mix. I've never seen these kids before in a single second of the audition weeks, and I have the DVR backlog to prove that I've made a slight attempt to find them. Apparently, David Archuleta, here, is a salsa dancer and this other girl, SomethingOrAnother, is a somethingoranother dancer. They're both supes boring and they were given the samba or the salsa or the guacamole (to Lady Ga Ga, no less!) and they were B-A-D SHIT. Not even Archie's sheer topped nipples could distract me from this crap. The jidges (Mary screaming), however, were too blinded by the strobe lights going off IN their corneas to note the bad dancing. Given that I'm a realist and recognize some of the superhuman feats accomplished on this show, it should not be taken lightly when I say that *I* could have danced this better.

Thennnnn, and finally!, came my Kazsdlkjurizak brother and his unremarkable partner, Randi. I was at first pretty bummed for my Kaz...zak, because Randi is just some small town, sparkly-eyed, muscular-legged, bobby-haired PYT and I figured that she only knew how to pirhouette and grande jeté and jazz hand it and - I'll admit it - I. Was. Wrong. (for this week) See, Randi might be all those things (and married! Eep!), but she can get down and dirrty to a sexy Tyce routine. And, MAN!, did I love me some of this routine. (So did Mary. She screamed.) I think every single one of these choreographers should just make it his or her mission to give Kaz...zak (& partner) the smoooooothest numbers. Me thinks me have a favy (person, not routine)! Sigh...

After the commercials were Tony Toni Tone and Paris the Annoying. Seeing as the two of them were given a fair amount of camera time in the auditions, I'd assumed that Paris would be good - but annoying, did I mention annoying? - and T^3 would try reeaaaally hard. Except that a number of things happened that I couldn't have anticipated:
(1) Nappy Tabs were up again, but they gave up their bread 'n butter, lyrical hippity hop, for some hard, grimey, nasty, ill, tight, dope, fre-Zzzzz... Black Eyed Peas hypemachine-esque remix, which leads me to...
(B) the song was alllll bass and single beats, meaning T3 and Contemporary Lacey Schwimmer in a tutu needed to hit everything extra HARD, which...
(III) They didn't.
All in all, it was bad and made me think I was getting old and losing my memory when I tried to remember what Tony the Tiger's own genre of dance might be. I mean, there's no way a hip hop dancer could do ssooooo terribly at his own genre, right? Wrong.

Then, came the Bollywood number. The pairing of Caitlin Kinney and Jason is a little unfair because they're both contemporary dancers who can clearly master other styles. I guess maybe that's not unfair, that's just what ALL the dancers on this show ought to be. Anyway, they got Bollywood, which again is unfair, because it's bound to be high energy and the jidges have no clue how to judge it other than (Mary screaming, and the others) saying how "hard it must have been" or what "great performers" they are. I'm going to refrain from critiquing the B'wood number, because they tried to employ some classical steps in there that I can, with quite certainty, say were not done well. I suppose, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter, since everyone will love it anyway. Good news is, I like the two of them and think they'll at least make it far enough on the show to test how well they'll do with other partners.

After that was Brandon David and Billy Jeanine, the spicy latina. Every single ounce of me hoped that they hadn't wasted the inevitable BranDave vs. MiaMike showdown on the first eppy. Of course, as you already know, they didn't, and I half suspect that Mia didn't choreograph on this episode because they were afraid that BranDave miiiiight pick her name out of the hat. They got the fox trot and danced to Michael Buble, so I was into it. I will say that Brandon David may be strong, but he doesn't seem too great at partnering. For whatever reason, Nigel&Co. seemed to miss the fact that BD was more or less ignoring BJ unless she gazed longingly at him, but that's fine because we don't honestly expect them to go home anytime soon anyway, do we (especially with Mary screaming like that)? Exactly. So, let's move on, shall we?

I thought that the pairing of Ku'puo'auia'uaioa'aui'oau'aono and Christina Ricci would really annoy me, because he's just the poor man's version of Mark and she's just a little kid who doesn't understand that "no means NO" (see, this is her fourth time auditioning for the show, so I'm pretty sure there's a clause that MADE them take her on). I guess either I was wrong or Wade Robson is a miracle worker -- my money's on the latter. He turned them into super fluid moving crash test dummies in probably the most clever (yet even Mary, mid-scream, got it) love story ever danced on the show. I'm ssooooooo happy Wade's back, this season! (Mostly, because I think it'll keep Mia's ego in check)

Then came Ade and the Dirrty Ballerina. I was pretty indifferent toward them until I found out that the Dirrty Ballerina is an OLD Dirrty Ballerina, and I was hooked back in. Turns out, ODB was MADE for some contemporary, seeing as her feet were pointed during the entire routine. So, Aubrey O'Day and ODB frolicked off to some '80s ballad that had Mandy Moore written allll over it. It was pretty standard, cliche contemporary, but it was good (Mary screamed) so I'll hold my complaints.

Last, but most definitely not least, was the samba with Russian Max and Daddy Issues Kayla. I like Kayla, because she's tall and blonde and she looks like one of those girls who wouldn't know how to dance but then - and here's the kicker - she DOES! Max automatically has my love, because he's another Russian ballroom dancer and I can't WAIT for him to do some hip hop! I'll settle for the samba. It was definitely THE BEST performance of the night (ohhh my good god, someone shut Mary Murphy the fuck up PLEASE?) and seemed to hold some sort of other worldly magic that managed to turn Shanks into a lesbian... for Kayla. I had to agree with him in that I barely noticed that Fearless Leader was there, what with a real live Barbie doll shimmying and writhing and batu-what'siting in a neon pink, fringed dress. Still, it was amazing (a few missed steps, here and there, but by far the best in show) and it made Shanks rip his face off of his head.

Results Show:

As I was recapping the performances, I realized that even THOSE made it obvious who'd be in the bottom 3. Yep, you guessed it: Asuka(r) and Tunde Adabimpe, Antonio and Paris the Tutu, and David Archuleta and WhateverTheHell.

The solos were nothing remarkable. I was really surprised and disappointed with Paris Schwimmer, who just did a series of arabesques and pirhouettes. They weren't even GOOD pirhouettes! I think Asuka(r the Grouch) is taking this "sexy Asian dancer" bit a little far. She was even moving her body like a snake, ma, on my sweet, sweet Cat Deely. Ambiguously ethnic David Archuleta's partner was just okay, but she's obviously watched the show enough times to know that they want contemporary dancers to have jerky movements every 4 seconds. T^3 did some locking, which was stupid, because he's a tall white boy. Tunde Adabimpe's solo was actually pretty good, but of course Nigel wanted "more personality". I can't wait until Tunde performs, ends up sobbing on the floor, turns to the jidges, and says "you asked for it!" David Archuleta was - you guessed it! - bad.

I have to say, I WAS surprised that the jidges didn't keep the crowd favorites (Tony Toni Tone and his adoring public) around for the first bit and get rid of the nobodies (David Archuleta and BlahBlah). Instead, Paris and Tony (I give everyone their due respect on their last mentions) were bid adieu, and it was for the best since they both clearly sucked.

All in all, I'd say this week was okay... and nowhere NEAR as remarkable and unbelievable and amaaaayzing the jidges seemed to think it was. All I have to say about next week is this: Mia Michaels, you better show. your. face.

::DanceDanceDanceDance...::

Happy 31st Birthday, Joshy!

2009-06-11T10:02:00.000-07:00

Saved By The Late Night Talk Show

2009-06-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

My persistent 3-hour jet lag - which I maintain is harder to adjust to than a larger time difference - is keeping me up into the night when Disney Channel thinks it's appropriate to start showing children's programming again... I am an ADULT, show me some Wavy Wizards, dammit!

Now, Jimmy Fallon may not be funny or a good interviewer, but last night twas no matter. Mark Paul Gosselaar - as Zack Morris - practically interviewed himself. I mean, the man frosted his tips just for this appearance. And a Saved By The Bell reunion! Seriously, this made me sooo happy last night:

(Don't) Break A Leg

2009-06-07T08:59:00.000-07:00

Now, I'm one of those people who doesn’t just THINK she can dance, but knows it. But after watching the past 329432 seasons of So You Think You Can Dance, I'm no longer sure of my abilities. If this season's auditions/Vegas callbacks are anything to go by, this summer will be the most superhuman SYTYCD yet!

Every single of one of these daaaahncers is like an anatomy class model. I bet doctors are watching this show, wondering about these new muscles bulging from some of the world's most effeminate men. It's a paradox that *I* can hardly wrap my mind around, so I’m not sure how (producer/judge/Briton extraordinaire) Nigel deals with it -- you see, he likes his male dancers to dance like… well, men. Don't worry, the irony prevails throughout each episode, every episode.

