But it is better to be good than to be suck. You hear me, makers of Dorian Gray The Movie??
The Picture of Dorian Gray is my absolute favourite novel, albeit of like five in my repertoire...really, it should mean more, that as a non-reader I am so impressed by any book. But enough of my justificationalizing, you really should read it for yourself. And DEFO if you plan to see this movie, as with other print-to-screen fabulosities (ahemHP).
Already the trailer (and, yes, the back of the book, for those cheaters such as Ping Wen) gives away the whole story and shows his frickin' face instead of saving it for climactic purposes, but I must say, it makes Dorian Gray look both beautifully filmed and captivating. I must also say that though I was skeptical to Ben Barnes being cast as Dorian, seeing many a lady's bosom up ons him makes me believe, and a little jealous. But so help me god, if this movie doesn't live up to my Wildest dreams, I will... be very upset.
Remember, read then watch. The movie, that is. You may watch the trailer now:
7.24.2009
"It is better to be beautiful than to be good."
7.22.2009
So. Many. Tears.
Okay, I’m going to try LIKE MAD to get this recap up before the Results Show, also the 100th eppy of SYTYCD, airs tonight. TRY. LIKE. MAD.
--ADDENDUM: Clearly, this did not happen. In fact, my read-the-end-of-the-book-first roommate chose to go ahead and Wikipedia the results, last night, since we were unable to watch the Results Show. So, now, I am attempting to finish this post not only after I said I would, but with full knowledge of the outcome. To be fair, I was almost done before I had any clue who would be sent home, so I will be sure to complete the final 10% with as much of my usual gusto as possible.--
Firstly: ELLEN! If they had put any other person as the “fourth jidge” on the panel, I’d have likely boycotted up and down the halls. Because it’s Ellen and she can do no wrong, I deemed it perfectly appropriate. She was laying it on a little thick with the jokes, but it was clear that she felt like a slight novice up on the jidging panel and was making up for it.
Speaking of the jidges, I think someone forgot to refill their respective Xanax prescriptions, because they had all gone bat fucking crazy. Nigel had received some sort of honorary doctorate in what I can only assume was some sort of quantum physics, which allowed him to regress in age and proceed to behave as a five-year-old for the duration of the show: putting his hand over Mary’s mouth, telling her to “shut up,” and playground mocking the boo-ing audience. It “warranted” Mary calling him an “English muffin” not once, but twice. Aside from name calling, Mary also tried to experiment with word emphasis. Tried, and failed. You see, Mary, placing the emphasis on the word “does” in “It DOES get better and better” suggests that we’re refuting you. No one is, so stop yelling at us.
[Group Dance]
MORE TRAVIS WALL. Agghhh, I can hardly take so much success on his part! I daresay that Travis’ work, just these two weeks alone, is already getting to the level of Tyce Diorio and some Mia Michaels (there’s some shit she does that no one can touch). But he’s definitely better than the Mandy Moores and that one Canadian choreographers of the show. Despite hating the song, I could see Travis pulling some inspiration from the Wade Top 4 group number from the Season 2 finale (*ahem* with a better song, of course). The wardrobe confused the hell out of me, and I can only suspect that their lunch at Chuck-E-Cheese was cut short so they had to spend all their tickets last minute. Ergo, flashing accessories. Between last week and this group number, I think my ideal Top 4 would be: Kayla, Enchilada, Jason Danny, and Brandon David. I love my Kaz…zak and Chonga, but they haven’t always wowed me like those four – especially the former, who just CANNOT get it together for anything that’s remotely hip-hoppy.
There were plenty o’ performances, this week, as each (slightly newly arranged) couple danced TWO dances… just in case they needed to redeem themselves. And, boy, did some need to redeem themselves.
[Evan and Janette - jazz]
Kaz…zak and Enchilada doing Sonya jazz? Kaz…zak and Enchilada?? Really?! What a strange and short routine this will be. The rehearsal footage just made me more endeared to Kazzy, who I so desperately want to shock and surprise me by doing incredibly well. Watching the piece, I see that he doesn’t do THAT terribly, but Enchilada totes spanks him as she proves, yet again, that she can do so much more than salsa. It was during the critique of this dance that the awkward fight between Nigel and Mary went down. Poor Ellen, whom I believe when she says that she just “wanted good seats to the show,” just sits there like child who is the product of her broken home. I think the final piece of proof that Enchilada is this season’s Sabra came when Mia told her that she was her favorite. Should we just start shining the trophy now?
[Kayla]
As Cat said, Kayla is just “white lightning.” It’s a little hard to watch someone do a 30 sec. solo to the same song to which Mia did one of my favorite group routines… ever.
[Brandon and Jeanine - waltz]
It was actually during this routine that I discovered the couples were all performing two dances, since this pairing is POISED to be amazing and yet was handed a slightly banal waltz. It’s tough enough to watch a waltz, but to watch a Lord of the Rings waltz is just a notch below excruciating. The only truly exciting bit of this waltz was watching everyone’s laugh track-like response to Ellen’s jokes. I wonder if Portia is sitting backstage with a gun to everyone’s heads that they MUST laugh at her jokes. In any case, I love her and only implore others to give her any and all recognition. The rest of the jidges didn’t like it, and it gave Mia a reason to finally return to her slightly bitchy “I’m disappointed”/”I need more” persona.
[Jason]
Judging by Jason Danny’s musical taste, he’s a 15-year-old with whom I attended high school, no? I swear to god, if he does a solo to Paramore, next, I’m going to start rethinking my love affair. Dammit, someone bring back Ashley with her CocoRosie!!
