Every single of one of these daaaahncers is like an anatomy class model. I bet doctors are watching this show, wondering about these new muscles bulging from some of the world's most effeminate men. It's a paradox that *I* can hardly wrap my mind around, so I’m not sure how (producer/judge/Briton extraordinaire) Nigel deals with it -- you see, he likes his male dancers to dance like… well, men. Don't worry, the irony prevails throughout each episode, every episode.
Now, I won't go into too much detail about the Vegas callbacks. In fact, I think it's pretty damn impressive that I'm consolidating 3 hours worth of reality television into 1 blog post. I'll pause, while you all pick up your jaws. The “jidges” -- oh, Cat Deely, there was not enough of you, during all of this -- were good ‘ol Nigel (let it be known that I wanted to give him a too-adorable-for-words nickname, but realized they all, upon cursory glance, could easily be mistaken for a racial slur), Debbie Allen (the grace - and, somehow, sass - of the show), Adam Shankman (reconciling working with Disney Channel stars by giving his valuable time to this programme of ahhhht), Mary Murphy (see Debbie Allen’s description and find antithesis), Lil C (open up a thesaurus, string together every 4+-syllable word in there, add a “BUCK” and a “FABulous” and - poof! - you have Lil C’s critique), and Mia Michaels (she choreographs contemporary and knows she’s good -- possibly the most dangerous combination for a reality competition show judge).
If Vegas was a precursor for this show, I think it's safe to say that there will be pretty girls with abnormally strong legs - ohhhh, Shawn Johnson, if not for that pesky Mia Michaels choreography, I'd have been happy to text in my vote for your bubbly, girl-next-door, all-American persona - and lots AND LOTS of drama between the jidges.
Take Brandon (or "David", if you can't remember his name and want to assign him one instead) for example: while Mary Murphy was surreptitiously polishing an "America's Favorite Dancer" trophy with his name on it, Mia Michaels was angrily pacing back and forth, with a beret on her head and a cigarette hanging from her lips, spitting upon his name and telling him how he "annoyed the shit out of [her]." Needless to say, he's going to go far in the competition, since he's got about 394830% more camera time than any of these other chumps.
Of course, they use these callbacks as an excuse to play on the emotions of the American public. Poor, adorable Can-Asia-n ballerina, Alex Wong, wasn't allowed to be on the show, because the Artistic Director of the Miami City Ballet, the highly esteemed Dmtiritvkrk Perkoskiviov...ki...viov, wouldn't let him out of his contract. It makes me wonder why these kids, who KNOW that these hurdles will most likely arise, should they be given the opportunity they so desperately seek, go into these audition rounds without checking to see if they're even eligible to compete! It was the same thing with my ADORABLE Hapa from the LA audition, who was all but a spry, doe-eyed, rosy-cheeked 17 years young. If we can find Fantasia's nudey pics of yesteryear, we can figure out your age, kid. It was also sad when they narrowed down the 20th spot in the Top 20 to be one of the Kasjidfejslkdjfak brothers (see video). You see, the
Kasjidfejslkdjfak brothers are adorable and dance in an old-school, B movie, apparently burlesque (thanks, Nigel?) manner. And on a show where they're trying preserve the art of dance and keep it from the nefarious hands of the booty shakers, poppers, and lockers... they took on a bunch of booty shakers, poppers, and lockers, and made those poor two boys hold each other and cry and kind of creep me out by their closeness over the ONE SPOT available for them.
Aside from these tears, there was much joy to be had by the 20 who made it onto the show, and I cannot WAIT to see my already established favorites - Asian Ballroom, Brandon David, bad-dancer Tony from Upstate NY, Dominic/Gev redux Shabeeeeby, and dance through her daddy issues Kayla - and learn who will be my new underdogs oonnnnnnn S'YeThinkYeCanDAHNCE!
0 comments:
Post a Comment