Now, I won't go into too much detail about the Vegas callbacks. In fact, I think it's pretty damn impressive that I'm consolidating 3 hours worth of reality television into 1 blog post. I'll pause, while you all pick up your jaws. The “jidges” -- oh, Cat Deely, there was not enough of you, during all of this -- were good ‘ol Nigel (let it be known that I wanted to give him a too-adorable-for-words nickname, but realized they all, upon cursory glance, could easily be mistaken for a racial slur), Debbie Allen (the grace - and, somehow, sass - of the show), Adam Shankman (reconciling working with Disney Channel stars by giving his valuable time to this programme of ahhhht), Mary Murphy (see Debbie Allen’s description and find antithesis), Lil C (open up a thesaurus, string together every 4+-syllable word in there, add a “BUCK” and a “FABulous” and - poof! - you have Lil C’s critique), and Mia Michaels (she choreographs contemporary and knows she’s good -- possibly the most dangerous combination for a reality competition show judge).

If Vegas was a precursor for this show, I think it's safe to say that there will be pretty girls with abnormally strong legs - ohhhh, Shawn Johnson, if not for that pesky Mia Michaels choreography, I'd have been happy to text in my vote for your bubbly, girl-next-door, all-American persona - and lots AND LOTS of drama between the jidges.

Take Brandon (or "David", if you can't remember his name and want to assign him one instead) for example: while Mary Murphy was surreptitiously polishing an "America's Favorite Dancer" trophy with his name on it, Mia Michaels was angrily pacing back and forth, with a beret on her head and a cigarette hanging from her lips, spitting upon his name and telling him how he "annoyed the shit out of [her]." Needless to say, he's going to go far in the competition, since he's got about 394830% more camera time than any of these other chumps.

Of course, they use these callbacks as an excuse to play on the emotions of the American public. Poor, adorable Can-Asia-n ballerina, Alex Wong, wasn't allowed to be on the show, because the Artistic Director of the Miami City Ballet, the highly esteemed Dmtiritvkrk Perkoskiviov...ki...viov, wouldn't let him out of his contract. It makes me wonder why these kids, who KNOW that these hurdles will most likely arise, should they be given the opportunity they so desperately seek, go into these audition rounds without checking to see if they're even eligible to compete! It was the same thing with my ADORABLE Hapa from the LA audition, who was all but a spry, doe-eyed, rosy-cheeked 17 years young. If we can find Fantasia's nudey pics of yesteryear, we can figure out your age, kid. It was also sad when they narrowed down the 20th spot in the Top 20 to be one of the Kasjidfejslkdjfak brothers (see video). You see, the

Kasjidfejslkdjfak brothers are adorable and dance in an old-school, B movie, apparently burlesque (thanks, Nigel?) manner. And on a show where they're trying preserve the art of dance and keep it from the nefarious hands of the booty shakers, poppers, and lockers... they took on a bunch of booty shakers, poppers, and lockers, and made those poor two boys hold each other and cry and kind of creep me out by their closeness over the ONE SPOT available for them.

Aside from these tears, there was much joy to be had by the 20 who made it onto the show, and I cannot WAIT to see my already established favorites - Asian Ballroom, Brandon David, bad-dancer Tony from Upstate NY, Dominic/Gev redux Shabeeeeby, and dance through her daddy issues Kayla - and learn who will be my new underdogs oonnnnnnn S'YeThinkYeCanDAHNCE!

A playlist for the bo(red)

2009-06-07T00:27:00.000-07:00

I am home, where things are uneventful. So while I eat ice-pops and clean out my gmail inbox, it's nice to have some songs to keep me connected to the world outside my house. I invite you into this world, below:

Grauzone - Eisbär
Ping Wen and I heard this song on our last Painted (Lady) Bird thrifting expedition. When I asked who was playing, the painted lady described it to us as "German" and "80s", as if those very qualities weren't what piqued my interest. My favorite things with my favorite person in my favorite store.

Neon Indian - Deadbeat Summer
This is what I would have named my band, had I one. And this is what my first single would've been, to describe my current state.

Ra Ra Riot - Hounds of Love (Kate Bush cover)
I am not much of a Kate Bush fan. But Ra Ra Rioted, and I love it.

Magistrates - Heartbreak
When oh when will this album come out??

Mr. Hudson - Supernova ft. Kanye West
Doesn't Mr. Hudson sound like it should be Alien Baldy's real name?

Harlem Shakes - Sunlight
There is actually a fault-line that goes through Harlem, so it could, in fact, shake.

Phoenix - Long Distance Call (Sebastian Tellier remix)
I haven't heard the non-remix, but this calms me.

And, there you have it. Consider yourself entertained.

Bing!

2009-06-05T21:07:00.001-07:00

This advert reminds me of any conversation between R, Victoria Claire, and me. It's like we think of something which reminds us of another, oft pop culturey, thing which reminds us of a third thing which we use in place of the first, actual thing when talking to one another... and this has evolved into a Rorschachy-6 Degrees x infinity-esque language that somehow only we can understand. That's friendship.

Anyway, this advert* reminds me of that:

*It's not product placement, I just like it**
**The commercial, not the product. Way to search engineer the wrong release date for The Mornflakes Cloob, Bing.

Bye Bye Bye, Berkeley

2009-06-01T13:31:00.000-07:00

Up would surely take even the coldest of souls through the gamut of emotions, as it is one of the best (in part due to its bright colours, in my opinion) Pixar films to date. But for someone who JUST moved away from Pixar neighbor, Berkeley, that ice cream shoppe reference was just too much to keep back tears.

I think the best way to get over my temporary-home sickness is to drown my sorrows in a non-Fenton's ice cream and watch Up (this time, in Disney 3D!) every day until I enter the real world.

Miss you, Berks.

Pull Up the Covers: 'My friends are famous' Edition

2009-05-22T02:49:00.000-07:00

That's right, I know people. Amazingly talented people. (People whose talents you may have already witnessed...)

And, I love me some covers. These are my new favourites:

Spliced 'Lost'-y Stream of Conscious Portrait of Some Artistes

2009-05-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

We laughed. We cried. We pull out our hair.

The 2-hour finale of Lost was an emotional ride, but it's safe to say that the true travesty was that, while it aired, I was on the road (and thereby unable to queue up my DVR'ed recording of the show to play *NSYNC with Pacific Standard Coast Meridian Time Zone). This meant that S and I had to abolish the INSTITUTION that has become the Wednesday-night Phone Date -- and on the high holy pinnacle finale Wednesday of all days, no less.

But, never fear, avid readership (all 2.5 of you)... we take our TV seriously enough to provide contingency plans. I give to you, below, excerpts from two ENTIRELY MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE email liveblogs sent, while each of us were forced to watch the finale without the aid of the other.

COLOR CODE: S, R

Wait, is the island somewhere in Middle Earth now? What are this weaver Hobbit and his loom doing??

Jacob looks like Thom Yorke
Whaaa?!?! Jacob... Sam Mendes... Osiris... iosdfjuikldsjFUCK!!
Bahhh! Don't let Jacob TOUCH YOU! He totes is the ground zero that started the HIV-y.

omg could Sun be any more annoying or unnecessary?
Ughhh, Sun, it's not any less annoying when you turn into that little blonde girl with the protective doggy from Animaniacs. I almost prefer you turning over every rock and asking every squirrel about Jin's whereabouts.

I think Jacob gave his immortality to Richard because he didn't want to live forever by himself.

Why is there a new Ana LooLoo who is apparently in charge of something and everyone else who was on that Ajira bottled water flight is their own band of people? You know, I don't even remember how Ana LooLoo and crew got on the island. Or why Libby is Cece Van der Hodakotb.
Ughh, don't try and get me interested in this Anna Lulu part deux's crew. I won't fall for it.

Wtf, Juliet, why are you letting Kate ruin everything?? Also, it DOES matter why he wants to detonate the H-bomb, you idiot.
Uh, yeah, Kate... it kinda DOES matter why Jack is going to blow up the h-bomb.

Dear god, this show makes me want to go back and remember every person whose path I've ever crossed. Where's a pensieve when you need one?

How did Richard get stuck with the suck job of sidekick?

Biggest indication of economic crisis: recycling of the Legends of the Hidden Temple set for this.

Glad that Jack and Rose got to be happy with Vincent. That was nice. Also glad Rose told Kate to shut the hell up and stop being a whiny bitch who gets in everybody's business and ruins lives.
VINCENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aww.. "retired." I love Jack and Rose. How did Weekend at Bernz go all Castaway and Rose's dreds are still perfectly coiffed??