[Ade and Melissa - cha cha]
I think we’re supposed to be excited about the reunion of Miss Havisham and LemonAde, but they were really only apart for a week. And only one dance at that. And, OH BOY, was this cha cha horrifically unfortunate. At one point, I think the two of them might have actually gone to sleep – or maybe they tried, but LemonAde’s pants woke them up. Of course, because I think it was terrible, the jidges are going to have some awesome and great to say. I’m starting to think Miss Havisham is really 9348309438 years older than she claims to be… and a sorceress, who is putting some sort of spell over the jidges who claim to love everything she does.
[Janette]
This solo just shows me that Enchilada has now learned to be TOO good. I think she actually just pulled off a lyrical salsa. Lord.
[Jason and Kayla - Broadway]
Oh my good god, what a perfectly pirouetted couple! I think I just need Jason Danny to always be paired up with contemporary dancers. Contemporary dancers who DO NOT SUCK LIKE CAITLIN. The jazzy style that Tyce uses in his Broadway routines really works for him, and Nigel clearly agrees when he compares him to Gene Kelly. Mia has just been perpetually checking out Kayla since the start, and this number is no exception – her entire critique discussed how much of “a girl” she thinks Kayla is. You could almost see the fear seep out of Kayla’s eyes and hear her sigh of relief, as she finally received the confirmation she’s so long been seeking.
[Ade]
For all that I never bothered to notice about LemonAde before his first fated solo on the show, I feel that he has established a very obvious style in a very short amount of time. While I’d normally like this, it almost seems like the same solo each time.
[Evan and Janette - rumba]
Lord, a number where Kaz…zak has to be sexy? And a latino? I don’t think it even matters, because it’s blatantly obvious that Enchilada is going to be ssoooo ridiculously good enough for the both of them. It was a little strange for them to be dancing to a Kris Allen cover of a Fray cover of a Kanye song, but that’s fine as long as they danced it well. Erm, or as long as she did. To be fair, though, Kazzy didn’t do AS poorly as I thought he would. The critique was all really pointless, as Nigel commented on how hilaaaarious he thought Kaz…zak’s face is. Ellen liked it well enough. I think Mary screamed (though I can’t really remember). And Mia went on and on about how much she loooooves Evan, something we all know, and how his face is just great and how it didn’t suck in this piece because it looked like Zoolander. Something tells me that just because you say that you LIKED what someone did in disregard of what they were supposed to do, it doesn’t necessarily mask the fact that you still pointed out that they didn’t do what they were supposed to. Enchilada was, unsurprisingly, unbelievable.
[Melissa]
This is ridiculous. Now, I loveloveLOVE the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. And I lovelovelove this song. But, this isn’t even contemporary ballet anymore. This is her forgetting to do her hair and then getting ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DONE to the tune of a good song. Ugh…
[Brandon and Jeanine – pop jazz]
OH MY GOD, LAURIE ANN GIBSON. Now, a little background info on yours truly, everyone: I used to (and, really, I only say “used to” because it no longer exists) LUUUUURVE Making the Band. Namely, Danity Kane. Say what you will, but singing and dancing and ridiculously high-paid producers making unbelievably catchy urban pop music? C’MON! For the 9348394 seasons of MTB, when they were still weeding through the weave and the press-on nails to find the right girls for the band that would only break up three years down the road, Laurie Ann was the psycho choreographer who would “boom kak” her way through grueling dance rehearsals. To see her come from there to the SYTYCD stage is ssoooo exciting! Personal victory, hurray!!
Now, onto recapping the actual performance: It’s a little strange to me that LAG would do pop jazz as her genre, especially when this could make a really good hip hop routine. It upset me a little that they were a bit off synce from one another, but this kind of routine was MADE for BranDave. Also, Ellen probably said it best, when she claimed that they “made it appealing to join some sort of armed forces.” I also, soon after, learned that Mia Michaels and LAG are somehow sisters. Nepotism? I’m just sayin’.
[Evan]
LOVELOVELOVELOVE.
[Jeanine]
I think Wade showed us during Season 3, but everyone should always dance to "Let the Drummer Kick it". The emphasis on the piano makes for really good contemporary, and this was no exception.
[Ade and Melissa - contemporary]
OH MY GOOD GOD, WHAT A FUCKING SOB FEST. Of course, Tyce decides that we could all do with a good story about cancer and heartache and ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have to say, with a slight fear of looking like an insensitive asshole, I really, really wanted Miss Havisham to go home after this week, and it is very difficult to make this happen if you put her in a fucking Tyce goddamn Diorio contemporary? Ugh. It’s also one of those scenarios where I was HOPING it was damn good, because I’d feel guilty as hell for not liking it if it wasn’t. However: not a concern, because as I said before… it moved everyone to the point where they were in tears. And, I mean EVERYONE. Miss Havisham was crying. Mary was obviously crying. NIGEL was crying – he even turned around to start sobbing. Mia was in hysterics. Oh, good god, was everyone all kinds of torn up. I will say, in terms of the piece, that I liked what Tyce did by not necessarily picking a song that was a cliché heartache and drama and angst and tragedy song (Celine Dion and the like), but instead picking a love song about a woman. Not to mention, I love Maxwell.
[Brandon]
Brandon might be the only person who COULD have a solo after that. He just leaped and bound and racehorsed his way around.
[Jason and Kayla – hip hop]
So, it has to be said: THIS is the point at which I had left off with my recap. Writing this with full knowledge of the end of last night’s Results Show makes me the saddest, ever. Depending on at what point I muster up the courage to actually SEE said Results Show, you’ll understand that recap.
