Sooooo…YTYCD learned from (yet another one of) their mistakes and held off on doubling up dances for couples until the Top 12 eppy. Instead of going in show order, I’ll recap the performances by couple.
[Ade and Melissa]
First, these two had a D-I-S-C-O, and I found myself yet again annoyed at Kanye West for stripping even more oldies music of beats for his own personal gain. Though I hate when the jidges place too much importance/time/critique on the makeup and/or hair, I think it’s absolutely fair game for me to have at it. Maybe I can chalk it up to not having been alive in during the disco era, but I’m not sure that it was necessarily disco dy-no-miite to have used-doll hair. Aside from looking like a crazed loon, Miss Havisham was surprisingly less forced and controlled with her muscle movement. This disco was also the first time that my eyes had ever naturally progressed over to LemonAde and, of their own volition, stayed there. Kudos, LemonAde, kudos. (Incidentally, a terrible snack combo)
The next dance from this walking story of a Highland Park cougar and her prey was a waltz. To be honest, it was pretty ‘meh.’ For dancing to Mary J. Blige - and a song about being “a natural woman”, no less – Miss Havs danced entirely too pretty. Which has been, and likely always will be, my main problem with her.
[Kupono and Kayla]
Oh, Kayla, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Even sporting zero makeup and a white girl’s version of a jerry curl, she was amazing. The couple’s first performance was a Mia Michaels contemporary. After hearing that, it was pretty much decided that there was no way they were going home. The story behind it (Mia, remember?) was about addiction, which caused Ku’uoa’uou’aiu’p’uao’no to cry and me to hope and pray and wish that they (a) did an amazing job with yet another “dark” piece… and (2) didn’t get stuck with a really obvious song like that one Kelly Clarkson song or something. I was so so SO so happy to see them dance to “Gravity” by Sarah Bareilles, which is so angsty that I’m surprised Mia and/or Wade wasn’t all over it moons (seasons) ago! The dance was incredible and, even better, really creepy. Ku’uoa’aiu’p’uao’no’s smirk at the end was the perfect bow to a dance that, in my eyes, embodies the best of this show (don’t worry, I’m not blowing all my praise too early – there’s more). Nigel made some comment about Kayla’s hair getting in the way, which was ridiculous considering he was perfectly willing to let it go when Grandma Moses rolled up to a disco routine with hair that looked like my Cabbage Patch Kid doll I still have from 19 years ago!
When we got to their second dance, we got proof that the producers really DON’T mess with order, dance style, etc. Anyone with half a brain wouldn’t have matched these two up with an upbeat, cheery Broadway routine. They also wouldn’t have put the Broadway routine as the lasting impression piece. And they ALSO wouldn’t have had this Joey the Giant choreograph anything -- because she scares me. I don’t know that the routine was necessarily bad, but they’d already peaked so high with their earlier dance that it just seemed overall lacking. I think the two of them really live in eery/quirky routines by the likes of Sonya and Mia.
[Jason and Caitlin]
Jason Danny Glover and his Alien remained a paradox in my mind, as I louvre him and really want her gone. Their first performance was a foxtrot, which didn’t annoy me as much as I thought it would (real accomplishment for homegirl). Alien looked really pretty, and it covered up her freakish muscles. I think the reason I don’t like her, as well as Miss Havs, is because of her muscles don’t match up with her body/grace -- altogether, the movements just look awkward and static. Jason Danny looked all dapper and pretty, so I obvs loved him. The piece was nice and jazzy, but it was a little boring – though, I think the only way to rectify that is to change the genre of dance as a whole.
Their second dance was a lyrical jazz by Mandy Moore. The entire rehearsal segment was spent with the two of them waxing poetic about being able to dance their own styles, and all I have to say to that is that Alien should THANK HER LUCKY STARS that her “own style” happened to be choreographed by Mandy Moore. They could have easily gotten Mia, and then she would have been as screwed as she was during Vegas Week. Mandy must’ve been taking it easy on them or tired or I’ve just seen enough of her choreo to know what to expect. It was danced well, but it was hardly imaginative.
