Don't Call it a Comeback!

Alright, fine, you can. Sometimes you don't realize how great something is until it's gone. With that thought in mind, we're ready to revamp and renew (especially now that Google has ensured greater accessibility to the masses)! Sure, there have been oodles and oodles of events that have transpired in our absence... but, in staying true to ourselves, the driving force to bring us back to the fine world of Snoop Bloggy Blog is none other than the event OF THE DECADE (the new one -- not that one we just got done eulogizing): the final season of LOST!!

Rather than wordy recaps - though, don't get too comfortable, those will come back as soon as these bicycle wheels start turning (or that's at least applicable to the half who CAN ride a bike) - let's dive back into the world of MB with some good 'ol fashioned stream-of-consciousness-live-blogging-Losty-splicey conversation:

[Key: S, R]

8:02 PM
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WHO is a fucking baller?
i missed my calling as a racecar driver.
yayyy
oh shit
it's going to crash again
whattttttttt
this is just showing us how different they look, now
or is this just the first time
or is it?
i don't know!
i should've paid better attention
i feel like, b/c of my lost skit for work, i've watched this scene ssooooo many times

8:06 PM
landddd in la?
underwater?
with charlie?!
and that shark!
FOUND.
sorry
i found the shark
AHH!
FOOT!
wouldn't that be great if that were the new show?
"FOOT"
hahha
du sex machina
is what we've decided just happened
that is something gross
whatever you just said
robot sex
that is the end of my sister's keeper
the depravity over there
deux ex machina.
but pronounced
du sexy machina

8:10 PM
AAH
why this again
i hate seeing her die
THEY KEEP SHOWING ME!
she had such a look of bliss when those chains dragged her to the gravel pit
metal pit
kate
i know her eyes
duh
bc we're lovers
well, she's the only girl
and those are girl eyes
whatre you two doininatree
why is she muffled?
she's underwater
my ears are popped
oh, so it's you too
phew.
i thought the fates really WERE against me
and my tv was dying
is this the POV of the smoke monster?
why are we hearing like her?
can anybody hearrr meee?
we weren't first person videogaming her
your car
what's he doing there
he was there
black rock?
he was saving his daddy

8:14 PM
is this a choose your adventure?!
is one of these people esau?
isn't that the entire show?
hasn't it always been?
mamwabasa
stop yelling.
maybe juliet is down there
but why the muffled noises?
these are all fair points that sawyer is making
okay so they're just going to show us both sides of the coin
and never tell us which actually happened
oh yeahhhh, THIS guy
people LOVE him
like.... the crazy fans
taecher
like caesar


8:17 PM
so if it had worked, it would've changed their whole past?
that doesn't make sense
shouldn't it just take them back to that point in time?
well, the electromagnetic blah blah is the reason those numbers even existed
aw, jin
and his fantastic engrish speaking
mmm
he speaks better engrish than i do
i wonder if he'll know engrish in the world where it worked
my korean should play this guy
juliet!
AHHHHHHHH
i thought they told me she was dead
slkfjsdfkljflk
darlton said!
but she's on V!!!
haha, hurley
do we know where his name come from?
no!
i just asked that here
and no one knows
jing?!
NO FAIR!
i want a shoutout!!
or nothing we know of them
if jin says "no" maybe it'll sound like "ro"
or if vincent does
thom yorke
sam mendes
he's way more sam mendes than thom yorke
did hurley ever meet jakey?
oh, in the cab
after jail
right
yeah
geetar
they hate each other again
BOOOOOONE!!
love love love love
why is he playing damon salvator?
loveeeeeeeeee
he's so vampy
instead of boone mcawesome
he didn't use to be vampy

yo, that's at the bottom of an ocean... there's no fire.
turn into the smoke monstie!
do it
it's a biodome
sidus lipidus!
(me?)
meh, good enough.
brendan fraser gained weight
this is the jew's daughter from venice
who now?
ilanalooloo
merchant of venice, she plays al pacino's daughter

8:29 PM
soo can you tell me quickly about bai ling?
what about her?
what was her character again?
blogs told me she had 99.7% chance of coming back?
some skank in thailand
that portion was a documentary
lord.
i thought that teacher dude did
i think they were yanking your chain
gross
they are going to find a talking skeleton
behind this rubble

