We're Happy Men!

The "bear" is dripping with "gooey honey"...Oh, Don

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Is your dad a terrorist?

Because, baby, you're the bomb!

That is my favorite pick-up line of all time, and a contributing reason's to R's mail being held for weeks and her father being put on the CIA watch-list.  My bad.

Last night's Fringe got back on the bigger-picture track, revealing a little more about the fight we're in against an unknown enemy and the side-effects of traveling between realities, and our favorite character of all!  But I will save that for the dramatic ending.

Police Officer Dizzy Gillespie gets a call from KFC telling him to go to the train station and find a trenched man and take his briefcase.  When the briefcase walks into the station, all of the cool Euro flippy train scheds start to flip out (ha) and when Dizzy touches the briefcase, he starts to crystallize and suddenly esplodes.

When the gang arrives at the train station, after Astrid greads about the esplosion, they learn that none of the millions of anti-terrorist butt-bomb detectors detected anything and so what even esploded?  Walter finds the Sorceror's Stone and licks it, discovering that it's not a semi-precious stone or an immortality rock, but Dizzy's crystalline ear.  After questioning Dizzy's wifey, and getting a flashback headache (as Lebowski warned would happen), Liv voms in the bathroom and discovers a secret hiding place under the sink where Dizzy stored some needles and serum.  The team analyzes the serum and quickly realizes Dizzy's drug shooting turned him into a human bomb, waiting for the right frequency radio station to set him off.

While stationed in Iraq, Dizzy, along with The Colonel, was a part of Project Tin Man, clearly related to the human bomb business.  Asalam Alakum-ing some peeps from his shady past in Iraq, Peter is able to find one of the Tin Man doctors and learn all about the bomb business.  Everyone on the team was exposed to some cyan cerulean chemical and the injections were the anecdote, but then Tin Man got a heart and the project was over.  But The Colonel did not want it to be over, and started setting off human bombs all over.  His next bomb is a lady, who is on her way to the train station now.

The team spots her on the way and sets up snipers at the station. Even though they only have 30 seconds after the radio is turned on before she kabooms, they don't jam it immediately so they can have a chance of finding and apprehending The Colonel.  Except the radio station garbles their triangles and jam, so they can neither find Colonel or stop the signal.  But Peter rides in on his white horse and finds The Colonel with his eyes.  He beats him up like heroes do and Olivia takes his Walkman and stomps it with her cane that she can't bowl without.

Meanwhilst all this saving the world is happening, Lebowski fixes Liv's limp and Betty Draper hand-shakes by angering it out of her.  Miracle worker!

Back at the FBI, The Colonel swears he was just trying to destroy the contents of the briefcase with his bombs, the dead people was just an unfortunate side-effect.  He talks about "them", "they" who are collecting information - ALIEN BALDIES who are paparazzi-ing Walt!  Is he good?  Is he bad?  Is he just a huge Joshua Jackson fan?  (Watch it, Baldy.)

The end. Spock and the WTC next week!

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Honey, I mutated the Baby

Things were really picking up on this show, and then they gave us this throw-away episode. But in case any of this matters later, here is my throw-away recap:

Apparently it's been three weeks since last week, and Olivia is now ready to be released from the hospital.  How is it your face scratches still look so fresh after three whole weeks?  Voldy Charlie - remember he was pronged by Voldy and is not really the Charlie we love, but at least he's being given a couple episodes before being totally fired - is keeping close to Liv so she'll tell him about her alter-universe encounter with Bell if/when she remembers.

There's a dead construction worker, who happens to be the latest in a string of similar engulfed-by-the-earth-and-left-for-dead-underground deaths.  And so the team investigates!  Walter finds some blue goo, which is partly humanly DNAey and a paralyzer goo.  There is one man, Dr. Dre, about town whose house all the deaths seem to land under and he is taken into custody.  He sobs a story about how his wife died during childbirth and so he would never hurt anyone because he knows how sad death makes people, but then he refuses to give up a goo-matching DNA sample all suspect-like.  He is put into a holding cell where he Macgyvers a noose and hangs himself.

The team pushes daisies and pulls up wife and kid's coffins, only to find baby's coffin empty and a tunnel where he burrowed his way out.  Upon poking and bringing back to life and questioning and poking again, Walter finds that wifey had super Lupus, meaning she couldn't possibly have given birth. But she did.  Because Dr. Dre stemmed the fetus with scorpion cells to make it more resilient, thusly creating a Scorpion Baby that kills people.

Liv's adventure in the other world left her with Sookie's (Suh keh...) powers of hearing every sound and thought in the world at once.  Among these sounds was breathing in Dre's house, which was clearly Scorp hanging out in the walls.  Liv and Peter find a tunnel in the basement similar to the baby grave one, and while sticking her face where it doesn't belong, Liv was attacked by Scorp and pulled underground.  Like the perfy he is, Joshy followed her and smashed Scorp who was then further smashed by Sheriff Holly Golightly's cop car that fell through the earth onto his head.   The cleanup crew finds bear traps all over the yard to suggest Dr. Dre knew about his killer baby, but who cares because it has no obvious connection to anything else going on on this show.

Nina Sharp visits Liv and gives her a bowling card with one stamp left until a free game and tells her to go see the Big Lebowski for her psychological pains.  Which she does, and he is the always-the-bridesmaid-never-the-bride actor from all those Boston gangster movies and shows (The Departed, The Black Donnellys, Grounded For Life...).

Charlie goes to Borgin and Burkes and types on the writer, which mirrors him to "do something to help Olivia remember what happened."  Dun-dun-dun (in monotone).

Good on you if you read that whole thing, but you didn't have to because none of it mattered.  Sorry.

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Unrequited love at its best

Legen - wait for it -



dary.

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Fringe and Harry and Potter

Like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies... you get it. 

First, a quick recapulet of last season('s finale): 
Every time you do or don't do something, an alternate universe is created in which you didn't or did do that something, respectively.  On Fringe, because JJ can barely keep his shows separate, we will pretend there are only two such universities.  The Peter we know and love is actually from "over there", as the show will call it, and was brought over here by our Walter after his Peter died.  Germy Jones (or, Dumbly #1's real-life son) tried to go through Platform 9-3/4 but Peter closed off the barrier between the two worlds and sliced him in half.  William Bell, head of Big Brother organization Massive Dynamic, resides over there. Nina Sharp told Olivia to meet her at a hotel, Olivia nearly got in a monster truck rally but didn't, the elevator flickered and she apparated to "over there", had a nice chat with Bell and the end.

Now, a montague of last night's season premiere:
A man hits-and-runs to an apartment in NYC pretending to be a Ming Gardens delivery boy.  He manages his way into a man's apartment and kills him.  Then he smashes his own face in to look like Quirrell-Voldy, sticks one end of a double-headed three-sharply pronged plug up into roof of dead guy's mouth and the other into his own, and re-inflates his face to look like dead guy.  Painful, but faster than Polyjuice for sure.



Back at the scene of the crime, new character, Enough's Agent Jessup learns that while there is no driver in either car, the one that didn't run but was actually never there is our very own Olivia.  Walter arrives, changes Liv's station from Z100 to Hot97 and she apparates straight through the car's windshield.  At the hospital, the doc says Liv's injuries are so serious that she'll probs never regain her conscience and so DNR.  Straight to the bar to have a scotch (whiskey? bourbon?) neat - seriously, after Jon Hamm and Joshy, this is apparently the trick to having me love you - Peter gets more bad news from Broyles that the Fringe Division has been laid off.  Damn, economy.

Joshy goes to say goodbye to Liv when she wakes up and Trelawneys him some Prophecy, which we later learn is Greek for "be a better man than your father", coincidentally what his mom used to tell him as a child.  In a somewhat refreshing moment of non-stoicitude, Liv freaks out about last night's party and some dude telling her she had to do something but she couldn't remember who he or what it was.  We've all had those nights, Liv. 

