Oh hell ja

The first 4:34 of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!! I'm working on the translation, but for those who will just be squealing too loud to hear anything anyway (R...), hier:

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When did this become 'Dancing With the Stars'?

So, avid reader(s?), you may notice that there is a glaring hole in what was promising to be a rather continuous recapping of that little, under-the-radar reality competition show we like to call So You Think You Can Dance (Dance, Dance, Dance). Instead of analytically viewing the original airing, I chose instead to contribute my weighty 0.0000004% to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen's 5-day earnings. I just love those indie documentaries, I can't help it! But after watching my recording of the episode, I decided I was so annoyed by the entire thing that it would be best if I just left well enough alone.
But, alas, it seems karma is a bitch -- and I daresay Richard Lawson, of Gawker Media Network notoriety, is her son. As I've sat, rapt with hope, waiting for Mr. Lawson to write one of his famed recaps of the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion, only to subsequently die inside after finding out that he's leaving the esteemed gawker.com, I've realized how these little incongruities can really leave the readers (mostly his, really) with a heavy heart. Unable to bear doling out that kind of heartache, I give you what will perhaps be my shortest double recap…

Performance Show:

The first thing that set me off was that "Hey, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind" was the guest jidge. Waayyyy to put me in my place, SYTYCD, because if I thought Little Sea made me want to gouge my eyes out, I'm about ready to fall, face-first, into a bed of nails with Toni Basil. You see, I'm pretty sure that the cross-section of the public that considers TB's "street dancing" (I still don't imagine this to be anything more than those bone-breakers who bone-break about Brooklyn) to be representative of hip hop as a genre are probably the same "folks" who find Perez Hilton representative of the gay movement. Every time it was her turn to "critique", I was made ever so thankful for the fast-forward button on my DVR.

As for the dances? Well, I literally only liked two of them. Brandon David and Enchilada's "rock meets rap" Dave Scott hip-hop was purely done to demonstrate Mia Michaels' fallibility -- BD was uh-maaay-zing (to borrow one of her 'isms') at hipping and hopping. The cherry on top was their use of a song that was NOT "Walk This Way". Enchilada was also good, but she still hasn't quite learned how to turn off the performance after the performance. In her defense, she WAS dressed as Cher.

The other amazing piece - by far, my favorite of the night - was Kaz…zak and Randi the Married's (butt) contemporary by Mia Michaels (below). I agreed with Nigel in that it was the most simple that Mia had ever made choreo, but thank god for it! The easy French/Vaudeville feel to Kaz…zak (the perfect)'s leeeering man was a perfect compliment to Randi's derrière. It was well performed and made me finally believe that gosh darn Randi actually WILL be able to get over her girl-next-door façade and take on any performance.

As for the other numbers? They were a smattering of: misplaced jazz hands during hip-hop (What'shername and David Archuleta), glorified tumbles and splits in awkward onesies (Asuka(r Wilde) and Vitrola), forced - not controlled, there IS a difference, dear jidges - movements that neither "flowed" nor "look[ed] sexy" (Miss Havisham and Aid), the worst combination of "Carmina Burana" and Sexy-Princess Leia costume in the history of television (The GYMNAST - not dancer - Caitlin and Jason Danny Glover), and low-energy pant splitting Broadway (Ch'Beeby and Jeanine). I will, however, give an honorable mention to Kayla the Great and Ku'uou'uao'p'uoa'auu'no, who danced a Viennese Waltz… which, as the jidges said, will never evoke a super emphatic response. That being said, I was surprised that Ku'uou'uao'p'uoa'auu'no didn't erupt in erratic movement and was actually able to find some strength in those string beans he calls arms to lift the perfectly graceful Kayla into the air.

Results Show:

The results show was barely worth mentioning. The group dance was a travesty. It was blatantly evident that Big Boss Nigel wasn't pleased with the lack of bawwwlrum group dances, and sent Mary Murphy off to the dungeon, where they keep the leashed-up choreographers for the show, to come back with anyone remotely latino sounding - nevermind that 2/3 of the choreography team specialized in hip hop. And thus we were given a "latin ballroom routine" to Pitbull.