8:34 PM
he was hooking up with a french teen in a hole in the wall?
that is what is being said here
the guitar thing happened, right?
why is hurley stupid?
kate is a bitch
i fainted on the plane
good thing jack is there

8:40 PM
ahh! tracheo!
icky
really?
magically he's better?
should've just carried a mary
this is like when i fell through the rebar on the construction site
it sucks to have small feet, sawyer, i know
they're so perf!!!
HA fooled you! i wasn't sleeping!!
that DOES seem like a nice place to take a nap
it's like our cabana
this makes me cryyyy
i love them
shut up
go away kate

8:44 PM
hurley is annoying me
well, i mean dead is dead
so... you just gotta bring 'em dead
yeah but he was alive when hurley was all "supposeeee i asked you about this hole in the wall where you take french teens, but only hypothetically"
30 years where i've looked like this
but you gotta take them when they're dead
b/c they come back to life
who are these people again?
taileypoes?
the people on ajira stone cold steve austin 316
is that where you ask the smoke monster about your daughter you let die?
oh right

8:46 PM
that's not how protection works, faux locke
loyalty is a weird thing
he turned to smokes!
is jacob a chili pepper?
or a bug!
a scarab!
it IS brendan fraser!
this is the mummy
aw, i love this smokey
elephant

8:54 PM
aw, charlie.
oh my god i can't take this
go to the temple
good lord, how long did that take?
they're going to crash, i bet
he was posed to diee
jack sucks
ruins everything
damn, oceanic air has got some recliiiiiining seats.

9:08 PM
his dad probs did turn into smokey the bear robinson
and exhausted out the plane
ohhh
well, that's an emissions issue
if only they regulated that
i'm telling you
cop15 maybe
COP20 could've really done some stuff

9:15 PM
native others
before dharma
huh?
do those even exist?
dunno
why are they trying to make THIS reality exciting?
how does she think she's going to get out of the bathroom
they're not lost
it's not exciting
i don't care about her
she's going to stab him
kick it open
also... he didn't hear her peeing
yeah

undig her!
how long after the mom dies would the baby die?
do you think the fall did it?
she did fall on a hanger
how does he do this?
maybe now HE is pregnant
oh...
umm
what.
ew.
what?
shut up.
what
how
she just said it didn't
he lied
i think she was finally able to conceive
that worked
his peen

george takei just sliced his hand
they do have to be dead to be broughten back
I know
what is this hour glass?
b/c ben was dead
but he was never the same or whatever the hell
how do you know that?
b/c ben was dead
i don't remember this at all
and then richard took him
well, we never saw this part of it
but sayid shot ben
little harry potter ben
and then kate and jack were all "he's just a kid!"
and took him to eyeliner
and then apparently this shit happened

and now he's just dead dead?
hm
kate likes to hover
and then tell people to stop
and then say he's dead
kate needs to STFU
i mean, she's not talking now
but, in general

ooooh, what GAYOS
kissing!
ohhh, i see
yeah, i'm going back to "kate needs to STFU"
heh?
gayos? i missed that bit
no
it was just CPR

9:42 PM
isn't this what happened in her past
hello tess
who are zac and emma?
oh did the shinto need them to be there in order to save sayid?
marijuanaa
i think zac and emma are the taily kids who were stolen
mm
remember how the tailypos got, like, nightly attacks by the others?
sorry
right

miles? locke?
huhhhh???
smokey locke knows what locke thought when benry killed him
i wonder how
oh
yep
we're closer
that IS confusion
good word, smokey
to a forest?
i hate to break it to him
but his forest probs doesn't exist
what abot walt's comic books?
i just want them to answer something
instead of asking me more questions
does hurley know miles can talk to the deads?
ughhhhhhhhhhh
i thought everyone did
miles looked at hurley funny
when hurley said he'd be there for sayid

9:56 PM
ah
this is spinal tap
on the house?!
what is this
wait
they're in the FUTURE?
okay so they're back in the same time, which is the present?
so jack et al are back in 2007 but don't realize? is that what juliet meant it worked?
also, you'd think smokey locke would use something better than the self-defense steps they tell laydeez to use when an attacker approaches
comp's going to die

And, with that, we're back!