Joshy goes to the FBI but the Fat Lady tells him his password has expired.  Little Miss Jessup to the rescue, ugh.  How quickly you let her into your life, Peter.  Peter and Ketchup use Marauder to find the dead guy in the apartment and take him back to Walter to autopsy.  Of course, Walter knows all about the three-pronger because of one time this girl did lines off a Ouji board; cue video of Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty talking to mice, except in this case it's shape shifters.

Speaking of Capri-sun, Voldy goes to Borgin and Burkes and requests a Nimbus 251 typewriter which wasn't made in our world but sits in the Room of Requirement.  It functions like Tom Riddle's diary and informs him that Liv is still alive and he needs to make that stop.  And so he Padfoots and Prongs a nurse to gain access into the Gryffindor common room, pries a bed-ridden Liv for where someone (Bell) said something (dunno) was hidden, and starts to choke her when she doesn't remember.  Ketchup to the rescue again, ugh again, but still Voldy escapes to the hospital Chamber of Secrets. 

Peter, Charlie, and Ketchup go looking for Voldy.  Charlie finds and shoots her and is left to hang out with her merely stupefied self (while Peter and Ketchup go to his birthday party), only to be pronged and turned into meat pie (HP, Sweens, same diff...).  Peter really should've checked Facebook before telling Liv all was well. But at least he had the smarts to steal Voldy's prongy Horcrux to prove to the Ministry that there is real work to be done and that The Order should be reinstated.  The show must go on, after all.

And Nina Sharp kissed Broyley on the lippies, ewwww!

My divinations: 
That time Peter drowned as a baby, he actually died, but Alien Baldy brought Walter "over there" Peter as a replacement, which understandably really pissed "over there" Walter off.  Other Walter (again with "The Others", JJ!) is still bffls with William Bell and has started up this army of Shape Shifters to try and get Peter back.  And just so they can't date in this world or any other, Olivia is actually Peter's mom somehow.

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Absurd quiz for work

So... a brief background: for this work meeting I have to attend, we were all made to fill out these participant bios. Normally, this would be fine, except the administrative assistant putting this together is apparently a camp counselor, who just used her template for the camp orientation activity (you know, right before trust falls and macaroni necklaces) for a few-day long meeting of engineers.

So, obviously, S and I thought we'd have some fun with it and see how well we knew each other:



By S for R
Personal Motto: "I know"
Memorable science/engineering project: ha, vertical farms.
Theme Song: "Groove Is In The Heart" by Dee-Lite
Wildest dream: threesome dance party with Zefrlake
Proudest leadership moment (in/out of work): ummm. ummmmmm. pass.
Biggest challenge: using indoor voice
Alarm clock: the kind you have to chase around the room to turn off
Perfect day: La Pasadoble and Vino outdoors (elevated or not) with S. or...
R: if i were to answer that "perfect day" shit legitimately, i'd probably just say it was us, sitting in my living room, gsharing our greading back and forth, while we're watching chad dylan michael mackenzie cooper falls.   
Yay, that wins.
Interesting Fact: has no knee reflexes. so if ever you want to attack...
First job: caring for Gary and teaching him about life. yes, it is a scary thought.
Indulgence: burritos. it counts.
Reading material: Just Jared
Inspiration: S
My life: Disney and dogs. just like her father.

***************************************************************************************************
By R for S
Personal Motto: "Decide what I'm going to do FOR me!"
Memorable science/engineering project: the curse of the spiral staircase (resolution pending)
Theme Song: "I Want It All" by Ryan and Sharpay Evans, High School Musical 3 soundtrack
Wildest dream: owning an office supply store
Proudest leadership moment (in/out of work): yeah, SERIOUSLY pass... the hell is this?!
Biggest challenge: relaxing
Alarm clock: "With You" by Chris Brown (in the shower)
Perfect day: I'm too afraid to guess...S: they better provide this perfect day if they're going to bother asking about it ...I don't got the kind of money to fly her and Joshua Jackson to Germany to reenact the storyline of Chasing LibertyInteresting Fact: can't ride a bike for beans. so if ever you want to attack... (do so on bicycle)
First job: hub-cap necklace designing entrepreneur for peers at the Ghettocreek Academy of Excellence Preparatory School
Indulgence: anything made of glitter and/or pink
Reading material: Creepy Things Are Scaring Me!
Inspiration: R
My life: see "Inspiration"


I'd say we know eachother quite well.  Mostly because we're the same.

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You mean Las Vegas, England… right?

As evidenced by last week’s Top 10, the UK has had a pretty substantial effect on this decade’s musical landscape. So much, in fact, that even non-Brits were singing to the tune of “Rule, Britannia!” Here is a list of American (okay, maybe there’s a Canadian or two in there, but who counts those?) acts that we all just naturally assumed to be members of the British Invasion v.2.0…

Top 10 Acts that Surprised Us by NOT Being Brit Rock Imports in the ‘00s:

The Killers (Las Vegas, NV)
Everything about the Killers’ emergence onto the music scene surprised me. First, the fact that the crap Top 40 radio stations of Horseheads, NY – the one-horse town (the pun would be remotely cute if it weren’t so horrendously true) where my parents chose to settle and raise me during the more formative years of my adolescence – even played “Somebody Told Me” was akin to hearing Wu Tang on your local Lite 90-whathaveyou. B) When I realized that Brandon Flowers was actually HOT (like, really?!). All that aside, I just assumed they were to be a great, new crossover sensation. I can still remember, to this day, my complete and utter shock that not only were The Killers from some country as lame as – ugghh – the U.S, but they weren’t even from a New York or Seattle or somewhere else as musically stimulating. Vegas, really?! Though, I’m not the only one who recognizes The Killers as a greater British powerhouse than American: their first American festival headlining act only happened this past month, despite their multiple prestigious UK festival headlining shows (Reading, Leeds, and Glastonbury).“Jenny Was A Friend of Mine” – The Killers


Scissor Sisters (New York, NY)

If I thought learning about The Killers’ national origin was bad, I had no idea the kind of heartache in store for me. Let’s just do a quick rundown of the Scissor Sisters: (1) their music can best be described as disco/glam rock – in the 21st century, no less! … (B) the members of the group include names like Babydaddy and Ana Matronic … (-) they have one of the (VERY) few acceptable Pink Floyd covers … and, (IV) they sing about the fun side of recreational drug use. HOW CAN THEY BE AMERICAN?! And, had I not seen Party Monster, I’d have been convinced that it was all a gimmick – now, I just assume that they can be a product of none other than the Club Kids phenomenon that was the ‘90s.

“Lovers in the Backseat” – Scissor Sisters




The Decemberists (Portland, OR)

They play with organs. How many Americans even know how to identify an organ?! The Decemberists' most famous member is without question Colin Meloy, who is known for all of his “Colin Meloy Presents…” cover work. See? There! COVERS. Brits LOVE covers. And he even covers Brits! (Or just Morrissey, but what American could really do him justice?). And then, of course, there are the incomparable covers by the band itself – including one amaaaayyyzing rendition of the siren song itself, “Wuthering Heights” by Kate Bush.

“Clementine” – The Decemberists



Lady GaGa (Yonkers, NY)

Actually, I’m not convinced GaGa is reflective of the culture of any nation, but I could happily peg her as some sort of Little Boots-esque lass (for the same reasons that I find the Scissor Sisters to be obviously British). But after her various costumes at this past weekend’s VMAs - and the various states of immobility in which they left her - I don't care what she is. I just love her.