I was pretty excited to see Jason Danny do a hip hop with a CAPABLE partner. He even got Shane Sparks choreography, again, so it was a true shot at redeeming himself. And, then, Shane decided to go with ZOMBIES! KEWL! Naturally, Kayla was the zombie mistress (which actually works pretty well, considering she’s rather supernaturally white). The “lift” at the end, which was really just a mid-air strangle, was one of the coolest tricks of the entire night. I liked that it was very obviously Shane Sparks’ style, which can sometimes be lacking in his work when he tries to do the Nappy Tabs style “lyrical hip hop.” I was a huge fan, and I’m glad that SOMEONE got SOMETHING right -- *ahem* AMERICA! Ughh, I’m too upset at what Wikipedia has taught me, so I’m going to actually go back to work (instead of finding a way to surreptitiously watch various YouTube clips whilst at the office). I’ll be sure to update, once I muster the strength to watch the Results Show since, as my friend Ryan said:
Ryan: but you have to
you have to watch it for the blog
for the blog followers
Until then…
7.16.2009
Travis Wall... and some other stuff.
Now, I know I’ve been woefully lax on recapping those who think they can dance, but I’ve been packin’ up, hitting the dusty trail (or the Eisenhower during rush hour), and movin’ on out (to another apartment 30 min. away). Anyway, the point is: I HAVE been watching, I just haven’t been able to immediately update. For that reason, I’m going to do yet another Performance/Results Show double whammy. Allllll in time to review right before this week’s 99th/100th eppies!! (Addendum: this obviously did not happen, as the highers ups at work DARED to give me something to do instead of blogging!)
Performance Show
This week’s performance show pretty much had a win from the start. Firstly, Debbie ‘Chiiiiild’ Allen. Need I say more? Between her working her new “hurr” and telling me about the cup o’ Haagen Dazs she threw at the screen “a couple times” when disagreeing with Nigel and Mary. Hmm, Haagen Dazs… now why didn’t I think of that?
The format for this episode SEEMED (I say “seemed” because I can’t totally remember) different than the Top 10 eppies of yore. There were two different group numbers - one with the top 5 girls, the other with the boys.
[Top 5 Girls’ Group]
For whatever reason, it was imperative that the group numbers both be excessively ethnic, starting with the girls’ group Bollywood routine. Though, I’m slightly loathe to admit, I have a bit of an advantage in that I know just how little “culture” is really in the song to which they danced. The choreographer clearly gauged who put forth the best attempt to Bollydance and formed the routine around them: putting Kayla in the front, then Chongalicious and Enchilada in the next row, and finally the rest of the riff raff at the back. The dance did exactly what Bollywood does on show – hides any disparities in technique and dancability behind cultural confusion, lots of jumping, and flashy music and costumes. Naturally, the jidges thought it a hit.
In any case, I clearly found it time to move onto the (newly rearranged!!) couples…
[Kayla and Evan]
Without even knowing the style to which they were dancing, you could already deem this couple unfortunate. For it to have been a Viennese Waltz – a dance of ups and downs and partnering and close holds – the height difference just made the style go from soft (read: boring) to comical (read: unfortunate). After Kayla (the Adorable) claimed that she was just going to “plié a lot,” I got really scared of juuuuust how bad this might turn out. As the case may be, it was not as suck as I’d prematurely pegged it. The costume department cleverly bedazzled Kayla’s foot to make it look like she was wearing the heels I wore to my Junior Class Prom, while giving Kaz…zak heels, turning his ballroom shoes into the pumps I should have worn to my Junior Class Prom. Cute little Kazzy ended up dancing stronger than I’d expected – it wasn’t the disaster that was the ballroom of the week before, but it also wasn’t anything close to what we’ve come to expect on the show. The jidging portion was actually rather worth listening to, this go ‘round (I give Debbie’s presence all the credit), as Nigel proved he could Wikipedia the differences between various forms of waltzes and Mary actually stopped cooing over the dancers like a deranged lunatic, managing to ACTUALLY critique a ballroom performance. The jidging ended with Debbie Allen telling Kaz…zak that he “handled [his] big woman.” I’m sure Kayla was pleased.
[Brandon - solo]
Brandon’s solo was what we’ve come to expect, yet never gotten to see – powerful and jumpy and leapy. For a second, I thought the version of "In Your Eyes" to which he was dancing was by that alter ego of Garth Brooks’, but it turns out that it was some other Gaines.
[Janette and Ade]
Ever since the last week’s performances, I’ve finally realized just how amazing little Enchilada is. In keeping with this season’s theme of COMPLETELY CHANGING MY MIND from that which I’d set it in the beginning of the season, this pairing was comprised of the top most examples (especially after GatorAde’s solo, last Results Show). And, then, as if I wasn’t excited enough (for them to either keep wowing me, or prove to me that they were a fluke – I’m not sure which one), they got a Nappy Tabs hip hop! The rehearsal footage was actually the first time I’d ever been able to tell just how short Enchilada is; and, conversely, just how tall GatorAde is! The number was all about the latter being a “Funk Doctor”, and once the music started playing – AND JUSTIN STARTED PUMPIN’ – I was impressed as hell. Not to mention that it made me think that Enchilada seriously has a shot at winning this entire thing, since she reminds me so much of Sabra, from Season 3. The best part of the critique, however, was when Cat pulled the Mama Hen card on Nigel. Aww, Cat…
[Randi - solo]
This solo was fairly generic contemporary stuff. She could eventually be really good, but for now she just bothers me in the same way that Caitlin, of weeks past, irritated me.
