Now, I can’t even pretend that the Results Show wasn’t 948309384 eons ago, so it’s going to be a short highlights reel, here.
The group number was the best Nappy Tabs group number (I’m talking between this show and that other redheaded stepchild of a dance show, ABDC…EFDKJFS) that has ever been. In fact, when it first started, I almost thought they’d employed Mia for yet another group routine, which is saying something. The hip hop to “Seven Nation Army” made me completely forgive them for using “Halo” during the performance show.
I’d mention the musical performance, but that might be one of the worst songs on the radio currently (I know, I know, stiff competition there), so I daren’t give it anymore attention than it has already undeservedly received.
The Bottom Three couples were really a crap shoot, at this point, since each couple did at least one decent performance. Unsurprisingly, Caitlin and Jason Danny were in the bottom, but – the audience – VERY surprisingly, Chonga/Ch’Beeb and Miss Havisham/GatorAde were also. The female solos were all either pretty par the course (Alien just leaped about a lot, and Chongalicious’ Pam Grier costume just made me nervous) or entirely ridiculous (Miss Havs trying to prove that she’s “young” and “hip” by doing ballet in booty short). I figured the guys’ solos were going to have to really embody the “dance for your life” aspect of the show, and thought that there was a good shot of either Ch’Beeb or LemonAde going home. Jason Danny’s solo was just the right type of contemporary: generically moody song, lots of sweeping arm movements, leaps, and bounds. Ch’Beeb’s solo was incredibly good, but I’m loathe to admit that even that level of remarkable becomes a tad ‘water under the bridge’ when it’s the only style and repeated every week. Since those two solos were both very strong, I had just figured that Ade would be going home, but then he managed to do one of the best solos I’ve ever seen on the show – including a flip wherein he pointed his feet and a MJ homage ending. Needless to say, if the screaming and standing ovations and side conversations between Tyce and Nigel weren’t enough of a hint that he was going to be around for another week, Cat’s break from hostess duties to show her true awe did it.
After that final solo, it was blatantly obvious that - though we may still love him - Phillip was to hit the hay. I also managed to get my way and bid adieu to Caitlin, as she was finally bested (though, I'm not sure that Miss Havs was actually BETTER than her - just more unique). Nigel promised the two of them some sort of understudy part on the Fall SYTYCD Tour, as if that was some great concession they didn't already largely expect. Not that it matters, since it's only a matter of time before my Ch'Beeby is feature on some sort of Coca Cola commercial.
Here's the best of the night:
7.16.2009
When life hands you LemonAde, make him DANCE!
7.14.2009
"You DIDN'T contain yourself, Mary!"
Tyce Diorio, you giant hunk of Brooklyn fun, I love you. I’m hoping that the show has finally figured out their shit, and realized that the likes of Little Sea and ‘Hey Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind’ make ridiculously sub par (read: annoying) jidges. We have five more weeks to know for sure. Tyce was excited to be there, and that in turn made ME excited. There were twelve different performances and oodles of surprises, so let’s get to it…
Sooooo…YTYCD learned from (yet another one of) their mistakes and held off on doubling up dances for couples until the Top 12 eppy. Instead of going in show order, I’ll recap the performances by couple.
[Ade and Melissa]
First, these two had a D-I-S-C-O, and I found myself yet again annoyed at Kanye West for stripping even more oldies music of beats for his own personal gain. Though I hate when the jidges place too much importance/time/critique on the makeup and/or hair, I think it’s absolutely fair game for me to have at it. Maybe I can chalk it up to not having been alive in during the disco era, but I’m not sure that it was necessarily disco dy-no-miite to have used-doll hair. Aside from looking like a crazed loon, Miss Havisham was surprisingly less forced and controlled with her muscle movement. This disco was also the first time that my eyes had ever naturally progressed over to LemonAde and, of their own volition, stayed there. Kudos, LemonAde, kudos. (Incidentally, a terrible snack combo)
The next dance from this walking story of a Highland Park cougar and her prey was a waltz. To be honest, it was pretty ‘meh.’ For dancing to Mary J. Blige - and a song about being “a natural woman”, no less – Miss Havs danced entirely too pretty. Which has been, and likely always will be, my main problem with her.