“Paparazzi” - Lady GaGa






Arcade Fire (Montreal, Quebec)

Oh, husband and wife duo bands, how you manage to have a hold on us. In addition to the usual slate of instruments that are typical of your standard indie act, they also dabble in all kinds of strings, xylophones, accordions, hurdy gurdies (!!), and mandolins. The hell kind of Canadians do that??

“Rebellion (Lies)” - Arcade Fire






Black Kids (Jacksonville, FL)

The Black Kids, aside from having one of the most clever names I’ve heard in music lately (who is going to say anything bad about them, hmm?), have a perfect suite of tricks to separate them from the rest of the indie keyboard dance-y bands that have come onto our iPods in the past two years: joking metaphors, pronoun gender discordance, and family members with the last name Youngblood. The male Youngblood of the group has a bit of a Robert Smith meets Vince Clarke sound, making it pretty obvious why they would top the UK charts before their stuff was even released over on this side of the pond… and, also, why they’re on this list.

“I'm Making Eyes At You” – Black Kids


CocoRosie (Iowa/Hawaii/France/wherever the hell)

So I would have never considered putting CocoRosie on this list when I thought that they were only French (let’s be honest, the two countries are close enough that sound could get over from one to the other – it’s not that un-British to be French… musically), but then I heard their cover/remake/correspondence of Akon’s “I Wanna Fuck You” (don’t worry, that’ll come up in a Top 10 in the future) and realized that they still have American accents. As far as musical siblings go, these girls come second only to the Gallagher brothers – artist mother, Shaman father, estranged when one sister got kicked out, sent to boarding school, and eventually off to Paris to learn Opera (while the other attended “Kill Whitey” parties in Williamsburg). CocoRosie’s music, with the hoof stomping and beat boxing and childish whining, could be placed into the Trip Hop genre (born and cultivated in the great UK)… but, y’know, that’s only if you had to place it anywhere. And, for that caveat (built upon all of these others), they make it on this Top 10.

“By Your Side” – CocoRosie


Santigold (Philadelphia, PA)

Sure, now that she’s gone hard for Brooklyn with Jay-Z and told us about Lower East Side artists, she’s known for being a New Yorker. But it wasn’t always the case. In fact, if you look at last week’s Top 10er, you’ll note the praise I gave M.I.A. for crossing the pond as female British rapper. Though she is a more melodic version, Santi’s still cornered the same exact market (with more or less the same friends). Songs like “Creator” make you wonder on what Philly streets she managed to start sounding a bit like Lady Sovereign.

“Anne” - Santigold



Peaches (Toronto, Canada)

Two words: Fancypants Hoodlum. That was Peaches’ debut album. That combined with the gender ambiguity in which she likes to build her performances/look should leave no question as to why she might be on this list.

“Sex (I'm A)” – Peaches



Yeah Yeah Yeahs (New York, NY)

Actually, I don’t think there’s a single person who genuinely thinks that the YYYs are from the UK, but that might not have always been the case. Given that Karen O is highly reminiscent one of the most famous female Brit rock crossovers, Siouxsie Sioux, her voice – regardless of what she’s singing – could have me picturing a Union Jack waving in the back (and a broken bottle of scotch laying on the ground). So maybe they’re not a seemingly British act of today… that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t pass for one, ever.

“Gold Lion” – Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Honorable Mentions: Digitalism, Au Revoir Simone, MGMT

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What even did the world do without TV...

...and internet with which to watch TV? That is the question that has been keeping me up at night in the latest stop-over on my Couch-Hop NYC Tour, an apartment that is trying to answer this very question by living as they did back then. And with no TV or internet to keep me companys, I have resolved to entertaining myself by fan-fictioning what I look forward to happening on the upcoming season of shows. Shall I share?

Gossip Girl - TOMORROW at 9/8c on The CW

Chuck Bass (and Nate??) k-i-s-s-i-n-gay! We left last season with a nice romantical moment between Chuck and Blair that made our hearts melt, but obviously gay Chuck Bass, or even bisexualist Chuck Bass is sooo much better! Even though he's not either, my fan-fictionilizations - since the start of the show, really - say that he is. And that Nate is. And that Eric Van Der Twink is the star of the show. Also, Hillary Duff makes out with Dan, who I've decided has been recast with Gordo. And Miranda comes back from being away with Raven's mom on some exploration in the Africas to steal Jenny Hump's title as fashy queen of the bees. And, of course, Serena and Nate are accidentally both filming in Butler and the Lost writers have to make up some "we meant it all along" excuse to cover for the oversight.


Fringe - Thu, Sep 17 at 9/8c on FOX
Clearly I can't share allll of my fan-fiction-fantasies with you bc you know how I love me the Joshy... but anywhey! This season is supposed to be all about Peter and who/when he is, and Spock and his back-to-the-future-ing, and is thusly bound to be fantastic. There's some talk of something-something between Peter and Liv, but they've both said "ew gross, (s)he's like my sister/brother!" so it's probably a non-issue. My hopes: that there are MULTIPLE Joshies, all in different twlight zones (though we've been told there is only one alternate reality-verse - which I don't think meshes with JJ's explanation of alternate reality from the pre-finale, but tevs), all with different personalities! And they all come together in my reality and we play Snow White and the Several Joshies and live happily ever after the end. Recaps will return, but until then, read and watch and buy this.

How I Met Your Mother - Mon, Sep 21 at 8/7c on CBS
Swarlssss!! What. Up. I will ignore the entire episodes from last season in which Danny Ted Gellar thought Elliot Reid had anything to do with anything anymore and wouldn't shut up, and that peanut butter joke that was probably Danny's contribution to sublyminally make us get The Aristocrats: Whatever! Edition DVD, and focus only on the good stuff. In my dreams, this season is even more Marshall and Barney and slaps and awesome, maybe even only those things... But no, I also dream that Robin Sparkles makes a comeback and releases a Greatest Hits album and gets a job as fifth jidge on American Idol where she meets Ellen, who she brings back to meet Barney, and she and him and he and her all fall in love and dance.



30 Rock - Thu, Oct 15 at 8:30pm? on NBC
I am worried that this show is headed down the same path to sucking as The Office... Though last season, I rotflolzed more than in previous seasons, due mostly to Kenneth and the muppets, I am also a little concerned that Jack is becoming too much of a pussy and wonder how Liz is still so pathetic, even after dating gorgy pie-baking doctor (Jon Hamm). I can only hope that Jack stops crying and Liz picks it up, or that they go kumbaya in her office while Kenneth and Tracey and DotCom take over TGS.

Sesame Street 40th Season - November 10 while you're at work on PBS
40 frickin seasons, damn. Morgan Freeman will narrate a Mad Men parody with stars Paul Rudd and Hugh Jackman to the tune of a Jason Mraz song performed by Jakey Gylly. It's going to be great.

Lost - February 2010 on ABC
This show just IS fan-fiction, so I can't even try to imagine what crazitude will be happening.  Considering Juliet and Penny (and Charlie and Boone!) are on other shows, it will be interesting to see how many episodes end up featuring no one but Locke, real or wolf-in-sheep's-clothing... Apparently there's a new tween who is either Aaron all growed up or Jacob as a chile, which could mean so many different things about what Juliette's explosion did, who can even begin to fathom? Just so long as Desi and Ezra are alive and well, and it's not all a dream, I'm good.

Chuck - March 2010 on NBC
THIS is what's wrong with America. Why don't you people know good TV when it's shown to you? Chuck is such a great show, never lacking in edge-of-your-seat excitement or pinch-your-cheeks adorkableness. I guess if all it takes is Jared replacing Buster as assistant to the regional manager for me to watch some Chuck-Fu, that's fine, but hopefully that encourages America both to eat smart and start watching this show.

::Already in Progress::
Mad Men - Sundays at 10pm on AMC
Entourage - Sundays at 10:30pm on HBO
Vampire Diaries - Thursdays at 8/7c on CW
SYTYCD - Wednesdays at 8/7c on FOX - recaps to come!

