We laughed. We cried. We pull out our hair.
The 2-hour finale of Lost was an emotional ride, but it's safe to say that the true travesty was that, while it aired, I was on the road (and thereby unable to queue up my DVR'ed recording of the show to play *NSYNC with Pacific Standard Coast Meridian Time Zone). This meant that S and I had to abolish the INSTITUTION that has become the Wednesday-night Phone Date -- and on the high holy pinnacle finale Wednesday of all days, no less.
But, never fear, avid readership (all 2.5 of you)... we take our TV seriously enough to provide contingency plans. I give to you, below, excerpts from two ENTIRELY MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE email liveblogs sent, while each of us were forced to watch the finale without the aid of the other.
COLOR CODE: S, R
Wait, is the island somewhere in Middle Earth now? What are this weaver Hobbit and his loom doing??
Jacob looks like Thom Yorke
Whaaa?!?! Jacob... Sam Mendes... Osiris... iosdfjuikldsjFUCK!!
Bahhh! Don't let Jacob TOUCH YOU! He totes is the ground zero that started the HIV-y.
omg could Sun be any more annoying or unnecessary?
Ughhh, Sun, it's not any less annoying when you turn into that little blonde girl with the protective doggy from Animaniacs. I almost prefer you turning over every rock and asking every squirrel about Jin's whereabouts.
I think Jacob gave his immortality to Richard because he didn't want to live forever by himself.
Why is there a new Ana LooLoo who is apparently in charge of something and everyone else who was on that Ajira bottled water flight is their own band of people? You know, I don't even remember how Ana LooLoo and crew got on the island. Or why Libby is Cece Van der Hodakotb.
Ughh, don't try and get me interested in this Anna Lulu part deux's crew. I won't fall for it.
Wtf, Juliet, why are you letting Kate ruin everything?? Also, it DOES matter why he wants to detonate the H-bomb, you idiot.
Uh, yeah, Kate... it kinda DOES matter why Jack is going to blow up the h-bomb.
Dear god, this show makes me want to go back and remember every person whose path I've ever crossed. Where's a pensieve when you need one?
How did Richard get stuck with the suck job of sidekick?
Biggest indication of economic crisis: recycling of the Legends of the Hidden Temple set for this.
Glad that Jack and Rose got to be happy with Vincent. That was nice. Also glad Rose told Kate to shut the hell up and stop being a whiny bitch who gets in everybody's business and ruins lives.
VINCENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aww.. "retired." I love Jack and Rose. How did Weekend at Bernz go all Castaway and Rose's dreds are still perfectly coiffed??
They're going to the land of the Nile? Da Nile? Denial? Oh, Christ, I'ma have me some Lostpedia time, after this.
Or maybe Jacob looks like Daniel Craig.
Who was Jacob in the Bible, again? Is that relevent or have we beaten that 'ol horse?
Ha, he DOES speak good Korean. Better than you, Jin.
UGH I HATE KATE. You are right, that must always be said when liveblogging this show.
Oh, sure. Now this is Grey's Anatomy. You don't have to count OUT LOUD. Why did none of these people learn basic life skills? Ha, I wondered how they were going to work Jacob in there. Oh my good god, he IS touching all of them! He IS transmitting the HIV-y!
Ok now Juliette is getting annoying. Make up your damn mind. Is it that she would rather her and Kate not have known Sawyer than for there to be any chance that Sawyer and Kate get together? Also, I'm pretty sure Sayid is dying, way to take your sweet ass time telling stories about girls who suck.
I like Sawyer's response that Jack should just go and ask Kate to go steady. "I changed my mind." Well, that's annoying of Juliet.
Why doesn't Sun care about her daughter? Stop asking dumb questions about stupid things like you're in a cloud.
Aw I kind of like Jacob. He's sort of cute, and he's nice to Hurls and gave him Charlie's gee-tar.
Y'know, there are so few blondies on this show... I'm just going to guess who is related to Jacob. Or who is Jacob. Or who is a robot.
I'm glad Miles thinks logically.
God, I love Miles! I'm sayin'! Maybe the bomb IS the bad guy! Wait, where is this bomb? I think I'm missing something. OHHHH MY GOD, WHY EVEN GIVE JACK A GUN?! *I* have better aim!
What. All of that for it to not work? Ok, Ezra, you suck.
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. omg omg omg i am crying. that was Titanic-esque heartwrenching. Omg. WAAAA. WHYYY. How are there still more minutes to this show? Haven't I been saddened enough?
JULIET!?!!#@!#(!@*!!!!!?!!?! Nooooooo.. this is really, really, really, really, really sad.
WHAT THE FUCK ?#IO$#()$*#
Wait, WHITE LostDunDun??? I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Ughhhh.
...there you have it, folks. You don't have to suffer through the ire of syncing DVR recordings to real-time airings in order to maintain the proper viewing of Lost among friends who are geographically challenged. In fact, nor do you have to endure the inevitability of a brain tumor from all of the cell phone radiation waves. You just have to have the exact same brain.
[Photoshopping credits to SP]
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