This week's guest jidge was Lil' (really, THAT'S where he puts the apostrophe?!) C. The first time I saw Little Sea on the podium of jidge-ship, last season, I thought it was going to be akin to the annoyance that was every single time Shane Sparks speaks on America's Best Dance Cruise. Then he started on his eloquent tales of the wonder and beauty and "effervescence" of dance, and I was actually on board. Here was this man who had been raised in the worst of the country and was able to express himself through an outlet… and I got it. That is, until this year. This year, he's straight up whipping out his thesaurus and going to town -- though, it's important to remember that this is the man who brought the word "buck" into the middle-American, suburban home. The next time LC is the guest jidge on this show, I won't be half surprised if he's wearing a smoking jacket, with a brandy snifter in one hand and a book of scripture in the other. Little Sea, when you use large words - with poor enunciation and only a limited knowledge of what they actually mean, no less - you come off as less of a patron of dance and more a douchebag.
Performances:
[Evan and Randi]
The first up were Kazpskjirzak and Randi the Married. They had a jive, and everyone agreed it should've been fun. So fun, in fact, that we were treated to a "fun counter" on the bottom of the screen like we were Lisa and Screech, waiting to see the clap-o-meter go higher, during our competition at The Max. This new Louis Van Satchmo they've hired to replace date rapist, Alex de Silva, seems to favor the classics in terms of music (Ray Charles, this go 'round), so I think the routine had everything going for me. During the performance, Randi didn't have a clue what was happening, but Kaz…zak was pretty damn good. He had the right level of performance in his dance and was just all-around adorable (though, I may be biased). But since I liked him, the jidges did not. I'm not sure which jive they saw, but I think someone said something about retractions and I vowed to hate them for the rest of the episode (they helped me stay true to this).
[Ade and Melissa]
This week, they decided not to focus on the fact that Melissa is an old fuddy duddy, but instead on the fact that Ade's name is super ethnic. They teach us so much on SYTYCD. After we all collectively pronounce Kunta (koon-ta) Kinte (keen-tay), we found out that Toby and Grandma got a jazz number by Sonya! SONYA! Too bad they didn't want Sonya, but all the more fun for us! Given that the music and hair and costume were all AWESOME, the performance was super bleh for me. Grandma Meliss' ballet background made her movements way TOO controlled (if ever there was such a thing) and not spastic enough for a jerky/strobe-lighty dance like this. Also, the bleh combined with the tights made me completely forget about Aid, who the jidges tell me was excellent. The critique was your standard laudatory round from the jidges: Little Sea misused and mispronounced anything 3+ syllables, Mary screamed, and Nigel spent 93809348 years extolling the wonders of the choreographer. I still love Sonya's work, but we gotta start giving her to the exciting dancers!
[Jason and Caitlin]
So, I love me some Jason Danny Glover. I've loved him since he cried all over the damn place, last season, during the Vegas call back. Caitlin was super endearing during the auditions/Vegas, but something, maybe the insane amount of muscle mass she's gained since then, has really turned me off toward her. They were the first couple to bastardize them some Shane Sparks hip hop. The thing is, I thought Jason Danny did a pretty good job. He didn't hit it as hard as he could have, but it's Week 2 and he managed to glide! It was a smooth hip-hop (think Sabra/Dominic), where the couple met at a bar or something (the only give away being we were told all of this during the rehearsal bit). Caitlin's chickenhead look could not distract me from the fact that homegirl CANNOT do hip hop. I thought I was watching an JV Dance Team Competition. Poor Shane Sparks, getting the blonde gymnastics-y white girl...
[Brandon and Janette]
Yayyy, disco! I was really sad when the Top 20 show had no disco, but HOLY SHIT, did they make up for it! Doriana decided that because Brandon David is built like an Adonis and Janette is "a latheeeena", they could do the world's toughest disco routine. I don’t know why these people don't understand that the more tricks/faster a disco routine is, the less likely the dancers are going to be able to actually perform… since, y'know, they gotta catch a breath. I was SURE that Little Sea was going to give BranDavey all kinds of shit for somehow sucking, when the rest of humanity thinks he's amazing, but I was pleasantly surprised that he left the 'tude at home. I was too exhausted, watching the routine, to properly decide whether or not I liked it.