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To the nines!

It's 9.09.09 and, judging by a general theme in movies coming out this fall, you'd think it was Hollywood's favorite day.



District 9 - I'm pretty sure they could have more or less picked ANY number for the district in question. Why 9, hmm? Don't get me wrong, aliens are cool and all - and as opposed to any other goon associated with this blog, I'm a sucker for a good critique on society/political undertone - but why nine? Because it's our new favorite number, that's why.










9 - Honestly speaking, a film with Tim Burton's name associated could have any title and there would be hordes of ardent fans running to see it... present company included. The fact that they were able to take an Academy Award-winning short film and turn it into a full length feature spells either epic triumph or horrific disaster - but, with names like Elijah Wood, John C. Reilly, and Jennifer Connelly (and, of course, we can't forget Burton himself), characters named "stitchpunks", and - now - the magic number nine associated... I'm thinking there's no way it can be anything but the former.








Nine - People have been hinting at it for a few years now, but I think it's safe to say that it's officially official... musicals are back. And this film is not only a display of THAT latest Hollywood trend, but also another one: the ensemble cast. Nine's cast is more or less a rundown of Academy Award winners/nominees of (mostly recent) years past - Daniel Day-Lewis, Nicole Kidman, Marion Cotillard, Penelope Cruz, Daaaaaaaame Judi Dench, Sophia Loren, Fergie(??!), and Kate Hudson (NINE of them!). Ignoring the fact that people are yet again trying to cast FERGIE into a movie, I bet this film is just one East High basketball player away from being the best musical ever. Maybe the sequel...?

::BONUS::

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If only we still had the Ed Sullivan Show

Virtually every blog/music authority out there is releasing his/her/their/someone’s version of a ‘Best...of the Decade’ as if poor September through December never had a chance in hell to make a difference. Originally, I thought of championing those four months’ cause on my back, and channeling my inner clairvoyance to predict some sort of ‘Top 10’ list of their best songs. Ultimately, I realized, I don’t even know ten songs that would be heard by any more ears than mine, so I came up with an alternate plan: Weekly Top 10s. Every week, I’ll take a sub-category that applied to music in this decade, and crank out a Top 10 list. Obviously, as the weeks go on, more of 2009 will be able to run for a coveted position on the list, thus giving every itsy bitsy little month its due shot at a prize (feel free to leave donations for gift baskets to go to the winners). And, now, onto the kick-off…


[Top 10 Brit Rock Imports of the '00s]
Beatlemania might have started it off in the ‘60s, but this decade has been NO stranger to our former bosses from across the pond. The intertubes helped us (many times, illegally) get music instantaneously from across the globe, and we spent the decade making good use of this rapid access. Mardy bums, Grace Kellys, Galangs, and Janie Jones alike - below are the lads and lasses who helped kick the global/viral music scene in the arse to make this decade what it was:


Their spot as one of my favourite bands aside, the Arctic Monkeys are the prime example of the power of the mixtape. Or, in their case, the EP. Either way, their instant success with no discernible marketing or advertising revolutionized the way that new bands approached “breaking out” into “the scene”. Now on their third album, and (lead singer) Alex Turner decided he’s suddenly from the backwoods of the South

(America’s, not England’s), they prove to make me feel entirely inadequate for being the same age, yet only rising to the level of BLOGGING about success stories.

“Do Me A Favour” – Arctic Monkeys

Bloc Party… talk about consistent track record. Bloc Party had critical acclaim the minute they came out with their first album, Silent Alarm, and haven’t managed to lose it since. With multitudes of EPs and pretty impressive standing in virtually every single notable music festival in the world – even Chicago’s finest – they are considered one of England’s biggest bands. I think the true testament to the massive affect they’ve had on their audience – over such a small span of time, no less – is embodied by the cavalcade of face-painted, English flag-toting, drunken blokes who boated across the ocean just to trample the weak and scream “FLUX!” over and over again on that fateful Lolla friday, one year ago. This mp3, below, is for them.

“Flux” – Bloc Party

S and I have talked about our sighing and swaying before, but the initial conversation behind this audible appreciation of music probably began with this song (below). The Kooks might be the best whole package representation of the English music scene, this decade: young, cockney, and a friend of the cover. The last one is what I find to be the most impressive, because it’s one thing to be recognized and adored for your own music, but it’s a whoooole ‘nother beast to also captivate by donning the vocal hats of the likes of Peter, Bjorn and John, Gnarls Barkley, Coldplay, and MGMT.
“Naive” – The Kooks

A Sri-Lankan born, London-raised female rapper with critical acclaim? If you’d have told me this in the ‘90s, I’d never have believed it. M.I.A. seemed to spark one main trend that currently prevails in hip hop: hipster hop. Despite being banned from entering the U.S. to work on her much-buzzed-about album, since her daddy was a terrorist and she was da bomb (no, on the real, her dad is a Tamil Tiger), she still managed to go to some exotic island locale, crank out an amazing sophomore LP., and lead the way for fello laydee indie MCs (e.g., Lady Sovereign, Amanda Blank, Kid Sister). Not to mention, she managed to take a Clash sample, throw in some gunfire, and turn it into a Top40 hit. Kudos go where kudos are due.

“Galang” – M.I.A.

Let’s ignore the fact that Perez Hilton thinks that he had ANYTHING to do with Mika’s rise to popularity, and just focus on the fact that the soprano songster managed to combine two major musical trends of the decade: emasculating falsetto (e.g., Scissor Sisters, Empire of the Sun, Magistrates) and sexual ambiguity (e.g., Sia, GaGa).
“Happy Ending” – Mika

Bat for Lashes could go one of two ways, live in concert: (1) dull and slow-moving, (B) fucking awesome. Last month, I learned that Natasha Khan + a sequined leotard + a slew of international instruments = the latter. B4L manages to combine sweet songs that lullaby me to sighing… or have deep beats that lead me to sway. Either way, the sigh/sway test rating is high.

“Pearl's Dream” – Bat for Lashes
BONUS: “Higher Than the Sun” (Primal Scream cover) – Bat for Lashes

Though I’m sure Muse’s career goal was accomplished when Adam Lambert covered their work during some episode of American Idol – thereby turning my adorable Korean coworker and her 12-year-old son onto them – I’d say they should feel content with just being known for being one of the best live acts of the decade (even if, technically, their first album was released in 1999). For 10 years that were so notable for technological advances that created great studio albums that turned into horrendous live performances, their standing as having conquered both sides of the musical fence is no small feat.
“Uprising” – Muse

When someone mentions Amy Winehouse, today, there’s hardly a person who thinks solely of her music. If nothing else, THAT is the true tragedy over what might be the music industry’s shortest, most violently condensed downward spiral. Screw up your own life that quickly if you’re a nobody, but when it’s plainly obvious that you still have years worth of talent and crooning… get your act together and give us another album, dammit! Winehouse DID help start one of the decade’s strongest musical trends within the UK: the female soul-singer/songwriter. The only problem is that after the success of that ONE album, while she was off wasting her time petting her crackpipe and snorting her cat, other singers like Duffy and Adele came through and showed that this good folk/soul music could come in a much more together package.