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We're Happy Men!

The "bear" is dripping with "gooey honey"...Oh, Don

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Is your dad a terrorist?

Because, baby, you're the bomb!

That is my favorite pick-up line of all time, and a contributing reason's to R's mail being held for weeks and her father being put on the CIA watch-list.  My bad.

Last night's Fringe got back on the bigger-picture track, revealing a little more about the fight we're in against an unknown enemy and the side-effects of traveling between realities, and our favorite character of all!  But I will save that for the dramatic ending.

Police Officer Dizzy Gillespie gets a call from KFC telling him to go to the train station and find a trenched man and take his briefcase.  When the briefcase walks into the station, all of the cool Euro flippy train scheds start to flip out (ha) and when Dizzy touches the briefcase, he starts to crystallize and suddenly esplodes.

When the gang arrives at the train station, after Astrid greads about the esplosion, they learn that none of the millions of anti-terrorist butt-bomb detectors detected anything and so what even esploded?  Walter finds the Sorceror's Stone and licks it, discovering that it's not a semi-precious stone or an immortality rock, but Dizzy's crystalline ear.  After questioning Dizzy's wifey, and getting a flashback headache (as Lebowski warned would happen), Liv voms in the bathroom and discovers a secret hiding place under the sink where Dizzy stored some needles and serum.  The team analyzes the serum and quickly realizes Dizzy's drug shooting turned him into a human bomb, waiting for the right frequency radio station to set him off.

While stationed in Iraq, Dizzy, along with The Colonel, was a part of Project Tin Man, clearly related to the human bomb business.  Asalam Alakum-ing some peeps from his shady past in Iraq, Peter is able to find one of the Tin Man doctors and learn all about the bomb business.  Everyone on the team was exposed to some cyan cerulean chemical and the injections were the anecdote, but then Tin Man got a heart and the project was over.  But The Colonel did not want it to be over, and started setting off human bombs all over.  His next bomb is a lady, who is on her way to the train station now.

The team spots her on the way and sets up snipers at the station. Even though they only have 30 seconds after the radio is turned on before she kabooms, they don't jam it immediately so they can have a chance of finding and apprehending The Colonel.  Except the radio station garbles their triangles and jam, so they can neither find Colonel or stop the signal.  But Peter rides in on his white horse and finds The Colonel with his eyes.  He beats him up like heroes do and Olivia takes his Walkman and stomps it with her cane that she can't bowl without.

Meanwhilst all this saving the world is happening, Lebowski fixes Liv's limp and Betty Draper hand-shakes by angering it out of her.  Miracle worker!

Back at the FBI, The Colonel swears he was just trying to destroy the contents of the briefcase with his bombs, the dead people was just an unfortunate side-effect.  He talks about "them", "they" who are collecting information - ALIEN BALDIES who are paparazzi-ing Walt!  Is he good?  Is he bad?  Is he just a huge Joshua Jackson fan?  (Watch it, Baldy.)

The end. Spock and the WTC next week!

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Honey, I mutated the Baby

Things were really picking up on this show, and then they gave us this throw-away episode. But in case any of this matters later, here is my throw-away recap:

Apparently it's been three weeks since last week, and Olivia is now ready to be released from the hospital.  How is it your face scratches still look so fresh after three whole weeks?  Voldy Charlie - remember he was pronged by Voldy and is not really the Charlie we love, but at least he's being given a couple episodes before being totally fired - is keeping close to Liv so she'll tell him about her alter-universe encounter with Bell if/when she remembers.

There's a dead construction worker, who happens to be the latest in a string of similar engulfed-by-the-earth-and-left-for-dead-underground deaths.  And so the team investigates!  Walter finds some blue goo, which is partly humanly DNAey and a paralyzer goo.  There is one man, Dr. Dre, about town whose house all the deaths seem to land under and he is taken into custody.  He sobs a story about how his wife died during childbirth and so he would never hurt anyone because he knows how sad death makes people, but then he refuses to give up a goo-matching DNA sample all suspect-like.  He is put into a holding cell where he Macgyvers a noose and hangs himself.

