Do none of the writers of Kings read this blog?! The point of my talking so much about Dreamy Davey was so they would keep up with the close-ups, but instead they decided to develop the plot or something. We've been on three dates, Kings, am I not now entitled to some boy-on-boy action?
ANYWAY. Peace = Party time. The Queen plans a balletina show for her minions, and uninvites a bushy-tailed David because important people want to meet HIM at HER party. The nerve! Davey's disappointment in not being able to hold Princess Michelle's hand in a bucket of popcorn is quickly forgotten when Prince Jack-mo invites him to a REAL party with plenty a drink and drug and dame being thrown about. Sometimes Jack would pull his parseltongue out of a girl's face to break up with his boyf or punch a dude or pass the chicky from the left hand side on to David, who then made kissy-times with her and got his picture taken by a nice pap. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, I say. And that Princess Mi for messing with his head.
Of course, Princess thinks Davey ditched the dance for some sloots of his own want, so she says "Forget him. I'ma get mine." She hits on some guy who she used to get baths with and showed him her dad's socks so that he would help her with a healthcare proposal her faja keeps shooting down. If you'd seen HSM, Princess, you'd know you've got to work a lot harder when your dad is the coach.
Bobinsky bounces from his wifey's party to tend to his sick illegit kid and baby mama. He leaves L'Hospital for a hot minute to meet the Rev in a field in Horseheads, NY and ask just why God is being so mean to him. Rev says he's got to make some sacrifices if his relationship is going to work. Bob: "Isn't He over that yet? I mean, didn't Abe tend to this like a million years ago?" Anyway, he runs over a deer with his car, and his son gets better. But then he decides to cut ties with familia numero dos lest this happen again. It's not them, it's him.
Queenie is pretty pissed at him but too busy straightening big portraits to really care. Mich finds out her mom was tryna set her up with that kid that use to eat paste in kindergarten. Jack is dealing with being a pimp on the outside and a priss on the inside, but his plan of getting his friend to play pap worked and now the whole world knows about Davey's butterfly kisses.
The End. Tune in next week and hope it's gayer.
3.31.2009
Partie traumatic
3.28.2009
We're the Planeteers, you can be one too
Not much, by way of snark, to say here. Just that, if it's between the hours of 8:30 and 9:30pm in your local time zone, you and your laptop had better be doing a hell of an unplugged duet!
Check China being Earthy:
3.27.2009
It came to me in one cacophonous dream
Either I dreamed this song before I heard it so that I somehow knew everything about it when I heard it, OR these Lates of the Pier are sneaking in samples that I can't identify. I am convinced this screechy is from some 90s era Jazzy-Jeff-N-Kid-N-Play jam and that there is a Beatles track hiding in the middle. And if I'm wrong, good on these chaps for intriguing me enough to listen to this song a million x to figure it out.
Help me? / Enjoy, if you can without driving yourself crazed:
Late of the Pier - The Bears Are Coming
3.24.2009
Won't you take me to...?
BOOGIE TOWN!!
The good news: in the future, specifically in New York, there will no longer be the threat of violence and/or drugs. The bad news: in their place will be... wait for it... ILLEGAL STREET DANCE CONTESTS. If we ignore the fact that, according to the trailer, it seems that there might be the sliiiightest bit of violence still rampant, yet tied to the far more looming threat to society that is street dancing, in future!NYC, we can focus on the fact that never before in the history of recycled movie plot amalgamations has such a winner been brought before us. Yeah, I too cannot believe it's taken until now for such an obvious, and yet entirely genius, plot to hit the silver screen. this movie is You Got Served meets Fast and the Furious (Tokyo Drift, obvy) meets Westside Story.
Basically, the story, which I haven't seen but can still assume, goes a li'l somethin' like this:
Roger, after getting sick and tired of being treated as Tia and/or Tamara's (on which one was he uuuuber-crushing? I can never remember) whipping boy, decided to try his hand in making the panties drop, all Boyz II Men/Chico DeBarge-style. With all his newfound fame and glory came famous and ritzy connections, through which he met LondonTipton. He and LondonTipton fell madly in lurve, but weren't allowed to showcase it for Disney wouldn't allow it. They attempted to keep their forbidden lurve a secret - and we all know how great Disney stars are at keeping secrets (like secret naked/racist/Annie Liebowitz/sex shop photos) - but their respective families found out (I think the confrontation is more indepthly explored in the next Tyler Perry movie). So, then, Roger was forced to yell "MARIAAAAAAA!" and their racially-mismatched families got involved and everyone put on their rinestone gloves to express themselves... through DANCE! Which, I'm guessing, is the REAL point of the movie.
King of queens
The imagery on this show, I tell ya. Butterflies and pretty boys was all the gay I needed, and then they did me one better by outing the prince. Make my life, nbc.
From what I've gathered of the Lord's stories from living in the South, Kings seems an alternate-reality show about David, of Michelangelo fame, and other Bible friends. The show was considerate to skip the subleties of Lost (and Scrattlescar? I don't/didn't watch, but obviously this other one does/did, so I'm trying to relate) with the religious allusions by naming the bad guys Goliath, the good guy David, and the prince Jack-short-for-Jonathan. They took a little liberty in naming the king Silas instead of Saul, but I forgive them for casting Ian McShane.