“Tears Dry On Their Own” – Amy Winehouse

Oooh, from one hot mess to another, it’s hardly worth mentioning Babyshambles without going straight into talking about Pete Doherty. He revolutionized the meaning of the new millennium’s version of a rock ‘n roll junkie might look like: fancier meds, more options to mix around, closely documented by media, much quicker physical deterioration of the body. He's a clear example of what decades of GOOD rock 'n roll music can do to an over-egoed lad with a guitar. Doherty's music, when he'd find the time to make it between doping up his cat and stealing from his former Libertines bandmates, is nowhere near the greatness of the fallen junkies' work he uses as rationalization for his entirely irrational behavior. But... by sheer virtue of having actually managed to stay alive, still making music that has potential to be genuinely amazing rock (should they ever manage to put out a complete album), and banging Kate Moss... Doherty & Co. deserve recognition for helping bring Brit Rock to the rest of us.
“Albion” – Babyshambles

A not-so-obvious choice for one of the best Brit imports of the decade, but Damien Rice might be the reason why this decade's TV shows and movies provided some of the best soundtracks Hollywood has ever seen. Full of angst and melodrama, his music is perfect for a good 'ol fashioned CW teen programming. On the other side, the music is actually deep and beautiful, so songs like "The Blower's Daughter" (below) make for Oscar-worthy scores. For a new generation who defines its life by the music it hears, Rice's music helped make the decade sound the way it did.

“The Blower's Daughter” – Damien Rice

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Oh, joyous joy of joys!

She's baaaaaaaaaaaack...



So are they :)

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You Make My Dreams

Squeal!

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Do it.

2.3 billion unborn will totes love you forever.

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Songs of Summer

Frankly, twasn't my favourite summer of life... but that's what fantastic summertime tunes are for! A million minutes spent on the subway, even more minutes of non-job-itudinal time to surf the interwebs, and a splendid Lolla made for many great songs discovered and enjoyed. Here are a few I lurved this summer, and will probably listen to past Labor Day...

Pony Pony Run Run - Hey You
I posted this one before, moons ago, but I'm still not over it, making it possibly/probably my fave song of the summer.

The xx - Crystalised
Runner up. Can't stop listening to it.

fun. - All The Pretty Girls
Really, I only learned of this song yesterday, but it's quickly climbing my most played list and is sure to brighten these last days of summer.

Free Energy - Dream City
la la la, sigh.

MGMT - Hot Love Drama
Princey. And kinda Leona Lewisy. I like.

Harlem Shakes - Y Control (YYYs cover)
Has creeped its way past the original in my order of liking.

Jaydiohead - Song and Cry
A tad depressing, yes, but sometimes life makes you sad and you need to wallow. Also, it's quite a genius mashup.

Discovery - Carby (ft. Ezra Koenig)
Best song from this supergroup of dreams.

Arcade Fire - Wake Up (Where The Wild Things Are)
Spent a good part of the summer watching this trailer over and over, waiting for summer to be done with so I can watch this movie over and over.

Beach Boys - Wouldn't It Be Nice
Summerest of songs, ever.

The End. Bring on the end of summertime, Danny.

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THUD.

...that's my heart. Because they're adorable.


Sigh...

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No, pull DOWN the covers!

Now, I know I've made it no secret that I'm a huge fan of covers - namely the latest craze with Radio1 redos of tunes released mere seconds before their respective covers have begun rotating around the blogosphere. What really makes a good cover is the fresh perspective an artist can bring to an already established song in order to vamp the song into something all his/her/their own. But, sometimes, this handover/renewed ownership can backfire and the public will start to think these covers are the work of the reinterpreteur. Well, I'm here to give the limelight back to its due owner(s):

"This Woman's Work" - Kate Bush
...this might be the best example of a cover overshadowing the original work. Ever since Maxwell first covered this during his MTV Unplugged special... and then Love and Basketball used it for THAT scene... and then it was used for every other contemporary girl solo during every SYTYCD episode known to man, I'd venture to guess that all of YOU even thought it was a Maxwell original (not that any of you remember who Maxwell is anymore).
** I'd also like to include this song as homage to be paid the late, great John Hughes. Hear, hear, She's Having a Baby. **



"Hurt" - Nine Inch Nails
...Johnny Cash's NIN cover is a little harder to spot, because it seemed that he finally began accepting his old age, when he recorded this rendition, and took out various no-no words. Everyone knows that "crown of shit" is the signature Trent Reznor tell!

"Hallelujah" - Leonard Cohen
...It's a toss up as to which version of this 3948394x-covered is the one people always mistake for the original: Rufus Wainright or Jeff Buckley's, but the fact remains that few realize who crooned this originally borderline spoken word tune.

"Knocked Up" - Kings of Leon
...I mostly put this up as a yolk with S, since some poor, misguided soul seemed to think that KoL was DOING A COVER of Lykke Li, during the former's set at Lollapalooza. Y'know... because Lykke would obviously be the one to pen a song about a pregnant lover. Ah, to misguided youths...

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Mad about Men

This show. That man. Sigh... I realize - and regret - that I am years behind in obsessing over Mad Men, but I will totally make up for lost time with my level of obsession, just you wait.

A few thoughts, now that I'm caught up to the rest of the world (may contain undecipherable spoilers):

Frickin Jon Hamm, you are gorgy. Remember on 30 Rock how he was in a beautiful bubble and I was like "damn, he IS beautiful."? Times infinity in a suit and/or shirtless.

Granted I only know about the 50s/60s ad-men era what this show, and maybe Revolutionary Road, has told me, I think the qualities of the characters are pretty true to any time. And - excuse me while I whine for a mo - especially lately, I have been right there with Don Jon and his feelings of discontent. Life is confusing, y'know? And while I may not sleep around on my wife, when he does (sleep around on my wife), I most of the time don't hate him for it. Is that awful? Probs. What I'm tryinggg to say is that I think he does a good job of giving depth to the character, exposing emotions and thoughts through every tryst - many times with just a dreamy crease of the brow - rather than just being a van der sloot.

Another thing I really like about this show is how a lot of times they just don't explain things. Why did you randomly stop shaving or telling us of the day Sally was born? Did Betty ever bring in your 'if lost, return to' suitcase from the front step? I don't know if watching two seasons in a week made this more or less frustrating than it would've been, but at first, I really expected them to finish every conversation and make up every argument. But I quite like that they don't.

I love Harry Crane, I hope he gets a dedicated plotline. And actually I really like Pete, with his blue suit and whinypants douchiness. Oh and I so called it about Salvatore in like the first eppy. Betty is so pretty, I kind of can't get over it. I haven't yet decided if I like Peggy, but I do feel pretty bad that she has to live with that haircut outside of filming. Oh well, women's lib and all that.

I feel like I should learn to drink alcohol neat. How did they do that? And more amazingly, how did all our parents get born with their parents all drinking and smoking and preggering all at once?

I hope this show encourages men to dress in suits.

Finally, yay for the Sesame Street spoof! Let's be honest, it's so I can be in touch for this parody that I started watching this show at all. Are they allowed to have cigarettes on SS? I mean they can barely have cookies.

P.S. Check me out, dirrty martini-ing it up with DD!

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Lollapop, Lollapop...

One week is the suggested recovery time from a 3-day outdoor rain or supershine lollapalooza. So it's been more than that, and we're finally ready to talk about it.

Here is the color guide, so you know who is saying what: S, R

FRIDAY

Fleet Foxes
What angel voices, I'm surprised their serenades didn't part the clouds and bring on the rays of light. Also, I hereby declare cutting out the elbows of one's plaid button-down the new cutting off the legs of your old ratty jeans.
"Brother, you don't need to turn. me. away." --these boys were the harmoniest of harmonicas. From beards to the hat socks to flannel to the danger of getting electrocuted... this set was the perfect example of how Lolla doesn't sate my desire to see a band perform, it just makes me want more.

Thievery Corporation
I went to TC, knowing/liking several of their songs, but not thinking much of what to expect. Turns out, they're a DAMN GOOD live show. They're kind of the perfect festival act: there are 39483094 people on stage, they have a faux-message to send about poverty or racial profiling or freeing Tibet or somethingoranother, there are fun drums - it's a wash! I hadn't thought about it before, but I think it might actually be really cool to go check out their live show (that's a lie, I had thought about it... I just thought it might just be 4 harpists situated around a sitar).
me: hm why don't i remember thievery corp at all?
R has taken this chat off the record
R: they were - shhh - blaaack.
...Ah yes, those.