There was such a large pool of crap couples from which to choose, this week, America justifiably threw Result Show Week 1's pairs (along with the makers of that woefully tragic - NOT in a good way - paso doble, Caitlin and Jason) into the Bottom Three. For whatever reason, the jidges saw any dance that actually had movement as "desperate" and anything that didn't as "lacking in emotion". The most simultaneously desperate and emotionless were Asuka and Jonathan (Archuleta), and so we bid them adieu, but for the large part, no one cared. I suppose it's only a matter of time before What'shername and Vitrola leave us as well, but until then…

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And we can ride the boogie...

The world of music and dance will forever reflect the genius of Michael Jackson and will not be the same without its King of Pop. Here's to MJ:

The Very Best - Will You Be There

James Morrison - Man In The Mirror

Don Diablo - Remember the Time

The Roots and Erykah Badu - I Wanna Be Where You Are

Discovery - I Want You Back

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Oh yea? We Got Live Dance Competitions in Japan, Too

Including the annual Yosakoi Soran Dance Festival, which ended this past Sunday. For a week the streets of Sapporo were flooded with motley crews of dancers, wearing some crazy-ass outfits.
My favo(u)rite was these weird old biddies dressed as macabre cats. I don't think they knew they were being macabre. Also, I'm never quite sure I know what macabre means. But, don't you agree?

Yea, it's totally macabre.
So people dressed in interestingly themed outfits wandered about the city fo seven days, presumably stopping every now and then to break into dance. Except Yosakoi dancing is more just flailing your arms about and yelling unintelligably.

Here is a lovely video for you, of one of the finalist teams. Yes, that's right, FINALISTS.

And that, my friends, is my complete and thorough explanation of one of Japan's greatest traditions.
If you need more info (but why on earth would you?), you can go find an encyclopedia. In the library.
Have fun.

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Little Sea's Word of the Day: Superfluous.

So, do you want the good news or the bad news, first? Good news: Shane Sparks is back! (Take THAT, ABDC…EFGH…!) Bad News: no one can do his choreography justice.


This week's guest jidge was Lil' (really, THAT'S where he puts the apostrophe?!) C. The first time I saw Little Sea on the podium of jidge-ship, last season, I thought it was going to be akin to the annoyance that was every single time Shane Sparks speaks on America's Best Dance Cruise. Then he started on his eloquent tales of the wonder and beauty and "effervescence" of dance, and I was actually on board. Here was this man who had been raised in the worst of the country and was able to express himself through an outlet… and I got it. That is, until this year. This year, he's straight up whipping out his thesaurus and going to town -- though, it's important to remember that this is the man who brought the word "buck" into the middle-American, suburban home. The next time LC is the guest jidge on this show, I won't be half surprised if he's wearing a smoking jacket, with a brandy snifter in one hand and a book of scripture in the other. Little Sea, when you use large words - with poor enunciation and only a limited knowledge of what they actually mean, no less - you come off as less of a patron of dance and more a douchebag.

Performances:

[Evan and Randi]
The first up were Kazpskjirzak and Randi the Married. They had a jive, and everyone agreed it should've been fun. So fun, in fact, that we were treated to a "fun counter" on the bottom of the screen like we were Lisa and Screech, waiting to see the clap-o-meter go higher, during our competition at The Max. This new Louis Van Satchmo they've hired to replace date rapist, Alex de Silva, seems to favor the classics in terms of music (Ray Charles, this go 'round), so I think the routine had everything going for me. During the performance, Randi didn't have a clue what was happening, but Kaz…zak was pretty damn good. He had the right level of performance in his dance and was just all-around adorable (though, I may be biased). But since I liked him, the jidges did not. I'm not sure which jive they saw, but I think someone said something about retractions and I vowed to hate them for the rest of the episode (they helped me stay true to this).