[Kupono - solo]
Ku’uoau’pua’ano’s dance annoyed the hell out of me, because it’s obvious that unless directed to do otherwise, he’s going to dance suuuuper femininely. Not to mention that we’ve been cursed with his notion that we’re all very much interested in these “outfits” he puts together. If I had to draw a cartoon version of Mark, from last season, he would be it.
[Jeanine and Jason]
AHHH!! TRAVIS WALL CHOREOGRAPHING! TRAVIS WALL CHOREOGRAPHING CONTEMPORARY. Oh dear god, be still my heart. Obviously, we know it’s going to be amazing before we even see it, because the ex-contestants on the show are always the best (e.g., Dmitry, Benji, Anya, Pasha). Sigh… Despite the fact that he did just choreograph, for me, a Park Bench v.2.0, it didn’t matter because he’d managed to do a really specific romantic story and make it the sexiest thing I think I’ve ever seen danced on the SYTYCD stage. The movements, themselves, had Travis written allllll over them and showed just how much better he will be than anyone else… ever. Between the heart locket teeth dragging and the kiss at the end, I consider this to be the most believable contemporary I’ve ever seen on the show. And, of course, to top it off: the standing ovation, with Debbie Allen claiming that pieces like Travis’ are what help the show to “evangelize dance.”
[Melissa - solo]
Well, at least her outfit was better than those booty shorts she attempted, last week.
[Evan - solo]
Awww, I just loveloveloveloveloveLOVE! He is so sheepish and adorable and I just want to put him in my pocket!
[Kayla - solo]
My god, this girl has legs for days!
[Randi and Kupono]
Well, nevermind that you don’t need to know the dance style nor see it to know that NOTHING short of a Sonya jazz piece will reconcile the fact that these two are most definitely going home. But, to get a Paso Doble?? Good god, way to add insult to injury, SYTYCD. Ku’uoau’pua’ano attempted to look like a “strong man”, but instead looked like a little kid who runs around in his underwear and a blanket tied around his neck, pretending to be Superman. Randi thought that putting on a wig would help, but that’s just going to confuse the 13-year-olds who are looking for the little girl with the blonde bob, Randi! I’ll admit that Ku’uoau’pua’ano was better than I thought he would be, but still majorly lacking that which all the great matadors of the Paso Doble had nailed before. Not to mention that he wasn’t even able to do the lifts.
[Ade - solo]
Oh, good god, HE CAN FLY.
[Jeanine - solo]<>Broadway routine, ever. Tyce managed to step away from his standard B-way fare, and instead jumped into the Age of “Aquarius”. Given that Miss Havisham was actually ALIVE during said age, I don’t think it was too tough for her to act the part of a flower child. Brandon’s acrobatics made it impossible for me to REALLY believe that they were stoned, so I think that’s a point (really the only point EVER) against Tyce. Gotta think it through, people…
[Janette - solo]
Here, Enchilada wants desperately for you to know she’s from Miami – as if her salsa, accent, and “I <3>African Jazz. I know, I thought the same thing. To be fair to the producers, it was nice of them to find a comparable, yet different, style to the Bollywood, so the jidges could hide behind the same level of cultural dissonance and instead focus solely on athleticism. So, yes, Kazzy was screwed. They even showcased it, by impregnating his white belly in the beginning of the number. The jidges referred to him as a “dancing milkshake” and, unfortunately, HE was the only to realize how it might be borderline offensive that all anyone could discuss was his physique.
Results Show
The Results Show I watched in about a collective 10 min., so I can’t do much other than comment on the solos (even though there’s nothing said solos could do to save anyone).
Oh, wait! Group number! I have it on record that I TOTALLY guessed the Japanese-themed routine was a Wade Robson, but good GOD, does he have to be so GOOD?!?! It was very Tarantino-inspired, and – go figure – it was not only choreographed by him, but also his adorably wife.
Cat took the time to mention the Emmy nods the show had received, including “Mercy and “Bleeding Love”! I was a little surprised that Tyce’s weirdo erotica Adam and Eve contemporary also got nominated, but everyone really seemed to like that one a lot more than I did (I think it had something to do with Jessica).
The Bottom Four dancers were: Randi, Ku’uoau’pua’ano, Miss Havisham, and – though, I couldn’t believe it! – GatorAde! It’s like no one watched his solo from last week! Sometimes, I think I would actually get off my lazy ass and vote on this show, if we were given the option to vote AGAINST people. Though, it wouldn’t have mattered, because the dancers all danced the same solos from the Performance Show and both Randi and Kupono were the unlucky two to go home. I have to say, not too much heartache on my end.
When life hands you LemonAde, make him DANCE!
Now, I can’t even pretend that the Results Show wasn’t 948309384 eons ago, so it’s going to be a short highlights reel, here.
The group number was the best Nappy Tabs group number (I’m talking between this show and that other redheaded stepchild of a dance show, ABDC…EFDKJFS) that has ever been. In fact, when it first started, I almost thought they’d employed Mia for yet another group routine, which is saying something. The hip hop to “Seven Nation Army” made me completely forgive them for using “Halo” during the performance show.
I’d mention the musical performance, but that might be one of the worst songs on the radio currently (I know, I know, stiff competition there), so I daren’t give it anymore attention than it has already undeservedly received.
