What even did the world do without TV...

...and internet with which to watch TV? That is the question that has been keeping me up at night in the latest stop-over on my Couch-Hop NYC Tour, an apartment that is trying to answer this very question by living as they did back then. And with no TV or internet to keep me companys, I have resolved to entertaining myself by fan-fictioning what I look forward to happening on the upcoming season of shows. Shall I share?

Gossip Girl - TOMORROW at 9/8c on The CW

Chuck Bass (and Nate??) k-i-s-s-i-n-gay! We left last season with a nice romantical moment between Chuck and Blair that made our hearts melt, but obviously gay Chuck Bass, or even bisexualist Chuck Bass is sooo much better! Even though he's not either, my fan-fictionilizations - since the start of the show, really - say that he is. And that Nate is. And that Eric Van Der Twink is the star of the show. Also, Hillary Duff makes out with Dan, who I've decided has been recast with Gordo. And Miranda comes back from being away with Raven's mom on some exploration in the Africas to steal Jenny Hump's title as fashy queen of the bees. And, of course, Serena and Nate are accidentally both filming in Butler and the Lost writers have to make up some "we meant it all along" excuse to cover for the oversight.


Fringe - Thu, Sep 17 at 9/8c on FOX
Clearly I can't share allll of my fan-fiction-fantasies with you bc you know how I love me the Joshy... but anywhey! This season is supposed to be all about Peter and who/when he is, and Spock and his back-to-the-future-ing, and is thusly bound to be fantastic. There's some talk of something-something between Peter and Liv, but they've both said "ew gross, (s)he's like my sister/brother!" so it's probably a non-issue. My hopes: that there are MULTIPLE Joshies, all in different twlight zones (though we've been told there is only one alternate reality-verse - which I don't think meshes with JJ's explanation of alternate reality from the pre-finale, but tevs), all with different personalities! And they all come together in my reality and we play Snow White and the Several Joshies and live happily ever after the end. Recaps will return, but until then, read and watch and buy this.

How I Met Your Mother - Mon, Sep 21 at 8/7c on CBS
Swarlssss!! What. Up. I will ignore the entire episodes from last season in which Danny Ted Gellar thought Elliot Reid had anything to do with anything anymore and wouldn't shut up, and that peanut butter joke that was probably Danny's contribution to sublyminally make us get The Aristocrats: Whatever! Edition DVD, and focus only on the good stuff. In my dreams, this season is even more Marshall and Barney and slaps and awesome, maybe even only those things... But no, I also dream that Robin Sparkles makes a comeback and releases a Greatest Hits album and gets a job as fifth jidge on American Idol where she meets Ellen, who she brings back to meet Barney, and she and him and he and her all fall in love and dance.



30 Rock - Thu, Oct 15 at 8:30pm? on NBC
I am worried that this show is headed down the same path to sucking as The Office... Though last season, I rotflolzed more than in previous seasons, due mostly to Kenneth and the muppets, I am also a little concerned that Jack is becoming too much of a pussy and wonder how Liz is still so pathetic, even after dating gorgy pie-baking doctor (Jon Hamm). I can only hope that Jack stops crying and Liz picks it up, or that they go kumbaya in her office while Kenneth and Tracey and DotCom take over TGS.

Sesame Street 40th Season - November 10 while you're at work on PBS
40 frickin seasons, damn. Morgan Freeman will narrate a Mad Men parody with stars Paul Rudd and Hugh Jackman to the tune of a Jason Mraz song performed by Jakey Gylly. It's going to be great.

Lost - February 2010 on ABC
This show just IS fan-fiction, so I can't even try to imagine what crazitude will be happening.  Considering Juliet and Penny (and Charlie and Boone!) are on other shows, it will be interesting to see how many episodes end up featuring no one but Locke, real or wolf-in-sheep's-clothing... Apparently there's a new tween who is either Aaron all growed up or Jacob as a chile, which could mean so many different things about what Juliette's explosion did, who can even begin to fathom? Just so long as Desi and Ezra are alive and well, and it's not all a dream, I'm good.

Chuck - March 2010 on NBC
THIS is what's wrong with America. Why don't you people know good TV when it's shown to you? Chuck is such a great show, never lacking in edge-of-your-seat excitement or pinch-your-cheeks adorkableness. I guess if all it takes is Jared replacing Buster as assistant to the regional manager for me to watch some Chuck-Fu, that's fine, but hopefully that encourages America both to eat smart and start watching this show.

::Already in Progress::
Mad Men - Sundays at 10pm on AMC
Entourage - Sundays at 10:30pm on HBO
Vampire Diaries - Thursdays at 8/7c on CW
SYTYCD - Wednesdays at 8/7c on FOX - recaps to come!