[Ade and Melissa]
This week, they decided not to focus on the fact that Melissa is an old fuddy duddy, but instead on the fact that Ade's name is super ethnic. They teach us so much on SYTYCD. After we all collectively pronounce Kunta (koon-ta) Kinte (keen-tay), we found out that Toby and Grandma got a jazz number by Sonya! SONYA! Too bad they didn't want Sonya, but all the more fun for us! Given that the music and hair and costume were all AWESOME, the performance was super bleh for me. Grandma Meliss' ballet background made her movements way TOO controlled (if ever there was such a thing) and not spastic enough for a jerky/strobe-lighty dance like this. Also, the bleh combined with the tights made me completely forget about Aid, who the jidges tell me was excellent. The critique was your standard laudatory round from the jidges: Little Sea misused and mispronounced anything 3+ syllables, Mary screamed, and Nigel spent 93809348 years extolling the wonders of the choreographer. I still love Sonya's work, but we gotta start giving her to the exciting dancers!

[Jason and Caitlin]
So, I love me some Jason Danny Glover. I've loved him since he cried all over the damn place, last season, during the Vegas call back. Caitlin was super endearing during the auditions/Vegas, but something, maybe the insane amount of muscle mass she's gained since then, has really turned me off toward her. They were the first couple to bastardize them some Shane Sparks hip hop. The thing is, I thought Jason Danny did a pretty good job. He didn't hit it as hard as he could have, but it's Week 2 and he managed to glide! It was a smooth hip-hop (think Sabra/Dominic), where the couple met at a bar or something (the only give away being we were told all of this during the rehearsal bit). Caitlin's chickenhead look could not distract me from the fact that homegirl CANNOT do hip hop. I thought I was watching an JV Dance Team Competition. Poor Shane Sparks, getting the blonde gymnastics-y white girl...

[Brandon and Janette]
Yayyy, disco! I was really sad when the Top 20 show had no disco, but HOLY SHIT, did they make up for it! Doriana decided that because Brandon David is built like an Adonis and Janette is "a latheeeena", they could do the world's toughest disco routine. I don’t know why these people don't understand that the more tricks/faster a disco routine is, the less likely the dancers are going to be able to actually perform… since, y'know, they gotta catch a breath. I was SURE that Little Sea was going to give BranDavey all kinds of shit for somehow sucking, when the rest of humanity thinks he's amazing, but I was pleasantly surprised that he left the 'tude at home. I was too exhausted, watching the routine, to properly decide whether or not I liked it.

[Vitolio and Asuka]
Next, we had a waltz with Vitrola and Asuka(r Wilde). Louis Armstrong was back - with Enya, ughhh - and he was apparently moved by Vitrola's story, so here comes the too-tied-to-emotion-to-properly-critique piece! Tim was right in calling Mary's tears and S was right in that it was boring, but you felt compelled to say it wasn't b/c it was such a sensitive topic. I'm not sure I got that the dance was somehow related to the story of an orphan from Haiti finding freedom at the price of his family and home country, but it WAS beautiful. Until I fell asleep. I know, I know… I'm going to hell.

[Max and Kayla]
Next was Kayla! Next was Kayla! If you haven't figured it out, yet, I don't like many of the female contestants on the show… with the exception of Kayla. When I realized that the prodigal Brian Friedman was returning to choreograph for Maksim and Kaylapoo, I KNEW it was finna be on. And, on it finna was. The music was loud, the lights were flashing, the costumes were THE SHIT, and there was a story. Aside from the fact that "pop jazz" is a bullshit genre, this was probably THE BEST routine of the season so far (I know, I know, but it's a competition show so you have to start the comparisons early). The jidges didn't like Max as much, and to be honest, I again wasn't even watching him. Kayla's legs just went for years and her costume was uh-maaay-zing (as per Mia), and not to mention her dancing… whew. Anyway, everyone has a favorite, which means she'll probably prematurely go home during the Top 6 show or something. Bah.