[Kupono and Kayla]
Oh, Kayla, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Even sporting zero makeup and a white girl’s version of a jerry curl, she was amazing. The couple’s first performance was a Mia Michaels contemporary. After hearing that, it was pretty much decided that there was no way they were going home. The story behind it (Mia, remember?) was about addiction, which caused Ku’uoa’uou’aiu’p’uao’no to cry and me to hope and pray and wish that they (a) did an amazing job with yet another “dark” piece… and (2) didn’t get stuck with a really obvious song like that one Kelly Clarkson song or something. I was so so SO so happy to see them dance to “Gravity” by Sarah Bareilles, which is so angsty that I’m surprised Mia and/or Wade wasn’t all over it moons (seasons) ago! The dance was incredible and, even better, really creepy. Ku’uoa’aiu’p’uao’no’s smirk at the end was the perfect bow to a dance that, in my eyes, embodies the best of this show (don’t worry, I’m not blowing all my praise too early – there’s more). Nigel made some comment about Kayla’s hair getting in the way, which was ridiculous considering he was perfectly willing to let it go when Grandma Moses rolled up to a disco routine with hair that looked like my Cabbage Patch Kid doll I still have from 19 years ago!
When we got to their second dance, we got proof that the producers really DON’T mess with order, dance style, etc. Anyone with half a brain wouldn’t have matched these two up with an upbeat, cheery Broadway routine. They also wouldn’t have put the Broadway routine as the lasting impression piece. And they ALSO wouldn’t have had this Joey the Giant choreograph anything -- because she scares me. I don’t know that the routine was necessarily bad, but they’d already peaked so high with their earlier dance that it just seemed overall lacking. I think the two of them really live in eery/quirky routines by the likes of Sonya and Mia.
[Jason and Caitlin]
Jason Danny Glover and his Alien remained a paradox in my mind, as I louvre him and really want her gone. Their first performance was a foxtrot, which didn’t annoy me as much as I thought it would (real accomplishment for homegirl). Alien looked really pretty, and it covered up her freakish muscles. I think the reason I don’t like her, as well as Miss Havs, is because of her muscles don’t match up with her body/grace -- altogether, the movements just look awkward and static. Jason Danny looked all dapper and pretty, so I obvs loved him. The piece was nice and jazzy, but it was a little boring – though, I think the only way to rectify that is to change the genre of dance as a whole.
Their second dance was a lyrical jazz by Mandy Moore. The entire rehearsal segment was spent with the two of them waxing poetic about being able to dance their own styles, and all I have to say to that is that Alien should THANK HER LUCKY STARS that her “own style” happened to be choreographed by Mandy Moore. They could have easily gotten Mia, and then she would have been as screwed as she was during Vegas Week. Mandy must’ve been taking it easy on them or tired or I’ve just seen enough of her choreo to know what to expect. It was danced well, but it was hardly imaginative.
[Philip and Jeanine]
Ohhh, Ch’Beeb and Chongalicious, bless your heart. Fans of the show watch these two and just HOPE and PRAY that they’ll get their Ivan and Allison (though mostly Ivan) moment with a Mia contemporary or something. This week, they were resigned to yet again be shafted. Their first performance was to a Russian folk dance, which was really just a joke. I’m not sure if it’s a greater insult to the choreographers or the dancers that the producers of the show had no earthly idea as to what styles of dance they’d booked. What they probably didn’t, and have yet to, realize is that they kind of just struck gold with the Bollywood style -- especially since, even with Indian dance (and I shudder to use that term in relation to Bollywood, since I actually DID study Indian classical dance), Bollywood is the only style for miles that could be done by a novice. Not every culture has some sort of flashy dance that some idiot (savant) with tap shoes can hop around and hope to master. Anyway, the dance was as bad as could be expected, but the jidges did everything they could to bastardize the culture, by ignoring it, and comment solely on select moves where Ch’Beebs and Chongs were all kicking and flailing.