[Vitolio and Asuka]
Next, we had a waltz with Vitrola and Asuka(r Wilde). Louis Armstrong was back - with Enya, ughhh - and he was apparently moved by Vitrola's story, so here comes the too-tied-to-emotion-to-properly-critique piece! Tim was right in calling Mary's tears and S was right in that it was boring, but you felt compelled to say it wasn't b/c it was such a sensitive topic. I'm not sure I got that the dance was somehow related to the story of an orphan from Haiti finding freedom at the price of his family and home country, but it WAS beautiful. Until I fell asleep. I know, I know… I'm going to hell.
[Max and Kayla]
Next was Kayla! Next was Kayla! If you haven't figured it out, yet, I don't like many of the female contestants on the show… with the exception of Kayla. When I realized that the prodigal Brian Friedman was returning to choreograph for Maksim and Kaylapoo, I KNEW it was finna be on. And, on it finna was. The music was loud, the lights were flashing, the costumes were THE SHIT, and there was a story. Aside from the fact that "pop jazz" is a bullshit genre, this was probably THE BEST routine of the season so far (I know, I know, but it's a competition show so you have to start the comparisons early). The jidges didn't like Max as much, and to be honest, I again wasn't even watching him. Kayla's legs just went for years and her costume was uh-maaay-zing (as per Mia), and not to mention her dancing… whew. Anyway, everyone has a favorite, which means she'll probably prematurely go home during the Top 6 show or something. Bah.
[Jonathan and Karla]
Now, last week, I said I was pretty disappointed/surprised that Davird Archuleta and What'shername were still sticking around, despite being slightly impressed with the latter's solo. Even going into a contemporary piece, I figured it would just be average and I'd just have to bide my time until they could no longer get away with mediocrity. We learned that we have a new contemporary choreographer, Stacey Tookey, and, more importantly, that Canada thinks it has enough dancers who haven't moved to America to put on their own SYTYCD! Stanley Tucci choreographed a reall lift-intensive contemporary, so I figured they were screwed. Not to mention it further displayed how annoying What'shername is. But…then…they DAHNCED! And to The Frames, no less! For as annoying as What'shername was during the rehearsal bit, her expression/performance was practically PERFECT. And, though Mary was surprised at Archie's ability to do contemporary better than salsa, no one else was, since he's such shit at salsa to begin with. The jidges went crazy because they were such underdogs and no one thought they'd ACTUALLY be able to dance. On a dance show. Where they beat out other dancers in order to dance. Huh.
[Phillip and Jeanine]
Ch'Beeby and Chongalicious got the tango, and all I can say is… it's a good thing Philly's SICK at his own genre. Tony Meredith tried to slow it down for them, but all it did was make Ch'Beeby look even more constipated than had it been a faster tango. Jeanine was surprisingly pretty good, and performed it very well. I'm sure she was delighted to hear the jidges drone on and on about how MUCH Ch'Babez had to strain and how CLOSE he was to throwing his back out every time he had to perform a lift. I think enough people like Chongalicious enough (after her 'When I was a kid and went to Fat Camp…' story), now, to possibly keep them from the bottom, but it was for sure the worst performance of the night.
[Kupono and Ashley]
For someone who so hates to be wrong, I have to say that I really misread Christina Ricci, here. She and Ku'puo'uao'uoi'oao'no had a hip hop with Shane (remember what I said before!), who apparently luuuurves the Black Eyed Peas, and the concept was actually really cool: She was his shadow. To be honest, this was yet another number where I didn't focus on the guy as much, but after going back and reviewing my DVR, I realized it was a completely different performance. Ashley managed to really hit hard and match the song's energy, but Ku'puo'uao'uoi'oao'no was off somewhere, still doing his crash test dummy dance. I didn't think it was as terrible as the jidges did, but I'm pretty sure that after a critique like that, Shane's not coming back to the show until at least the Top 8.
My predictions for the Results Show are…
The bottom 3 couples: Jason Danny and Caitlin; Ch'Beeby and Chongalicious; Ku'puo'uao'uoi'oao'no and Christina Ricci.
Also, Brandon David will have a black eye from his first time working with Mia in tonight's group number.
I can't wait!!
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