[Jonathan and Karla]
Now, last week, I said I was pretty disappointed/surprised that Davird Archuleta and What'shername were still sticking around, despite being slightly impressed with the latter's solo. Even going into a contemporary piece, I figured it would just be average and I'd just have to bide my time until they could no longer get away with mediocrity. We learned that we have a new contemporary choreographer, Stacey Tookey, and, more importantly, that Canada thinks it has enough dancers who haven't moved to America to put on their own SYTYCD! Stanley Tucci choreographed a reall lift-intensive contemporary, so I figured they were screwed. Not to mention it further displayed how annoying What'shername is. But…then…they DAHNCED! And to The Frames, no less! For as annoying as What'shername was during the rehearsal bit, her expression/performance was practically PERFECT. And, though Mary was surprised at Archie's ability to do contemporary better than salsa, no one else was, since he's such shit at salsa to begin with. The jidges went crazy because they were such underdogs and no one thought they'd ACTUALLY be able to dance. On a dance show. Where they beat out other dancers in order to dance. Huh.



[Phillip and Jeanine]
Ch'Beeby and Chongalicious got the tango, and all I can say is… it's a good thing Philly's SICK at his own genre. Tony Meredith tried to slow it down for them, but all it did was make Ch'Beeby look even more constipated than had it been a faster tango. Jeanine was surprisingly pretty good, and performed it very well. I'm sure she was delighted to hear the jidges drone on and on about how MUCH Ch'Babez had to strain and how CLOSE he was to throwing his back out every time he had to perform a lift. I think enough people like Chongalicious enough (after her 'When I was a kid and went to Fat Camp…' story), now, to possibly keep them from the bottom, but it was for sure the worst performance of the night.

[Kupono and Ashley]
For someone who so hates to be wrong, I have to say that I really misread Christina Ricci, here. She and Ku'puo'uao'uoi'oao'no had a hip hop with Shane (remember what I said before!), who apparently luuuurves the Black Eyed Peas, and the concept was actually really cool: She was his shadow. To be honest, this was yet another number where I didn't focus on the guy as much, but after going back and reviewing my DVR, I realized it was a completely different performance. Ashley managed to really hit hard and match the song's energy, but Ku'puo'uao'uoi'oao'no was off somewhere, still doing his crash test dummy dance. I didn't think it was as terrible as the jidges did, but I'm pretty sure that after a critique like that, Shane's not coming back to the show until at least the Top 8.

My predictions for the Results Show are…
The bottom 3 couples: Jason Danny and Caitlin; Ch'Beeby and Chongalicious; Ku'puo'uao'uoi'oao'no and Christina Ricci.
Also, Brandon David will have a black eye from his first time working with Mia in tonight's group number.
I can't wait!!

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Someone hand Mary Murphy an Ambien!

So (You Think You Can Dance), I'd like to start off by saying that my original intent for my SYTYCD recaps was to recap each individual night, but my lack of enthusiasm for this Top 20 eppy combined with my plans that kept me from seeing tonight's Results Show at its original air time has me consolidating (we must not waste in these times).



Performance Show:

Wednesday night's show was suuuuuper lackluster for me, so I'll try to go as quickly as a 394834 hr. long episode with 39483904384 contestants will allow me to go. Firstly, Shanks was the guest jidge, so that was nice because it opened up possibilities for ANY and ALL of the show's choreographers to do they thang. Except for Mia Michaels, since apparently she can't do the ONE THING she can actually constructively add to this show by choreographing super angsty contemporary numbers with arbitrary stationary props (YouTube "sytycd" along with one of the following: "park bench," "door," or "bed"). No, apparently, Mia Michaels is off somewhere offending more of our armed forces! Hmph.

First, they did a montage of all the weeks we've already put into this show. You know, just to remind us that we already have our favorites, based solely on their sob stories and the 0.00004 second clips we were given on each dancer. That is, if we were even GIVEN background stories. One of the best recurring themes of the night was Nigel's constant reminders to contestants as to whether or not they have fan followings... y'know, the very fan followings HE and HIS TEAM of producers perpetuated by giving people like Ch'Beeby and Brandon David half an episode of air time. Will wonders...?