They're going to the land of the Nile? Da Nile? Denial? Oh, Christ, I'ma have me some Lostpedia time, after this.

Or maybe Jacob looks like Daniel Craig.
Who was Jacob in the Bible, again? Is that relevent or have we beaten that 'ol horse?

Ha, he DOES speak good Korean. Better than you, Jin.

UGH I HATE KATE. You are right, that must always be said when liveblogging this show.

Oh, sure. Now this is Grey's Anatomy. You don't have to count OUT LOUD. Why did none of these people learn basic life skills? Ha, I wondered how they were going to work Jacob in there. Oh my good god, he IS touching all of them! He IS transmitting the HIV-y!

Ok now Juliette is getting annoying. Make up your damn mind. Is it that she would rather her and Kate not have known Sawyer than for there to be any chance that Sawyer and Kate get together? Also, I'm pretty sure Sayid is dying, way to take your sweet ass time telling stories about girls who suck.
I like Sawyer's response that Jack should just go and ask Kate to go steady. "I changed my mind." Well, that's annoying of Juliet.

Why doesn't Sun care about her daughter? Stop asking dumb questions about stupid things like you're in a cloud.

Aw I kind of like Jacob. He's sort of cute, and he's nice to Hurls and gave him Charlie's gee-tar.
Y'know, there are so few blondies on this show... I'm just going to guess who is related to Jacob. Or who is Jacob. Or who is a robot.

I'm glad Miles thinks logically.
God, I love Miles! I'm sayin'! Maybe the bomb IS the bad guy! Wait, where is this bomb? I think I'm missing something. OHHHH MY GOD, WHY EVEN GIVE JACK A GUN?! *I* have better aim!

What. All of that for it to not work? Ok, Ezra, you suck.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. omg omg omg i am crying. that was Titanic-esque heartwrenching. Omg. WAAAA. WHYYY. How are there still more minutes to this show? Haven't I been saddened enough?
JULIET!?!!#@!#(!@*!!!!!?!!?! Nooooooo.. this is really, really, really, really, really sad.

WHAT THE FUCK ?#IO$#()$*#

Wait, WHITE LostDunDun??? I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Ughhhh.

...there you have it, folks. You don't have to suffer through the ire of syncing DVR recordings to real-time airings in order to maintain the proper viewing of Lost among friends who are geographically challenged. In fact, nor do you have to endure the inevitability of a brain tumor from all of the cell phone radiation waves. You just have to have the exact same brain.
[Photoshopping credits to SP]

My Swiney, Swiney Flu-ish Dilemma

2009-05-20T06:50:00.001-07:00

OK, so maybe I am a teensy bit germa-phobic. Just a smidge (shut up R, I can hear you scoffing from way over here). And maybe I think it is a good idea to occasionally douse everything in one’s apartment with a boiling solution of bleach. And maybe I once had a little bit of a dependence-type problem relating to prescription drugs (they really oughta warn kids in school about the allure of antibiotic eyedrops.)
But I do NOT overreact to little baby symptoms or start popping amoxicillin as soon as I sneeze.
And that is why I feel very confident in diagnosing myself as the first case of Swine Flu in Hokkaido, Japan.
People here have been going on and on about Hokkaido being a "safe haven" from Swine Flu and zombie attacks and so on. But you know how I spell haven? B-O-R-I-N-G. Sound it out. Yea, that's right.
It’s an awesome feeling, really. I mean, there ain’t no one else on this whole damn island who’s got what I got. And you know I’m gonna be on TV cuz of this, right? Maybe sporting an open backed hospital gown, surgical mask, and IV combo. I can’t guarantee the open-backed gown, but, as they say, beggars can’t always be choosers (choosey? I’m never sure about that one). Anyway, the point is, it’s a sure shot ticket to fame and recognition, for alllll the right reasons.
Now, before you try and tell me that self-diagnosis is not reliable, let me assure you, I realize that. Obviously, I checked web MD. I have: 1. A sore throat and 2. Slight bodily aches. I mean, come on now. You can’t fight that kinda evidence.
You may try and tell me the sore throat is from three extended karaoke sessions in as many days. And that the bodily aches are a result of my doing my pilates dvd for the first time in 3 months. But I am here to tell you that you can’t rain on my parade, burst my bubble, poop on my party or do any other clichéd nay-saying things.
My concern is this; they say that Swine Flu is like a weak strain of Flu Classic, and I am a very very healthy, young, and beautiful woman. In a robust state like that, how am I to prevent losing the one thing that makes me special???
How am I to stop my virile white blood cells from dividing and conquering my prized H1N1 (Literally! Ha! Get it? Do you? Ok people, work with me – DIVIDE and conquer . . . Y’know, like cells? Miosis and mitosis and myopia and that stuff? Do you see? Very good).
I can’t sink back into obscurity! I had plans for a daytime talk show! I was going to do school and prison appearances!

I implore you, Suggestions, please!

Best idea gets a $100 Barnes and Noble gift certificate!!*

*certificate not guaranteed

What I did on my vacay

2009-05-17T20:23:00.000-07:00

So, I know I've been super absent. Why, you ask? Because I was in Japan. Now, while I will attempt to post more on my various anthropological observations during my journey, I'll end my hiatus from MB with the following - completely spot on - summary of what it was like, during my week in Japan:

A Brief History of Time

2009-05-12T22:09:00.000-07:00

I have just learned so much from JJ Abrams these past couple weeks about time travel and alternate realities and hot men. Trying to find answers to mysteries on shows from clues given in a movie is brain-hurting...but let's try anyway!

First, quickly, Fringe. The Germ is who shot Nina Sharp. He didn't kill her, but he did steal a powerful energy chip that was for some reason stored in her robot arm. The Germ is dying from his teleportating, so is using the energy chip to power his alternate reality hole making machine so he can go over to the other world and kick Bell's ass. You see, the Germ used to work for Will but got fired, so has been using all of Bell's fringy thoughts and discoveries to show him what's up. And all of these incidents have been happening where they have because those are the soft spots in the world through which it is easier to travel to the other side. The side that Bell is on. No wonder Nina is such a good personal assistant, her bossy can't ever make his this world meetings!

The reason Alien Baldy came to Walt was to remind him to look for something at his old beach house. When Walt went missing, Peter went to find him, and by reminiscing about whale-shaped pancakes, helped him remember what he was looking for. A plug to close the hole between worlds. Once upon a time, Walt lost something very special in this world (*coughPETERcough*) and wanted it back so badly that he went and took the still alive one from through the looking glass. After finding the plug, Pete and Walt go to the world's softest spot to close the hole and cut off the Germ - litrally - while he is half-way through. Icky.

Nina Sharp calls Olivia to meet her in NYC alone, and after hours of waiting, Liv gets into the elevator to leave, but flashing lights are everywhere, and she is vertically transported to the alternate world where ~~Mr. Spock~~ ~~Leonard Nimoy~~ William Bell is officed, in the still-standing Twin Towers.

To review: From Lost, we've learned that this already happened but we don't remember it because it hasn't happened for the right-now us yet. From Star Trek, we've learned that if for some reason you don't die when you are sucked into a black hole, you will be placed sometime in the past where you will wait to kill your nemesis before he kills your planet. And now, both of these ideas can be applied to Fringe, where things happen to us, and another us is created where those things didn't happen, and we can travel through black hole -esque holes to kill our nemesis in that other world which has its own time history that branched off from ours.

All set? There will be a test last Tuesday.

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T09:44:00.001-07:00

This one goes out to the nerds...

2009-05-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

Sooo much happened in this week's Fringe and it is definitely a better watch than it will be read, but here:

Now half the FBI is on the case to figure out what connection Alexander Graham Bell has to ZFT, which does not make Agent Harris happy. Harris is a meanie mean face who I think sexyly harrissed (ha) Olivia once and now is out to get her because he got detention for it. And because he is a part of ZFT and is trying to "activate" all the Cortexophan kids to see if they can take the heat (HA). See, that one is punny because those who cannot [use pyrokinesis to set others on fire], end up self-combusting.

One lady set herself on fire and died, and Olivia's double vision - a helpful side-effect to "the tests" and apparently related to Ezra's (read: Daniel Faraday's) time-space continuum theory from Lost - told her the lady was a long-lost twin. After her major fail, her twin was kidnapped by a Dr. Winters for activation by an Agent Harris. Harris locks Olivia and the twinny in a room so they will both esplode too when this twin combusts, but Olivia encourages her to control her powers and pyrotechnic Harris instead.

