So. Many. Tears.

Okay, I’m going to try LIKE MAD to get this recap up before the Results Show, also the 100^th eppy of SYTYCD, airs tonight. TRY. LIKE. MAD.

--ADDENDUM: Clearly, this did not happen. In fact, my read-the-end-of-the-book-first roommate chose to go ahead and Wikipedia the results, last night, since we were unable to watch the Results Show. So, now, I am attempting to finish this post not only after I said I would, but with full knowledge of the outcome. To be fair, I was almost done before I had any clue who would be sent home, so I will be sure to complete the final 10% with as much of my usual gusto as possible.--

Firstly: ELLEN! If they had put any other person as the “fourth jidge” on the panel, I’d have likely boycotted up and down the halls. Because it’s Ellen and she can do no wrong, I deemed it perfectly appropriate. She was laying it on a little thick with the jokes, but it was clear that she felt like a slight novice up on the jidging panel and was making up for it.

Speaking of the jidges, I think someone forgot to refill their respective Xanax prescriptions, because they had all gone bat fucking crazy. Nigel had received some sort of honorary doctorate in what I can only assume was some sort of quantum physics, which allowed him to regress in age and proceed to behave as a five-year-old for the duration of the show: putting his hand over Mary’s mouth, telling her to “shut up,” and playground mocking the boo-ing audience. It “warranted” Mary calling him an “English muffin” not once, but twice. Aside from name calling, Mary also tried to experiment with word emphasis. Tried, and failed. You see, Mary, placing the emphasis on the word “does” in “It DOES get better and better” suggests that we’re refuting you. No one is, so stop yelling at us.



[Group Dance]
MORE TRAVIS WALL. Agghhh, I can hardly take so much success on his part! I daresay that Travis’ work, just these two weeks alone, is already getting to the level of Tyce Diorio and some Mia Michaels (there’s some shit she does that no one can touch). But he’s definitely better than the Mandy Moores and that one Canadian choreographers of the show. Despite hating the song, I could see Travis pulling some inspiration from the Wade Top 4 group number from the Season 2 finale (*ahem* with a better song, of course). The wardrobe confused the hell out of me, and I can only suspect that their lunch at Chuck-E-Cheese was cut short so they had to spend all their tickets last minute. Ergo, flashing accessories. Between last week and this group number, I think my ideal Top 4 would be: Kayla, Enchilada, Jason Danny, and Brandon David. I love my Kaz…zak and Chonga, but they haven’t always wowed me like those four – especially the former, who just CANNOT get it together for anything that’s remotely hip-hoppy.



There were plenty o’ performances, this week, as each (slightly newly arranged) couple danced TWO dances… just in case they needed to redeem themselves. And, boy, did some need to redeem themselves.

[Evan and Janette - jazz]
Kaz…zak and Enchilada doing Sonya jazz? Kaz…zak and Enchilada?? Really?! What a strange and short routine this will be. The rehearsal footage just made me more endeared to Kazzy, who I so desperately want to shock and surprise me by doing incredibly well. Watching the piece, I see that he doesn’t do THAT terribly, but Enchilada totes spanks him as she proves, yet again, that she can do so much more than salsa. It was during the critique of this dance that the awkward fight between Nigel and Mary went down. Poor Ellen, whom I believe when she says that she just “wanted good seats to the show,” just sits there like child who is the product of her broken home. I think the final piece of proof that Enchilada is this season’s Sabra came when Mia told her that she was her favorite. Should we just start shining the trophy now?

[Kayla]
As Cat said, Kayla is just “white lightning.” It’s a little hard to watch someone do a 30 sec. solo to the same song to which Mia did one of my favorite group routines… ever.

[Brandon and Jeanine - waltz]
It was actually during this routine that I discovered the couples were all performing two dances, since this pairing is POISED to be amazing and yet was handed a slightly banal waltz. It’s tough enough to watch a waltz, but to watch a Lord of the Rings waltz is just a notch below excruciating. The only truly exciting bit of this waltz was watching everyone’s laugh track-like response to Ellen’s jokes. I wonder if Portia is sitting backstage with a gun to everyone’s heads that they MUST laugh at her jokes. In any case, I love her and only implore others to give her any and all recognition. The rest of the jidges didn’t like it, and it gave Mia a reason to finally return to her slightly bitchy “I’m disappointed”/”I need more” persona.

[Jason]
Judging by Jason Danny’s musical taste, he’s a 15-year-old with whom I attended high school, no? I swear to god, if he does a solo to Paramore, next, I’m going to start rethinking my love affair. Dammit, someone bring back Ashley with her CocoRosie!!

[Ade and Melissa - cha cha]
I think we’re supposed to be excited about the reunion of Miss Havisham and LemonAde, but they were really only apart for a week. And only one dance at that. And, OH BOY, was this cha cha horrifically unfortunate. At one point, I think the two of them might have actually gone to sleep – or maybe they tried, but LemonAde’s pants woke them up. Of course, because I think it was terrible, the jidges are going to have some awesome and great to say. I’m starting to think Miss Havisham is really 9348309438 years older than she claims to be… and a sorceress, who is putting some sort of spell over the jidges who claim to love everything she does.

[Janette]
This solo just shows me that Enchilada has now learned to be TOO good. I think she actually just pulled off a lyrical salsa. Lord.