The Bottom Three couples were really a crap shoot, at this point, since each couple did at least one decent performance. Unsurprisingly, Caitlin and Jason Danny were in the bottom, but – the audience – VERY surprisingly, Chonga/Ch’Beeb and Miss Havisham/GatorAde were also. The female solos were all either pretty par the course (Alien just leaped about a lot, and Chongalicious’ Pam Grier costume just made me nervous) or entirely ridiculous (Miss Havs trying to prove that she’s “young” and “hip” by doing ballet in booty short). I figured the guys’ solos were going to have to really embody the “dance for your life” aspect of the show, and thought that there was a good shot of either Ch’Beeb or LemonAde going home. Jason Danny’s solo was just the right type of contemporary: generically moody song, lots of sweeping arm movements, leaps, and bounds. Ch’Beeb’s solo was incredibly good, but I’m loathe to admit that even that level of remarkable becomes a tad ‘water under the bridge’ when it’s the only style and repeated every week. Since those two solos were both very strong, I had just figured that Ade would be going home, but then he managed to do one of the best solos I’ve ever seen on the show – including a flip wherein he pointed his feet and a MJ homage ending. Needless to say, if the screaming and standing ovations and side conversations between Tyce and Nigel weren’t enough of a hint that he was going to be around for another week, Cat’s break from hostess duties to show her true awe did it.
After that final solo, it was blatantly obvious that - though we may still love him - Phillip was to hit the hay. I also managed to get my way and bid adieu to Caitlin, as she was finally bested (though, I'm not sure that Miss Havs was actually BETTER than her - just more unique). Nigel promised the two of them some sort of understudy part on the Fall SYTYCD Tour, as if that was some great concession they didn't already largely expect. Not that it matters, since it's only a matter of time before my Ch'Beeby is feature on some sort of Coca Cola commercial.
Here's the best of the night:
7.14.2009
"You DIDN'T contain yourself, Mary!"
Tyce Diorio, you giant hunk of Brooklyn fun, I love you. I’m hoping that the show has finally figured out their shit, and realized that the likes of Little Sea and ‘Hey Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind’ make ridiculously sub par (read: annoying) jidges. We have five more weeks to know for sure. Tyce was excited to be there, and that in turn made ME excited. There were twelve different performances and oodles of surprises, so let’s get to it…
Sooooo…YTYCD learned from (yet another one of) their mistakes and held off on doubling up dances for couples until the Top 12 eppy. Instead of going in show order, I’ll recap the performances by couple.
[Ade and Melissa]
First, these two had a D-I-S-C-O, and I found myself yet again annoyed at Kanye West for stripping even more oldies music of beats for his own personal gain. Though I hate when the jidges place too much importance/time/critique on the makeup and/or hair, I think it’s absolutely fair game for me to have at it. Maybe I can chalk it up to not having been alive in during the disco era, but I’m not sure that it was necessarily disco dy-no-miite to have used-doll hair. Aside from looking like a crazed loon, Miss Havisham was surprisingly less forced and controlled with her muscle movement. This disco was also the first time that my eyes had ever naturally progressed over to LemonAde and, of their own volition, stayed there. Kudos, LemonAde, kudos. (Incidentally, a terrible snack combo)
The next dance from this walking story of a Highland Park cougar and her prey was a waltz. To be honest, it was pretty ‘meh.’ For dancing to Mary J. Blige - and a song about being “a natural woman”, no less – Miss Havs danced entirely too pretty. Which has been, and likely always will be, my main problem with her.
[Kupono and Kayla]
Oh, Kayla, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Even sporting zero makeup and a white girl’s version of a jerry curl, she was amazing. The couple’s first performance was a Mia Michaels contemporary. After hearing that, it was pretty much decided that there was no way they were going home. The story behind it (Mia, remember?) was about addiction, which caused Ku’uoa’uou’aiu’p’uao’no to cry and me to hope and pray and wish that they (a) did an amazing job with yet another “dark” piece… and (2) didn’t get stuck with a really obvious song like that one Kelly Clarkson song or something. I was so so SO so happy to see them dance to “Gravity” by Sarah Bareilles, which is so angsty that I’m surprised Mia and/or Wade wasn’t all over it moons (seasons) ago! The dance was incredible and, even better, really creepy. Ku’uoa’aiu’p’uao’no’s smirk at the end was the perfect bow to a dance that, in my eyes, embodies the best of this show (don’t worry, I’m not blowing all my praise too early – there’s more). Nigel made some comment about Kayla’s hair getting in the way, which was ridiculous considering he was perfectly willing to let it go when Grandma Moses rolled up to a disco routine with hair that looked like my Cabbage Patch Kid doll I still have from 19 years ago!
When we got to their second dance, we got proof that the producers really DON’T mess with order, dance style, etc. Anyone with half a brain wouldn’t have matched these two up with an upbeat, cheery Broadway routine. They also wouldn’t have put the Broadway routine as the lasting impression piece. And they ALSO wouldn’t have had this Joey the Giant choreograph anything -- because she scares me. I don’t know that the routine was necessarily bad, but they’d already peaked so high with their earlier dance that it just seemed overall lacking. I think the two of them really live in eery/quirky routines by the likes of Sonya and Mia.
[Jason and Caitlin]
Jason Danny Glover and his Alien remained a paradox in my mind, as I louvre him and really want her gone. Their first performance was a foxtrot, which didn’t annoy me as much as I thought it would (real accomplishment for homegirl). Alien looked really pretty, and it covered up her freakish muscles. I think the reason I don’t like her, as well as Miss Havs, is because of her muscles don’t match up with her body/grace -- altogether, the movements just look awkward and static. Jason Danny looked all dapper and pretty, so I obvs loved him. The piece was nice and jazzy, but it was a little boring – though, I think the only way to rectify that is to change the genre of dance as a whole.
Their second dance was a lyrical jazz by Mandy Moore. The entire rehearsal segment was spent with the two of them waxing poetic about being able to dance their own styles, and all I have to say to that is that Alien should THANK HER LUCKY STARS that her “own style” happened to be choreographed by Mandy Moore. They could have easily gotten Mia, and then she would have been as screwed as she was during Vegas Week. Mandy must’ve been taking it easy on them or tired or I’ve just seen enough of her choreo to know what to expect. It was danced well, but it was hardly imaginative.