Thankfully, the dance of the Commies they performed was the former of the two dances they were to perform, because for their second number these crazy kids got a jive. Ch’Beebs was actually pretty damn impressive, and his kicks were a hell of a lot more sharp than I thought they would be. This dance was yet another example of how Chonga is starting to be a lot better than she is forgettable (because, somehow, for me she is both).
[Evan and Randi]
Kaz…zak and Randi’s first dance was a Nappy Tabs hip hop, and I had great hopes of the result being akin to the MarkSea “Bleeding Love”. You’ll note that I used the words “HAD hopes” in that sentence, which should already tell you where this is going... For their part, Nappy Tabs definitely tried to “whiten” their hip hop to the greatest of their abilities, by choreographing to “Halo,” the top-40iest of songs, but given an inch, Kazzy and Randz took a mile. There was hardly anything urban about the dance, much less hip hop, and Kazzy just dance the whole thing with a stupid grin on his face (hardly a stank face). It was the first time I was really able to go along with jidges when they criticized Kaz…zak. Clearly, this was unacceptable.
Turns out, their performances would remain unacceptable, since they got a samba for their second routine. The dance was probably less than remarkable, since this appears to be the season where Mary will all but spontaneously explode should anyone perform even a half-way passable ballroom routine. I can't, however, say for certain whether or not it was because all my attention was focused on the Me-Tarzan-You-Jane outfits the wardrobe department bestowed upon them. It was bad enough that Randi looked like a Midwestern cougar housewife thrown through a shredder, but the genius who decided to put Kazzy, who has a more delicate torso than I do, in a sheer top honestly just has a vendetta against the couple.
[Brandon and Janette]
Should we just fast forward to the finale, throw these two in there, and save ourselves a few weeks of heartache? Brandon David and Enchilada just proved that all those other dancers who were complaining about not being able to flourish because they couldn’t dance to their “own style”s were just not good enough to cut it. First up, the couple had an Argentine tango, with some pair of Argentines who tango. They danced it so well that Nigel gave them a standing ovation, deemed it “the best ballroom performance on the show… ever”, and played along with this ridiculous Hot Tamale Train game. And, lord, don’t even get me started on Mary… though, words cannot express my adoration for both Tyce and Cat: the former for egging Mary on to the point where I was able to see both into her lungs and down her shirt, and the latter for calling her on it when she claimed to be unable to “control [my]self” (see post title). Then, came Tyce’s critique where we learned that these two “did the whole DAMN THING” just like a...n orange? God, I love Brooklyn. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an argentine tango on this show (so, in whole) where the man did as many little foot-flippy kicks as BranDavey did during their routine. Also, it was one thing to see Enchilada be graceful during their waltz, a few weeks back, but it is genuinely surprising to see her be able to be all stretchy and hold her character. Her performances, especially as of late, have been reminding me a lot of Sabra. Prediction? Hmm, it might be too soon.
Figuring there was no way these two would top their first performance was a ridiculous underestimation, because for their second number BranDavey and ‘lada got a jazz routine by the one and only, Wade Robson. Firstly, can I just say how AMAZING it is to have us back some cold classic Wade? I mean, he used a Roisin Murphy song, so I’m not sure it GETS more classic Wade than that. The dance was very reminiscent of his angel/devil piece (also to Raisin) from the third season. It also had a bit of a funk element to it, and was my second slap in the face to just how bad ass Enchilada really is.
After two successive weeks of amazing performances peppered through a slew of perfectly decent ones, this season is finally shaping up to be all that Nigel claimed (and Mary screamed) it to be.
7.07.2009
On the Line
A Cinderella story: The High Line was once-upon-a-not-so-long-ago an elevated railway in NYC whose lawn had not been mowed in years and had dead bodies hidden in it from episodes of Law and Order SVU. The C of NY was all going to tear it down, but then some hipster scramblers and artistety types rich people from around town thought better to convert it into their very own Promenade plantée.