[Jason and Kayla - Broadway]
Oh my good god, what a perfectly pirouetted couple! I think I just need Jason Danny to always be paired up with contemporary dancers. Contemporary dancers who DO NOT SUCK LIKE CAITLIN. The jazzy style that Tyce uses in his Broadway routines really works for him, and Nigel clearly agrees when he compares him to Gene Kelly. Mia has just been perpetually checking out Kayla since the start, and this number is no exception – her entire critique discussed how much of “a girl” she thinks Kayla is. You could almost see the fear seep out of Kayla’s eyes and hear her sigh of relief, as she finally received the confirmation she’s so long been seeking.

[Ade]
For all that I never bothered to notice about LemonAde before his first fated solo on the show, I feel that he has established a very obvious style in a very short amount of time. While I’d normally like this, it almost seems like the same solo each time.

[Evan and Janette - rumba]
Lord, a number where Kaz…zak has to be sexy? And a latino? I don’t think it even matters, because it’s blatantly obvious that Enchilada is going to be ssoooo ridiculously good enough for the both of them. It was a little strange for them to be dancing to a Kris Allen cover of a Fray cover of a Kanye song, but that’s fine as long as they danced it well. Erm, or as long as she did. To be fair, though, Kazzy didn’t do AS poorly as I thought he would. The critique was all really pointless, as Nigel commented on how hilaaaarious he thought Kaz…zak’s face is. Ellen liked it well enough. I think Mary screamed (though I can’t really remember). And Mia went on and on about how much she loooooves Evan, something we all know, and how his face is just great and how it didn’t suck in this piece because it looked like Zoolander. Something tells me that just because you say that you LIKED what someone did in disregard of what they were supposed to do, it doesn’t necessarily mask the fact that you still pointed out that they didn’t do what they were supposed to. Enchilada was, unsurprisingly, unbelievable.

[Melissa]
This is ridiculous. Now, I loveloveLOVE the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. And I lovelovelove this song. But, this isn’t even contemporary ballet anymore. This is her forgetting to do her hair and then getting ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DONE to the tune of a good song. Ugh…

[Brandon and Jeanine – pop jazz]
OH MY GOD, LAURIE ANN GIBSON. Now, a little background info on yours truly, everyone: I used to (and, really, I only say “used to” because it no longer exists) LUUUUURVE Making the Band. Namely, Danity Kane. Say what you will, but singing and dancing and ridiculously high-paid producers making unbelievably catchy urban pop music? C’MON! For the 9348394 seasons of MTB, when they were still weeding through the weave and the press-on nails to find the right girls for the band that would only break up three years down the road, Laurie Ann was the psycho choreographer who would “boom kak” her way through grueling dance rehearsals. To see her come from there to the SYTYCD stage is ssoooo exciting! Personal victory, hurray!!
Now, onto recapping the actual performance: It’s a little strange to me that LAG would do pop jazz as her genre, especially when this could make a really good hip hop routine. It upset me a little that they were a bit off synce from one another, but this kind of routine was MADE for BranDave. Also, Ellen probably said it best, when she claimed that they “made it appealing to join some sort of armed forces.” I also, soon after, learned that Mia Michaels and LAG are somehow sisters. Nepotism? I’m just sayin’.

[Evan]
LOVELOVELOVELOVE.

[Jeanine]
I think Wade showed us during Season 3, but everyone should always dance to "Let the Drummer Kick it". The emphasis on the piano makes for really good contemporary, and this was no exception.

[Ade and Melissa - contemporary]
OH MY GOOD GOD, WHAT A FUCKING SOB FEST. Of course, Tyce decides that we could all do with a good story about cancer and heartache and ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have to say, with a slight fear of looking like an insensitive asshole, I really, really wanted Miss Havisham to go home after this week, and it is very difficult to make this happen if you put her in a fucking Tyce goddamn Diorio contemporary? Ugh. It’s also one of those scenarios where I was HOPING it was damn good, because I’d feel guilty as hell for not liking it if it wasn’t. However: not a concern, because as I said before… it moved everyone to the point where they were in tears. And, I mean EVERYONE. Miss Havisham was crying. Mary was obviously crying. NIGEL was crying – he even turned around to start sobbing. Mia was in hysterics. Oh, good god, was everyone all kinds of torn up. I will say, in terms of the piece, that I liked what Tyce did by not necessarily picking a song that was a cliché heartache and drama and angst and tragedy song (Celine Dion and the like), but instead picking a love song about a woman. Not to mention, I love Maxwell.



[Brandon]
Brandon might be the only person who COULD have a solo after that. He just leaped and bound and racehorsed his way around.

[Jason and Kayla – hip hop]
So, it has to be said: THIS is the point at which I had left off with my recap. Writing this with full knowledge of the end of last night’s Results Show makes me the saddest, ever. Depending on at what point I muster up the courage to actually SEE said Results Show, you’ll understand that recap.
I was pretty excited to see Jason Danny do a hip hop with a CAPABLE partner. He even got Shane Sparks choreography, again, so it was a true shot at redeeming himself. And, then, Shane decided to go with ZOMBIES! KEWL! Naturally, Kayla was the zombie mistress (which actually works pretty well, considering she’s rather supernaturally white). The “lift” at the end, which was really just a mid-air strangle, was one of the coolest tricks of the entire night. I liked that it was very obviously Shane Sparks’ style, which can sometimes be lacking in his work when he tries to do the Nappy Tabs style “lyrical hip hop.” I was a huge fan, and I’m glad that SOMEONE got SOMETHING right -- *ahem* AMERICA! Ughh, I’m too upset at what Wikipedia has taught me, so I’m going to actually go back to work (instead of finding a way to surreptitiously watch various YouTube clips whilst at the office). I’ll be sure to update, once I muster the strength to watch the Results Show since, as my friend Ryan said:

Ryan: but you have to
you have to watch it for the blog
for the blog followers

Until then…