Of Montreal
Robots and ninjas and balloons, oh my! This was one of the bands that I felt seeing at Lolla was just a peek of a lady's ankle, what a tease! Anyway, LURVED IT.
I learned the trick to Lolla pretty early: go pee before you HAVE to. The apocalypto gas mask people and giant clown ladies and - yes - "robots and ninjas and balloons, oh my!" had me watching, but the pending doom of my bladder exploding kept me more interested. C'est la vie.

Kings of Leon


UH-FRICKIN-MAZE-ING. What a dreamy you are, Caleb Nichol, singing about fiery sexytimes. And the drummer, you renaissanciest of men, playing your harmonica and beatboxing and whistling and whittling, all while you beat to the beat. And, R and I, swaying like we were Zanessa. It was a beautiful thing, really.
EEEEP! Zanessa swaying, indeed! Sigh...
No, really, that's more or less ALL I DID. Just stand there and sigh... and sway... and sigh. Caleb managed to find a common sexual experience among all the throngs in the audience and himself. Nathan was a percussive animal. The bassist was gorgy. Sigh...
Sway...

Kings of Leon - Sex on Fire

La Pasadita
Mmmm...
Mmmm... (though, it has to be said, I haven't been back SINCE Lolla weekend, for fear of having OD'ed on the greatest burritos Chicago has to offer)


SATURDAY

Los Campesinos!
Thanks for giving me time to situate myself for the band following you.
So... they're Welsh. (??)

Arctic Monkeys


You swoon, you mosh, and then you die. This was the highlight of the weekend and also this year's edition of "We Survived the 7' Tall Man Trampoose-a-lot Convention". Though being sandwiched between two of the world's tallest (and nicest) Mardy Bums did limit my view of Dreamy McCutiepants Alex Turnypoo, it also prevented me from being stomped on by high schoolers. For the best, I guessss...
I'm sure I would've been doing my KoL sighing for this set, too, had I not been having to Atlas shrug the thousands of loonies off my back. In my opinion, they didn't play enough from their first album, but I guess that's what you get when you go see a band about to release their third. In terms of our lives hanging in the balance, this didn't hold A CANDLE to last year's WS7TMT-a-LC: Rage Against the Machine edition, but I was a little surprised that a band who wrote/sang "Riot Van" could evoke such a brashness from the world's tallest 17-year-olds. Then again, I suppose it's because they wrote/sang a song about a "Riot Van".
I guess I should say something about the music, huh? Well the percussivist, whatever his name is, was great. Alex couldn't've given a damn about me dying or anyone else in the audience, but he's pretty and sings about 505, so we forgive.

Arctic Monkeys - Crying Lightning

SantOgold
This ain't Maury, bia, best keep your personal anecdotes to yoself. Just sing to me about Brooklyn, and be on your way.
So, of all the YouTubing I did about Santi, back when she was but a blip on the Billyburg hipster-hop/indie/folk scene, I never thought her performances would amount to anything. Since we were recovering from Arctypoos, we weren't remotely close by... but I appreciated her creating (Eh? Eh? Get it? I'll be here all night, folks...) a dance floor for people to behave inappropriately whilst thousands looked on.

TV on the Radio
Tunde, how could I forget you?? TVOTR was fun. I was not satisfied seeing them at Lolla, from what was essentially the Santi stage area, but I could see Toonds bouncing away and that was nice. As a fan who didn't lurve the mountainous cookie album and did lurve scientist dears, I must say this set was just right. Good on you, Tunde, not only for having that magical stick on Lost, but for being a splendid show-ratuer.
Ughh, fiiiiine, I'll talk about them too. Actually, I quite purposefully left out TVotR, since I didn't find being waaayyy at the back (and exhausted) the way to see them. You see, since I first began doom-doom-doom-ing the background humdingers to "Ambulence", 3984093844a albums ago, I've wanted to see Tunde & Co. live, but for whatever reason (and there have been several) I have never managed. That's why I thought Lolla was a pussy way of popping that cherry (yeah, yeah, tawdry language... get over it...). Tunde channeled a lot more of an inner James Brown than I'd have thought, but there were a good number of people on that stage who looked kind of bored. Who knows if my mind would've changed, had I seen their two biggies ("DLZ" and "Staring at the Sun"), but with KarenOgold flanking their set... it seemed they were in high spirits and welcome company.

Diplo
Wiiki wikki.
Check Diplo out... all suited up. Barney would be so proud.
AWW, Swarls! If you had said that during the dancey dance dj set, I think it would've been exponentially improved.

Animal Collective
Alright, Enya. You fail for not playing the songs I wanted to hear... or any songs at all.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs


Okay, so I wasn't soo enthused to see them, but KO surely told me so. She was fabulous and so endearing, forgetting the lyrics to her own biggest hit song. What a cute crazy.
The minute "Runaway" started, and Karen O came out in her Native American headdress, I was immediately taken back to when I last saw her, live. She's such a Siouxsie Sioux, and I luuuuurve her for it! And, yes, her forgetting the words to a slowed-down "Maps" might be the most adorable thing, ever.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps (Acoustic Live)

Wavy Wizards
What a perfect end to a lovely day and night.
Day and night...la la la la la la, free his mind at night...


SUNDAY

Ra Ra Riot
Cheerful, summertime music on a grassy knoll = bliss. I could put that lead singer in my pocket and take him home and hug him all day. And the cellist is super hot. Go Ra Ra. Sis-boom-bah.
I think my ethnicity changed, during the course of the 12:30pm set on the most albedo-y, sun ray bans in my face day, but I daresay it was worth it. Talk about more renaissancey folk, this damn cellist/pianist/cute dress wearer more or less stole the show for me.

Bat for Lashes


Ohmigod, GIVE. ME. THAT. OUTFIT.
Okay, so while ^^this one^^ was ogling Natasha Khan's sequined leotard, I was amazed at how she could honestly belt out that voice in that sweltering heat. She even apologized to us, at one point, for her cottonmouth, but I honestly wouldn't have even known she was struggling had she not told me so. Her bopping and use of 9383943 different instruments from foreign lands and lady drummer and just all-around adorabilityiosity made B4L one of the best shows of the weekend for me.

Bat For Lashes - Pearl's Dream

Gang Gang Dance
I peed at this time. And some baby went deaf.
Gang Gang is the quintessential sit-on-a-hill-and-listen-to-some-tunes band. It's also very much like Thievery Corporation, where you don't know if all 3948394 people on the stage are contributing to the music, or if the 4 main musicians just brought some friends along to par-tay. Gang Gang definitely lives up to the third word in the title, but they also prove they're musicians... like, they make music... like, sometimes there are just drums and doot doots and no words. For a hot Sunday afternoon, where I know I'll need a break, it works. I'm just not sure where else it might...

Vampire Weekend
Roar, Lion, Roar... la la la...
...from Alma Mater to the--Lollapalooza main stage?

Passion Pit


Yet another band that Lolla dangled in front of me and then left me wanting more of. Even Brocks loved the fro-y falsetto of Passion Pit, and that's saying something. Also I was raped by a tattoo poet's ass. All in all, a fantastic show.
I treat all the Lolla shows as if I am their mother, so I have a tough time Rosemary's Baby-ing it to try and decide on the best. Buuuuuuutttt... I'd have to say PP was DEFINITELY up there. They got to play the stage that in the street, which always seems to host my favorite acts (Black Kids and Girl Talk, last year), because it tends to be full of bands that want to just make you forget about the sun beating down your back (and does it) and make you move. Move, we did.
I hope my boyfriend doesn't sue me for talking about our personal time all on the intrawebs.