[Philip and Jeanine]
Ohhh, Ch’Beeb and Chongalicious, bless your heart. Fans of the show watch these two and just HOPE and PRAY that they’ll get their Ivan and Allison (though mostly Ivan) moment with a Mia contemporary or something. This week, they were resigned to yet again be shafted. Their first performance was to a Russian folk dance, which was really just a joke. I’m not sure if it’s a greater insult to the choreographers or the dancers that the producers of the show had no earthly idea as to what styles of dance they’d booked. What they probably didn’t, and have yet to, realize is that they kind of just struck gold with the Bollywood style -- especially since, even with Indian dance (and I shudder to use that term in relation to Bollywood, since I actually DID study Indian classical dance), Bollywood is the only style for miles that could be done by a novice. Not every culture has some sort of flashy dance that some idiot (savant) with tap shoes can hop around and hope to master. Anyway, the dance was as bad as could be expected, but the jidges did everything they could to bastardize the culture, by ignoring it, and comment solely on select moves where Ch’Beebs and Chongs were all kicking and flailing.
Thankfully, the dance of the Commies they performed was the former of the two dances they were to perform, because for their second number these crazy kids got a jive. Ch’Beebs was actually pretty damn impressive, and his kicks were a hell of a lot more sharp than I thought they would be. This dance was yet another example of how Chonga is starting to be a lot better than she is forgettable (because, somehow, for me she is both).
[Evan and Randi]
Kaz…zak and Randi’s first dance was a Nappy Tabs hip hop, and I had great hopes of the result being akin to the MarkSea “Bleeding Love”. You’ll note that I used the words “HAD hopes” in that sentence, which should already tell you where this is going... For their part, Nappy Tabs definitely tried to “whiten” their hip hop to the greatest of their abilities, by choreographing to “Halo,” the top-40iest of songs, but given an inch, Kazzy and Randz took a mile. There was hardly anything urban about the dance, much less hip hop, and Kazzy just dance the whole thing with a stupid grin on his face (hardly a stank face). It was the first time I was really able to go along with jidges when they criticized Kaz…zak. Clearly, this was unacceptable.
Turns out, their performances would remain unacceptable, since they got a samba for their second routine. The dance was probably less than remarkable, since this appears to be the season where Mary will all but spontaneously explode should anyone perform even a half-way passable ballroom routine. I can't, however, say for certain whether or not it was because all my attention was focused on the Me-Tarzan-You-Jane outfits the wardrobe department bestowed upon them. It was bad enough that Randi looked like a Midwestern cougar housewife thrown through a shredder, but the genius who decided to put Kazzy, who has a more delicate torso than I do, in a sheer top honestly just has a vendetta against the couple.
[Brandon and Janette]
Should we just fast forward to the finale, throw these two in there, and save ourselves a few weeks of heartache? Brandon David and Enchilada just proved that all those other dancers who were complaining about not being able to flourish because they couldn’t dance to their “own style”s were just not good enough to cut it. First up, the couple had an Argentine tango, with some pair of Argentines who tango. They danced it so well that Nigel gave them a standing ovation, deemed it “the best ballroom performance on the show… ever”, and played along with this ridiculous Hot Tamale Train game. And, lord, don’t even get me started on Mary… though, words cannot express my adoration for both Tyce and Cat: the former for egging Mary on to the point where I was able to see both into her lungs and down her shirt, and the latter for calling her on it when she claimed to be unable to “control [my]self” (see post title). Then, came Tyce’s critique where we learned that these two “did the whole DAMN THING” just like a...n orange? God, I love Brooklyn. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an argentine tango on this show (so, in whole) where the man did as many little foot-flippy kicks as BranDavey did during their routine. Also, it was one thing to see Enchilada be graceful during their waltz, a few weeks back, but it is genuinely surprising to see her be able to be all stretchy and hold her character. Her performances, especially as of late, have been reminding me a lot of Sabra. Prediction? Hmm, it might be too soon.
Figuring there was no way these two would top their first performance was a ridiculous underestimation, because for their second number BranDavey and ‘lada got a jazz routine by the one and only, Wade Robson. Firstly, can I just say how AMAZING it is to have us back some cold classic Wade? I mean, he used a Roisin Murphy song, so I’m not sure it GETS more classic Wade than that. The dance was very reminiscent of his angel/devil piece (also to Raisin) from the third season. It also had a bit of a funk element to it, and was my second slap in the face to just how bad ass Enchilada really is.
After two successive weeks of amazing performances peppered through a slew of perfectly decent ones, this season is finally shaping up to be all that Nigel claimed (and Mary screamed) it to be.
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