Then we (finally!) moved on to the competition. The first couple was the perfect example of the 'have fans' and the 'have not fans' on this show. Ch'Beeby is everyone's favorite and we love him and he's adorable and he moves his arms like they're J-E-L-L-O...Aliiiiive! (Let us momentarily forget that, as they are appendages of a moving, breathing being, they kinda are) Philly's partner, however, is some señorita they plucked straight from her quinceañera whom I ain't never seen. Lucky her for getting paired with the Gev redux. They had them some Nappy Tabs lyrical hip-hop about throwing the bed a-achooo! I guess I didn't really have to watch the dance to know that I would think that Ch'Beeby was uhmaaayzing and Gabriella Montez was just aiight. But, then, the jidges disagreed (and Mary screamed), decided Gabby was the second coming of Tabitha, herself, and that's where our paths diverged. And they remained diverged.

Next up, was Asuka(r Wilde) and Victor Victrola/Tunde Adabimpe/Matthew Abaddon/the Haitian (an aside: how much do I love "fanvids"?!). They had Broadway with Tyce (aww), and when it later sucked, the jidges were all "ohhhh, what a bummer that you had to follow up a routine with so much emooootion and feeeeeling and.." SHUT THE HELL UP. These jidges weren't born yesterday, they know that a super peppy, super smiley B'way routine - to a number from a musicale that everyone KNOWS - is usually the recipe for success. Let's call a spade a spade, people: they sucked. And no one wants to admit it less than I, seeing as I love Asuka(r Wilde) and am willing to buy into The Haitian's story of his war-torn past.

The third number was by faaaar the one that made me most lose faith in the jidges. I'm fairly sure that they just originally let 18 people into the Top 20 as an oversight, and then just picked up some folk off the street and threw them into the mix. I've never seen these kids before in a single second of the audition weeks, and I have the DVR backlog to prove that I've made a slight attempt to find them. Apparently, David Archuleta, here, is a salsa dancer and this other girl, SomethingOrAnother, is a somethingoranother dancer. They're both supes boring and they were given the samba or the salsa or the guacamole (to Lady Ga Ga, no less!) and they were B-A-D SHIT. Not even Archie's sheer topped nipples could distract me from this crap. The jidges (Mary screaming), however, were too blinded by the strobe lights going off IN their corneas to note the bad dancing. Given that I'm a realist and recognize some of the superhuman feats accomplished on this show, it should not be taken lightly when I say that *I* could have danced this better.

Thennnnn, and finally!, came my Kazsdlkjurizak brother and his unremarkable partner, Randi. I was at first pretty bummed for my Kaz...zak, because Randi is just some small town, sparkly-eyed, muscular-legged, bobby-haired PYT and I figured that she only knew how to pirhouette and grande jeté and jazz hand it and - I'll admit it - I. Was. Wrong. (for this week) See, Randi might be all those things (and married! Eep!), but she can get down and dirrty to a sexy Tyce routine. And, MAN!, did I love me some of this routine. (So did Mary. She screamed.) I think every single one of these choreographers should just make it his or her mission to give Kaz...zak (& partner) the smoooooothest numbers. Me thinks me have a favy (person, not routine)! Sigh...

After the commercials were Tony Toni Tone and Paris the Annoying. Seeing as the two of them were given a fair amount of camera time in the auditions, I'd assumed that Paris would be good - but annoying, did I mention annoying? - and T^3 would try reeaaaally hard. Except that a number of things happened that I couldn't have anticipated:
(1) Nappy Tabs were up again, but they gave up their bread 'n butter, lyrical hippity hop, for some hard, grimey, nasty, ill, tight, dope, fre-Zzzzz... Black Eyed Peas hypemachine-esque remix, which leads me to...
(B) the song was alllll bass and single beats, meaning T3 and Contemporary Lacey Schwimmer in a tutu needed to hit everything extra HARD, which...
(III) They didn't.
All in all, it was bad and made me think I was getting old and losing my memory when I tried to remember what Tony the Tiger's own genre of dance might be. I mean, there's no way a hip hop dancer could do ssooooo terribly at his own genre, right? Wrong.