Awww, Joshyyy!! I'm kvelling! Joshy got lots of lines this eppy. Most were wasted on him pretending to be a Trekkie for the sake of JJ's "it's not product placement, I just like it" scheme. Aw but Clint Howard played the crazy that thought he was Spock, but also accurately described William Bell's child testing and war preparing. Awww, and Joshy invented this kewl electron microscope turntable for his paps, which he used to do stuff to learn stuff we already talked about.

Abaddon confronts Nina Sharp, seemingly the only person who works at Massive Dynamic, about Alex Graham Cracker. Nina was defensive at first, but then she got a phone call about something (Alien Baldy?) and went to Abaddon's house to dish. Thank you, Nina, and now we will no longer be in need of your services. When she went back to work, she was shot (and killed?) by some gaiz.

Walt shows Joshy the typewriter that typed the ZFT manifesto and says it was Bell's. He also says he doesn't think Bell would've intended bad things to be done with the manifesto and desperately tries to find the referenced Code of Ethics chapter. He finds it among his old records, but has no time to read it because Alien Baldy comes to take him away!

Now go watch so you can actually appreciate this eppy. Next week's the finale, but yay, it got picked up for another season!

When you're on a fuselage to Japan...

2009-04-30T22:16:00.000-07:00

...and I'm sitting on my pilates ball in the States, you can listen to these and think of me/us.

~~Gwenny Gwen Gwen - Harajuku Girls~~

~~Vampy Weekend - Walcott~~

~~Ra Ra Riot - Run My Mouth~~ Oh, my days will end so slow

Discovery - Osaka Loop Line The two previous, together as one!

Utada Hikaru - Easy Breezy

~~Chiddy Bang - Day N Nite~~ I'm telling you, it's better than the orig.

The Pillows - Moon Margaret

~~Raisin Murphy - Ramalama Bang Bang~~ Who put the ram in the Ramalama Bang Bang?

~~Baby V - Come Back To Me~~ But, really.

Forget swine flu, spinal syphilis is the new "it" illness

2009-04-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

Fringe last night combined two sexy things: vampyrres and STDs. Doctor Scientist Boone (aside: it's not that Boone, but wouldn't it be great if Fringe and Lost did some cross-over thing? Just me? 'Kay.) Doctor Scientist Boone used to work for the ZFT making orifice sealing powders and reviving extinct species of syphilis, until he decided the gang life was not for him and he tried to leave. That ain't how it do on the skreets, Boone. So ZFT snatched his wifey and infected her with the syph (not as ringy as "the clap" but you'll take it) and maybe some Rob Patty blood, which turned her into a spinal fluid sucking lady of the nightclub.

Once cute men started showing up dead with serious hickies and their spines sapped, the gang got to tracking down the guy who ordered the dead strain of syph found on the victims' napes. Paging Doctor Scientist Boone, you're under arrest. Boone agrees to tell Olivia all he knows about the ZFT if she brings back his wife alive so he can anecdote (again, I know) her.

Sideplot: Olivia's sister's hubs is divorcing her and tryna take her baby. Shoulda signed a prenup! Are children included in prenups? Anywhooo, Joshy's reaction was more "friend who cares" than "dude who crushes" so I have decided they're not doing it. Good, because she is married! What is this sister's deal, anyway, why is she on this show? Good question.

Back to the action: While Pacey's cute face goes to bait the laydee at the Dirty Wrench industrial cloob, Boone and Walt (Gawd, JJ, stop confusing me with these Losty names!) are getting along swimmingly, sharing regrets and fixin' up an anti-syph cocktail. Boone, who had been feeding his wifey his own spinal fluid and is now chair-ridden, convinces Walter to take his last little bit to make the potion. La dee da, they catch the vampyrre and treat her, but not before Boone has a stroke and dies. Damn, now we'll never know about ZFT.

Psych! He videoed (EIEIEOed?) all the secrets he knew about ZFT and left it for Liv. Shocking twist that we knew all along: William Bell, head of evil corporation Massive Dynamic and Walt's old lab partner, is somehow involved. What a waste of a VHS. So next week we will learn about what receptionist extraordinaire Nina Sharp is hiding about Alexander Graham Drake William Saved by the. And and and! ALIEN BALDY IS BACK! Now if only Joshy could get more than three (bad) lines total in an eppy...

Ho hum, pig's... flu??

2009-04-26T19:52:00.000-07:00

You know, I'd met a lot of pigs in my time in New York. I just never thought they'd stoop so low. But, I suppose it's as the saying goes: What's one man's freak swine influenza outbreak is another man's excuse to watch the muppets.

Sweet dreams are made of this

2009-04-23T19:35:00.000-07:00

This, being insight into a crazy's powers of suicide/murder persuasion. Y'know, the yooj. Oscar-winning Akiva Goldsman, whose most acclaimed work includes Lost in Space, wrote and directed this episode of Fringe, and it was fantastic.

We begin with Olivia pushing a lady in front of a subway train. Don't worry, it was just a dream. Orrr was it? It wasn't. I mean, it was, but it also actually happened. Just Olivia wasn't there and it was seen as a suicide. Olivia tells the gang about her dream to kill, and while Walter humours her with questions, Peter, as if he has not been around for the freakshow all season, is convinced it was just a nightmare. As if! Olivia jets off to NYC to investigate. And to kill someone else with her mind! A few looks through a magnifying glass and the gang notices a blondie scarface is common to both dream sequence crime scenes.

Nick Lane is a former mental facility patient who had checked himself out after being visited by a bespectacled man (probably important for later). The gang learns that Nick thought he was being prepared as a soldier for a war, and sees on his wall newspaper clippings about fringy tests on children. Walter shares that when he used to experiment on kids back in the day, the Tryptophan drug (the same drug that enables in them the Brite Lite abilities), allowed travel between realities. Annddd, they would pair kids off so they could have a friend at human-testing camp, and these pairs would sometimes develop very strong bonds. Strong enough to travel between each other's realities? Hmmmm, Walter?

Yes. In fact, that's exactly it. Olivia and Nick were BFFLs once upon a time, which is why she can dream what he is feeling and doing, as if it's her reality. While she got Brite Lite powers, Nick got the ability of being a hyper emoticon - his feelings are contagious to those around him, and since he is a sadface and wants to be an X-for-eyes, the people near him have been killing themselves and others.

To catch a killer, one must BE the killer. Ommm. Olivia goes under some techno-disco-strobe light hypnotism while she dreams Nick's meeting, sexing, and killing of a stripper lady. Everyone enjoyed witnessing this wet dream and all was good with the world again! They found Nick atop a building, but instead of killing him like he politely asked, they took him back to the CIA and put him in a coma, probably for more tests.

So now it's confirmed that Olivia was one of the ZFT mascara bunnies and Walter a ZFT researcher. And Peter a skeptic, still. Come now, Joshy, just take off your pants and believe!

Kings exiled

2009-04-22T15:14:00.000-07:00

Until June 13, when it will return for 7 eppies and then be executed. What kind of world do we live in where Macaulay Culkin can't even pull an audience? A sad, carbon dioxidey one. Happy Earth Day, indeed.

Viva La EARTH

2009-04-21T22:08:00.001-07:00

Happy Earth Day to all!

Lollypop, lollypop... oh, lolly, lolly, lolly!

2009-04-21T06:25:00.000-07:00

There is no greater joy than waking up to THIS:

...to actually SEE the lineup, go to the site.

Columbia Engineers Without Borders, YOU are Captain Planet

2009-04-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

CU-EWB Uganda Project just won the Environmental Protection Agency P3 grant competition!
75,000 Congrats (and Dolla Dolla billz, y'all)!!!

CU-EWB’s Uganda Project is working to implement a multifunction energy platform (MFP) program throughout a farming coop in Uganda. MFPs provide important mechanization for agricultural processing, electricity generation, and domestic or irrigation water supply systems.

Matt and team, you guys totally deserve this! Wish we could've been there to experience it all - we miss you CUEWBers!

For the rest of the world, check out the work that the Uganda Project (and Ghana and India Projects) have done to develop the world... sustainably. EEEE!

Pull Up the Covers: 'When it rains, it pours' Edition

2009-04-20T08:22:00.000-07:00

Back when I'd deluded myself into believing that I was able to accurately critique music, with no bias toward my penchant for the silly and extreme, I had a recurring series of posts entitled... well, look above. I figured that the best way to get back into the swing of things, song cover-wise, was to just let 'er rip! Enjoy...