As a lover of green roofs (and concrete and steel...), I was guaranteed to love The High Line; this project reminded me why I like what I do. Unfortunately for you, I do engineering and not photography, so I took some very stale pictures of the beams and bolts for you to enjoy. But I did have the decency to steal the nice picture above from someone else for you to enjoy more.
7.04.2009
Everyone is desperate.
Before I actually watched my DVR’ed copy of the Results Show, I was warned that it was going to shock me to my very core. Now, maybe it was the warning, or maybe I’ve just become jaded and desensitized too young in life, but I wasn’t colored stunned. Sometimes, the best loved contestants just aren't good.
I will start off by admitting slight defeat: it turned out Jason Danny and Gymnastic Alien were NOT in the Bottom 3. In fact, neither were Kaz…zak and Randi (THANK GOD!). But, I WAS right in Vitrola and Karla Winslow being in the bottom. Kayla (the Perfect) and Ku’uoo’uau’p’aua’no as well as Jeanine and – gasp! – Ch’beeby were. I knew the Phil in the bottom bit was supposed to surprise me, but could we really get around how bad he’d been recently? No, we couldn’t. First Obama, then Baconaise, now putting Ch’beebs in the Bottom 3 – we’re getting there, America.
I’m always reluctant to admit anything Karla Winslow does is generally good, because she seems like she really sucks in all other aspects of her life. Thankfully, she kind of just flittered about as if this was the first time anyone had flapped her arms to “Blackbird”. None of the solos were really THAT remarkable, but of course the jidges had to claim that Kayla was, yet again, being “desperate.” I’m not sure why they like series of pirouettes and leaps perfectly fine for one person, but hate them for Kayla. The jidges also claimed that Chongalicious’ solo was the second coming of Christ, but I’m not sure I really saw that either. I think they were just appreciative of being able to enjoy a contemporary solo that was, for once, not danced to Lifehouse or Sarah McLachlan or Sia or some other moody tune crooner. Ch’beebs’ solo was amazing, and I thought it even more amazing because it was to a Santogold remix (BEST album of artist remixes in a hot minute). Of course, the jidges thought that too was “desperate.” Has it not occurred to them that perhaps Mary’s incessant screaming and flailing is a bit desperate? Are we to just chalk this up as yet another point for cognitive dissonance??
Even though it’s rather obvious, and has been for WEEKS, I suppose I should take the time to say it was Karla and Vitolio who were the ones to go home. Cat, bless her, got caught in the trap of allowing Vitrola the microphone, whence he proceeded to go on and on about the people he had touched and the lives he’d changed… from his three week stint on a national reality competition show.
In any case, this would have actually been a rather boring (yes, boring... not shocking) Results Show had they not had Desmond Richardson (above) and Patricia Hachey do the most unbelievable contemporary pas de deux. When it’s all said and done, I daresay that might be the only thing worth YouTubing.
7.03.2009
I Don't Wanna Grow Up
A dear friend (yes, it's R) once said to me, "If you age a year past 15 after you move to New York, so help me god, I will hunt you down and kill you!" Well, [R], I think you needn't worry; I am back in New York and this is what my today was about:
I know, I'm pathetic. Whatever, Disney will totally eat up my gay-straight-latina promo and hire me to write/produce/direct the actual Mackenzie Falls series, and then you'll see!Hannah Montana - He Could Be The One
All set for our "Hannah Montana Hour Long Special: He Could Be The One" phone date! Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez - One and the Same
There are lots of things about this movie, these girls, and this song that make it sensical for us to lurve.Cobra Starship ft. Leighton Meester - Good Girls Go Bad
Not Disney, but just as bad... Actually, for me, a tad more difficult to admit liking.
Don't shake your head at me like I didn't just change your life for the better. That's right, you're welcome.