The team pushes daisies and pulls up wife and kid's coffins, only to find baby's coffin empty and a tunnel where he burrowed his way out.  Upon poking and bringing back to life and questioning and poking again, Walter finds that wifey had super Lupus, meaning she couldn't possibly have given birth. But she did.  Because Dr. Dre stemmed the fetus with scorpion cells to make it more resilient, thusly creating a Scorpion Baby that kills people.

Liv's adventure in the other world left her with Sookie's (Suh keh...) powers of hearing every sound and thought in the world at once.  Among these sounds was breathing in Dre's house, which was clearly Scorp hanging out in the walls.  Liv and Peter find a tunnel in the basement similar to the baby grave one, and while sticking her face where it doesn't belong, Liv was attacked by Scorp and pulled underground.  Like the perfy he is, Joshy followed her and smashed Scorp who was then further smashed by Sheriff Holly Golightly's cop car that fell through the earth onto his head.   The cleanup crew finds bear traps all over the yard to suggest Dr. Dre knew about his killer baby, but who cares because it has no obvious connection to anything else going on on this show.

Nina Sharp visits Liv and gives her a bowling card with one stamp left until a free game and tells her to go see the Big Lebowski for her psychological pains.  Which she does, and he is the always-the-bridesmaid-never-the-bride actor from all those Boston gangster movies and shows (The Departed, The Black Donnellys, Grounded For Life...).

Charlie goes to Borgin and Burkes and types on the writer, which mirrors him to "do something to help Olivia remember what happened."  Dun-dun-dun (in monotone).

Good on you if you read that whole thing, but you didn't have to because none of it mattered.  Sorry.

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Unrequited love at its best

Legen - wait for it -



dary.

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Fringe and Harry and Potter

Like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies... you get it. 

First, a quick recapulet of last season('s finale): 
Every time you do or don't do something, an alternate universe is created in which you didn't or did do that something, respectively.  On Fringe, because JJ can barely keep his shows separate, we will pretend there are only two such universities.  The Peter we know and love is actually from "over there", as the show will call it, and was brought over here by our Walter after his Peter died.  Germy Jones (or, Dumbly #1's real-life son) tried to go through Platform 9-3/4 but Peter closed off the barrier between the two worlds and sliced him in half.  William Bell, head of Big Brother organization Massive Dynamic, resides over there. Nina Sharp told Olivia to meet her at a hotel, Olivia nearly got in a monster truck rally but didn't, the elevator flickered and she apparated to "over there", had a nice chat with Bell and the end.

Now, a montague of last night's season premiere:
A man hits-and-runs to an apartment in NYC pretending to be a Ming Gardens delivery boy.  He manages his way into a man's apartment and kills him.  Then he smashes his own face in to look like Quirrell-Voldy, sticks one end of a double-headed three-sharply pronged plug up into roof of dead guy's mouth and the other into his own, and re-inflates his face to look like dead guy.  Painful, but faster than Polyjuice for sure.



Back at the scene of the crime, new character, Enough's Agent Jessup learns that while there is no driver in either car, the one that didn't run but was actually never there is our very own Olivia.  Walter arrives, changes Liv's station from Z100 to Hot97 and she apparates straight through the car's windshield.  At the hospital, the doc says Liv's injuries are so serious that she'll probs never regain her conscience and so DNR.  Straight to the bar to have a scotch (whiskey? bourbon?) neat - seriously, after Jon Hamm and Joshy, this is apparently the trick to having me love you - Peter gets more bad news from Broyles that the Fringe Division has been laid off.  Damn, economy.

Joshy goes to say goodbye to Liv when she wakes up and Trelawneys him some Prophecy, which we later learn is Greek for "be a better man than your father", coincidentally what his mom used to tell him as a child.  In a somewhat refreshing moment of non-stoicitude, Liv freaks out about last night's party and some dude telling her she had to do something but she couldn't remember who he or what it was.  We've all had those nights, Liv. 

Joshy goes to the FBI but the Fat Lady tells him his password has expired.  Little Miss Jessup to the rescue, ugh.  How quickly you let her into your life, Peter.  Peter and Ketchup use Marauder to find the dead guy in the apartment and take him back to Walter to autopsy.  Of course, Walter knows all about the three-pronger because of one time this girl did lines off a Ouji board; cue video of Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty talking to mice, except in this case it's shape shifters.