Bat for Lashes -- "Use Somebody" (Kings of Leon)
...BfL has the best covers! Between her Primal Scream cover (it's on Radio1, go check it out... I'll wait...) and this KoL ditty, you can tell she not only really knows her music -- she's got good taste, too.

Noel Gallagher -- "Wonderwall" (Ryan Adams' cover of Oasis)
...this little treat is like a box in a box in a box. Then again, only a Gallagher brother would be so self-involved as to take one of the highest forms of flattery - imitation, that is (as I'm unaware of any current wax statues done in his/their likeness) - and then copy THAT.

Little Boots -- "Day N Nite" (Kid Cudi)
...I loveloveloveLOVE when people do whimsical little covers of hip hop songs! For other such gems, see Madison's cover of Little Wayne's "Lollipop".

Dizzee Rascal -- "That's Not My Name" (Ting Tings)
...it's just nice to go into one of Dizzee's songs having the slightest semblance of an idea as to what he's saying. Really, I suppose, I should be thanking the Ting Tings for more or less giving me an advanced copy to (some of) these lyrics.

Judgement Day

2009-04-19T22:47:00.000-07:00

Did you know that Webster decided the e in "judgement" was unnecessito por favor? The Brits still use the e, and as an anglo-phile who has evolved to putting u's where they did not previously exist and flipping and reversing er's, I'ma keep it too.

Anywhosie, Kings. Did you remember to watch on Saturday? It's ok, me either. In fact, I think I quite like Hulu-ing it at its original time, feels like the good ol' days. This week was the annual Judgement Day in Shiloh, where King Bobinsky chooses 10 cases that he will personally hear and make a ruling based on what God telekineticizes to him. One of the cases was to pardon his illegit kid's doctor for a hit-and-run he committed years back, but even his baby mama as a character witness couldn't save the doc.

One of the cases dropped out, and so Princeypants convinced Davey to try out for the spot to save his bro from the death sentence, but then sneakily told Ms. Cornelius Fudge to choose Princess Mi's healthcare case instead. Jack revealed to Mi that it's not that he's jealous of Davey, per se, more that if she ends up marrying him, since she is older than him by a hot minute, Davey would probs get the crown over him. And all Jack is tryna do is hurt Davey so bad that he won't even want the crown, even if it means killing off one of his momma's litter. Kindly, Jack presents an alternate option: if Davey publicly denounces the king, he'd make sure Ethan isn't stoned to death. Davey, like a fool, publicly proposes to the King because he truly, madly, deeply believes in him.

After a lot of back and forth, boy-scout-badge ironing-on and subsequent ripping-off, King Bobinsky sees that Davey is genuine and he reduces Ethan's hanging to one week of babysitting an underprivileged smart ass child. That's the good news. The bad news is that while Davey may get to see his brother for another day, this thing with Mich can be no more. She's promised to someone else - Paste-Eater perhaps? Whatever, I don't like her. First she got to make-out up on Davey and then she had Zef's baby in 17 Again? Undeserving wench.

Also this week we met Uncle William's son, Macaulay Culkin, who is back from exile. Happy Diwali! Apparently these years home alone have left young Kevin McCallister a cross-dresser who steals his aunty's glittery pumps? I wonder if we can look forward to a Royal Theatre production of Tootsie, or if he and Jack will commiserate about their secret lives. What does the Bible say about gay incest?

I choose to make up my own side-drama to make this show more exciting in my mind.

What the Ef(ron)?!?!

2009-04-19T20:06:00.000-07:00

If you aren't aware of what this weekend means to us in the age-in-denial/die-hard tween-for-life set, let me help you out with a bit more of a visual aid...
...sigh...
Happy 17 Again to all!

A lion-snake named Harriet

2009-04-14T22:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight's Fringe involved a hybrid animal monster - think Montauk Monster meets Scorpion King - that goes around impregnating menz with its stinger (that's what he does?) and killing those unworthy of carrying its larvlets.

A group of MIT <3s PETA members break into one student's father's animal testing facility to let all the mascara-tested bunnies go and accidentally unleash Harriet from her red-light district holding cell. (Imagine with me that it was Joshy's idea to start this eppy with Revlon rabbits, as a shout out to MB and, probably mostly, moi.) Needless to say, these students are killed by the monster, who liked getting makeovers and does not appreciate their meddling. Nancy Drew and crew notice from the fang and claw marks on the bodies that this is a case of the fringe, but it's from a stinger extracted from one victim that Walter realizes the creature is actually the mutt of Darwin's dreams, curiously similar to one he tried to create many years back. Best to keep that to yourself, Walt.

It's only after our dear Charlie gets stung by Harriet and one of the victims pulls an Alien, birthing a bucket... make that two buckets, Peter... of larv guys, that Walter decides to share his pet (ha) project with the class. Tsk on you for keeping such a secret, Walter. Still with dunce-cap on head, Walter proposes that the only way to abort Charlie's babies is by injecting him with baby mama's blood. And so they pack their picnic baskets full of larvae for bait and Scooby Snacks for, well, snacks, and head to the sewer where the monster roams. Walter, feeling the dunce-cap was not enough to rid him of his unnecessary guilt (turns out this monster is unrelated to his fail monster of yore), puts himself up as bait and goes looking for danger. How good you are at hide-and-seek-roulette, Walter, you both found and shot the monster!

And Charlie's saved! Thank gawd, because Charlie might be the only likable character on this show, being funny and sweet and married, like he is.

In addition to the Observer apparently being in all the episodes and these sublyminal images that I think are supposed to intrigue us into conspiracy-theorizing, I think the writers are trying to tell us something about Olivia's maternal clock. Bald kid, her niece, and larvae - it's all just more than she can handle right now! AND Joshy is totes macking on her sister. Poor gal. SWF-ing Patricia Arquette with her Medium skills next week should take her mind off things, though.

It's the scene...

2009-04-13T13:23:00.000-07:00

...the Holocene!

It's the end of an era, folks! Our far too hurried exodus from the Holocene into the on-our-way-to-I, Robot-like era of the Anthropocene has me all bummed inside. In the memory of yesteryear, and this first sign of a man-induced apocalypse, I give you a soundtrack with which you can mourn the beginning of the end.

"End of the World" - REM

"The End is the Beginning is the End" - Smashing Pumpkins
It should be noted that, though I detest Billy Corgan (mostly) entirely, it WOULD be his voice that would usher me into the dawn of the Wall-E era.

"99 Luftballoons" - Nena
...this could really be a shout out to our obvious German fans (that's right, we cater to your preferences, here at MB)

"New Dark Age" - The Sound

"The Times Are A'Changin'" - Bob Dylan
...kudos to Uncle Bob for seeing this one coming decades in advance.

"Waiting for the End of the World" - Elvis Costello

And, so there you have it, kids. It's sad but true.
Happy Monday to all!!

Fringe baldness

2009-04-08T23:43:00.000-07:00

This show creeps me out. This week's eppy, though, somehow took a creepy kid and made him quite endearing. Even made my eyes tear up a little.

A kid (alien?) baldy was found living in an underground facility that had been sealed off for a century, with no evidence of how he'd gotten there and little of how he'd survived. He can't speak, but can write, and has some hyper-intuition that may be mistaken by WebMD as psychic ability. Kid A somehow makes strong connections with certain people and can tell what they are thinking and feeling from miles away, like a shark (this show is so educational). Luckily for the gang, this kid has love at first sighted Olivia and also has some special bond with The Artist, a serial killer who Olivia has been after for a long time and is back making ugly ladies dead and pretty. He senses Olivia's need to find this man and catch him and kill him and eat him, and so he gives her the venues for the Artist's next exhibitions and saves the day.

The CIA is also interested in the boy, and an officer who is excited to have "found another one" poses as social services and tries to take him. "WhytheCIAwannawatchus?" asks the boy, and Olivia arranges to have him sent to live with a nice family while Agent Broyles lies to the CIA that he disappeared, as one would expect an alien baldy to do.

Considering Peter's ability to put clues together and Walter's understanding of things abnormal, it is a surprise to me that no one even mentioned the kid's likeness to the alien baldy Observer. The Observer himself noticed and even made the trip from playing Where's Waldo on American Idol to somewhere on Fringe where he stood watching as the kid was driven to his new fam. Also, what is the point of a cliffhanger if you act like it didn't happen when you return from hiatus? There was no mention of the Germ or Walter's novella or Olivia's energy-saving powers. Though, perhaps the reason Olivia inspires divinations from baldy Trelawny is because she has some GC161 powers herself?

Next week doesn't seem like it will address either of those things, but maybe it will add more to the mystery. I could do without the eye-opening intro again, though, thanks JJ. And more Joshy next time, please!