7.02.2009
Aliens and Vampyres and Ballerinas - OH MY!
Fi-fucking-nally!! It is about DAMN TIME this season started living up to its predecessors. Last night was just the epitome of what this show is about: Mia Michaels' guest jidgeship, Cat's frilly pink frock, amazing dances with STORIES, sigh… In one fell swoop, it made up for last week. And every shitty dance in the weeks before that.
Of course, about 0.0003 seconds after introducing Mia as the guest jidge, Cat… and Nigel… and Mary… and, let's be honest, America asked Mia if her opinion had remotely changed about *ahem* any one of the contestants. All of this was not only blatantly obvious/searching, but completely unnecessary since it was going to be addressed in mere minutes, as Brandon David and Conchita Marinara were the first to go on the stage…
[Brandon and Janette]
Brandon Davey and Chili Pepper got a Cha-Cha-Cha (yes, third "Cha"). Before we got to rehearsal, we learned that this was the week for reflection… because, apparently, this season's audience is filled with goldfish and need to be taken down the long journey of THREE WEEKS. Luckily, I was too busy getting my nails did when the show actually aired, so I had the luxury of ffw'ing during all of this exposition and memory and heartache and lows and highs and when will they just shut the hell up?! But then we finally got to rehearsals, where the choreographer, Jean-Marc Généreux, and his wife, Marie Antionette meets Run Lola Run, proceeded to make sexy time in front of me. The dance itself, despite being a CHA-CHA (3 "Cha"s is excessive, Wikipedia can suck it) to the PUSSYCAT DOLLS, was probably one of the best routines in the season, thus far. BranDave was all masculine and winking and there was something good happening with his carriage that I'm sure someone qualified could tell you. Nigel thought it was the jam, Mary thought it was the jam, J-M Gén thought it was the jam, and - GASP! - Mia liked it! She really liked it! She also fed BD some Jedi master/Padawan learner shit - he ate it up and cried like the blubbering lady we know he is.
[Kupono and Kayla]
Ohhhhh my god, if I was the sort of person that said "the tits," I would SO describe this performance as such! Everything was just PERFECT for me! Firstly, Kayla is amazing and the best thing to happen to blondes' credibility since… well, I'm sure someone can comment me a credible blonde. Then they picked Sonya! Sonya is the epitome of why dancers need to never open their mouths. Her work is ri-goddamn-diculously wonderful, but when she speaks/ogles contestants auditioning, I just to curl up into a ball of second-hand embarrassment. The piece was "vampyyyre-themed", though I think that was just Sonya's way of getting out of putting a piece focusing on death forth onto a national dance competition viewed by millions. Whatevs, it was the tits. The music was so good I've been listening to it all day, and the entire piece focused on Kayla's legs. Ku'uou'p'oau'uoa'no was great, because he's quirky and "gets" Sonya's "sick and demented mind." (i.e., he's a watered down version of last season's Mark Catamaran Boat and was thus made for Sonya's choreo). Man, it was just perfect and made me wish Shanks was there to claw his eyes out/"bleeping" censor himself again!
[Evan and Randi]
Evan and Broadway! Evan. Had. Broadway. The minute this Joey Whathaveyou, after being introduced as the newest choreographer on the block, told me that this piece wasn't going to be a "traditional Broadway" number, I got annoyed. You have a Kaz..zak bro, fool, give the kid a "traditional Broadway"!! Regardless, they danced to a number from Sweet Charity, and it was all Fosse-fied. Randi has been impressing the shit out of me, lately, which is really saying something. Kaz..zak had a tousled hair look, which made me squeal like a little teeny bopper. It also made me happy to be somewhat attracted to my favorite male dancer on the show. The jidges were annoyed that he wasn't flinging his hands around like wilted flowers. Also, I'm pretty sure Mia called Randi fat. So, needless to say, while the number definitely made me happy (though, unfortunately came after back-to-back AMAZING routines), the jidges were all merely adequately pleased.