Speaking of Capri-sun, Voldy goes to Borgin and Burkes and requests a Nimbus 251 typewriter which wasn't made in our world but sits in the Room of Requirement.  It functions like Tom Riddle's diary and informs him that Liv is still alive and he needs to make that stop.  And so he Padfoots and Prongs a nurse to gain access into the Gryffindor common room, pries a bed-ridden Liv for where someone (Bell) said something (dunno) was hidden, and starts to choke her when she doesn't remember.  Ketchup to the rescue again, ugh again, but still Voldy escapes to the hospital Chamber of Secrets. 

Peter, Charlie, and Ketchup go looking for Voldy.  Charlie finds and shoots her and is left to hang out with her merely stupefied self (while Peter and Ketchup go to his birthday party), only to be pronged and turned into meat pie (HP, Sweens, same diff...).  Peter really should've checked Facebook before telling Liv all was well. But at least he had the smarts to steal Voldy's prongy Horcrux to prove to the Ministry that there is real work to be done and that The Order should be reinstated.  The show must go on, after all.

And Nina Sharp kissed Broyley on the lippies, ewwww!

My divinations: 
That time Peter drowned as a baby, he actually died, but Alien Baldy brought Walter "over there" Peter as a replacement, which understandably really pissed "over there" Walter off.  Other Walter (again with "The Others", JJ!) is still bffls with William Bell and has started up this army of Shape Shifters to try and get Peter back.  And just so they can't date in this world or any other, Olivia is actually Peter's mom somehow.

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Absurd quiz for work

So... a brief background: for this work meeting I have to attend, we were all made to fill out these participant bios. Normally, this would be fine, except the administrative assistant putting this together is apparently a camp counselor, who just used her template for the camp orientation activity (you know, right before trust falls and macaroni necklaces) for a few-day long meeting of engineers.

So, obviously, S and I thought we'd have some fun with it and see how well we knew each other:



By S for R
Personal Motto: "I know"
Memorable science/engineering project: ha, vertical farms.
Theme Song: "Groove Is In The Heart" by Dee-Lite
Wildest dream: threesome dance party with Zefrlake
Proudest leadership moment (in/out of work): ummm. ummmmmm. pass.
Biggest challenge: using indoor voice
Alarm clock: the kind you have to chase around the room to turn off
Perfect day: La Pasadoble and Vino outdoors (elevated or not) with S. or...
R: if i were to answer that "perfect day" shit legitimately, i'd probably just say it was us, sitting in my living room, gsharing our greading back and forth, while we're watching chad dylan michael mackenzie cooper falls.   
Yay, that wins.
Interesting Fact: has no knee reflexes. so if ever you want to attack...
First job: caring for Gary and teaching him about life. yes, it is a scary thought.
Indulgence: burritos. it counts.
Reading material: Just Jared
Inspiration: S
My life: Disney and dogs. just like her father.

***************************************************************************************************
By R for S
Personal Motto: "Decide what I'm going to do FOR me!"
Memorable science/engineering project: the curse of the spiral staircase (resolution pending)
Theme Song: "I Want It All" by Ryan and Sharpay Evans, High School Musical 3 soundtrack
Wildest dream: owning an office supply store
Proudest leadership moment (in/out of work): yeah, SERIOUSLY pass... the hell is this?!
Biggest challenge: relaxing
Alarm clock: "With You" by Chris Brown (in the shower)
Perfect day: I'm too afraid to guess...S: they better provide this perfect day if they're going to bother asking about it ...I don't got the kind of money to fly her and Joshua Jackson to Germany to reenact the storyline of Chasing LibertyInteresting Fact: can't ride a bike for beans. so if ever you want to attack... (do so on bicycle)
First job: hub-cap necklace designing entrepreneur for peers at the Ghettocreek Academy of Excellence Preparatory School
Indulgence: anything made of glitter and/or pink
Reading material: Creepy Things Are Scaring Me!
Inspiration: R
My life: see "Inspiration"


I'd say we know eachother quite well.  Mostly because we're the same.

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