[Philip and Jeanine]
Ohhh, Ch’Beeb and Chongalicious, bless your heart. Fans of the show watch these two and just HOPE and PRAY that they’ll get their Ivan and Allison (though mostly Ivan) moment with a Mia contemporary or something. This week, they were resigned to yet again be shafted. Their first performance was to a Russian folk dance, which was really just a joke. I’m not sure if it’s a greater insult to the choreographers or the dancers that the producers of the show had no earthly idea as to what styles of dance they’d booked. What they probably didn’t, and have yet to, realize is that they kind of just struck gold with the Bollywood style -- especially since, even with Indian dance (and I shudder to use that term in relation to Bollywood, since I actually DID study Indian classical dance), Bollywood is the only style for miles that could be done by a novice. Not every culture has some sort of flashy dance that some idiot (savant) with tap shoes can hop around and hope to master. Anyway, the dance was as bad as could be expected, but the jidges did everything they could to bastardize the culture, by ignoring it, and comment solely on select moves where Ch’Beebs and Chongs were all kicking and flailing.
Thankfully, the dance of the Commies they performed was the former of the two dances they were to perform, because for their second number these crazy kids got a jive. Ch’Beebs was actually pretty damn impressive, and his kicks were a hell of a lot more sharp than I thought they would be. This dance was yet another example of how Chonga is starting to be a lot better than she is forgettable (because, somehow, for me she is both).
[Evan and Randi]
Kaz…zak and Randi’s first dance was a Nappy Tabs hip hop, and I had great hopes of the result being akin to the MarkSea “Bleeding Love”. You’ll note that I used the words “HAD hopes” in that sentence, which should already tell you where this is going... For their part, Nappy Tabs definitely tried to “whiten” their hip hop to the greatest of their abilities, by choreographing to “Halo,” the top-40iest of songs, but given an inch, Kazzy and Randz took a mile. There was hardly anything urban about the dance, much less hip hop, and Kazzy just dance the whole thing with a stupid grin on his face (hardly a stank face). It was the first time I was really able to go along with jidges when they criticized Kaz…zak. Clearly, this was unacceptable.
Turns out, their performances would remain unacceptable, since they got a samba for their second routine. The dance was probably less than remarkable, since this appears to be the season where Mary will all but spontaneously explode should anyone perform even a half-way passable ballroom routine. I can't, however, say for certain whether or not it was because all my attention was focused on the Me-Tarzan-You-Jane outfits the wardrobe department bestowed upon them. It was bad enough that Randi looked like a Midwestern cougar housewife thrown through a shredder, but the genius who decided to put Kazzy, who has a more delicate torso than I do, in a sheer top honestly just has a vendetta against the couple.
[Brandon and Janette]
Should we just fast forward to the finale, throw these two in there, and save ourselves a few weeks of heartache? Brandon David and Enchilada just proved that all those other dancers who were complaining about not being able to flourish because they couldn’t dance to their “own style”s were just not good enough to cut it. First up, the couple had an Argentine tango, with some pair of Argentines who tango. They danced it so well that Nigel gave them a standing ovation, deemed it “the best ballroom performance on the show… ever”, and played along with this ridiculous Hot Tamale Train game. And, lord, don’t even get me started on Mary… though, words cannot express my adoration for both Tyce and Cat: the former for egging Mary on to the point where I was able to see both into her lungs and down her shirt, and the latter for calling her on it when she claimed to be unable to “control [my]self” (see post title). Then, came Tyce’s critique where we learned that these two “did the whole DAMN THING” just like a...n orange? God, I love Brooklyn. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an argentine tango on this show (so, in whole) where the man did as many little foot-flippy kicks as BranDavey did during their routine. Also, it was one thing to see Enchilada be graceful during their waltz, a few weeks back, but it is genuinely surprising to see her be able to be all stretchy and hold her character. Her performances, especially as of late, have been reminding me a lot of Sabra. Prediction? Hmm, it might be too soon.
Figuring there was no way these two would top their first performance was a ridiculous underestimation, because for their second number BranDavey and ‘lada got a jazz routine by the one and only, Wade Robson. Firstly, can I just say how AMAZING it is to have us back some cold classic Wade? I mean, he used a Roisin Murphy song, so I’m not sure it GETS more classic Wade than that. The dance was very reminiscent of his angel/devil piece (also to Raisin) from the third season. It also had a bit of a funk element to it, and was my second slap in the face to just how bad ass Enchilada really is.
After two successive weeks of amazing performances peppered through a slew of perfectly decent ones, this season is finally shaping up to be all that Nigel claimed (and Mary screamed) it to be.
7.07.2009
On the Line
A Cinderella story: The High Line was once-upon-a-not-so-long-ago an elevated railway in NYC whose lawn had not been mowed in years and had dead bodies hidden in it from episodes of Law and Order SVU. The C of NY was all going to tear it down, but then some hipster scramblers and artistety types rich people from around town thought better to convert it into their very own Promenade plantée.
As a lover of green roofs (and concrete and steel...), I was guaranteed to love The High Line; this project reminded me why I like what I do. Unfortunately for you, I do engineering and not photography, so I took some very stale pictures of the beams and bolts for you to enjoy. But I did have the decency to steal the nice picture above from someone else for you to enjoy more.
7.04.2009
Everyone is desperate.