Long Live the King

2009-04-07T13:34:00.000-07:00

Why, nbc, whyyyy? Did my pleas for gayosity offend or annoy you? Are you jealous of David and my relationship? Do you want my blog to go out of business? Because if it's not any of those things, or if it is, I don't think I can forgive you for taking Kings away from me. Eventually, anyway. There will still be 8 more Saturday evening airings on which I will report, for those of you care to witness a slow death.

If you knew you only had 8 weeks to live and you were a repressed gayo, you'd act out, right? This is my hope for our dear Prince. And for David, because anyone is better than a wet blanket (Michelle), and this way he can keep it in the fam. I would also like to find out what Michelle's secret vow is, and there's something to do with Uncle Will's secret son coming up. And sure, it would be nice if the Queen would adopt Silas' illegit-2-quit and hire his baby mama as her housekeeper.

Bah. Perhaps if we all watch together, we three readers of this blog, we can make a difference and resurrect the King. Aw, and just in time for Easter!

Hipster-Hop

2009-04-07T00:26:00.000-07:00

These days, it's more than just a Daft Punk sample.

Last year, it was the BBC Radio1 contempo covers, with one artist's sound on another's song, that I couldn't get enough of. And now, it's hip-hopsters (hipster-hoppers?) adding their own voices to indie hits, one-upping the cover song. And what's better, the sampled songs are ones on my "at the mo" rather than my "throwback" playlist. Here are a few of the faves:

Drake - Little Bit (Lykke Li)
Who ever dreamed such a life of rhyme for the chair-wheeling kid from Canada's Degrassi? Considering my love for the sappy teen drama, I think it's saying a lot that I think his career move was an upgrade. Though it helps that he references fellow television stars of the 90s...

N.A.S.A. - Gifted (ft. Kanye West, Santigold, Lykke Li)
More with mashing of artists than their songs, N.A.S.A. (or Central America, as I choose to refer to them) is inspirational the way they bring the people together.

Wale - Chillin (ft. Lady GaGa)
Oh, whale. With Mark Ronson's basket of pet artists with which to collab, you really can do no wrong. Also, kudos to Lady GaGa for a spot-on MIA impression.

Kid Cudi - I Poke Her Face (ft. Kanye West and Common)
Until the radio decided to make it my shower theme-song, I was loving Kid Cudi's Day N Nite. I have since moved on to this punny version of Poker Face, that is quite enjoyable, "even if it is actually just an amalgam of 358 other songs/pop culture references, all shoved together and spun into double entendre", as Timly observed.

Chiddy Bang - Kids (MGMT)
Chiddy Bang - Because (Radiohead)
And lastly, but probably my most favoritestly, Chiddy Bang. Their name alone puts them on the top of my list (the bottom of this one only for climactic effect). But these two covers/remixes/social commentaries somehow took two songs I lurve - one by an artist that could never be outdone - and created songs almost more amazing than the originals. Also, tell me these aren't the most adorable boys.

.

That'll teach you not to Animal Farm

2009-04-06T22:51:00.001-07:00

It would seem my request for more homosexualism is still being processed, but this week's Kings did find a lovely balance between Psalm recitations and camera time for David.

Wash up, David, supper's on the table and King Silas' youtube state of the union is starting! To keep the peace, Silas announces he will give the Gilboans back all the land he took, including David's Home Sweet Farm.

"Let me tell you AGAIN, how both my father and my brother died to protect this land. Please don't do this, Sire."
"I just broke up with my lady friend and I'll thank you to understand my emotional state. Now you go to your prosperous port and convince Wilbur and friends that they love losing their homes."
"Fellow farmers, consider that perhaps it's better to give up this land and not have any more people die...whatdya say?"
"David, bro, we lost our father and brother for this land! But I figure there are plenty more sons in the house to keep mom occupied, so just let me start this riot and get myself killed too."

At Port Prosperity, an insurrection led by David's brother, Ethan; At Shiloh, a coup led by King's brother-in-law, William, and his lackey, Prince Jack. All the while, King Bobinsky sits on a rock in the middle of a stream and brushes off warnings of chaos from Thomasina (the Zazu to his Mufasa).

Princess Michelle goes to Port Protest so daddy and David will start paying attention to her. And, damsel in distress be damned, it worked. Silas shot up everyone in the horse stable bunker, save Ethan, Davey, and Princess Pea.

Uncle Buck, who has been Silas' sugar daddy til now, is over it and ready to crown Jack the new king. Together, they purchase control of the media for to make daddy look foolish, but the girl from Popular buys it out from under them in return for the title of Minister. Upon serving his time-out sentence, Jack is given the strings to the Popular marionette and behind-the-scenes control of her seat at the Ministry of Magic. Silas takes care of William's posse by blowing them up, but William is secretly texted by the King's general to make like a tree and is spared.

And just so you don't get the impression that David is just a pretty face, let me tell you that he can also do smoldering. David showed his balls and stood up to the King, initially about the land giveaway, and then about letting his bro go free. And, albeit against my wishes, he saved the princess. Honestly, there must be a limit to this dashing charmy perfection.

And don't worry that your family hates you, Davey. I'm here.

Smörgy. Börk.

2009-04-05T14:09:00.000-07:00

Sunday is the day for muppets.

Zerstörung durch Fortschritte der Technologie, duh

2009-04-02T22:17:00.000-07:00

Firstly, for it is bound to come up again, let me tell you straight up that I am a big, big, since he was Charlie Conway and I was a slumdog baby, fan of Joshua Jackson. I love him. As for the picture, I'm just keeping with the theme of the last post, that's all, okay?

Nextly, because Fringe has actually developed into a true JJ Abrams show where plotlines intertwine and mysterious secrets lurk, I will give you the haps til now so that you can be in the know for when it comes back next week.

Definition: Fringe science, as it sounds, is fringe-ly science; crazy shit that has some scientific plausibility, but not so much probability in our world of skeptical realists.

So in the first eppy, FBI agent Olivia Dunham and her partner, both in the worky and twerky sense, John Scott, get called to investigate a plane of people who died in a gross manner. John gets too close to the suspect's garage of chemicals which blows up and turns his skin clear, and the only way to save him is with an anecdote (yes, I know, it's antidote) for which they need THE fringe scientist, Walter Bishop. Enter the love of my life. Peter Bishop is just a smart, good-looking guy with a shady past and the only one who can sign his father out of the mental institute of technology he's been attending since he killed a young lady in a fringy experiment. While Pete and his pops are trying to cure John, Olivia is trying to solve the case, so she goes into a water tank and gets hooked up to John's brain so she can read his memories and see what the bad guy looks like. Eventually, they cure Liv's love but he turns around and tries to kill her, so she kills him. Sad, but she still has his memories. (HIS memories, did you catch that?)

Liv's boss, Matthew Abaddon, or Agent Broyles as he is called on this JJ show, is impressed and puts her and the rest of the gang on a task force to follow "the Pattern", a string of fringe occurrences. So for the next lots of episodes, all the incidents seem confined to one episode, blah blah. What you need to know: the guy that used to work with Walt on fringy stuff is now the head of an evil corporation, Massive Dynamic, which is somehow connected to all the incidents. John and his memories have been infiltrating Olivia's mind, helping her to solve mysteries and also scaring her and making her sad. Also, there is this alien baldy Observer who has been present at all the incidents (to observe) and long ago saved a drowning baby Peter so Walter owed him one getaway. He seems aight.

As these incidents are all part of a "Pattern" it made sense that things would begin to come together eventually. A group of bad guys walked-through-walls to break into Walter's bank vault and steal a gadget that he invented. They then kidnapped some geniuses to fix the kink in said gadget so they could use it toooo... TELEPORT a scary Germ from his high security prison cell in Deutschland to a field in the States! The head bad guy, Michael Loeb, was actually pretending to be a CIA agent and helped kidnap Olivia, but she figured him out because of a dot on his shoe and then she killed his wife. Upon hearing the news, he said to her, "Oh no you di'n't! We was tryna to save you but now look what you've done. Germ was just doing what's written in the ZFT manifesto. Go look it up, biatch." Then, Olivia goes hottubbing in the tank where she shares John's hopes and dreams and learns that he wasn't a bad guy at all, that he was part of a secret task force too, and that he really did love her. This was just the closure she needed to rid her brain of his.