As I come to you two eppies in, I recap: There's this war, right, between Gath and Gilboa (Gath bad, Gilboa good-ish). And Hunkadore David slayed a Goliath tank and saved the queen Jack, so King Bobinksy owes him, but is really using him to hypnotize the Gilboans with his dreamyness and call it even with Gath. Reverend Samuels, as in the Book Of, who matters a lot because this show is about God, is mad at Bobinsky because he knows that he actually planned the attack on his own peeps which thereby got his son kidnapped by the anemone. Meanwhile Davey has a crush on the princess (the real princess, not Jack ...yet) but she's got a secret that daddy so-close-but-not-quite spelled out for her/us, and now she's mad at Davey for judging her even though she hasn't told him yet. And, OH, how could I forget! Kirsten-Cohen-crushes-Carter-Baizen is a big ol' party monsterin' homosex-sual!!
And if the Bible wasn't already the greatest read, turns out David and Jack-o get gay somewhere in there. With that and the closeups of McAussie alone I think this show would be magic, but throw in a pretty original premise (minus the 'Bible did it first' bit) set in a taller CGI-version of NYsteez, and I'd say we have a hit on our hands. So go ketchup if you haven't seen, and allow yourself to pause on the parts where David's cherubian (yeah I did it) face takes up the screen.
3.07.2009
Suddenly, I regret watching men
So I, like [number to be updated when projections release] bazillion (I dig hyperbole) others, went and saw Watchmen last night. Upon leaving the theatre, I kept thinking "wow, that was really visually stunning (my go-to phrase when I have nothing else to say about a film)," but I didn't REALLY think about whether or not I liked the movie, seeing as I'm like a snow globe when it comes to movies (gotta let the little silver flakes settle before I get the picture). But then, when enough of my friends professed their desire to hear my thoughts about the movie, I realized that (a) I didn't love it (Jing, on gchat: so overall, you didnt love it?) and (2) I actually feel like telling others why.
Now, I should start this off with a disclaimer that I am by no means any sort of critic. Merely an observer. So I won't go into camera angles or about how shots were "beautifully filmed" (despite my need to try and see movies through the eyes of Papa Victoria Claire), or any discussion about acting ability -- who the hell would go to see a sci-fi movie for ACTING, anyway? (shut up, Dark Knight fans). I will, instead, just say this: I am now more familiar with Billy Crudup's fake blue CGI pee-pee than with anything else in my life. Sure, he's radioactive and blue and naked, but you shocked us once, scene approximately 17 min. into the film, do you need to keep sneaking up on us? Especially, when we're FINALLY past getting through all the unlikelihoods (Nixon voted HOW MANY terms??) of this post-American win in Vietnam, pre-apocalyptic nuclear war with the commies alternate universe and onto whatever plot was left. Because, really, for being blue and able to do whatever the hell he wants to whomever the hell he wants, wherever the hell he wants, Dr. Manhattan was more or less Harry Potter in Book 5, bitching and moaning - without ACTUALLY bitching and moaning (the latter reserved for the dirrrrrty sex scenes). Speaking of the explicit content, we get it: you're a movie about how, in reality, society is more inclined to villify, exploit, shun, and/or drive to neuroses any super heroes that could exist... so you're not a family flick. But, I gotta tell you, going Grind House on the bloody fight scenes and getting to Charlton Heston-movie lengths only by throwing in 948390384 min. long sex scenes are not only indicative that this movie is a buzzkill, but that it's pretty transparent.
There were oodles of other things wrong with Watchmen, but I'm sure the industry of critics will do justice to them in their various (actually read) blogs - and they'll probably have stars or thumbs or something to go with 'em. I just knew, after stewing on the movie for a day or so, that I'd be remiss if I didn't say at least a few (too many) words. You're welcome.
3.04.2009
One day, people will look back at this very conversation...
...and they will know, without a doubt, that they are witnessing the world's first glimpse at what it means to be a TRUE genius. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a little something I like to call 'The Discovery of the Self-Gchat':
1:30 PM Shinjinee: You've been invited to this chat room!
rs2366@caa.columbia.edu has joined
rs2366@caa.columbia.edu has left
Shinjinee: tee hee
me (@ gmail): what?
ohhhh
Shinjinee: why did you leave?
me: YESSSS
Shinjinee: aah
me (@gmail): i didn't mean to
i don't know what's happening
1:31 PM Shinjinee: you are not currently online
it logged you off?
me (@gmail): no, i logged off
hang on
i'll go baclk
1:32 PM okay, now ask me to join
while i go pee
and live in wonder
will i?
won't i?
it's like dating
...or so i'm told.
1:34 PM rs2366@caa.columbia.edu has joined
Shinjinee: you are here twiceeee
coool
1:36 PM me (@gmail): hahah
1:37 PM me (@caa...): oh holy god
i don't even have the mind power to do all of this
bouncing back and forth
me (@gmail): ahhh
i type it in one place, and it shows up in the other!
hello, self
myyyy, you look LOVELY today
me (@caa...): why, THANK YOU, self!
1:38 PM you do not look so shabby, either!
me (@gmail): well, la dee da!
hellooooooooo, dolly
yes, helloooooooo, dolly
it's so NICE to have you back where you beloooooong...
1:39 PM take it away, self!
me (@caa...): you're looking sweeeeell, dolly
i can teeeeeeell, dolly
you're still glowing!
me (@gmail): you're still growing!
me (@caa...): you're still...
me (@gmail): ...going stroong!
1:42 PM Shinjinee: this is so great
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