Before I actually watched my DVR’ed copy of the Results Show, I was warned that it was going to shock me to my very core. Now, maybe it was the warning, or maybe I’ve just become jaded and desensitized too young in life, but I wasn’t colored stunned. Sometimes, the best loved contestants just aren't good.
I will start off by admitting slight defeat: it turned out Jason Danny and Gymnastic Alien were NOT in the Bottom 3. In fact, neither were Kaz…zak and Randi (THANK GOD!). But, I WAS right in Vitrola and Karla Winslow being in the bottom. Kayla (the Perfect) and Ku’uoo’uau’p’aua’no as well as Jeanine and – gasp! – Ch’beeby were. I knew the Phil in the bottom bit was supposed to surprise me, but could we really get around how bad he’d been recently? No, we couldn’t. First Obama, then Baconaise, now putting Ch’beebs in the Bottom 3 – we’re getting there, America.
I’m always reluctant to admit anything Karla Winslow does is generally good, because she seems like she really sucks in all other aspects of her life. Thankfully, she kind of just flittered about as if this was the first time anyone had flapped her arms to “Blackbird”. None of the solos were really THAT remarkable, but of course the jidges had to claim that Kayla was, yet again, being “desperate.” I’m not sure why they like series of pirouettes and leaps perfectly fine for one person, but hate them for Kayla. The jidges also claimed that Chongalicious’ solo was the second coming of Christ, but I’m not sure I really saw that either. I think they were just appreciative of being able to enjoy a contemporary solo that was, for once, not danced to Lifehouse or Sarah McLachlan or Sia or some other moody tune crooner. Ch’beebs’ solo was amazing, and I thought it even more amazing because it was to a Santogold remix (BEST album of artist remixes in a hot minute). Of course, the jidges thought that too was “desperate.” Has it not occurred to them that perhaps Mary’s incessant screaming and flailing is a bit desperate? Are we to just chalk this up as yet another point for cognitive dissonance??
Even though it’s rather obvious, and has been for WEEKS, I suppose I should take the time to say it was Karla and Vitolio who were the ones to go home. Cat, bless her, got caught in the trap of allowing Vitrola the microphone, whence he proceeded to go on and on about the people he had touched and the lives he’d changed… from his three week stint on a national reality competition show.
In any case, this would have actually been a rather boring (yes, boring... not shocking) Results Show had they not had Desmond Richardson (above) and Patricia Hachey do the most unbelievable contemporary pas de deux. When it’s all said and done, I daresay that might be the only thing worth YouTubing.
7.03.2009
I Don't Wanna Grow Up
A dear friend (yes, it's R) once said to me, "If you age a year past 15 after you move to New York, so help me god, I will hunt you down and kill you!" Well, [R], I think you needn't worry; I am back in New York and this is what my today was about:
I know, I'm pathetic. Whatever, Disney will totally eat up my gay-straight-latina promo and hire me to write/produce/direct the actual Mackenzie Falls series, and then you'll see!Hannah Montana - He Could Be The One
All set for our "Hannah Montana Hour Long Special: He Could Be The One" phone date! Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez - One and the Same
There are lots of things about this movie, these girls, and this song that make it sensical for us to lurve.Cobra Starship ft. Leighton Meester - Good Girls Go Bad
Not Disney, but just as bad... Actually, for me, a tad more difficult to admit liking.
Don't shake your head at me like I didn't just change your life for the better. That's right, you're welcome.
7.02.2009
Aliens and Vampyres and Ballerinas - OH MY!
Fi-fucking-nally!! It is about DAMN TIME this season started living up to its predecessors. Last night was just the epitome of what this show is about: Mia Michaels' guest jidgeship, Cat's frilly pink frock, amazing dances with STORIES, sigh… In one fell swoop, it made up for last week. And every shitty dance in the weeks before that.
Of course, about 0.0003 seconds after introducing Mia as the guest jidge, Cat… and Nigel… and Mary… and, let's be honest, America asked Mia if her opinion had remotely changed about *ahem* any one of the contestants. All of this was not only blatantly obvious/searching, but completely unnecessary since it was going to be addressed in mere minutes, as Brandon David and Conchita Marinara were the first to go on the stage…
[Brandon and Janette]
Brandon Davey and Chili Pepper got a Cha-Cha-Cha (yes, third "Cha"). Before we got to rehearsal, we learned that this was the week for reflection… because, apparently, this season's audience is filled with goldfish and need to be taken down the long journey of THREE WEEKS. Luckily, I was too busy getting my nails did when the show actually aired, so I had the luxury of ffw'ing during all of this exposition and memory and heartache and lows and highs and when will they just shut the hell up?! But then we finally got to rehearsals, where the choreographer, Jean-Marc Généreux, and his wife, Marie Antionette meets Run Lola Run, proceeded to make sexy time in front of me. The dance itself, despite being a CHA-CHA (3 "Cha"s is excessive, Wikipedia can suck it) to the PUSSYCAT DOLLS, was probably one of the best routines in the season, thus far. BranDave was all masculine and winking and there was something good happening with his carriage that I'm sure someone qualified could tell you. Nigel thought it was the jam, Mary thought it was the jam, J-M Gén thought it was the jam, and - GASP! - Mia liked it! She really liked it! She also fed BD some Jedi master/Padawan learner shit - he ate it up and cried like the blubbering lady we know he is.