Meanwhilst, the Germ is decompressing in a chamber, and the gang has learned of his prison break. Peter uses his connections from his times living on the edge to find the ZFT manifesto to understand where Germ is coming from and to figure out why people's orifices are sealing in the latest fringe science craze. Papa Walt then steals the ZFT for some light reading and is just tickled by the Courier New floating y's. After recovering from his jetlag, the Germ goes to the CIA headquarters to speak with Olivia. He whispers some sweet nothings about how everyone has the potential to use their left brain to turn off lights but society is so unaccepting that only kids who had an extra booster shot back in the 80s can do it anymore. And Olivia is one of those kids. So Germ set up a bomb with a Brite-Lite code on a building downtown and only Olivia's brain (sans John's brain, remember) can turn off the lights, and thusly turn off the bomb. So she goes and stares with all her eyes, and die-die-der-der-poof! the lights and bomb turn off. Olivia is convinced he planned it that way to mess with her pretty head but the Germ seems really excited so methinks not.

Last scene before the hiatus: Walter pulls down a rusty typewriter and types A-b-i-l-i-t-floating y. Ohhh scheisse!

And now you are caught up and excited to keep up.

Pure poppycock!

2009-04-02T20:55:00.000-07:00

Everyone, shhhh... Veronica Mars is back, giving us our one and only source into the scanda-zzzzz. Huh? What? Oh, sorry, I'm good. It's just that the previews for this episode set us up for what was sure to be a STEAMY, SEXY time. Except... it wasn't. You'll see:

In line with (latest) GG trend, there are about 9483904384 different plot lines, and NONE of them are the ones I want to see. Helloooooo?! Eric and his boyfriend! Darota and HER boyfriend! Do you people not even care about true love on this show?! Anywhooo, I'll just cover the gamechangers, shall I?

Firstly, there's the love rectangle referenced in aforementioned previews. Someone gave Sir Charles his very own Nancy Drew Sleuth Kit, and he's been lurking in the bushes (his limousine), waiting to see just who took the old mantle clock (stalking Blair). Turns out Blair and Nate have been having a torrid affair -- except it's the most boring, least sexy, horrifically platonic, anti-sexy time "affair" in the world. Though we DO get to see (yet some more) evidence as to what an idiot Serena is, since the car horn/Darota's cold excuse isn't even Blair's cover up A-game and Serena just gobbled it up. Chuck exposes these secred trysts to Vanessa, and they begin twiddling their handlebar mustaches in order to devise a plan. Of course, this means they have to draw it out - Boris confronts Blair and feeds her some bullshit about having no spark (first, a detective, now an electrician!), Natasha goes to Nate and tries to pout and push her boobs up, but he just breaks up with her instead. Then, Boris and Natashs decide that they'll TOTALLY make Nate and Blair jealous by smooching at the party (explained later). As you can imagine, it doesn't work for beans, so, since the writers can't figure out if Blair is supposed to be pathetic and neurotic or bitchy and neurotic and instead settle it by alternating each week (and, duh, she was totes a bitch last week!), Blair tries to force herself on Nate who's had a little too much hands-on fun after last week's intra-family gropefest--erm, I mean, football-- and says, "No way, Jose--erm, I mean, Blair!" Basically, there's a lot of back and forth until finally freezing temperature, annoying geese, and Darota are able to do what jealousy, revenge, and an empty bedroom at a party could only halfway manage. (Blair and Nate kiss. It's a really boring kiss.) Oh, but don't feel too bad for the terrible twosome, Boris and Nats get together and did it all Fearless Leader-style! You know, because GG can't learn and instead insists on doing that thing that shows do, where they try and accommodate the fact that they have a set of horny, rich, 20-somethings who all feel the need to hook up... and indulge said hook-ups by rewriting the plot to cater to them.

The other plots are (even) more boring than that main one. Roofie and Lilyflower want to get all Yours, Mine, and Ours up in this bitch (yes, avid watchers, it HAS been the appropriate number of episodes before they attempt this again in hopes that we have no memory), and try and consolidate the amount of negligent parenting into ONE home. You see, Roofie must have invested EVERY SINGLE DIME of his 90's rock 'n roll fortune (we know he had one, since illegal downloading had yet to come into play) on his coke 'n whore lifestyle of yesteryear, because - despite the fact that he has a ridiculously huge loft in Williamsburg - he apparently has $2 to his name. $2 that Yale swears can buy an ivy league education. It obviously can't, but it leads Roofie to be enough of a man to refuse handouts from his ex-golddigger lady friend, but not enough of one to refuse to move in with her. I wish I knew this Dean of Admissions with whom everyone is trying to get BFF-y, I'd tell him to cut his losses. Send Danny to Brown or something...

In the midst of this, Serena lets Poppyseed Delevigne...ton convince her that rhasping your voice and getting your hair did into a bob is the way to go. No more oscillating your love/personal life with the same man/best friend. I hate to say it, but homegirl kinda got a point. But, of course, Serena's an idiot. And idiots take good advice, translate it into idiot, and throw their mother's boyfriend's daughter (orrrr, ex-boyfriend's little sister, take your pick) a Sweet 16 that she, in an out-of-nowhere campaign against anything remotely Upper East Side (let's review where her school is located) and in favor of individuality and moxie, which can only have come from her (also new) bangs, expressly forbade. I'm sure the resulting drama of Little Jay's retaliation via open invitation to all hot messes is supposed to be interesting. Instead it only takes up time, resolving itself before you can say "Cecily von Ziegesar".

Oh, and the "cliffhangers" for the next episode? Roofie and Lilybean's long-lost, plot-creepifying son is trying to holla at Dan. Though, as far as excuses go, "Dan Humphrey's #1 fan!!!!" is not the most believable. Also, Poppyseed's beau, who's got the hook-up in terms of traveling to Spain, is someone who, judging by the look on Serena's face, we're supposed to know. Or he has something to do with the dude she killed. Orrr, he's Michelle Trachtenberg in disguise. Don't know. Don't care.

See? All in all, not GG's best work. I WILL say, however, the honorable mentions should be given where due. Due to your swooping in and saving the day by (a) getting Serena the hell away from NY (And us? Cross your fingers!) ...and (2) illuminating new and as of yet unexplored ways in which Serena was a big, fat, wet blanket, we thank you, Poppyseed. You are the bright light in an otherwise meh episode!

Partie traumatic

2009-03-31T21:28:00.000-07:00

Do none of the writers of Kings read this blog?! The point of my talking so much about Dreamy Davey was so they would keep up with the close-ups, but instead they decided to develop the plot or something. We've been on three dates, Kings, am I not now entitled to some boy-on-boy action?

ANYWAY. Peace = Party time. The Queen plans a balletina show for her minions, and uninvites a bushy-tailed David because important people want to meet HIM at HER party. The nerve! Davey's disappointment in not being able to hold Princess Michelle's hand in a bucket of popcorn is quickly forgotten when Prince Jack-mo invites him to a REAL party with plenty a drink and drug and dame being thrown about. Sometimes Jack would pull his parseltongue out of a girl's face to break up with his boyf or punch a dude or pass the chicky from the left hand side on to David, who then made kissy-times with her and got his picture taken by a nice pap. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, I say. And that Princess Mi for messing with his head.

Of course, Princess thinks Davey ditched the dance for some sloots of his own want, so she says "Forget him. I'ma get mine." She hits on some guy who she used to get baths with and showed him her dad's socks so that he would help her with a healthcare proposal her faja keeps shooting down. If you'd seen HSM, Princess, you'd know you've got to work a lot harder when your dad is the coach.

Bobinsky bounces from his wifey's party to tend to his sick illegit kid and baby mama. He leaves L'Hospital for a hot minute to meet the Rev in a field in Horseheads, NY and ask just why God is being so mean to him. Rev says he's got to make some sacrifices if his relationship is going to work. Bob: "Isn't He over that yet? I mean, didn't Abe tend to this like a million years ago?" Anyway, he runs over a deer with his car, and his son gets better. But then he decides to cut ties with familia numero dos lest this happen again. It's not them, it's him.

Queenie is pretty pissed at him but too busy straightening big portraits to really care. Mich finds out her mom was tryna set her up with that kid that use to eat paste in kindergarten. Jack is dealing with being a pimp on the outside and a priss on the inside, but his plan of getting his friend to play pap worked and now the whole world knows about Davey's butterfly kisses.

The End. Tune in next week and hope it's gayer.

We're the Planeteers, you can be one too

2009-03-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

Not much, by way of snark, to say here. Just that, if it's between the hours of 8:30 and 9:30pm in your local time zone, you and your laptop had better be doing a hell of an unplugged duet!

Check China being Earthy:

It came to me in one cacophonous dream

2009-03-27T11:29:00.000-07:00

Either I dreamed this song before I heard it so that I somehow knew everything about it when I heard it, OR these Lates of the Pier are sneaking in samples that I can't identify. I am convinced this screechy is from some 90s era Jazzy-Jeff-N-Kid-N-Play jam and that there is a Beatles track hiding in the middle. And if I'm wrong, good on these chaps for intriguing me enough to listen to this song a million x to figure it out.