Then, came the Bollywood number. The pairing of Caitlin Kinney and Jason is a little unfair because they're both contemporary dancers who can clearly master other styles. I guess maybe that's not unfair, that's just what ALL the dancers on this show ought to be. Anyway, they got Bollywood, which again is unfair, because it's bound to be high energy and the jidges have no clue how to judge it other than (Mary screaming, and the others) saying how "hard it must have been" or what "great performers" they are. I'm going to refrain from critiquing the B'wood number, because they tried to employ some classical steps in there that I can, with quite certainty, say were not done well. I suppose, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter, since everyone will love it anyway. Good news is, I like the two of them and think they'll at least make it far enough on the show to test how well they'll do with other partners.

After that was Brandon David and Billy Jeanine, the spicy latina. Every single ounce of me hoped that they hadn't wasted the inevitable BranDave vs. MiaMike showdown on the first eppy. Of course, as you already know, they didn't, and I half suspect that Mia didn't choreograph on this episode because they were afraid that BranDave miiiiight pick her name out of the hat. They got the fox trot and danced to Michael Buble, so I was into it. I will say that Brandon David may be strong, but he doesn't seem too great at partnering. For whatever reason, Nigel&Co. seemed to miss the fact that BD was more or less ignoring BJ unless she gazed longingly at him, but that's fine because we don't honestly expect them to go home anytime soon anyway, do we (especially with Mary screaming like that)? Exactly. So, let's move on, shall we?

I thought that the pairing of Ku'puo'auia'uaioa'aui'oau'aono and Christina Ricci would really annoy me, because he's just the poor man's version of Mark and she's just a little kid who doesn't understand that "no means NO" (see, this is her fourth time auditioning for the show, so I'm pretty sure there's a clause that MADE them take her on). I guess either I was wrong or Wade Robson is a miracle worker -- my money's on the latter. He turned them into super fluid moving crash test dummies in probably the most clever (yet even Mary, mid-scream, got it) love story ever danced on the show. I'm ssooooooo happy Wade's back, this season! (Mostly, because I think it'll keep Mia's ego in check)

Then came Ade and the Dirrty Ballerina. I was pretty indifferent toward them until I found out that the Dirrty Ballerina is an OLD Dirrty Ballerina, and I was hooked back in. Turns out, ODB was MADE for some contemporary, seeing as her feet were pointed during the entire routine. So, Aubrey O'Day and ODB frolicked off to some '80s ballad that had Mandy Moore written allll over it. It was pretty standard, cliche contemporary, but it was good (Mary screamed) so I'll hold my complaints.



Last, but most definitely not least, was the samba with Russian Max and Daddy Issues Kayla. I like Kayla, because she's tall and blonde and she looks like one of those girls who wouldn't know how to dance but then - and here's the kicker - she DOES! Max automatically has my love, because he's another Russian ballroom dancer and I can't WAIT for him to do some hip hop! I'll settle for the samba. It was definitely THE BEST performance of the night (ohhh my good god, someone shut Mary Murphy the fuck up PLEASE?) and seemed to hold some sort of other worldly magic that managed to turn Shanks into a lesbian... for Kayla. I had to agree with him in that I barely noticed that Fearless Leader was there, what with a real live Barbie doll shimmying and writhing and batu-what'siting in a neon pink, fringed dress. Still, it was amazing (a few missed steps, here and there, but by far the best in show) and it made Shanks rip his face off of his head.

Results Show:

As I was recapping the performances, I realized that even THOSE made it obvious who'd be in the bottom 3. Yep, you guessed it: Asuka(r) and Tunde Adabimpe, Antonio and Paris the Tutu, and David Archuleta and WhateverTheHell.