[Jason and Caitlin]
Ohhh, Brian Friedman… You so just want everyone to know you're an artiste, don't you? I think everyone was a little mystified by his choice of choreographing an aliens-impregnating-humans inspired number. Though, I suppose we should've seen this coming, since his style has taken a page out of the Romulan Handbook for Grooming. Frieds had some sort of gender reversal - or no one explained to him that human males don't gestate - plot behind his piece, requiring Caitlin to wear a skin-tight, full-length, black unitard… with aluminum foil all over her. I have to admit, it was a lot better than I thought it would be. The use of "Creator" by SantOgold irked me a bit, because it was clearly Frieds using "an indie song" his friends introduced to him (1 year ago, when it came out) and then developing the least "artistic", most arbitrarily trite choreography he could manage. Or maybe I'm just a SantOgold snob. Who's to say?
[Philip and Jeanine]
No one seemed to make mention of the fact that Ch'Beeby and Chongalicious had some Nappy Tabs AGAIN, which is pretty unfair… yet kind of fun to watch. It's pretty clear that Naps and Tabs are putting a hiatus on the tortured romantic Ne-Yo hippy hoppies, in favor for some story with PROPS! They had a chain that, I only realized when Mia said it during her critique, ended up distracting the audience from the popping and locking and jamming and… well, you get it. Also, I live in the land where ALL Kanye West songs get replayed, ad nauseum, so I am still not ready to hear "Love Lockdown" again. I'm also not quite sure why the costume department decided that Chongs needed to dress like a mechanic. All in all, I didn't luuurve it as much as the jidges, but I lurve Ch'Beebs enough, and it's pretty obvious that they'll never be shoved to the Bottom 3, so there it is.
[Ade and Melissa]
Thank the LAWD that Miss Havisham and Gatorade got to dance a "Classical Pas de Deux". I'm going to give the show, and its integrity, the benefit of the doubt, and just assume that they had picked out just a plain 'ol Pas de Deux, which changed to a "Classical…" upon realizing that half of the duo was a ballerina. They performed Prokofiev's Romeo & Juliet, and ohhhhhh my god, let's just say it's rare that I find things to be "pretty" and "beautiful", specifically, but no other words could do it justice. I think they need to make Miss Havs be a ballerina every single episode. I'm not really even sure what Gatorade was doing, but it must not have sucked, because the jidges were down. If that's not asked to be performed again during the finale, I will eat these here virtual words before you.
[Vitolio and Karla]
I thought the episode was going to go south FAST, after seeing that the two dancers who had been lapped by all the other dancers about 39483294x were the ones to pull the dreaded Quick Step out of the hat. That being said, I was actually pretty impressed with their performance (of course, I was frantically running around my apartment, cleaning, at this point - my parents are coming in town this weekend - so I wasn't paying very close attention). Part of me wants to believe that the quick steps of their quick step looked slower because they were doing them so well, but a bigger part of me recognizes that they probably received a watered down version. I always enjoy when Mia is confused, so I give props to Vitrola for apparently having duped her (wild one week, proper the next… AHH!) -- of course, then he had to go and speak and I decided I'd rather go scrub my toilet. Tim should get some credit in pointing out that we still have yet to know what a GOOD quick step actually looks like.
All in all, it was the kind of episode that this series is all about -- and not a moment too soon!
My prediction for the Bottom 3: Vitrola and Whatshername, Jason Danny Glover and Gymnastic Alien, and -- ahh! I don't want to admit it, but it's likely true -- Kaz…zak and Randi.
MGMT plays my homecoming party
A short three hours after I landed in the city I once and again call home, I ventured to my favourite borough where The Management and hundreds of my closest urbanly outfitted friends celebrated my return. There were fireworks and beach balls and herbal refreshments galore, all very nice. Got me missing the land from whence I came, though, my dear SF. I no longer understand the subway system and am unfortunately resensitized to the smell of trash, what a tourist I is. Why must the grass be greener in that greenest of cities? Ah well.
There's really nothing, nothing we can do
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew.
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