Help me? / Enjoy, if you can without driving yourself crazed:
Late of the Pier - The Bears Are Coming

Won't you take me to...?

2009-03-24T23:21:00.000-07:00

BOOGIE TOWN!!

The good news: in the future, specifically in New York, there will no longer be the threat of violence and/or drugs. The bad news: in their place will be... wait for it... ILLEGAL STREET DANCE CONTESTS. If we ignore the fact that, according to the trailer, it seems that there might be the sliiiightest bit of violence still rampant, yet tied to the far more looming threat to society that is street dancing, in future!NYC, we can focus on the fact that never before in the history of recycled movie plot amalgamations has such a winner been brought before us. Yeah, I too cannot believe it's taken until now for such an obvious, and yet entirely genius, plot to hit the silver screen. this movie is You Got Served meets Fast and the Furious (Tokyo Drift, obvy) meets Westside Story.

Basically, the story, which I haven't seen but can still assume, goes a li'l somethin' like this:
Roger, after getting sick and tired of being treated as Tia and/or Tamara's (on which one was he uuuuber-crushing? I can never remember) whipping boy, decided to try his hand in making the panties drop, all Boyz II Men/Chico DeBarge-style. With all his newfound fame and glory came famous and ritzy connections, through which he met LondonTipton. He and LondonTipton fell madly in lurve, but weren't allowed to showcase it for Disney wouldn't allow it. They attempted to keep their forbidden lurve a secret - and we all know how great Disney stars are at keeping secrets (like secret naked/racist/Annie Liebowitz/sex shop photos) - but their respective families found out (I think the confrontation is more indepthly explored in the next Tyler Perry movie). So, then, Roger was forced to yell "MARIAAAAAAA!" and their racially-mismatched families got involved and everyone put on their rinestone gloves to express themselves... through DANCE! Which, I'm guessing, is the REAL point of the movie.

So I treat this particular post as a call to arms for everyone reading (all two of you) to join me, come yet to be determined day in June 2009, in helping give this little 'ol movie the ticket sales and general boost it needs to be the next great dance movie of our generation.

King of queens

2009-03-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

The imagery on this show, I tell ya. Butterflies and pretty boys was all the gay I needed, and then they did me one better by outing the prince. Make my life, nbc.

From what I've gathered of the Lord's stories from living in the South, Kings seems an alternate-reality show about David, of Michelangelo fame, and other Bible friends. The show was considerate to skip the subleties of Lost (and Scrattlescar? I don't/didn't watch, but obviously this other one does/did, so I'm trying to relate) with the religious allusions by naming the bad guys Goliath, the good guy David, and the prince Jack-short-for-Jonathan. They took a little liberty in naming the king Silas instead of Saul, but I forgive them for casting Ian McShane.

As I come to you two eppies in, I recap: There's this war, right, between Gath and Gilboa (Gath bad, Gilboa good-ish). And Hunkadore David slayed a Goliath tank and saved the queen Jack, so King Bobinksy owes him, but is really using him to hypnotize the Gilboans with his dreamyness and call it even with Gath. Reverend Samuels, as in the Book Of, who matters a lot because this show is about God, is mad at Bobinsky because he knows that he actually planned the attack on his own peeps which thereby got his son kidnapped by the anemone. Meanwhile Davey has a crush on the princess (the real princess, not Jack ...yet) but she's got a secret that daddy so-close-but-not-quite spelled out for her/us, and now she's mad at Davey for judging her even though she hasn't told him yet. And, OH, how could I forget! Kirsten-Cohen-crushes-Carter-Baizen is a big ol' party monsterin' homosex-sual!!

And if the Bible wasn't already the greatest read, turns out David and Jack-o get gay somewhere in there. With that and the closeups of McAussie alone I think this show would be magic, but throw in a pretty original premise (minus the 'Bible did it first' bit) set in a taller CGI-version of NYsteez, and I'd say we have a hit on our hands. So go ketchup if you haven't seen, and allow yourself to pause on the parts where David's cherubian (yeah I did it) face takes up the screen.

Suddenly, I regret watching men

2009-03-07T17:59:00.000-08:00

So I, like [number to be updated when projections release] bazillion (I dig hyperbole) others, went and saw Watchmen last night. Upon leaving the theatre, I kept thinking "wow, that was really visually stunning (my go-to phrase when I have nothing else to say about a film)," but I didn't REALLY think about whether or not I liked the movie, seeing as I'm like a snow globe when it comes to movies (gotta let the little silver flakes settle before I get the picture). But then, when enough of my friends professed their desire to hear my thoughts about the movie, I realized that (a) I didn't love it (Jing, on gchat: so overall, you didnt love it?) and (2) I actually feel like telling others why.

Now, I should start this off with a disclaimer that I am by no means any sort of critic. Merely an observer. So I won't go into camera angles or about how shots were "beautifully filmed" (despite my need to try and see movies through the eyes of Papa Victoria Claire), or any discussion about acting ability -- who the hell would go to see a sci-fi movie for ACTING, anyway? (shut up, Dark Knight fans). I will, instead, just say this: I am now more familiar with Billy Crudup's fake blue CGI pee-pee than with anything else in my life. Sure, he's radioactive and blue and naked, but you shocked us once, scene approximately 17 min. into the film, do you need to keep sneaking up on us? Especially, when we're FINALLY past getting through all the unlikelihoods (Nixon voted HOW MANY terms??) of this post-American win in Vietnam, pre-apocalyptic nuclear war with the commies alternate universe and onto whatever plot was left. Because, really, for being blue and able to do whatever the hell he wants to whomever the hell he wants, wherever the hell he wants, Dr. Manhattan was more or less Harry Potter in Book 5, bitching and moaning - without ACTUALLY bitching and moaning (the latter reserved for the dirrrrrty sex scenes). Speaking of the explicit content, we get it: you're a movie about how, in reality, society is more inclined to villify, exploit, shun, and/or drive to neuroses any super heroes that could exist... so you're not a family flick. But, I gotta tell you, going Grind House on the bloody fight scenes and getting to Charlton Heston-movie lengths only by throwing in 948390384 min. long sex scenes are not only indicative that this movie is a buzzkill, but that it's pretty transparent.

There were oodles of other things wrong with Watchmen, but I'm sure the industry of critics will do justice to them in their various (actually read) blogs - and they'll probably have stars or thumbs or something to go with 'em. I just knew, after stewing on the movie for a day or so, that I'd be remiss if I didn't say at least a few (too many) words. You're welcome.

One day, people will look back at this very conversation...

2009-03-04T20:13:00.001-08:00

...and they will know, without a doubt, that they are witnessing the world's first glimpse at what it means to be a TRUE genius. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a little something I like to call 'The Discovery of the Self-Gchat':

1:30 PM Shinjinee: You've been invited to this chat room!

rs2366@caa.columbia.edu has joined

rs2366@caa.columbia.edu has left

Shinjinee: tee hee

me (@ gmail): what?

ohhhh

Shinjinee: why did you leave?

me: YESSSS

Shinjinee: aah

me (@gmail): i didn't mean to

i don't know what's happening

1:31 PM Shinjinee: you are not currently online

it logged you off?

me (@gmail): no, i logged off

hang on

i'll go baclk

1:32 PM okay, now ask me to join

while i go pee

and live in wonder

will i?

won't i?

it's like dating

...or so i'm told.

1:34 PM rs2366@caa.columbia.edu has joined

Shinjinee: you are here twiceeee

coool

1:36 PM me (@gmail): hahah

1:37 PM me (@caa...): oh holy god

i don't even have the mind power to do all of this

bouncing back and forth

me (@gmail): ahhh

i type it in one place, and it shows up in the other!

hello, self

myyyy, you look LOVELY today

me (@caa...): why, THANK YOU, self!

1:38 PM you do not look so shabby, either!

me (@gmail): well, la dee da!

hellooooooooo, dolly

yes, helloooooooo, dolly

it's so NICE to have you back where you beloooooong...

1:39 PM take it away, self!

me (@caa...): you're looking sweeeeell, dolly

i can teeeeeeell, dolly

you're still glowing!

me (@gmail): you're still growing!

me (@caa...): you're still...

me (@gmail): ...going stroong!

1:42 PM Shinjinee: this is so great

Hello World!

2009-03-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

Drop it like it's hot.
With this haiku, I christen
Our Snoop Bloggy Blog.