The solos were nothing remarkable. I was really surprised and disappointed with Paris Schwimmer, who just did a series of arabesques and pirhouettes. They weren't even GOOD pirhouettes! I think Asuka(r the Grouch) is taking this "sexy Asian dancer" bit a little far. She was even moving her body like a snake, ma, on my sweet, sweet Cat Deely. Ambiguously ethnic David Archuleta's partner was just okay, but she's obviously watched the show enough times to know that they want contemporary dancers to have jerky movements every 4 seconds. T^3 did some locking, which was stupid, because he's a tall white boy. Tunde Adabimpe's solo was actually pretty good, but of course Nigel wanted "more personality". I can't wait until Tunde performs, ends up sobbing on the floor, turns to the jidges, and says "you asked for it!" David Archuleta was - you guessed it! - bad.

I have to say, I WAS surprised that the jidges didn't keep the crowd favorites (Tony Toni Tone and his adoring public) around for the first bit and get rid of the nobodies (David Archuleta and BlahBlah). Instead, Paris and Tony (I give everyone their due respect on their last mentions) were bid adieu, and it was for the best since they both clearly sucked.

All in all, I'd say this week was okay... and nowhere NEAR as remarkable and unbelievable and amaaaayzing the jidges seemed to think it was. All I have to say about next week is this: Mia Michaels, you better show. your. face.

::DanceDanceDanceDance...::

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Happy 31st Birthday, Joshy!

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Saved By The Late Night Talk Show

My persistent 3-hour jet lag - which I maintain is harder to adjust to than a larger time difference - is keeping me up into the night when Disney Channel thinks it's appropriate to start showing children's programming again... I am an ADULT, show me some Wavy Wizards, dammit!

Now, Jimmy Fallon may not be funny or a good interviewer, but last night twas no matter. Mark Paul Gosselaar - as Zack Morris - practically interviewed himself. I mean, the man frosted his tips just for this appearance. And a Saved By The Bell reunion! Seriously, this made me sooo happy last night:

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(Don't) Break A Leg

Now, I'm one of those people who doesn’t just THINK she can dance, but knows it. But after watching the past 329432 seasons of So You Think You Can Dance, I'm no longer sure of my abilities. If this season's auditions/Vegas callbacks are anything to go by, this summer will be the most superhuman SYTYCD yet!

Every single of one of these daaaahncers is like an anatomy class model. I bet doctors are watching this show, wondering about these new muscles bulging from some of the world's most effeminate men. It's a paradox that *I* can hardly wrap my mind around, so I’m not sure how (producer/judge/Briton extraordinaire) Nigel deals with it -- you see, he likes his male dancers to dance like… well, men. Don't worry, the irony prevails throughout each episode, every episode.

Now, I won't go into too much detail about the Vegas callbacks. In fact, I think it's pretty damn impressive that I'm consolidating 3 hours worth of reality television into 1 blog post. I'll pause, while you all pick up your jaws. The “jidges” -- oh, Cat Deely, there was not enough of you, during all of this -- were good ‘ol Nigel (let it be known that I wanted to give him a too-adorable-for-words nickname, but realized they all, upon cursory glance, could easily be mistaken for a racial slur), Debbie Allen (the grace - and, somehow, sass - of the show), Adam Shankman (reconciling working with Disney Channel stars by giving his valuable time to this programme of ahhhht), Mary Murphy (see Debbie Allen’s description and find antithesis), Lil C (open up a thesaurus, string together every 4+-syllable word in there, add a “BUCK” and a “FABulous” and - poof! - you have Lil C’s critique), and Mia Michaels (she choreographs contemporary and knows she’s good -- possibly the most dangerous combination for a reality competition show judge).

If Vegas was a precursor for this show, I think it's safe to say that there will be pretty girls with abnormally strong legs - ohhhh, Shawn Johnson, if not for that pesky Mia Michaels choreography, I'd have been happy to text in my vote for your bubbly, girl-next-door, all-American persona - and lots AND LOTS of drama between the jidges.

Take Brandon (or "David", if you can't remember his name and want to assign him one instead) for example: while Mary Murphy was surreptitiously polishing an "America's Favorite Dancer" trophy with his name on it, Mia Michaels was angrily pacing back and forth, with a beret on her head and a cigarette hanging from her lips, spitting upon his name and telling him how he "annoyed the shit out of [her]." Needless to say, he's going to go far in the competition, since he's got about 394830% more camera time than any of these other chumps.