[Kupono and Kayla]
Ohhhhh my god, if I was the sort of person that said "the tits," I would SO describe this performance as such! Everything was just PERFECT for me! Firstly, Kayla is amazing and the best thing to happen to blondes' credibility since… well, I'm sure someone can comment me a credible blonde. Then they picked Sonya! Sonya is the epitome of why dancers need to never open their mouths. Her work is ri-goddamn-diculously wonderful, but when she speaks/ogles contestants auditioning, I just to curl up into a ball of second-hand embarrassment. The piece was "vampyyyre-themed", though I think that was just Sonya's way of getting out of putting a piece focusing on death forth onto a national dance competition viewed by millions. Whatevs, it was the tits. The music was so good I've been listening to it all day, and the entire piece focused on Kayla's legs. Ku'uou'p'oau'uoa'no was great, because he's quirky and "gets" Sonya's "sick and demented mind." (i.e., he's a watered down version of last season's Mark Catamaran Boat and was thus made for Sonya's choreo). Man, it was just perfect and made me wish Shanks was there to claw his eyes out/"bleeping" censor himself again!
[Evan and Randi]
Evan and Broadway! Evan. Had. Broadway. The minute this Joey Whathaveyou, after being introduced as the newest choreographer on the block, told me that this piece wasn't going to be a "traditional Broadway" number, I got annoyed. You have a Kaz..zak bro, fool, give the kid a "traditional Broadway"!! Regardless, they danced to a number from Sweet Charity, and it was all Fosse-fied. Randi has been impressing the shit out of me, lately, which is really saying something. Kaz..zak had a tousled hair look, which made me squeal like a little teeny bopper. It also made me happy to be somewhat attracted to my favorite male dancer on the show. The jidges were annoyed that he wasn't flinging his hands around like wilted flowers. Also, I'm pretty sure Mia called Randi fat. So, needless to say, while the number definitely made me happy (though, unfortunately came after back-to-back AMAZING routines), the jidges were all merely adequately pleased.
[Jason and Caitlin]
Ohhh, Brian Friedman… You so just want everyone to know you're an artiste, don't you? I think everyone was a little mystified by his choice of choreographing an aliens-impregnating-humans inspired number. Though, I suppose we should've seen this coming, since his style has taken a page out of the Romulan Handbook for Grooming. Frieds had some sort of gender reversal - or no one explained to him that human males don't gestate - plot behind his piece, requiring Caitlin to wear a skin-tight, full-length, black unitard… with aluminum foil all over her. I have to admit, it was a lot better than I thought it would be. The use of "Creator" by SantOgold irked me a bit, because it was clearly Frieds using "an indie song" his friends introduced to him (1 year ago, when it came out) and then developing the least "artistic", most arbitrarily trite choreography he could manage. Or maybe I'm just a SantOgold snob. Who's to say?
[Philip and Jeanine]
No one seemed to make mention of the fact that Ch'Beeby and Chongalicious had some Nappy Tabs AGAIN, which is pretty unfair… yet kind of fun to watch. It's pretty clear that Naps and Tabs are putting a hiatus on the tortured romantic Ne-Yo hippy hoppies, in favor for some story with PROPS! They had a chain that, I only realized when Mia said it during her critique, ended up distracting the audience from the popping and locking and jamming and… well, you get it. Also, I live in the land where ALL Kanye West songs get replayed, ad nauseum, so I am still not ready to hear "Love Lockdown" again. I'm also not quite sure why the costume department decided that Chongs needed to dress like a mechanic. All in all, I didn't luuurve it as much as the jidges, but I lurve Ch'Beebs enough, and it's pretty obvious that they'll never be shoved to the Bottom 3, so there it is.
[Ade and Melissa]
Thank the LAWD that Miss Havisham and Gatorade got to dance a "Classical Pas de Deux". I'm going to give the show, and its integrity, the benefit of the doubt, and just assume that they had picked out just a plain 'ol Pas de Deux, which changed to a "Classical…" upon realizing that half of the duo was a ballerina. They performed Prokofiev's Romeo & Juliet, and ohhhhhh my god, let's just say it's rare that I find things to be "pretty" and "beautiful", specifically, but no other words could do it justice. I think they need to make Miss Havs be a ballerina every single episode. I'm not really even sure what Gatorade was doing, but it must not have sucked, because the jidges were down. If that's not asked to be performed again during the finale, I will eat these here virtual words before you.
[Vitolio and Karla]
I thought the episode was going to go south FAST, after seeing that the two dancers who had been lapped by all the other dancers about 39483294x were the ones to pull the dreaded Quick Step out of the hat. That being said, I was actually pretty impressed with their performance (of course, I was frantically running around my apartment, cleaning, at this point - my parents are coming in town this weekend - so I wasn't paying very close attention). Part of me wants to believe that the quick steps of their quick step looked slower because they were doing them so well, but a bigger part of me recognizes that they probably received a watered down version. I always enjoy when Mia is confused, so I give props to Vitrola for apparently having duped her (wild one week, proper the next… AHH!) -- of course, then he had to go and speak and I decided I'd rather go scrub my toilet. Tim should get some credit in pointing out that we still have yet to know what a GOOD quick step actually looks like.
All in all, it was the kind of episode that this series is all about -- and not a moment too soon!
My prediction for the Bottom 3: Vitrola and Whatshername, Jason Danny Glover and Gymnastic Alien, and -- ahh! I don't want to admit it, but it's likely true -- Kaz…zak and Randi.
MGMT plays my homecoming party
A short three hours after I landed in the city I once and again call home, I ventured to my favourite borough where The Management and hundreds of my closest urbanly outfitted friends celebrated my return. There were fireworks and beach balls and herbal refreshments galore, all very nice. Got me missing the land from whence I came, though, my dear SF. I no longer understand the subway system and am unfortunately resensitized to the smell of trash, what a tourist I is. Why must the grass be greener in that greenest of cities? Ah well.
There's really nothing, nothing we can do
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew.
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