Passion Pit - Sleepyhead (Neo Tokyo remix)

Snoop Dogg
By far the toughest choice R and I (by which I mean, S) had to make. Snoop or Lou Reed. In the end, we played it right. Snoop first, to smoke and blap and one hand in my pocket, other hand making a peace sign with the best of Chi's high school population... so like, our 5th set of underage boyfriends of the weekend.
Aww, high school boyfriends! Situating ourselves by this particular set was definitely eye-opening, though, as I learned that children born in the '90s are perfectly capable of using [insert whatever illegal music downloading agent kids prefer these days] to learn all about the drug use, mysogany, loose sexual endeavors, and police authority abuse in which Long Beachers were taking part when they were but crawling around in their nappies. There was plenty of audience participation, particularly when Snoop tricked us into telling him we wanted to fuck him. Hmm, my mama always warned me about boys like him...

Lou Reed
Take a walk on the wild side, la la. Conveniently we caught the only song by him I know. He's old, it was way past his bedtime... and set-time, really.
We got to Lou just in time, it seemed, since we heard his beginning was suck and he ended up going over by about 20 min.

The Killers
I really forgot what good performers they are, and they've gotten so better. Remember the first time I saw them on their Hot Fuss tour and I loved Petunia Flowers? And then when that happened again this time? A perfect night. Minus one of my high school boyfriends calling me "ma'am", but don't worry, I got him back by denying his dying friend a sip of water.
Aww, Killers... I haven't seen them in moons either, and what with KoL and YYY, I completely forgot that Sunday too had a pretty killer (hey-o! whew, man, where DO I come up with this stuff? Don't forget to tip your waitress...) headliner. Thankfully, they're also the kind of band that recognizes their new stuff, but doesn't forget the cold classic with which we all fell in love. All those years ago, when they first hit it big, they promised us to be the nouveau glam rockers of our generation... when the final chords of "When We Were Young" blared, and the pyro blasted, and I forgot about the pain in my feet and jumped right along with the crowd... I realized that they might have done it, after all.

The Killers - All These Things That I've Done


And then we separated with only our memories and battle scars. Life after Lolla sucks.

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PSA!

You guys! Wear your seat belts!
In taxis, too!
Especially in taxis!
Here's why:

















See? I was in that cab. Not the yeller one. The other one. And it crashed, and the airbags came out, and I hit my leg on the plastic thingie between the seats, and now I have a boo-boo.
And we had to go to the hospital (Bellevue - am I the only one who thought that was just a mental hospital? When they said that's where we were going I was like "nooo, I'm not crazy! there WAS an accident!!." But actually it has a big ER and stuff, too). Anyway we went there and I got to ride in an ambulance (!) which was wayy exciting, and the EMTs were very very nice. But the ER staff was not, because they have stressful jobs or summat. Psh.

Anyway, they stuck me in pediatrics because I am only 22, which is a terribly young age. But that was actually a bad thing because I had to fight with adorable children for attention, and, though I was wearing my spider-leg eyelashes, no amount of batting can compete with a 4 year old with a cough. I was supposed to get a tetnis shot (because of the boo-boo), but then after 3 and a half hours I was booooored so I was all "laaaate." And here we are.

So let this be a lesson to you all: Wear your seat belts in cabs, or else you too might have to go to the hospital and deal with mildly unpleasant staff, and spend 3 hours trying to find the trombone in the tree in the Highlights magazine. Which is pretty fun, but still.

Are you all going to wear seat belts in taxis now? Promise?
Good.

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"It is better to be beautiful than to be good."

But it is better to be good than to be suck. You hear me, makers of Dorian Gray The Movie??

The Picture of Dorian Gray is my absolute favourite novel, albeit of like five in my repertoire...really, it should mean more, that as a non-reader I am so impressed by any book. But enough of my justificationalizing, you really should read it for yourself. And DEFO if you plan to see this movie, as with other print-to-screen fabulosities (ahemHP).

Already the trailer (and, yes, the back of the book, for those cheaters such as Ping Wen) gives away the whole story and shows his frickin' face instead of saving it for climactic purposes, but I must say, it makes Dorian Gray look both beautifully filmed and captivating. I must also say that though I was skeptical to Ben Barnes being cast as Dorian, seeing many a lady's bosom up ons him makes me believe, and a little jealous. But so help me god, if this movie doesn't live up to my Wildest dreams, I will... be very upset.

Remember, read then watch. The movie, that is. You may watch the trailer now:

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So. Many. Tears.

Okay, I’m going to try LIKE MAD to get this recap up before the Results Show, also the 100^th eppy of SYTYCD, airs tonight. TRY. LIKE. MAD.

--ADDENDUM: Clearly, this did not happen. In fact, my read-the-end-of-the-book-first roommate chose to go ahead and Wikipedia the results, last night, since we were unable to watch the Results Show. So, now, I am attempting to finish this post not only after I said I would, but with full knowledge of the outcome. To be fair, I was almost done before I had any clue who would be sent home, so I will be sure to complete the final 10% with as much of my usual gusto as possible.--

Firstly: ELLEN! If they had put any other person as the “fourth jidge” on the panel, I’d have likely boycotted up and down the halls. Because it’s Ellen and she can do no wrong, I deemed it perfectly appropriate. She was laying it on a little thick with the jokes, but it was clear that she felt like a slight novice up on the jidging panel and was making up for it.

Speaking of the jidges, I think someone forgot to refill their respective Xanax prescriptions, because they had all gone bat fucking crazy. Nigel had received some sort of honorary doctorate in what I can only assume was some sort of quantum physics, which allowed him to regress in age and proceed to behave as a five-year-old for the duration of the show: putting his hand over Mary’s mouth, telling her to “shut up,” and playground mocking the boo-ing audience. It “warranted” Mary calling him an “English muffin” not once, but twice. Aside from name calling, Mary also tried to experiment with word emphasis. Tried, and failed. You see, Mary, placing the emphasis on the word “does” in “It DOES get better and better” suggests that we’re refuting you. No one is, so stop yelling at us.



[Group Dance]
MORE TRAVIS WALL. Agghhh, I can hardly take so much success on his part! I daresay that Travis’ work, just these two weeks alone, is already getting to the level of Tyce Diorio and some Mia Michaels (there’s some shit she does that no one can touch). But he’s definitely better than the Mandy Moores and that one Canadian choreographers of the show. Despite hating the song, I could see Travis pulling some inspiration from the Wade Top 4 group number from the Season 2 finale (*ahem* with a better song, of course). The wardrobe confused the hell out of me, and I can only suspect that their lunch at Chuck-E-Cheese was cut short so they had to spend all their tickets last minute. Ergo, flashing accessories. Between last week and this group number, I think my ideal Top 4 would be: Kayla, Enchilada, Jason Danny, and Brandon David. I love my Kaz…zak and Chonga, but they haven’t always wowed me like those four – especially the former, who just CANNOT get it together for anything that’s remotely hip-hoppy.



There were plenty o’ performances, this week, as each (slightly newly arranged) couple danced TWO dances… just in case they needed to redeem themselves. And, boy, did some need to redeem themselves.

[Evan and Janette - jazz]
Kaz…zak and Enchilada doing Sonya jazz? Kaz…zak and Enchilada?? Really?! What a strange and short routine this will be. The rehearsal footage just made me more endeared to Kazzy, who I so desperately want to shock and surprise me by doing incredibly well. Watching the piece, I see that he doesn’t do THAT terribly, but Enchilada totes spanks him as she proves, yet again, that she can do so much more than salsa. It was during the critique of this dance that the awkward fight between Nigel and Mary went down. Poor Ellen, whom I believe when she says that she just “wanted good seats to the show,” just sits there like child who is the product of her broken home. I think the final piece of proof that Enchilada is this season’s Sabra came when Mia told her that she was her favorite. Should we just start shining the trophy now?