Of course, they use these callbacks as an excuse to play on the emotions of the American public. Poor, adorable Can-Asia-n ballerina, Alex Wong, wasn't allowed to be on the show, because the Artistic Director of the Miami City Ballet, the highly esteemed Dmtiritvkrk Perkoskiviov...ki...viov, wouldn't let him out of his contract. It makes me wonder why these kids, who KNOW that these hurdles will most likely arise, should they be given the opportunity they so desperately seek, go into these audition rounds without checking to see if they're even eligible to compete! It was the same thing with my ADORABLE Hapa from the LA audition, who was all but a spry, doe-eyed, rosy-cheeked 17 years young. If we can find Fantasia's nudey pics of yesteryear, we can figure out your age, kid. It was also sad when they narrowed down the 20th spot in the Top 20 to be one of the Kasjidfejslkdjfak brothers (see video). You see, the

Kasjidfejslkdjfak brothers are adorable and dance in an old-school, B movie, apparently burlesque (thanks, Nigel?) manner. And on a show where they're trying preserve the art of dance and keep it from the nefarious hands of the booty shakers, poppers, and lockers... they took on a bunch of booty shakers, poppers, and lockers, and made those poor two boys hold each other and cry and kind of creep me out by their closeness over the ONE SPOT available for them.




Aside from these tears, there was much joy to be had by the 20 who made it onto the show, and I cannot WAIT to see my already established favorites - Asian Ballroom, Brandon David, bad-dancer Tony from Upstate NY, Dominic/Gev redux Shabeeeeby, and dance through her daddy issues Kayla - and learn who will be my new underdogs oonnnnnnn S'YeThinkYeCanDAHNCE!

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A playlist for the bo(red)

I am home, where things are uneventful. So while I eat ice-pops and clean out my gmail inbox, it's nice to have some songs to keep me connected to the world outside my house. I invite you into this world, below:

Grauzone - Eisbär
Ping Wen and I heard this song on our last Painted (Lady) Bird thrifting expedition. When I asked who was playing, the painted lady described it to us as "German" and "80s", as if those very qualities weren't what piqued my interest. My favorite things with my favorite person in my favorite store.

Neon Indian - Deadbeat Summer
This is what I would have named my band, had I one. And this is what my first single would've been, to describe my current state.

Ra Ra Riot - Hounds of Love (Kate Bush cover)
I am not much of a Kate Bush fan. But Ra Ra Rioted, and I love it.

Magistrates - Heartbreak
When oh when will this album come out??

Mr. Hudson - Supernova ft. Kanye West
Doesn't Mr. Hudson sound like it should be Alien Baldy's real name?

Harlem Shakes - Sunlight
There is actually a fault-line that goes through Harlem, so it could, in fact, shake.

Phoenix - Long Distance Call (Sebastian Tellier remix)
I haven't heard the non-remix, but this calms me.

And, there you have it. Consider yourself entertained.

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Bing!

This advert reminds me of any conversation between R, Victoria Claire, and me. It's like we think of something which reminds us of another, oft pop culturey, thing which reminds us of a third thing which we use in place of the first, actual thing when talking to one another... and this has evolved into a Rorschachy-6 Degrees x infinity-esque language that somehow only we can understand. That's friendship.

Anyway, this advert* reminds me of that:



*It's not product placement, I just like it**
**The commercial, not the product. Way to search engineer the wrong release date for The Mornflakes Cloob, Bing.

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Bye Bye Bye, Berkeley

Up would surely take even the coldest of souls through the gamut of emotions, as it is one of the best (in part due to its bright colours, in my opinion) Pixar films to date. But for someone who JUST moved away from Pixar neighbor, Berkeley, that ice cream shoppe reference was just too much to keep back tears.


I think the best way to get over my temporary-home sickness is to drown my sorrows in a non-Fenton's ice cream and watch Up (this time, in Disney 3D!) every day until I enter the real world.

Miss you, Berks.

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