[Kayla]
As Cat said, Kayla is just “white lightning.” It’s a little hard to watch someone do a 30 sec. solo to the same song to which Mia did one of my favorite group routines… ever.

[Brandon and Jeanine - waltz]
It was actually during this routine that I discovered the couples were all performing two dances, since this pairing is POISED to be amazing and yet was handed a slightly banal waltz. It’s tough enough to watch a waltz, but to watch a Lord of the Rings waltz is just a notch below excruciating. The only truly exciting bit of this waltz was watching everyone’s laugh track-like response to Ellen’s jokes. I wonder if Portia is sitting backstage with a gun to everyone’s heads that they MUST laugh at her jokes. In any case, I love her and only implore others to give her any and all recognition. The rest of the jidges didn’t like it, and it gave Mia a reason to finally return to her slightly bitchy “I’m disappointed”/”I need more” persona.

[Jason]
Judging by Jason Danny’s musical taste, he’s a 15-year-old with whom I attended high school, no? I swear to god, if he does a solo to Paramore, next, I’m going to start rethinking my love affair. Dammit, someone bring back Ashley with her CocoRosie!!

[Ade and Melissa - cha cha]
I think we’re supposed to be excited about the reunion of Miss Havisham and LemonAde, but they were really only apart for a week. And only one dance at that. And, OH BOY, was this cha cha horrifically unfortunate. At one point, I think the two of them might have actually gone to sleep – or maybe they tried, but LemonAde’s pants woke them up. Of course, because I think it was terrible, the jidges are going to have some awesome and great to say. I’m starting to think Miss Havisham is really 9348309438 years older than she claims to be… and a sorceress, who is putting some sort of spell over the jidges who claim to love everything she does.

[Janette]
This solo just shows me that Enchilada has now learned to be TOO good. I think she actually just pulled off a lyrical salsa. Lord.

[Jason and Kayla - Broadway]
Oh my good god, what a perfectly pirouetted couple! I think I just need Jason Danny to always be paired up with contemporary dancers. Contemporary dancers who DO NOT SUCK LIKE CAITLIN. The jazzy style that Tyce uses in his Broadway routines really works for him, and Nigel clearly agrees when he compares him to Gene Kelly. Mia has just been perpetually checking out Kayla since the start, and this number is no exception – her entire critique discussed how much of “a girl” she thinks Kayla is. You could almost see the fear seep out of Kayla’s eyes and hear her sigh of relief, as she finally received the confirmation she’s so long been seeking.

[Ade]
For all that I never bothered to notice about LemonAde before his first fated solo on the show, I feel that he has established a very obvious style in a very short amount of time. While I’d normally like this, it almost seems like the same solo each time.

[Evan and Janette - rumba]
Lord, a number where Kaz…zak has to be sexy? And a latino? I don’t think it even matters, because it’s blatantly obvious that Enchilada is going to be ssoooo ridiculously good enough for the both of them. It was a little strange for them to be dancing to a Kris Allen cover of a Fray cover of a Kanye song, but that’s fine as long as they danced it well. Erm, or as long as she did. To be fair, though, Kazzy didn’t do AS poorly as I thought he would. The critique was all really pointless, as Nigel commented on how hilaaaarious he thought Kaz…zak’s face is. Ellen liked it well enough. I think Mary screamed (though I can’t really remember). And Mia went on and on about how much she loooooves Evan, something we all know, and how his face is just great and how it didn’t suck in this piece because it looked like Zoolander. Something tells me that just because you say that you LIKED what someone did in disregard of what they were supposed to do, it doesn’t necessarily mask the fact that you still pointed out that they didn’t do what they were supposed to. Enchilada was, unsurprisingly, unbelievable.

[Melissa]
This is ridiculous. Now, I loveloveLOVE the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. And I lovelovelove this song. But, this isn’t even contemporary ballet anymore. This is her forgetting to do her hair and then getting ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DONE to the tune of a good song. Ugh…

[Brandon and Jeanine – pop jazz]
OH MY GOD, LAURIE ANN GIBSON. Now, a little background info on yours truly, everyone: I used to (and, really, I only say “used to” because it no longer exists) LUUUUURVE Making the Band. Namely, Danity Kane. Say what you will, but singing and dancing and ridiculously high-paid producers making unbelievably catchy urban pop music? C’MON! For the 9348394 seasons of MTB, when they were still weeding through the weave and the press-on nails to find the right girls for the band that would only break up three years down the road, Laurie Ann was the psycho choreographer who would “boom kak” her way through grueling dance rehearsals. To see her come from there to the SYTYCD stage is ssoooo exciting! Personal victory, hurray!!
Now, onto recapping the actual performance: It’s a little strange to me that LAG would do pop jazz as her genre, especially when this could make a really good hip hop routine. It upset me a little that they were a bit off synce from one another, but this kind of routine was MADE for BranDave. Also, Ellen probably said it best, when she claimed that they “made it appealing to join some sort of armed forces.” I also, soon after, learned that Mia Michaels and LAG are somehow sisters. Nepotism? I’m just sayin’.

[Evan]
LOVELOVELOVELOVE.

[Jeanine]
I think Wade showed us during Season 3, but everyone should always dance to "Let the Drummer Kick it". The emphasis on the piano makes for really good contemporary, and this was no exception.

[Ade and Melissa - contemporary]
OH MY GOOD GOD, WHAT A FUCKING SOB FEST. Of course, Tyce decides that we could all do with a good story about cancer and heartache and ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have to say, with a slight fear of looking like an insensitive asshole, I really, really wanted Miss Havisham to go home after this week, and it is very difficult to make this happen if you put her in a fucking Tyce goddamn Diorio contemporary? Ugh. It’s also one of those scenarios where I was HOPING it was damn good, because I’d feel guilty as hell for not liking it if it wasn’t. However: not a concern, because as I said before… it moved everyone to the point where they were in tears. And, I mean EVERYONE. Miss Havisham was crying. Mary was obviously crying. NIGEL was crying – he even turned around to start sobbing. Mia was in hysterics. Oh, good god, was everyone all kinds of torn up. I will say, in terms of the piece, that I liked what Tyce did by not necessarily picking a song that was a cliché heartache and drama and angst and tragedy song (Celine Dion and the like), but instead picking a love song about a woman. Not to mention, I love Maxwell.



[Brandon]
Brandon might be the only person who COULD have a solo after that. He just leaped and bound and racehorsed his way around.

[Jason and Kayla – hip hop]
So, it has to be said: THIS is the point at which I had left off with my recap. Writing this with full knowledge of the end of last night’s Results Show makes me the saddest, ever. Depending on at what point I muster up the courage to actually SEE said Results Show, you’ll understand that recap.
I was pretty excited to see Jason Danny do a hip hop with a CAPABLE partner. He even got Shane Sparks choreography, again, so it was a true shot at redeeming himself. And, then, Shane decided to go with ZOMBIES! KEWL! Naturally, Kayla was the zombie mistress (which actually works pretty well, considering she’s rather supernaturally white). The “lift” at the end, which was really just a mid-air strangle, was one of the coolest tricks of the entire night. I liked that it was very obviously Shane Sparks’ style, which can sometimes be lacking in his work when he tries to do the Nappy Tabs style “lyrical hip hop.” I was a huge fan, and I’m glad that SOMEONE got SOMETHING right -- *ahem* AMERICA! Ughh, I’m too upset at what Wikipedia has taught me, so I’m going to actually go back to work (instead of finding a way to surreptitiously watch various YouTube clips whilst at the office). I’ll be sure to update, once I muster the strength to watch the Results Show since, as my friend Ryan said:

Ryan: but you have to
you have to watch it for the blog
for the blog followers

Until then…

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